Hi

I am not sure how to work this thing, so sorry for my mistakes.
I am depressed and can't cope with everyone being happy when I am not.
I moved to London 6 years ago with a man who I thought I loved. Silly me, he turned out to be a violent, nasty man envolved with a gang. And through association I was part of that gang. After many broken bones I tried to leave but faced with threats of what my family were wearing and their daily activities i couldn't put them at risk.
After him leaving the country to avoid a murder conviction I managed to start a new life.
My new life exists of me being 3 times my weight, a recluse. I hate my look, I don't want to go outside, but I don't see how my horrific past is affecting me now. My counsellor thinks i didn't deal with my past but I don't feel anything about that awful time.
What I don't understand is why have I gone from being a pretty, thin and energetic girl, to a fat, obese, non motivated girl. Why am I such a different person? I don't think I care about the past, but is that true?
I cry everyday. I won't see my family or friends, you see they are happy and I am not. I want to be happy but I can't see how. I am 27, but if life is like this until I die, **** what have I got to look forward to?
If someone has any ideas , give it a shot. I know for sure that I can give the most love and support known. That is one of my best features. I care bout everyone else, and can help everyone except myself!!

i hate my look too. i gained weight and i don't feel very good about it. i make a resolution to change my eating habits and exercise every day, but i suffer from fatigue that pops up out of nowhere, and all this negative thinking. normal people have a hard time changing their habits, it feels like this is next to impossible. i never used to talk about what i was going through, and then after losing my relationship, all hell broke loose, and i decided i really needed to work on myself. when i'm old and gray i want to be able to look back on my life and feel victory, and a sense of happiness at what i was able to accomplish. it looks like my purpose is to conquer depression(unfortunately). :rolleyes: