i am not new to depression..in fact it's becoming clear that i've been dealing with it most of my life but always thought there was something wrong with me...like i was just too serious or too glum. Now I'm taking charge and learning how to manage it and learning how I operate. I've had the worst of my depression over the past couple of years. My work has been affected..I'm an elementary teacher and the job requires me to be "on" every day and there are so many days where it takes so much energy to get the job done. I've taken most of my sick days this year...most of which were for days where I just needed to stop and sleep. It's been hard keeping up with all of the responsibilities but I do a good job of trying my hardest and being the best that I can for my kids and my boss. My boss has liked the job I've done and has given me a lot of praise..but I feel like an imposter because inside I've struggled so much to keep on top of things.

Today I stayed home and I feel guilty for succumbing to the depression. It feels like an uphill battle to get well. I'm taking meds again, starting a therapist, and working towards become more physically active. It feels like crawling out of mud.

i am not new to depression..in fact it's becoming clear that i've been dealing with it most of my life but always thought there was something wrong with me...like i was just too serious or too glum. Now I'm taking charge and learning how to manage it and learning how I operate. I've had the worst of my depression over the past couple of years. My work has been affected..I'm an elementary teacher and the job requires me to be "on" every day and there are so many days where it takes so much energy to get the job done. I've taken most of my sick days this year...most of which were for days where I just needed to stop and sleep. It's been hard keeping up with all of the responsibilities but I do a good job of trying my hardest and being the best that I can for my kids and my boss. My boss has liked the job I've done and has given me a lot of praise..but I feel like an imposter because inside I've struggled so much to keep on top of things.

Today I stayed home and I feel guilty for succumbing to the depression. It feels like an uphill battle to get well. I'm taking meds again, starting a therapist, and working towards become more physically active. It feels like crawling out of mud.

when i was depressed about 3 years ago i had a job where i worked with children... so i know what you mean, it was so hard to just put on that fake smile as if everyhitng was ok, then go home to just cry. but all in all, those children brightened my day and if anything i enjoyed working and it helped me a little.

do you enjoy teaching? like is this the career you want? if not, perhaps you should take a hiatus and focus on yourself, but youre doing good by going to the doctor and such.

i hope things work out for you.

Today I stayed home and I feel guilty for succumbing to the depression. It feels like an uphill battle to get well. I'm taking meds again, starting a therapist, and working towards become more physically active. It feels like crawling out of mud.I can relate to your situation completely! I have been living with depression and panic for years; on and off meds several times. The last 6 months have been a very difficult time for me - personally and professionaly. I'm back on the meds, it's been about 2 or 3 weeks now. I'm hoping they will help. I am having a very difficutl time doing my job now. I know that. I don't feel like I'm here. It's like my body is here in the chair but my mind and spirit are somewhere else. I took two days off two weeks ago because like you described, I just couldn't function. I just slept and tried to get myself together. I've considered therapy too. I'm not sure what I'll do.

firstly dont feel guilty about 'succumbing' to ur depression. its a disease that needs treatment to get better. so please dont feel guilty. its also good that ur trying to help urself, ie meds and therapist, together these can help immensly.

is it the idea of work u dont like in general or ur particular job? if its the job u dont like then maybe a career change is required, otherwise the depression may be hard to fight if ur constantly going to a job u hate.

Good luck and take care

Brett :angel:

Hi Boogsie,

I am a HS teacher dealing with depression so I know what you're saying. It sounds like you've discussed you situation with your administrator & that s/he has been supportive. Kudos to you for taking that chance and letting him/her know. I'm sure that s/he noticed that you may not have been "you" and was concerned but may not have said anything to you. I think it's great that s/he supports you and lets you know that s/he appreciates all that you do, especially when you're having a difficult time. I'm sure there are many days you go home exhausted because it's all you can do to be "on" and "there" for those kiddos. So exhausted that you can barely function when you get home, right? There is nothing wrong with you taking sick days when dealing with depression because depression is an illness. You wouldn't hesitate to take days off for a flu would you? I know that using up your sick days is scary, especially if you have very few left. Hopefully you're close to the end of the year or at least a trimester break & you can use that time to recoup and get things under control.

I was wondering if you are on meds or have sought counseling? I know that I was successful for several months in being "okay" while at school and with my own children after school but then "existing" when no one else was around. I finally got to the point were I couldn't mentally or physically do that any more so I sought the help of my wonderful FNP. She got me started back on AD's (I'd been on them 2 years before for PPD) & into counseling. I had a rough patch of finding the right AD and my administration actually asked me to apply to the sick leave pool (because I had no sick days left and I lose $200+ for each day I miss so that was adding stress to my problems) so that I could take time off and get the meds right/start to get well. I'm still not 100% but they know I'm doing the best I can do in my situation & that I'm working toward getting back to being "me" so I can do the job like I used to be able to.

Many ((HUGS)) to you. I know those kiddos are important but you're important too. I think many times we educators are the worst about looking out for ourselves because it's in our nature to put other people way ahead of our own needs. In the beginning, I felt guilty about my students not coming first but then I realized that if I didn't take care of me, they weren't going to get my best, KWIM? Hang in there!

C.

I can relate to everything you've said as I've been struggling with my job and made the mistake of taking on way more responsibility than I could handle. If you can take a timeout and focus on your recovery, I'd say go for it. It's what I've decided to do as I knew I wasn't effective. If you can't afford to you may have just reached a point where all the stressors have built up beyond your innate capacity to handle them. That happened with me on both a personal And professional level. In my case anyway, it's become mandatory that I make changes and maybe your body and mind are telling you that, too