Okay, heres my story. Somebody suggested I post here so.........
Well im a pretty depressed person, and see a coucler for it. My poor childhood and parents havent helped either. Well, wvery other few thoughts, I will think about pain, or killing someone, or hurting someone. When someone says something stupid in school, I will get extrememly upset, and cuss in my head, and maybe break a pencil. I try to start sht with people just to fight. I am very verbally abusive, and sometimes physiclly. My parents think im a danger to society. When someone trys to talk to me, I say screw off, or i just walk away. To me, I dont think this is a problem. This is normal for me.

If you are verbally abusive that is not good, and physically abusive could indeed be a danger to someoen else...and get you in a lot of trouble. I was in the same situation as you when I was about your age, with a few things different. I was a very negative person, and I would push people away when they tried to help. I wouldn't listen, I would say rude things to them, etc. Finally, though, after that year, someone got threw to me. That someone (a teacher) has changed my life for the better. I have learned that it's OK to be angry - it's a natural emotion. But you can't be angry or negative all the time - that doesn't help to solve problems, or make connections with people...really it doesn't help anything. It took me about a year to change my attitude and my outlook on life, but I am *so* glad I did. I would never want to go back to the way I was before...

I suggest you find some adult that you trust, that you can talk about your feelings with...and have them help you brainstorm and implement strategies to control your anger. Breathing works for me, or talking it over with someone else, or taking a walk... At first it'll be hard to change, but with effort you can make that change - and you will be a better person. Good luck. :)

You sound typical of a lot of 14-yr-old men. Hormone surges affect your thinking as well as your libido. Some people think adolescence is actually "temporary insanity". This doesn't mean it's anything to shrug off. Your anger is dangerous to you as well as other people. Don't let it get control of you.

I don't think you need to work on being a "better person", just a healthier person. This is where a doctor can help, esp. a psychiatrist and maybe a nutritionist. Counseling will help you too, esp. w/ someone who specializes in teenagers. Once you start feeling better, it will be easier to "act" more normal. (Been there, done that.)

Hi,
I read your post and I have to say, I'm a bit worried. You diffently need to find a good counciler to help you. You do have allot of anger issue's but it seem's to be your main focus. Take a look at your life, Your fourtten years old, yes being a teen-ager is totally tuff but reach deep down inside of you and see what your good quailty's are, start to focus on them. They alway's say there is a good side to every one, I know if you started to show that, people would appreciate you more and you would feel better about yourself. I think your so wrapped up in your anger issue's and depression, You realize that, which is a good thing because maybe you can start letting go of some of that anger and try your hardest not to lose your temper. You have a long life ahead of you, you don't want it to be so difficult and stresfull for you, It's up to you to do the turn around and I know you can do it because I can telling your reaching out for help by putting up a post on this board.
KW

Dear Why??
Councilors may be good or bad. Sometimes over analysing can do as much damage as doing nothing. You may need time to pause and reflect on whats going on around you.
At 14 you may be finding that you don't fit in as a kid, you are not an adult, and as a teen the world is looking for those typical 'teen characteristics' that they cringe from.

Being frustrated, angry, disappointed are all emotions that everyone has, and rightly so; its a complicated and potentially very shallow world.

The key is to control these emotions and put them to positive use.
- Look for people you respect and either watch their emotion control.
- Seek out books, pamphlets, movies that help promote handling emotions where the result is good.
- Pause and use phrases that can give you a 'reality check'. Like those signs that reference, leadership, integrity, honesty, control what you can, and allow others to control what you cannot. Share the responsibility.

Know that not all people are the same and we must accept them for who they are; not what we want them to be. Neither we, nor they are perfect.

If you do your best, be happy with yourself. If you need help, ask. Whatever you do, do not be down on yourself.

^Because this person obviously has a problem. When you start to think to yourself you want to kill someone you have a problem. At the very least it is a good idea to understand the problem and why you are feeling this way.

Dear Why??
Councilors may be good or bad. Sometimes over analysing can do as much damage as doing nothing. You may need time to pause and reflect on whats going on around you.

I agree that counseling can differ in quality. I don't think "overanalyzing" is the preferred treatment these days - that's kind of a Freudian thing that's going out of style.

I'm concerned that "Why" needs some kind of medical treatment. Counseling is helpful for someone with mild depression or frustration. But this kind of rage needs serious treatment. It's quite normal for men his age, I'm afraid, but that doesn't mean it's OK.

Hi WHY
Anger is a normal emotional response. Anger always means something or someone is screwing with you because it is a reaction. Now anger and hatred are different. With me my anger grew into hatreds, some seemingly justifiable. Hatred is not the stuff to build a lifestyle out of, it just leads to more bumpy air.

At 14 you are at a wonderfully challenging time of life... BUT remember you need to grow. You will be learning as time goes by just like old geezers like I still do.

A persons experiences anger but in taking action remember not to take action out of the heat of anger and hatred. Take the time to cool down and go with the good vibes instead.
ron

Here is of questions that you may find helpful.

"The first step to identifying and managing anger is to look within ourselves.

Parents and teens can ask these questions of themselves to bring about self-awareness:

Where does this anger come from?

