I feel absolutely terrible and so guilty!! I'm in tears right now as I look back at what just happened within the last hour. I became very angry with my 10 yr old DD when she refused to wear a pretty lavendar blazer I had bought for her at Limited Too( which I think is totally overpriced, but that's beside the point). It's been sitting in her closet for almost 2 mo and she's never worn it. Well, now she says she doesn't like it and never really wanted it(I should have listened to her in the store because although she said it was nice, she wasn't 100% in love with it). I lost it and verbally attacked her. Saying I've wasted so much $$ on clothes she doesn't wear, making snide comments about her fixation on a hoodie she always wears, lashing out that I'm not going to buy much(she really does have less in comparison to some of her friends but that's by my choice not to overindulge, not $$), and to my complete horror, I called my baby a loser. The look on her face is haunting me right now. I just chipped away at her spirit and it's awful! My poor DD is feeling insecure enough as it is , with the awkwardness of braces, glasses, and early puberty and I just had to say that! I hear my own mother in me, because she did the exact same thing and I never forgot the hurt from her stinging verbal attacks. My DH is very angry with me and he has every reason tobe. I know I owe myDD a big apology. But the damage is already done. She looked so sad leaving for school, and I just had to ruin her day! I remember what that was like and it's terrible. I just needed to get this out. Anybody else out there who has diarrhea of the mouth, please try to control it and if it spills out, apologize right away. Hug your loved ones and say "I love you."

you need to sit down with her after school and have a heart to heart......show her how sorry you are.................and don;t ever do it again

I will. I'm having a really lousy day because of my malicious behavior.

Southjerseymom; I have a 11yr old daughter too--they really can evoke emotion from us can't they? Yes, you need to have a talk w/her and apologize. That you truly feel terrible about it shows you know it's wrong...but don't beat yourself up too badly over it. You're human, she'll forgive you if you treat her with respect. I, too, grew up w/a mother who was very verbal--she never said she was sorry-and I didn't respect her for that. Still don't. But when you think that behavior is "normal" (as she did) you have no remorse for it and it will never change.

Who among us has never said a cross word or something they don't regret? And kids nowadays are so smart at this age--certainly more worldly than I was at 10/11, and sometimes we forget they're just that: kids. Is there something else going on--and the frustration just happened to come out on her, and the blazer? (altho I do agree Ltd Too is very expensive!!! We just want the best for our kids tho, right? ;) )

Take care and hang in there--update when you get a chance.
Happyelf/Gina

What is a DD?

My mother said awful things to me when I was growing up, for silly stuff like clothes preference, just like you did.

I understand that my mother was verbally abused and emotionally neglected when she was a child. And that she didn't know what she was doing when she set about raising three children. She never, ever apologized for any of the cruel things she did (and she did plenty of inexcusable things). I guess she figured apology was a sign of weakness.

It would have made all the difference in the world to me if she'd sat down later, when she was calmer, and said "You know, I lost my temper at you, and you didn't deserve it. Yes, I was angry, but it was out of proportion. My mother treated me that way when I was little and sometimes I forget how much it hurts. But I'm sorry I acted like that and I will try not to do it again. I hope you can forgive me but I understand if you don't right now. You must be pretty mad at me too. You are NOT a loser but sometimes Mommy acts like a great big loser. I love you very much and I don't want you to forget that." It would have an even bigger difference if (1) she really, really meant it and (2) she really never did it again. Your daughter is old enough to hear this kind of stuff. 10-yr-olds are some of the smartest kids on earth. If your daughter has a cell phone or you can call her at school, this is the kind of thing worth interrupting her class to tell her. Trust me, it will change her whole day.

You might want to seek out counseling to deal with your anger. That fact that you feel terrible tells me that you're a caring mother with a conscience. That's a heck of a good start.

Some other little girl would probably love that lavender blazer. Have you considered donating it to a thrift store?

Thanks everybody for the advice and support. I sat down with my daughter, hugged her, and told her how lousy I felt all day from the mean things I said. I told her that I love her and that I'm very sorry and it was awful knowing that I sent her off to school feeling very sad. I shared some of my own sad memories of the pain my own mother inflicted upon me from her verbal attacks and related that I know how she felt. She really didn't comment, just asked acouple of questions from my childhood. But I could tell that she was glad I opened up and took responsibility of my actions. Her face seemed to brighten up and she shared some stories from school with me. I know it's perfectly normal to become angry with your children. They do push buttons and can be taxing, but I will NOT say things to break my baby's spirit and lessen her self-esteem. I went through a good part of my life feeling very insecure(still have some issues from time to time, but I have come a long way). Regarding the blazer and giving it to charity: great idea. One thing I am doing right is instilling in my daughter compassion and a sense of duty to help those in need. Thanks again, everybody! I'm really going to try not to blow up and mentally abuse her the next time she pushes my buttons.

That's great - I bet she feels a LOT better, whether she shows it or not.