Hi,

I'm seeing a p-doc currently because of depression and other things. Anyway, I recently messed up my university finals because of my depression etc. (I couldn't really revise beforehand, felt life crap in the exam hall, etc.) and now feel awful -- the lowest I've ever felt. I feel like I've wasted three years at university; depression has robbed me of the grades I deserve. People keep telling me that it's not the end of he world -- and I know they're are right -- but it still means a lot to me: I spent three years of my life on this stuff, after all -- and now it's all been wasted. Just wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience and can offer any advice on how to deal with the disappoint -- not just the disappointment I'm feeling, but the disappointment my parents etc. are gonna feel when they find out that I've completely stuffed up all my exams.

Best,

Dave_81

My first semester of college, I was in such a zombie state that I totally screwed it up. I got two D's and two withdrawals, which probably would've been failures if I hadn't withdrawn. One of those was a core course in my major. I imagine I had similar problems in my last year or so of high school, but I don't remember that time in my life. Then again, I only vaguely remember the start of college. What I did to get over it was I took a semester off, which gave me 9 months to rest. When I went back, not only did I do well in all my other classes, but I also eventually retook those early classes and did well in them, too. I don't recall exactly what changed during that time, but my guess is my meds were decreased so that they were at a level where I could function at least somewhat normally (memory erasing drugs don't go well with school). A lot of people take some time off and then go back when they're really ready. It's not the ideal scenario, but it may work.

I recently had a similar experience again. I can get a degree in my original major still with a couple more classes (and may eventually), but I decided to go on a new path with a new major since I've since lost interest in my original major, so I took an intro to nutrition course. One week I asked my teacher point blank whether we had anything due, and she told me to just read the chapters. Then I show up and find out she expected me to hand in an assignment as well. I'd already taken the course and gotten an A-, so with that missed assignment, I pretty much was guaranteed less than my original grade. But I wanted a refresher, so I stuck around. For an introductory class, she certainly made it difficult. We had to speak in front of the class every single week... it was worse than the communications course I somehow fumbled through. This is not good for someone who's not good in social situations. Worse yet, she was apparently illiterate and couldn't figure out that the sign on the door meant the air conditioning would be ineffective if the door was left open. The heat is not good for someone with a severe blushing/flushing problem. To top it off she then had us getting into groups regularly, which brought me straight back to my high school days where I had to scramble to get into a group because nobody really wanted to pick me. Between all this, I ended up dropping the course. She gave me an F anyway. It's been a couple years... still haven't been able to find enough interest to go back.

Just be worry free! Don't take anything for granted. Can you try to hide your parents about your school stuffs? For me, i don't prefer to share with anyone about my personal stuffs. Maybe because i'm already independent. It depends on your status. If you r dependable on your parents, your parents expect to know everything you do.
Let me give you a tip of taking the exam. When you r taking it, just be worry free; think of you just do your best .... If you don't pass it this time, you just gotta take it again ... not a problem.
Sometimes, people put too much pressure on themselves when they do things that's why they cannot finish it.
Keep in mind that you just do your best ...regardless of the outcomes.
Life is short, so we have to enjoy it! Donot let anything ruins it.
Be brave friend!

AMRIGHT

I know how you feel. :( I mussed up a midterm and a final paper because I could barely work and kept wanting to go back to sleep, or find something to do that would make me feel better and not stressed... but it didn't work, and as a result I haven't been doing very well in my classes this year, and I am a junior and still have a year left of this stuff. meh. But I dont understand how messing up the finals this one time could ruin the whole time you spent in school? The worst that could happen is you have to take a couple classes over in summer school or next year or something. I am sure it's not the end of the world. You've probably done well before, neh, you just need to get back on track.
good luck,
I hope you get everything worked out.

I know how you feel. :( I mussed up a midterm and a final paper because I could barely work and kept wanting to go back to sleep, or find something to do that would make me feel better and not stressed... but it didn't work, and as a result I haven't been doing very well in my classes this year, and I am a junior and still have a year left of this stuff. meh. But I dont understand how messing up the finals this one time could ruin the whole time you spent in school? The worst that could happen is you have to take a couple classes over in summer school or next year or something. I am sure it's not the end of the world. You've probably done well before, neh, you just need to get back on track.
good luck,
I hope you get everything worked out.

Thanks for the reply.

I live in England and it seems that university's a bit different over here (or at least my course is). Only my grades in the final year actually count -- and that's what I've completely stuffed up. So it can ruin all the time I've spent at university!! That's the problem. I suppose I could retake the whole year -- but that'll cost a lot.

I know how you feel. I just recently had finals (in the US) and even though I studied I just couldn't retain any of it and couldn't get my mind organized. And then, during the exams I was just so spacey and was looking at stuff I'd gone over a million times but it was as though I'd never seen it before.

Are you going on another University or to study more or are you done now?

The worst that could happen is you have to take a couple classes over in summer school or next year or something. I am sure it's not the end of the world. You've probably done well before, neh, you just need to get back on track.
good luck,
I hope you get everything worked out.

