My son was dx PDD/Nos in March and it was recommended that he receive 28 hours a week of therapy. He has gone from 2 hours and I have worked him up to at this point 17 hours which is great. The problem is that most of this therapy happens in my home with every day having someone show up with a bag of toys to play with my son. I'm having real difficulty juggling our schedule so that my 4 year old daughter is somehow otherwise engaged.

She just doesn't understand this whole thing and is very hard to include in the therapy sessions as it is her personality to try and take over. She is young and just doesn't get it. I find myself getting frustrated with her and then mad at myself for this. I do my best to give her individual one on one time by doing something special but some days I feel sucked dry and no matter how much I give to her she always tells me it's not enough.

I'm only human and I know I do the best I can but some days I could just tear my hair out trying to please everyone else. I just don't want her to feel pushed aside and resent me or Jeffrey later on. I feel like crying right now.

Is it possible for you to take your daughter and do an activity with her while the other adult works with your son sometimes?

Or...is it possible to get her some of her own special time: swimming lessons, dance, etc?

Most times I arrange for her to be busy with something fun for her either with her grandfather or her grandmother. She loves that but is still aware that Jeffrey is getting this special attention. Yesterday and once in a while I'm not able to have someone take her for that time. I try to do an activity with her but she only wants to be involved with what's going on with Jeffrey. Some of his therapy has happened while she has been in preschool as well which is about to end. How do you get a four year old to understand that her brother learns differently than her and needs some extra help ? She always tells me that Jeffrey gets more attention than her. I really do give her extra special time that's just her and I but it isn't the same as having people come to the house to play. She has me and our old toys all the time.

I agree. Four year olds need a lot of attention. Is she in preschool? I would look for a fun half day summer program. I think it is very important for children to stay busy and have a routine and structure. If children are busy there is no time for problems. This has been the best year of my life and it is because my four year old is busy every second

He goes to school five days a week 8:45-12:15. After school we meet friends for play dates and then at 3:00 every afternoon until 4:00 he either has swimming, soccer, or T-Ball. This summer he will be on the swim team. I also have him signed up for Spanish camp, Chefs camp and a swim camp that are all half day programs.

Hi,
I had the same exact issue in the beginning. I have a 2 year old that receives home therapy and my 4 year old daughter did not understand why all the attention was focused on her little sister all of the time.

I explained to her O.T. that I really didn't have anywhere for my 4 year old to go during her therapy so he decided to include my 4 year old in the therapy which has worked wonderfully. It has actually helped both of my children to learn how to share (as much as 4 and 2 year old will!) and before the therapy, my 2 year old didn't even know that her sister existed, she ignored her and refused to play with her or even look at her. Believe me it was hard in the beginning because there was a lot of crying and screaming going on but they have learned to work together now.

Some days are still a battle and my 4 year old wants every single toy that the O.T. pulls out of the bag but our O.T. MAKES her choose ONE, if she wants to play with a different one, then he makes her put the one she has away first and then she can move on to another.

Your O.T. shouldn't have a problem letting your other child join in. Your youngest child getting the therapy isn't the only one affected by autism, your whole family is affected and leaving the older one out just makes things worse. My 4 year old is just now starting to ask questions about her little sister and it is the hardest thing in the world trying to explain things to her but doing therapy together has brought them closer than they ever have been and makes it a little easier for my older one to understand.

Just talk to your O.T. and see what he thinks about it, I know the same things don't work for everyone but it has done wonders for us!

Lisa

Thanks for the replies. I guess I'm just having a bad couple of days. On the whole things work out well and that's what I need to focus on.

Lisa, My son's OT is really good with my son but the few and I mean few times my daughter has been present during this therapy I find she just turns her off or gets alittle quick with her. It really pisses me off at the OT and makes me sad for Amanda. Most of the others are better about her.

I just need to work this through. I have included her in a sibling group through EI. I will talk to all the therapist to find a happy medium that suits all of us. Thanks for the support. I guess I am having the blues but need to snap out of it for all of us. :)

Hi again,

Believe me, I understand about having a bad couple of days (I seem to have them quite often :)

As for your O.T. , I have had good ones and bad ones. I'm fortunate enough right now to have a really understanding one and he really does try to include my 4 year old in everything and it actually helps my 2 year old because she sees her sister playing with a certain toy and sometimes (not always) gets interested in playing with them herself.

