Im a single mom of a 7 and 5 yr old, and Im also pregnant. I am recently trying to reconcile with my x, who I was with for 8yrs. Just to explain why I feel so angry. He cheated, hit and literally demeaned me for years. At this time he was a drug addict and is currently clean and doing very good. But I now react to him with negativity and anger about everything. I even find myself yelling and screaming at my children. I know Im extra hormonal right now, but I feel I have an anger problem. I just dont know what to do about it. I really dont want to be this way. I dont hit my kids or him, I just yell and say ugly things, which can be just as harmful. Its like I react before I think, and thats not good. I want to learn a way to express my feelings in a calmer way without saying ugly things. I dont want my children to mirror my anger when they get older. I also have no patience what so ever. And how does someone learn to be patient and learn to stay calm? How do I let go of my anger so I can be happy again? Ive tried talking to people but they dont understand and Im really worried that my children will be affected if this doesnt change soon. And Im worried that I might lose this man that Ive waited so long on to change. And now that he has changed and is proving it to me day by day I cant get past the past?? What do I need to try or do?

Hi there, Well, first, please give yourself a hug for acknowledging the issues at hand and wanting to change! You deserve a lot of credit! Often, when people have gone through what you have (being physically and verbally abused), they only continue to repeat the cycle (for instance, was your husband abused as a child?).

Meanwhile, what you've been through was traumatizing and it takes time to heal from that and to move on from it. Is there any chance you could seek counseling for yourself or your family? Otherwise, there are a ton of books out there on self-help and parenting (check the library first or you'll spend a small fortune!).

Also, take time for yourself and start your day with a daily affirmation about how lucky you are :) (there are so many people out there that can not have children....) Write in a journal about your life what what you're going through; allow yourself to cry - it will help you release your anger; learn to meditate and perhaps take yoga after your baby is born. It's very relaxing and healing! Tell your children you love them every day! It will be music to their ears!!!

Finally, if your husband falls back into his old ways, please don't stay....so many people think they're doing their children a favor when they are not .... they may repeat the cycle with their own families in the future.

Best wishes to you!

I understand. This works for me---but I have to tell you that I have to rehearse it several times a day.

I finally figured out I had a choice. I never knew that I could react a different way. When I get mad---and I do all the time, I have figured out a way to stop, think about what I'm feeling, and then respond. It has taken me awhile to figure it out. I'm still learning---but when I feel like blowing up, I say to myself, I can make another choice. It has really helped me to recognize and utilize my "personal power". I used to let others have power over me all the time. Now, I usually am in control of myself---not always----but a lot of the time.
Check out the Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner. I read the book years ago----but I wasn't ready to learn or understand. Now that I am, I have learned a lot.
Good luck. You can do it.