hey all
i had anorexia which changed after a few yrs to bulimia, i guess it started when i was about 14 or so. thing is, i've never gotten help for it and only recently told my psychologist (who i see for other reasons). i've been doing ok, controlling most of it i restrict but not too much and only b/p maybe 2-3 times a month. the last time it was really bad was about 2 yrs ago.
but she wants me to get treatment, sent me to a dietician. anyway i went to see this dietician today and i'm scared this will only make it worse. she wants a food diary, but putting so much focus on what i eat?? i haven't been able to eat all day cos i don't want to write anything down. when i do it's likely i'll binge, and then it has to go. i damaged my oesophagus a few yrs ago from that and now have to take tablets every day to control bad reflux. i'm also on 3 other twice daily medications for depression and mania and purging really screws those round, makes the blood levels go out of whack and then the symptoms get worse......
i just wonder if it's worth treating, i mean it's not bad like it used to be, and i'm not underweight or anything. treatment seems like it can only make it worse. :confused:
CC

o hun! well, i know alot of gurls who wrote a food diary and it helped them quite a bit! it just takes a lot of willpower to do so and i know u have it. im glad things arent as bad, and only purging 2-3 times a month is incredible!:):)....just take it day by day hun!

see, i know what u mea about the whole treatment making things worse..i went to a 5 day retreat and well, lets just say the other gurls rarely ate a thing. it was like a competition to see who eeats less. not for me tho, i stuck to my guns and ate cheese, meat, bread, milk, ect. but the other gurls just set eachother up for binges. well i did good the WHOLE time until the last nite, the other gurls were binging and purging and it triggered me SOOO bad i wanted to binge! there was so much good food in the building i couldnt resist. so. we had a binge party...not good i know, but we ate and ate until we were about to die, went into our rooms and well...did the business. it was rather odd binging with and in front of other gurls. i regreted that nite so much afterwards... like, why would i do that? honestly!

but yah, i guess u need a LOT of willpower to make it thru the diary..i know u can do it!:):)

Take care!
SammYx0x0x

Hey,

Im currently writing a food diary too and its hard work. Well iv been doin it for nearlytwo weeks now n its gettin easier. At first i kno i felt exactly like u. Its so confusing coz u want to eat and get better but u dont want to have to write it down. I also found that bein told to eat three meals n three snacks totally threw me. I dont kno why thats in the past tense coz its stil happening now. I could easily go all day without eating n now i feel greedy coz im eatin n then still binging n purging n even more often probably. I dont understand. However, it is gettin a bit easier n im findin that writin it down gets it off my chest n its there in black n white so lookin back over it i can see my triggers n how i felt b4 n after n stuff n thats really usful but im terrified of goin back to my doctor coz its gonna look bad n the thought of sb seeing what i keep to myself usually and often even deny to myself...thats so scary.

Will u keep us updated on how ur gettin on? Its gud to kno someone else feels the same as me. Its been possibly the hardest two weeks of my life. I thought i was the only one who felt like this about the whole food diary thing.

Thanks for makin me feel im not alone.

S
x

hey all
i had anorexia which changed after a few yrs to bulimia, i guess it started when i was about 14 or so. thing is, i've never gotten help for it and only recently told my psychologist (who i see for other reasons). i've been doing ok, controlling most of it i restrict but not too much and only b/p maybe 2-3 times a month. the last time it was really bad was about 2 yrs ago.
but she wants me to get treatment, sent me to a dietician. anyway i went to see this dietician today and i'm scared this will only make it worse. she wants a food diary, but putting so much focus on what i eat?? i haven't been able to eat all day cos i don't want to write anything down. when i do it's likely i'll binge, and then it has to go. i damaged my oesophagus a few yrs ago from that and now have to take tablets every day to control bad reflux. i'm also on 3 other twice daily medications for depression and mania and purging really screws those round, makes the blood levels go out of whack and then the symptoms get worse......
i just wonder if it's worth treating, i mean it's not bad like it used to be, and i'm not underweight or anything. treatment seems like it can only make it worse. :confused:
CC

It is worth treating because you're worth it. :) You don't have to be stick thin to need help. Eating disorders are on a continuum and have different extremes. But the mere fact that you're doing these things to your body is reason enough to get treatment. I know it's very hard. I'm going through it now, and I resist it everyday. Chin up and hang in there. :)

thank you so much for your posts
i haven't written down for yesterday or today, i do know what i ate etc it's just so scarey and i don't want people to see how much i eat i know it's supposed to be little or less than normal but to me it seems like way too much. i'll design a weekly chart in word and record it tomorrow (queen of charts and graphs here :) )
i couldn't go to my psychology appt today because i got sick overnight and it's a 150km drive to my psychologist, but she did a session over the phone and basically kicked my a** for not wanting to do this treatment :(
i did however refill my reflux meds, book an appt with the personal trainer (someone i know from a program i did once, he's starting his own business and has offered me 4 free sessions cos i told people about it) and also bf bought me a cross trainer secondhand so that i can get back into regular exercise and maybe not feel the need to do the ED things so much if i lose weight from exercise. so there are some sort of good things i guess. just gotta get past the privacy thing? i dunno to me these behaviours are intensely private and talking about them face to face is harder than talking about anything else.
thank you so much
CC

I can so relate to you. I have been bulimic/anorexic for just over 10 years now and have never gotten treatment because I am so affraid that everyone will think that I will be "fixed" and never have this prob again. But I fear I will only let everyone down if I fail. But honestly I know that this is only what ED wants me to think. I have been looking into different T's and even treatment centers. I think in the long run it is worth it because this is your health that you are talking about and your health is the most important thing.
Jamie

I can so relate to you. I have been bulimic/anorexic for just over 10 years now and have never gotten treatment because I am so affraid that everyone will think that I will be "fixed" and never have this prob again. But I fear I will only let everyone down if I fail. But honestly I know that this is only what ED wants me to think. I have been looking into different T's and even treatment centers. I think in the long run it is worth it because this is your health that you are talking about and your health is the most important thing.
Jamie


If people think that when you get treatment that you're 'fixed', they're sadly mistaken, but I'm sure you know that already. Those people need to get educated about ED's and what they're really about. It's just like the alcoholic or the drug addict, you can get sober but it's always with you and it's a struggle alot of times. Unfortunately for us, though, we need food to survive, so I think in some respects it's harder for us. But, if we can get there, then we can finally take some control of our lives instead of the ED doing it for us.