Hi everyone
It's really weird, over the last week or two I've become more and more comfortable with food. My ED has not been as much of a focus. The thing that is weird is that it was such a huge focus for me just a few weeks ago. To the point that I could not concentrate on anything else but food, dieting, weight, etc. Now all of a sudden I'm getting more comfortable with what and how I eat. I'm not obsessing as much and it's been kind of ok. I mean a lot of the thoughts are still there and I have to kind of put myself back on track at times but overall I'm doing a lot better.
I know I shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth and I should just go with it. But there's still that part of me that doesn't understand how it can fluxuate like this. You become so comfortable with the ED, ya know? That when it's not active you don't know what to do. But then when it IS active you still don't know what to do. Does that make any sense?
Anyway, has anyone ever gone through periods like this? Does it last? God it would be nice if it did! I've also kind of hit a point where I've stopped trying to hard to figure out what issues I am hiding from behind my ED. I'm just at a point where I'm not thinking about it and when it comes, it comes. It's just so weird. Well, thanks for listening. You guys have always been a great support for me!

Lauren

Hi everyone
It's really weird, over the last week or two I've become more and more comfortable with food. My ED has not been as much of a focus. The thing that is weird is that it was such a huge focus for me just a few weeks ago. To the point that I could not concentrate on anything else but food, dieting, weight, etc. Now all of a sudden I'm getting more comfortable with what and how I eat. I'm not obsessing as much and it's been kind of ok. I mean a lot of the thoughts are still there and I have to kind of put myself back on track at times but overall I'm doing a lot better.
I know I shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth and I should just go with it. But there's still that part of me that doesn't understand how it can fluxuate like this. You become so comfortable with the ED, ya know? That when it's not active you don't know what to do. But then when it IS active you still don't know what to do. Does that make any sense?
Anyway, has anyone ever gone through periods like this? Does it last? God it would be nice if it did! I've also kind of hit a point where I've stopped trying to hard to figure out what issues I am hiding from behind my ED. I'm just at a point where I'm not thinking about it and when it comes, it comes. It's just so weird. Well, thanks for listening. You guys have always been a great support for me!

Lauren

For me, it's about control. When my life or some aspect of it feels out of control that's when I start spiraling down. Right now I'm going through something that I can't do anything about. I have some guilt over something that happened with a friend and now I don't think he wants to be friends with me anymore. Anyway, I've sort of been beating myself up lately by undereating/starving and staying up late even though I know my body is hungry or tired. But I came to the realization today that I just have to let it go and try (hard as it may be) to forgive myself for what happened. If we talk again we do, but if we don't then we just don't. I just miss him alot, though. :(

Lauren
I am so happy for you! Thanks for posting this thread, it has given me hope which is really what i need right now. I will pray for you that this is not just a stage, but the lifestyle and the freedom you finally deserve. Just remember this feeling you have right now and how great it feels when the stupid, nagging, ED thoughts try to come back. We can fight this!!
Kittywitty
I know how that is, for me its about control too. But for some reason, I get so mad when i read something about EDs and they are like.. "Its all about control" ya know what i mean? Like they can easily diagnois this as a symptom of feeling "out of control" when its just so much more. Please try to forgive yourself! I know its easy to say everyone makes mistakes, but we all do, and its how we handle these sitations. Unfortunatley for us, we handle it by a form of self mutalation (starving, depriving), which is why its so important to not let this get to you. If you need anyone to talk, im here!
liza

This is so great. I am happy for you. This has never happened to me, it has always been my main focus for over 10 years now. But after reading your post I am thinking that maybe one day it will be possible for me to. I wish you the best of luck.
Jamie

Lauren
I am so happy for you! Thanks for posting this thread, it has given me hope which is really what i need right now. I will pray for you that this is not just a stage, but the lifestyle and the freedom you finally deserve. Just remember this feeling you have right now and how great it feels when the stupid, nagging, ED thoughts try to come back. We can fight this!!
Kittywitty
I know how that is, for me its about control too. But for some reason, I get so mad when i read something about EDs and they are like.. "Its all about control" ya know what i mean? Like they can easily diagnois this as a symptom of feeling "out of control" when its just so much more. Please try to forgive yourself! I know its easy to say everyone makes mistakes, but we all do, and its how we handle these sitations. Unfortunatley for us, we handle it by a form of self mutalation (starving, depriving), which is why its so important to not let this get to you. If you need anyone to talk, im here!
liza

Thanks alot, Liza, I appreciate it. I don't really have anyone to talk to about this except my therapist and she's on vacation this week. Last night I was thinking about it and I started crying a little. Do you think I should explain to him that I'm feeling guilty and that I feel I messed up our friendship? I'm thinking that if I can talk to him about it, it might help to lighten the guilt load. But It's difficult to catch him alone, without his friends around, and when I do, he says, 'I gotta go', and runs away.