Unfortunately, the Center that I get my therapy lost their funding this year so we will not be getting home visits any longer after June 30th. We finally find someone that is helping us make progress and now it's ending. But he has taught us a lot (mainly consistency, which I had a real problem with in the beginning) and we are just going to try to incorporate everything he taught us into our daily routines.

I totally understand about your 4 year old feeling left out. I was determined to have 2 children so they would have each other ( I was an only child and absolutely hated it!) but sometimes we feel that my 4 year old is an only child but without all the attention an only child gets because all of our energy goes towards our little one. We do our best to incorporate our older one into as much as we can because we do not want her to resent her baby sister. It's so hard and we are just exhausted trying to make everyone happy and we just hope that all of this hard work, lack of sleep and adjusting schedules pays off for all of us in the long run. I never want to look back 10 years from now and say "If we only would of tried this, maybe things would be different". That's my greatest fear.

We did go see a DAN dr. on Tuesday and we will be having her tested for allergies first and go from there. We are definitely going to start chelation at the end of the summer due to her levels of Mercury, Arsenic and Antinomy in her body. Her tests showed virtually no vitamins or minerals in her body because the toxins aren't letting them absorb into her system. So needless to say we have a lot of work ahead of us. Luckily for me, my husband finds activities to do with my older one while i'm out and about finding new Dr.'s and therapist all the time. But, what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger!

My 4 year old had SEVERE behavioral problems since she turned 18 months old and they are FINALLY dying down. We all just went to a restaurant for the first time in 4 years and it actually went very well. I also just got her picture taken at a studio for the first time since she was 1. There were times that I thought we were never going to get through it and just when my older one started to behave better, we found out my other daughter had autism at 1 year old. So we start the cycle all over again. I think we're becoming old pros at it. We joke all the time and say we wouldn't really know how to raise a so called "normal" child without any problems or delays. I guess it was just in God's plans for us and we deal with it day by day.

I promise things will get better with your children and finding an understanding and compassionate O.T. will help greatly. That's what they are trained to do but some of them just look at it as their job and others truly love what they do.

Good luck with everything,
Lisa

First I want to say that when I was a kid, I never played with my parents. I had sibling for that. My sisters and I played from morning until night. When I had kids I assumed that would happen too, but I don't think this generation of kids are the same. I think that is fine, but I am so tired it's unreal. So I feel for you!

Here are some ideas.
Have the therapist include your daughter. Allow her to have a few of the toys. That is what we did with my son. At time while the therapist was playing with Kolby I would play with my older one. Do something with her alone on the weekend while Daddy is home. Take her to get ice-cream or the park without her brother. Have a special two hours just for her each week. I know that is easier sad then done. But it will give you a break in a way as well. I think she would remember that for years and years down the road.

Just recently I took my older son away for the weekend without his little brother. It bonded us.

Good-Luck
Michelle

boy, do i know how you feel. since my son has been recieving ABA therapy (10 months), i feel my other 2 children have had to "give up" some activities. i am lucky enough to have a very involved family, so my sis or parents (on occasion) take my other children out while my autisic son receives his therapy. i also had a therapist give my older son the cold shoulder when he tried to get involved during his brother's sessions. i too, found myself snapping at my older son and getting frustrated with him. one day, i was just like......this is bull****, we are trying to teach my son how to deal in a very social world and his sessions should include others. especially the older brother he ADORES!!!! i just mentioned to his therapist (in front of her supervisor) that i would like to involve my sons siblings in some of his sessions. we haven't had a problem since.

There are books written for siblings of kids with autism. Do a search at Amazon and you'll find several options. That may help your daughter as well, having a jumping ground for a discussion. I know my 6 y/o is very resentful of the attention my son gets, and we AREN'T doing home therapy right now.

You all have been awesome with some great advice. The support and information I get from this board has been so theraputic for me. I cried every day before I joined on here. Now I know I'm not alone in my thoughts because most of you have been there or are going through similar things in your own lives. It's just nice we can all be here for eachother. Thanks again