I've heard a lot of people on here talk about telling their partner they just found out they are infected.

With me, I didn't find out I had herpes until a month after I broke up with my boyfriend - who broke up with me because he started seeing and sleeping with someone else. I started showing symptoms about a month after we broke up. So, should I tell him? I'm pretty sure I got from him, so who knows if he knows he's infected or not. But, I know its possible I didn't get it from him, in which case, I could have exposed him.

I feel like I have a responsibility to tell him, but he's not talking to me anymore. I did try to call once and left him a message, but he didn't return it. He's obviously not my favorite person in the world, but I'd hate for this to happen to another girl he dates. Should I keep trying to get a hold of him, or just let it go if he won't return my message?

I think it´s admirable if one tries to educate someone on hsv, as you are trying to do with your ex. But at the same time he is an adult and it´s his responsability to get tested for std´s, make sure that he hasn´t got one and if he has one take precautions and live responsibly (for example tell his sex partners).

ou can only do so much, especially if he won´t take your calls. You can´t be responsible for his actions, even though you might want to "shelter" some girls he is sleeping with. He has to be responsible and so do the girls, anyone who has sex has to know that it´s a risk everytime, the only non-risky situation would be if both parts got tested correctly for everything and didn´t for months prior have sex so that the results would be completely correct. And even then one might have something the tests wouldn´t catch.

But I do understand your point, especially if you think he doesn´t know he might have hsv. Why not send him a letter or an e-mail? Explain to him why, how and when he should get tested. After that you don´t have to take any more responsibility for what he does.

Does that make any sense :)?

Yes, thanks for your response. I'm going to have to think on this one. I would really like to tell him in person (or on the phone actually talking to him) and not in an email or letter. I'll just have to decide how much responsibility I actually think I have to tell him.

You've made some good points, he does need to be responsible, and if he won't take my calls, then at least i've tried.

I don't know, it's just a bad situation all around. But thanks for the response and thanks for listening. :)

Sure, anyt time :). I know at the beginning it feels like you want to know badly who gave you hsv and you want to inform the possible donor, ask questions, tell them to get tested etc..You do your part on that but then you have to let go. Like I said, you are not responsible for someone else´s actions. And at the beginning it sucks if you don´t know who gave you hsv, but with time you´ll find that you care less about that too. At some point one has to let go of the past and look into the future. You have to take care of yourself and decide how you will deal with hsv, how you will be at least responsible for your own actions.

Hugs!