What situations bring out this feeling of anger?

Do my thoughts begin with absolutes such as "must," "should," "never?"

Are my expectations unreasonable?

What unresolved conflict am I facing?

Am I reacting to hurt, loss, or fear?

Am I aware of anger's physical signals (e.g., clenching fists, shortness of breath, sweating)?

How do I choose to express my anger?

To whom or what is my anger directed?

Am I using anger as a way to isolate myself, or as a way to intimidate others?

Am I communicating effectively?

Am I focusing on what has been done to me rather than what I can do?

How am I accountable for what I'm feeling?

How am I accountable for how my anger shows up?

Do my emotions control me, or do I control my emotions?"

Then look at all your answers and decide what you can let go of, do you really really need to be concerned about what other people are doing? Can you just let go?

And for those that need further action, what can you do make make a positive action. Resolving the issue and not creating an issue.

Well, it's not so long ago that I was 14. Although I never had any real problems, perhaps I can relate a little bit.

How do people treat you at school? Are you popular/unpopular? Do you have a lot of friends? The reason I ask this is because people at that age are absolute ****. They treat each other terribly. They are very rude and insulting, and if you happen to be their scapegoat they will go after you like no one's business. Also, kliqs are very bad in HS and it makes things even worse, because someone who is totally nice and timid alone can be a total ******* when others are egging him on.

It's a very artificial environment that you encounter in school. You are forced to interact with a lot of people that you would never deal with otherwise and in an environment where respect is often completely forgotten. Out in the real world, when you go to a store or whatever, people will tend to treat you with a certain degree of respect. And if they don't, you can keep on going down the road and never see them again. In school you are forced to deal with the same jerks, day in and day out, with no reprieve. It's almost like being in prison, in fact my local HS looks a lot like a prison too, lol (actually it's not really funny, more like sad).

Anyway, the reason I mention all that is it because it sounds like you are feeling sort of hostile toward everyone else, and maybe that's because people are picking on you, insulting you, or otherwise not treating you well. The thing you need to realize about your peers is their opinion just doesn't matter. They can think you are a loser/total crap/whatever they want, it doesn't have any impact on who you really are. Once you graduate from HS, you'll never see most of those jerks again, so the best way to deal with them is just to ignore them. Don't even waste your energy being angry at them, that's just giving them more of your time than they deserve.

Just realize that you don't have to live up to anyone's expectations but your own. The most empowering thing you can ever experience is realizing that what other people think of you doesn't matter. Once you realize that, they have no power over you anymore.

Figure out what you enjoy to do and what your goals are in life and shoot for those. Live your life for what you want to do, don't worry about what others say you should do, or what other people think about it. Your opinion is just as valid as anyone else's, even if you're in the minority (a lot of people can think the same thing, and they can all be wrong).

You have your whole life ahead of you, make the most of it. Whatever is bothering you now, keep it in perspective. Try to find things to be happy about and to look forward to. If you can't find it in the real world, look for it in books or games or whatever (not in drugs or alcohol, that stuff is just crap and causes more damage than good).

Anyway, maybe I'm off on the wrong track, but thinking back to when I was 14, this is the sort of stuff that might have helped me. If you can figure out what's making you angry and can elaborate more about it, then maybe some of us can relate. Also, for what it's worth, I have a friend who was depressed and stuff in HS. He didn't really care about anything and got bad grades, etc. He was never violent or mean, but it was just a different way of reacting to anger/depression. Well, guess what, he turned out to be just fine, so don't lose hope. I'm sure that everything will work out for you too.

PS: I'd also be skeptical that you need counseling. The friend I mentioned above went to counseling and he thought it was a total joke. A therapist will either try to talk to you, or try to medicate you. It can help to talk about your problems, but it doesn't have to be someone who you're paying money to listen. If you have a friend or family member you can trust, they can probably help. Otherwise you can probably find people to listen to you online. As far as meds go, there are certainly people out there who are helped by medication. Unfortunately, it seems like medication now adays is basically prescribed to everyone, whether they need it or not. My friend was also put on prosac, but he never took any of it, he just threw it away. ;)

No, people at my school really didnt bully me at all, I had a group of my weird friends, and everyone else stayed away from us, because we were more of the bullys and backstabbers in the school. The only thing that bothered me was people calling my friend and I nazzis, we really dint care that they called us that, because we really acted like nazzis in school, but we didnt take kindly to whoever called us that name!

Yes, many teenage boys become more aggressive due to the increased testosterone, but your anger seems to be more than regular "teen angst." You seem to have a lot of issues with your family, and I would suggest talking to a counselor. I had a crappy childhood because of all of the trauma caused by my father, and after 18 years, therapy has allowed me to move on with my life and not have my father control my thoughts. I do believe that if you can overcome the problems with your parents that you'll be able to better control your anger in a constructive manner. Do you have depression or any anxiety disorders? This could also contribute to your implosiveness. I have OCD, GAD, and panic attacks, and before I got on Zoloft, I would blow up at people because I was constantly irritable and stressed. Now that I'm on meds, I feel like my old self again and people don't annoy me quite so much. ;) If you have any questions, feel free to ask. God bless! :angel:
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