Ever since I was much younger I've always been very, very scared of social situations and always think too hard on what I say to others. Most of the time I think for hours or days about something I said to someone that was what I thought as being "stupid." I know that it's no big deal and that people probably forgot I even said something or made that mistake within a day, but I just can't stop worrying or thinking about the little mistakes I make in social situations.

I worry and become nervous and short of breath when I think back to something that happened that didn't go perfect and I get a horrible feeling in my chest. I worry about what others think about me and worry about practically everything. It's not really like a depression because I guess you could say I'm happy, but I just worry about everything and hate anything social. I have quite a few friends and I can talk to them easily, but anyone I don't know well I just don't like talking to. Is this a form of anxiety?

bump....If it isn't anxiety could it be something else? I never really have "attacks." Or at least I don't think I do.

too much self-talk can leads too worrying
and make you anxious.

i am not sure if it's anxiety, but
may be a cause leading to it.

I have suffered with social anxiety since my early teens, and your symptoms sound like a milder version of SA to me. Do you feel extremely self-conscious walking into rooms where others already are? Do you dread the thought of public speaking? Do you ever get moments where you're convinced all eyes are on you? Are you overly self-critical? Well it sounds like you're very self-critical of any social interactions that you feel 'could have gone better', right? Me too... let me tell you, I know exactly what you're experiencing! Do you experience any of the other symptoms ive listed? If not, it sounds to me like you may suffer certain SA tendencies, rather than full-blown SA, so to speak. {REMOVED}

What i'm trying to say is, if your symptoms are significantly affecting your normal functioning, e.g. by preventing you from being assertive when you wish to or by causing you to avoid certain social encouters, etc., then you may well benfit from seeking professional advice. I can personally recommend CBT - it worked fantastically for me. I am now much better able to control my SA and have even become (dare I say it!!) a little self-confident! But! CBT is not necessarily the only route you could take. Basically, the main point is, help is out there - if you only reach out for it.

Hope ive helped you. Take Care. :)

Kev and Liah,

You have both described something that i have suffered for years with! Fear of any social situation and how i will be looked at or thought of has hampered me my entire life. It has overwhelmed me to the point that i have pretty much accepted the fact that i will never overcome this problem. I am not able to do any of the things that i REALLY want to or even have to.

And now that i have left all of my friends and family for a new career on the West coast, these feelings have become particularly acute. Pretty much to the point where my confidence is shot and i question my decisions constantly. How do i start at making myself better (if possible)? Where do i start? What is CBT? any help would be appreciated tremendously and i hope things work out for you Kev.

Paul

Ploch: CBT is Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. It's a form of therapy that trains you to modify your maladaptive or destructive thoughts that are essentially keeping the vicious circle of social anxiety going. The basic idea is that you slowly learn to replace such maladaptive thought patterns with more rational or realistic ones. You normally sit down with a therapist, one-to-one, and try to pin point and write down the particular thoughts you are having in any given social encounter where you would normally feel anxious, for example, you would probably choose the situation that causes you most distress and try to identify the main thought patterns that occur. An example from my experience was meeting new people. I would introduce myself, etc., and then immediately feel very uncomfortable and self-conscious. My therapist asked me to try and identify the actual thoughts that accompanied that feeling of anxiety. When it was clear exactly what I was thinking (e.g. 'I wonder if s/he is judging me right now?' etc.) it was easy to weigh up the evidence that supported that thought, or not, as it turned out! In other words, you slowly begin to realise just how irrational these thought are, because there is simply no concrete evidence to support them! And, for me personally, it worked wonders. So i would highly recommend seeking a CB therapist.

Don't worry if you're thinking it sounds like a long shot, it won't work, etc. I thought exactly the same! I even walked out of several sessions right at the beginning cos i thought it was useless. BUt remember, any pessimistic feelings you have towards the therapy is entirely natural - after all, for people like us who've lived with these illnesses all our lives, it seems insane that there actually might be help out there! It's hard to accept after so long of allowing our anxieties to be 'a way of life'. I am living proof (along with thousands of others) that it does not and certainly should not be that way.

I hope i've given you hope. Please be strong and reach out to the people who can help. I wish you all the best of luck. :wave:

Liah,
Thank you so much for your help! As soon as i get settled out here i am definitely going to try CBT. I often think about what my life would be like, or where my career would have gone had i been able to overcome my social anxiety. Well, hopefully it's not too late for me.

This is, and always has been, a difficult subject to talk to my friends and family about. Their advice, while well intentioned, has always been very simplistic. They would tell me to face my fears and they would eventually disappear. For the most part this would aways make things worse.

Thank you for your time and understanding! I am excited about the possibility of being free of this burden.

Paul

I have suffered with social anxiety since my early teens, and your symptoms sound like a milder version of SA to me. Do you feel extremely self-conscious walking into rooms where others already are? Do you dread the thought of public speaking? Do you ever get moments where you're convinced all eyes are on you? Are you overly self-critical? Well it sounds like you're very self-critical of any social interactions that you feel 'could have gone better', right? Me too... let me tell you, I know exactly what you're experiencing! Do you experience any of the other symptoms ive listed? If not, it sounds to me like you may suffer certain SA tendencies, rather than full-blown SA, so to speak. {REMOVED}

What i'm trying to say is, if your symptoms are significantly affecting your normal functioning, e.g. by preventing you from being assertive when you wish to or by causing you to avoid certain social encouters, etc., then you may well benfit from seeking professional advice. I can personally recommend CBT - it worked fantastically for me. I am now much better able to control my SA and have even become (dare I say it!!) a little self-confident! But! CBT is not necessarily the only route you could take. Basically, the main point is, help is out there - if you only reach out for it.

Hope ive helped you. Take Care. :)

I really hate speaking publically and talking to people I've never met before. Part of it might be the fact that I have a slight lisp which I think I notice more than others honestly. I almost always think that everyone is watching me and looking for things to think badly about or make fun of me. I'm also very self-critical and blame myself for every little thing I've done so I guess I do have most of the things you mentioned......but I think you're right that it's just a minor version of SA. Anyone else have any advice?

For some reason I have always believe I suffer from social anxiety but I have never done anything about it. Who do I talk to? I know I can talk to my primary care physician but is there a specialist who I can talk to who is specialized in dealing with social anxiety?

I am really shy in social situations. I don't usually talk unless I am spoken to first, and I can relate to the "I don't want to say something stupid" or the "I don't want to sound stupid" excuse. Or I just am so nervous I don't know what to say or can't think of the "right" thing to say. I hate the fact that I feel like most of the time I can't hold a conversation with another person unless they are the one talking to me. I avoid going out to social settings just because I don't want to be around other people or I don't want other people talking to me or looking at me or because I am afraid of what they're thinking or that I might have to interact with them. My freshman year of college I ended up failing a psychology course (of all courses!) because I didn't want to walk into my class late -- because everybody would be staring at me!
All of this usually changes once I am comfortable and get to know someone, but even still I can be so timid and quiet. It can really affect a person's social life, not to mention the fact that I don't have many friends, and I don't really know a lot of people in general because of this -- I am too nervous & shy to talk to them! I just know that I need to talk to someone who can help me get over this or to deal with it better.

Yes, I have some form of social anxiety too. I believe it is directly linked to depression along with anxiety. Try not to think so much, as hard as that is, it helps-even a little. However, if it gets to the point you cannot cope-then you must know that something is wrong in the brain-chemically speaking that is. It is not wrong to take medication if you want to overcome a problem beyond your control. I feel.