Ok,
I know it comes with the age, but I'm at witts end.
My almost 2yr old little princess is turning into the wicked queen!!!
She hits, screams, scratches, tantrums, won't listen and her favorite word is NO.
I've tried time out, counting to 3, I've ignored her fits, I've firmly told her no, everything & nothing is effective.
I started to read a book my mom got(how to make your children mind, without losing yours) but its not working very well.
How do you control a 2yr old!!!!
And, how can I prevent her from growing up to be an older BRAT! or worse, a out of control teenager!
Its embarassing in public when she has a fit & at home I can sometimes get easily iritated with her.
What to do.
Anyone have something that worked or does it just take time & repeatition
Help!
Corissa

Do you spoil her a lot? Is she angry cause she feels she doesn't get enough attention?

I have no idea. I guess that's why they call it "terrible 2's".

[This message has been edited by trainboxer (edited 05-11-2003).]

First of all, please don't be too hard on yourself. Some kids just have very strong personalities, are more independent, aggressive, active, etc. despite the best parenting in the world.

It bothers me when parents of quiet, docile children act smug - like it's all to their credit as excellent parents. For parents like that, I lovingly wish an active little child upon them!

Of course you have to be in charge, but I'm here to offer more sympathy than advice. I'm assuming that you get enough advice already! My own daughter is very active and inquisitive, the typical "terrible" two... she is about the same age as your daughter - she'll be two on August 16th. My closest friends have very quiet calm introverted children, and it really hurts me when I feel like they are judging me for not being strict enough, or consistent, or careful enough with my dd. I'm doing all I can!

What helps me is to look to the future and imagine what a strong young woman my daughter will be. Yes, these are the hard years, but they will be over all too soon. Just know that you are not alone. Many of us understand what you are going through, and do not judge you! Keep doing your best, and I know it will eventually pay off.

Okay, after I said all that, I'm thinking of some more things you might try... I've learned these through a parenting class and they are surprisingly effective!

1. I'm not sure if you are married or not. I'll assume you are, or are at least in relationship with your dd's father. What is important is that she sees the two of you sitting/talking together regularly, even 15 minutes every day - without her being the center of your attention. This confirms in her that M & D have a secure relationship, that she is safe, and NOT the center of the world.

2. A consistent schedule, of course. Though this is MUCH easier said than done.

3. Fewer choices. YOU choose what she will wear, eat, play with, etc. If she is given too many choices, she will want to choose ALL the time what she wants.

4. Ummm, spanking? Now we do this in a gentle way. I hold my dd on my lap and tell her why, then use a small paddle on her diapered area (enough to get the message across without hurting too bad at all), then hug, hug, hug her because I love her so much. I never spank out of anger, or without warning. In fact I only spank for one particular offense at a time... We work on ONE behavior at a time and only spank for that particular behavior. Otherwise, she'd be getting spanked for everything all the time.

5. Make a list of behaviors, prioritize, then work on only one at a time.

6. Use natural consequences whenever possible. If she won't eat what you serve for lunch, let her be hungry until dinner. If she won't behave at the park or McDonald's, you just have to go home. If she throws a toy, take it away.

7. Ignore tantrums. Leave the room or put her in a play pen (in another room) until she calms down.

8. Make sure she is getting LOTS of sleep, and not too much sugar.

I thought I had other ideas to share but I'm getting distracted now by my own dd! Lol, don't think I have it all down myself! This is just passed-on advice that has been helpful for us. GOOD LUCK!!!

*edited for spelling*

[This message has been edited by bringontherain (edited 05-11-2003).]

Hi BringontheRain - All GREAT ADVICE! If you're consistent, it works. Not saying it will happen overnight though.

My child used to behave okay at home, but soon figured out once we got in public, he/she could get away with a little more since I couldn't really chastise her in front of people. Work on correcting this type of behavior at home first. When going to public places, you can give her "pep talks" in the car as you are driving, explaining to her that if she chooses to "name the one behavior you are working on," then you will take her to the car and chastise her there. You might even give her a very short age-appropriate reason why she is not to engage in this type of behavior, and use this reason why every time you talk to her about it.

Next is follow through. If she does this in public, just stop what you are doing, and take her straight to your car, where you can gently chastise her there. Once she sees that she will receive immediate consequences for her actions everytime, it will probably happen less and less. I also talk to my child gently before chastising. I feel that this also allows for some buffer time where if you are upset, you have time to cool down. Then after chastising, I give a hug, and talk again if needed, making sure she knows I still love her.

When your child has a temper tantrum, definately DO NOT give her what she wants.

[This message has been edited by kippy6 (edited 05-11-2003).]

Hello, I've always used the "big boy" method. I've always told my son how a "big boy" acts or what a "big boy" doesn't do. For example: When he would use baby talk, I'd say "that's what babies do, not big boys, you're a big boy." I never call my son "my little baby." I always call him my "big boy." Also it helps to have a child help around the house, so they feel more like a big boy/girl. It's true about ignoring the tempertantrums, unless you're in a store. If you're in a store, you take the child out to the car to have the tempertantrum so they don't get the attention of strangers. A lot of times tempertantrums are just a way of trying to get attention. Another thing is to try to increase the child's vocabulary as much as you can, so they won't have any problem expressing themselves. If they don' have trouble expressing themselves, then you tell them that you can't understand them with all that yelling. For the hitting thing, we explained to our son that it hurts people and that they won't want to be your friend if you continue to hit them. As far as time-outs- you really have to make sure the time-out is free from all distractions and that there is nothing to do but sit and stair at nothing. (No radio, no TV, no toys, no human or animal contact.) Another thing to try is to observe what caused the behavior and try to prevent it. Then there's always the distraction method, which I use a lot on my son. I would always find something else for him to do. In stores- I would have my son bring a busy toy, help me with remembering what I needed on my grocery list, or have him sing the ABC song. What worked really fast for the screaming in stores, which I'll admit, it worked so fast that my son only tried to scream in a store once...was...the minute he opened his mouth to scream, I lightly patted his mouth so he wound up making a funny sound instead. He laughed so much, that he couldn't scream.

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Magpie