Hi. I am always on the tmj board and was just curious when I came over here and started reading peoples posts. I have never had an eating disorder, or so I thought, but I have done almost everything on here. I have eaten nothing, but only for a few days at a time. I once lost 20 lbs by drinking 3 slimfasts a day and nothing else. I have always counted calories, have always exercised, have always hated my body no matter what size it was. I've taken diet pills and been on Weight Watchers. Even though I'm not on WW anymore, I calculate points on everything I eat. I am now doing the worst things I've done yet. I am purging for the first time in my life. I've been doing it for about a month now. I have also started eating no sugar added, high fiber ice cream (I can't chew because of a tmj surgery I had), a half gallon at a time, which acts like an overdose of laxatives. I have always been obsessed with the way I look. I'm 35 years old and have been this way since I was about 16. Before that, I ate whatever I wanted and was a size 0, so I guess I have it in my brain that I'm supposed to be that size. At the moment, I'm 5'8" and weigh 145 lbs, which is about 15 over where I think I should be. Of course, I keep thinking about the 115 I used to be and wishing I could do that again. I have been obsessing about food for years now trying to reach this elusive goal. I get really close to the 130 with all the unhealthy things I do, and then my body can't handle it anymore and I binge and gain it all back. I've been as high as 170, which was absolutely terrifying to me. I also weigh myself at least 5 times a day.
After reading everyone's posts and rereading the beginning of this one, I am really afraid. I know this is all bad for me, but the thought of not doing it and being this size for the rest of my life terrifies me.
Sorry for the long rambling post. I'm just sad and happy to see that I'm not alone in this.
Tandy

Hi there
I can see you've been struggling for a long time. Whether you have a diagnosed ED or not, it still takes a huge toll on people. I saw that you've been through weight watchers. That's part of what got me so obsessed. I know it's not their fault but GOD the points! I calculate them in my head all the time! I honestly think I need to go through hypnosis or something to forget how to count points.
It sounds like you've been to all ends of the spectrum with your eating. The elusive "goal weight" is a problem of mine too. I always try to lose weight for some kind of goal. The thing is with me that I don't really know what my goal is. It's insane! Just know we are here for you, whether you've been "diagnosed" or not. It's still a painful and hard battle.
Take care
Lauren