:confused: i am 19 and i have been anorexic since i was 16, in and out of treatment programs and none of them have helped. lately within the past 3 months i have been using drugs as a mask for my feelings. i am constantly smoking marijuana, getting drunk and starving myself. the weed makes my senses altered, and i can think of other things besides my disorder. The alcohol makes me oblivious, and i have become quite loose with my body, beliveing that if i dont want my body, then someone else can have it, if only for a while. I know i need help, my healthy weight gain has now been spiralling out of control, i am down to 80 pounds and i dont know what to do. please help me, i just need somone to talk to

I cant even drink achohol because i am worried about the calories! I'm so sorry you are going through this, I can't imagine how it must be to have this stupid thing for 3yrs. Its really hard for me right now because I was forced to go to the doctor and he told me that i am extremely anemic and pretty much from there i had to open up to him, my parents, and some close friends. so now everyone thinks that i want to gain weight and are watching me like a hawk. I dont wnat to freaking gain weight. I know that i am underweight but i like being underweight. Anyways if you need someone to talk to i am here!

my alcohol is the only calories i have during the weekend, the weed makes me hungry, so i just drink diet coke and sometimes i do speed which makes me all hyper and clean lots and do lots of excerise and speeds up my metabolism.
every day is a battle in itself, one minute is harder than the other... i am sick of fighting but i dont know how to live my life with out anorexia.... what kind of life will i have if not one ruled by food?

A healthy and pleasing life.

You need to find it within yourself to want to live. Not eating, using drugs will only only kill you at a very young age. Do you want grandchildren or to see the sun rise at 70 while drinking a cup of tea? Thinking of little things like that can help you with the baby steps. You are special and whatever bad things about yourself that keep you in this spiral are so negative and you should try and ignore them at least for awhile to try and get back on your feet. I recommend taking a look at your baby pictures if you can while you are sober, and really sitting there and think about what you want out of this life.

my alcohol is the only calories i have during the weekend, the weed makes me hungry, so i just drink diet coke and sometimes i do speed which makes me all hyper and clean lots and do lots of excerise and speeds up my metabolism.
every day is a battle in itself, one minute is harder than the other... i am sick of fighting but i dont know how to live my life with out anorexia.... what kind of life will i have if not one ruled by food?

I can certainly relate to the last part of your post. In my twisted anorexic mind, getting better and letting go of the disease to me means losing control and getting fat again. I'm sorry I can't offer a more positive response. It's just that I'm really struggling right now as well. But I wanted to let you know that you're not alone in feeling this way.

thats ok, i appreciate any replies!
i think that somehow i am losing control, which kinda makes me wanna go outta control, and i think that's the scariest thing i have to deal with. Being outta control... gosh it has been so long that i dont know what that means anymore. i really want to get better and to be free of this disease...but at the same time i am just so scared

o thats so scary AvA!! u kno, i always considered drugs..,but im rather young and we dont have it available...thank god. but i drank a lot at parties...it took my mind off of everything! my friends became so worried because here is this skinny gurl getting smashed off of 3 beers....not normal. neways. im so sorry to here none of the treatments helped...u seem like a strong gurl and know u can pull this thru....the drugs and alchohol is just a kick, it wont last long and u will be a healthy young lady soon enuf to walk on the street and get whistles and stares ;) it just takes a lot of willpower, encouragment, and support from friends and fam! :) trust me...i know! im doing better with my bulimia and i feel like a new MadOnnA! :):) haha well, not quite, but i feel so good about myself and u will 2!!

hang in there gurly

SammYx0x0x

I know what you are going through. I use drugs also to numb all the bad feelings I have. The fact is that it is only another coping mechanism, just like your ed, and one that will only cause you more problems. If you ever want to get better, and now is the time because you are so young, you need to get help for all of your addictions. I have read that people with eds are more likely to use drugs or alcohol. Please get help now. I have been bullemic since I was 17 and I am now 35. In case you would like to know what to expect if you keep going, here goes, unstable social relationships, eroded teeth, osteoporosis, mood disorders, fainting spells and basically missing out on the best things that life may offer. Forget ever having children. Oh and another thing... a good portion of your hair will fall out, memory problems, your body will age much much faster. I wish I could ahve gotten help when I was 19. I feel like it is too late for me.