my 37 yr old daughter has taken the most beautiful, sweet and affectionate angel imaginable and in 4 years is turning him into a smart mouth and I'm so hurt and disappointed. They left here and he goes, "she's a liar, mommy" and my daughter did not say one word about it. No correction or spanking; just let it slide.
Last (and I do mean last)time I went to "their" house my D goes, "take your vcr tape and leave" and my GS goes, "yeah, Nana; take your tape and WEAVE." I have broken off being with them 90%. I have been a MODEL GRANDMOTHER with an open wallet and shut mouth. Treated that kid like Royalty. I am crushed, hurt, angry, sad...you name it; I feel it. Grateful I have 2 other ones being raised by my 32 yr old daughter and her husband with proper direction.

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Aster

Sounds like he is mimicking your daughter since he seems to repeat a lot of what she says. Close the wallet for a while and give him things like homemade cookies, and other hand made things to let him know that you are still there for him but you will not be an open wallet for him. Have you considered taking him aside and telling him that it hurts others when he says such bad things about other people? Since your daughter doesn't wish to correct him then you need to chat with him but on the level of a 4 year old. Sit down and ask him if he thinks it's right to call people names or to say bad things about them etc. Offer to take him someplace like the zoo or out for ice cream when you have this chat so you can be alone with him. Does the grandchild attend church or sunday school at all? Perhaps if he lives close enough you could offer to take him to church with you if he doesn't get to go very often. Also check out the childrens section of your nearest book store and look for a young childs book of manners and read this too him and give him the book as a gift after the two of you have read it. I have one that I believe is titled "A child's book of manners" and is very easy to understand with characters like messy bessy and shoveler sam that is very appropriate for kids his age. You might also offer to keep him overnight for your daughter and could work on his manners etc while he is with you.

thanks so much. No One in the family attends church anymore. I will talk to him about it but he's pretty stubborn. And I've ordered, thanks to your suggestion,
a child's book of manners. My D is now letting him go to tables in restaurants to "entertain" the other patrons which I think is inappropriate; they often give him money like he's holding out a tin cup. Now I don't even want to take him out to eat. I'm afraid she has conditioned him to perform his circus act for dough. (he is very funny and sophisticated in his comedy). His dad, whom he hasn't seen in a year, is a loud person.
And he'd get very agitated if I told him to stay in his seat. Next year he starts school and finds out what the real world is all about. He'll learn not to smart off to the bullies at school, I assume; he's very small.
thanks.

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Aster

When you take your grandson out to eat or when he is with you tell him what the rules are when he is with you and make him stick to them. He will not like it at first but if you tell him plain and simple that he can either follow your rules in the restaurant for example or you will take him home and he can eat a cold sandwhich. Let him know that his behavior is not appropriate if he acts out when he is with you. In the end it will hopefully help him for later in life.

I am not religious and do not attend church...nor do I believe in spanking, but I am raising my children to respect others feelings.

It is not your grandson's fault, how he is being raised. At four, he doesn't understand how he can hurt others feelings. I think if you spend a lot of time with him...listening to him etc. you might be able to help improve his behavior.

Good-luck.

i agree with mnay other replies...your grandson is be taught by your daughter how to behave....set out rules and limits with him....unfortunatley he doesn;t know the difference because he is always around her.....if your daughter isn't doing it then isn't much you can do since he doesn't see you often enough for him to learn otherwise......just try to do your best when you are around him and remember heis only 4 years old. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/love2.gif ..not to be mean but it seems your daughter isn't a very active parent with him.. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/blob_fire.gif .unfortunatley in the future he will disrespect her as much as he does you so sheis creating more than she knows he will suffer mostly by it