Ya i think you should talk to him. But maybe since he seems so busy, just let him know that you would like to talk sometime whne he has time and if he could give you call or something, that way you know he cares too by calling you and also his friends wont be around. Hope this helps!

Ya i think you should talk to him. But maybe since he seems so busy, just let him know that you would like to talk sometime whne he has time and if he could give you call or something, that way you know he cares too by calling you and also his friends wont be around. Hope this helps!


Thanks, Liza, I'll give it a try, but he's so stubborn.

Thanks everyone for all the positive things you've said! They really made me feel good. I never thought I'd be an inspiration to anyone. That feels really nice. I continue to struggle but the anxiety isn't as bad. So I thank god for that!
Kitty I hope things with your friend work themselves out. I of course don't know all the details but perhaps you don't have to blame yourself for the whole thing? It kind of takes two to tango. Again, I'm not sure what happened but beating yourself up isn't going to solve it. In the end it's just those of us that do the beating that suffer. Please feel free and talk to me too. I really appreciate all the support and would like to provide it right back to you all.
Thanks again
Lauren

Thanks everyone for all the positive things you've said! They really made me feel good. I never thought I'd be an inspiration to anyone. That feels really nice. I continue to struggle but the anxiety isn't as bad. So I thank god for that!
Kitty I hope things with your friend work themselves out. I of course don't know all the details but perhaps you don't have to blame yourself for the whole thing? It kind of takes two to tango. Again, I'm not sure what happened but beating yourself up isn't going to solve it. In the end it's just those of us that do the beating that suffer. Please feel free and talk to me too. I really appreciate all the support and would like to provide it right back to you all.
Thanks again
Lauren

Thanks so much. He is partially to blame but I think he's embarrassed, too. I tried emailing him earlier, no response yet; we don't talk by phone, he goes to the same gym I go to. He'll talk to other people but when I want to talk to him, he runs away. :(

Hi Lauren,

Everything you said makes perfect sense to me. I hope you continue on this path of feeling comfortable with food, stay strong.

Xx

Lauren
I am so happy for you! Thanks for posting this thread, it has given me hope which is really what i need right now. I will pray for you that this is not just a stage, but the lifestyle and the freedom you finally deserve. Just remember this feeling you have right now and how great it feels when the stupid, nagging, ED thoughts try to come back. We can fight this!!
Kittywitty
I know how that is, for me its about control too. But for some reason, I get so mad when i read something about EDs and they are like.. "Its all about control" ya know what i mean? Like they can easily diagnois this as a symptom of feeling "out of control" when its just so much more. Please try to forgive yourself! I know its easy to say everyone makes mistakes, but we all do, and its how we handle these sitations. Unfortunatley for us, we handle it by a form of self mutalation (starving, depriving), which is why its so important to not let this get to you. If you need anyone to talk, im here!
liza

yeah whenever i feel stressed or out of control, my ED habits will come back and it is hard, i'm here too, if you wanna talk, i'm hope by the way, i'm 18, USA

Thanks so much hope, im also 18, USA. I come here all the time too if you ever need to talk!

first off CONGRATS! this whole thing maybe a lil old now that we're in a different topic, but i just had to put my 2 cents in...and with this guy? i guess itll just take time, and if nothing happens and ur literally going to go insane if he doest talk to u then...ur gonna have to find a way. lol, thats just plain rude that he ignores u....
sigh"..boys. what do they know? haha

first off CONGRATS! this whole thing maybe a lil old now that we're in a different topic, but i just had to put my 2 cents in...and with this guy? i guess itll just take time, and if nothing happens and ur literally going to go insane if he doest talk to u then...ur gonna have to find a way. lol, thats just plain rude that he ignores u....
sigh"..boys. what do they know? haha

Yeah, he's a nimrod alright. He still won't talk to me. When he does, he won't even look at me! Let me rephrase that, when I talk to him.