ronigurl
05-19-2005, 09:17 AM
Hello to all, I am new here and seeking advice/reassurance. I was just diagnosed recently with both bipolar disorder, and obsessional thinking. Originally, 2 years ago, I was diagnosed with having GAD and hypochondria. I have been obsessed with my health for a long time, but recently, I started to obsess over my mental health. I started worrying and I was see images in my head ofe me being put in a mental institution, I would see phrases and words in my head, and I would have a major panic attack everytime it happened. I was sent to see a psychiatrist, who put me on seroquel to stabilize me. Initially,my obsessing got worse, and I had horrible images of hurting one of my kids(this happened after I picked up a knife), that scared me to death and I avoided knives, and scissors for a week after that happened. THis has been really traumatic for me, and I am still obsessing. Last night, a thought came out of nowhere, and it scared me. I had the thought "what if I started hearing voices"? Of course, my brain supplied me with an example, and I have been obsessing since then. I am really freaked out, I don't understand why this keeps happening, why I cannot control my thoughts. I am supposed to be adding an antidepressent to my seroquel, the psychiatrist said that this will help with the obsessing, but I am currently soo worried about my latest obsession that I cannot see straight. Has anyone else experienced anything like this?? Am I going crazy?? I would appreciate any advice, as I am at my wits end.
Thanks, Roni
Thanks, Roni
Sponsor
yfguitarist
05-19-2005, 03:36 PM
I haven't experienced this at a level as high as yours, but I understand about how dangerous thought suggestions can be to your mind.
CANEY GIRL
05-23-2005, 12:55 AM
I Have Struggled With Anxiety For Many Years. Oh How Well I Know About The "what If" Thinking. Many People With Ocd Have Unwanted Very Scary Thoughts About Hurting Theirselves Or Others.the Only Advice I Can Give You Is That Your Not Alone. Your Symptoms Are Not Uncommon. Please Keep Posting You'll Find Alot Of People Who Care On This Board.please Hang In There.
ronigurl
05-23-2005, 08:28 AM
Thank you for replying Caney Girl, I was beginning to think that everyone thought I was crazy. I have been soo blown away by how intense my unwanted thoughts were, I don't even know how to say how overwhelming it is to not be able to get rid of a thought. I have been getting along better the last few days, I must be on a downside, and I hope I stay that way! My therapist is not really helpful, he always wants to talk about my anxiety levels, he has not done any CBT, which I read is really helpful for OCD, especially pure-O. I am going to buy a book to help me, does any on have any recommendations??
Ronigurl
Ronigurl
basal1999
05-23-2005, 10:30 PM
"the imp of the mind" is specifically about int. thoughts
about hurting your children.
"the panic diaries" also has a chapter about it.
int. thoughts about hurting your kids are the worst
thing in life!!
when my son was a newborn, i went thru hell, i do
much better now but they creep in from time to time.
the more you fight it, the worse it will become, you
are giving it power by trying to analyze it. it is your
brain misfiring and freaking you out...
one technique is to think the thought over and over again..
until you realize you will not do it and it might even
become silly to think about??
it's not even the thought, it's the panic created by
the thought...i take 1/2 xanex as needed and it
helps alot....i've also been on paxil for 4 years.
good luck, keep me updated, i will check back.
YOU ARE NOT CRAZY AND ARE NOT GOING TO
HURT ANYONE.....I'LL BET MY EYEBALLS ON IT:)
about hurting your children.
"the panic diaries" also has a chapter about it.
int. thoughts about hurting your kids are the worst
thing in life!!
when my son was a newborn, i went thru hell, i do
much better now but they creep in from time to time.
the more you fight it, the worse it will become, you
are giving it power by trying to analyze it. it is your
brain misfiring and freaking you out...
one technique is to think the thought over and over again..
until you realize you will not do it and it might even
become silly to think about??
it's not even the thought, it's the panic created by
the thought...i take 1/2 xanex as needed and it
helps alot....i've also been on paxil for 4 years.
good luck, keep me updated, i will check back.
YOU ARE NOT CRAZY AND ARE NOT GOING TO
HURT ANYONE.....I'LL BET MY EYEBALLS ON IT:)
scaredycat1
05-24-2005, 10:39 PM
I am going to buy a book to help me, does any on have any recommendations??
A couple that I have, and have read quite a bit are:
Brain Lock : Free Yourself from Obsessive-Compulsive Behavior by Jeffrey Schwartz and Over and over Again: Understanding Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder by Fugen Neziroglu.
There are tons out there and the more you know the more power you have to fight back. I've also given them to friends and to my boyfriend so they can understand me a bit better, it really helped them a lot to understand I don't WANT to do these things, I cannot help it.
A couple that I have, and have read quite a bit are:
Brain Lock : Free Yourself from Obsessive-Compulsive Behavior by Jeffrey Schwartz and Over and over Again: Understanding Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder by Fugen Neziroglu.
There are tons out there and the more you know the more power you have to fight back. I've also given them to friends and to my boyfriend so they can understand me a bit better, it really helped them a lot to understand I don't WANT to do these things, I cannot help it.
ronigurl
05-25-2005, 09:29 AM
Wow! Thanks for the replies! I am having a bad morning, my mind is racing around, trying to scare me, and I feel tired. When I initially had this major "break" I was obsessing about going crazy, and I had one panic attack after another based upon the thoughts in my head. For some reason this morning, my mind is finding it necessary to remind me of that, so I feel really agitated. I am angry that my thougths won't leave me alone, and I am starting to wear down. I am wondering this morning if I will ever get well, worrying about it actually. I am glad i checked in, your posts have made me feel better. I am going to do some housework, try to distract myself. My psychiatrist did tell me that I am a pure-O when I went to see him the other day. He will be hooking me up with a therapist that does CBT, so I am anxious to start that, hopefully that will help.
Thanks, Again,
Roni
Thanks, Again,
Roni
scaredycat1
05-26-2005, 07:27 AM
I'm very glad. :)
I too am having a bad morning.... I want to e-mail my mom and can't because I'm afraid I'll write something bad..I want to plug the phone in and check mesages but I can't because I'm afraid. Sometimes I wonder if this will ever stop and when I can start just living like other people. I don't want much, just to go to work and live and pay my bills and call people on the phone once in awhile. I'm tired, I had nightmares last night and didn't sleep well.
Sorry to sound discouraging, usually I try to be upbeat but sometimes it gets me down.
I too am having a bad morning.... I want to e-mail my mom and can't because I'm afraid I'll write something bad..I want to plug the phone in and check mesages but I can't because I'm afraid. Sometimes I wonder if this will ever stop and when I can start just living like other people. I don't want much, just to go to work and live and pay my bills and call people on the phone once in awhile. I'm tired, I had nightmares last night and didn't sleep well.
Sorry to sound discouraging, usually I try to be upbeat but sometimes it gets me down.
ronigurl
05-26-2005, 10:21 AM
scaredycat, sorry to hear that you are having a rough morning. I am doing better today, I have decided to accept the fact that my OCD mind processes things in a different way, a scary way, and that seems to be helping. I know just what you mean about wanting this to stop so you can live a normal life. I feel that way every day, and sometimes the future looks soo bleak, I am completely disheartened. Hopefully things will get better, and I hope your day improves...
Roni
Roni
Blue102
05-26-2005, 10:24 AM
Hey, I am going through something similar. I have some anxiety, manifested as vocal cord dysfunction, and OCD. I could tell you I have other things too, but I probably don't. I'm a total mental hypochondriac. I may have some little quirks, but I am pretty normal. I am obsessed with analyzing every thought I think and every move I make. I am starting to realize that this is truly ridiculous, because every few weeks I come up with another mental illness that I probably have. I think I've even convinced my husband that I have schizophrenia! And the thing is, I almost believe I do! But last month it was autism, and the month before it was ADD. So I know I'm wrong. My psychiatrist told me nothing was wrong with me at first, but now I'm seeing this counselor, who's telling me I have mild paranoia and all this crap, and I'm freaking out! I am on Zoloft, but I think I need something else. This is really getting out of hand! It's really crazy because I absolutely believe these things!
scaredycat1
05-27-2005, 07:21 AM
Thank you Roni. I got through the day which of course I knew I would but sometimes I wish I didn't have to work or deal with anything. I'd like to go back to bed and just sleep. That's how I deal with things a lot, I go to bed. I can make myself fall asleep prety well and then I don't think so much. But I can't hide forever. I get through most of my days thinking, " just a little longer than you can go home, home is safe, there is no phone or people you have to deal with", which is a pretty sad way to live I think. But I do have good positive things in my life, I have a great boyfriend, and friends and family so I do have support. It's just hard sometimes. I think I'll put a positive thought in my head right now and plan to have a good day. I hope your day and weekend goes well. :)