Actually, its different in the UK than it is here in the US. In England, its more like the Barr (sp?) exam or something like that where you're tested on everything and you don't have accumulating grades that averages out your performance.

To original poster - were you doing your A/O levels?

Actually, its different in the UK than it is here in the US. In England, its more like the Barr (sp?) exam or something like that where you're tested on everything and you don't have accumulating grades that averages out your performance.

To original poster - were you doing your A/O levels?

Thanks for the replies.

Your right -- we don't have accumulating grades...it's all or nothing in the final year!!...I wasn't doing either O levels or A levels; I was doing a degree -- in philosophy. I was hoping to do further study (a Masters in continental philosophy), but don't think I'll be able to do that now cause I stuffed up these exams (I needed really good grades to do a Masters) -- because of the depression.

I can really empathise with what you said about feeling spacey in the exam hall. During my exams, I was on the verge of a panic attack -- thought I was gonna past out!!! Simply couldn't concentrate at all. Nightmare!!

How'd yours go?

Hi Dave,
It's funny that you posted this thread because I was just going to post something almost exactly like this. I recently "graduated" from college...meaning I walked with the whole cap and gown, got my envelope, but it was empty because I haven't finished my degree yet. I had a really rough semester; my depression came back full force and made it difficult for me to want to get out of bed or do much of anything, including eat or shower. My motivation was practically nonexistent, and my mom called me literally 5 times a day yelling at my to "get my act together and pull myself out of this"; things that are easier said than done. Well, needless to say, despite all my last minute efforts to talk to professors and make up work, I failed two classes. I have to take two courses over the summer at a local community college to make up the credit, and they have to be courses approved by my college. To make matters worse, I don't have my drivers license because I'm terrified of getting behind the wheel of a car, and no one in my family is willing to drive me anywhere so I am stuck. My family knows that I didn't graduate and my younger brother (the prodigy genius of the family) is disappointed in me and I just feel like a total failure. My mom hasn't been a help because she never went to college and doesn't understand how this could have happened....she has also never experienced depression before either. I just don't know what to do anymore, I feel like I have hit rock bottom and my life couldn't get any worse. I feel like my life has no positive outlook for the future and I'm destined to be a failure loser for the rest of my life, and sometimes I wonder why I don't just end my life right now. Sometimes I feel like cutting or doing something to hurt myself because I'm so upset at myself. I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm sorry I hijacked your thread, but I can totally relate to you. I know what it's like and I guess I'm just in the same boat as you. I probably haven't helped you at all, and I've just ranted pointlessly and I'm sorry. Maybe when I'm in a better mood I can be more helpful and offer some support, but I guess I am also looking for some myself since my family isn't being supportive of me. Hang in there the best you can, keep in touch. I'm sure I'll be back to check on this thread and to see how you're doing.
All my best,
Mermaid

I'd suggest stopp answering when your mother calls if she's constantly harassing you and making you feel worse.

Hi Dave,
It's funny that you posted this thread because I was just going to post something almost exactly like this. I recently "graduated" from college...meaning I walked with the whole cap and gown, got my envelope, but it was empty because I haven't finished my degree yet. I had a really rough semester; my depression came back full force and made it difficult for me to want to get out of bed or do much of anything, including eat or shower. My motivation was practically nonexistent, and my mom called me literally 5 times a day yelling at my to "get my act together and pull myself out of this"; things that are easier said than done. Well, needless to say, despite all my last minute efforts to talk to professors and make up work, I failed two classes. I have to take two courses over the summer at a local community college to make up the credit, and they have to be courses approved by my college. To make matters worse, I don't have my drivers license because I'm terrified of getting behind the wheel of a car, and no one in my family is willing to drive me anywhere so I am stuck. My family knows that I didn't graduate and my younger brother (the prodigy genius of the family) is disappointed in me and I just feel like a total failure. My mom hasn't been a help because she never went to college and doesn't understand how this could have happened....she has also never experienced depression before either. I just don't know what to do anymore, I feel like I have hit rock bottom and my life couldn't get any worse. I feel like my life has no positive outlook for the future and I'm destined to be a failure loser for the rest of my life, and sometimes I wonder why I don't just end my life right now. Sometimes I feel like cutting or doing something to hurt myself because I'm so upset at myself. I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm sorry I hijacked your thread, but I can totally relate to you. I know what it's like and I guess I'm just in the same boat as you. I probably haven't helped you at all, and I've just ranted pointlessly and I'm sorry. Maybe when I'm in a better mood I can be more helpful and offer some support, but I guess I am also looking for some myself since my family isn't being supportive of me. Hang in there the best you can, keep in touch. I'm sure I'll be back to check on this thread and to see how you're doing.
All my best,
Mermaid

Hey Mermaid,

Don't worry, you haven't hijacked my post; these boards are for everyone -- and it's good to hear from someone who knows just how I'm feeling.

I'm sorry that things didn't go too well for you either. My depression etc. also robbed me of my motivation. When I did pick up a book, nothing seemed to sink in -- depression ruins my memory and concentration. A few months before my finals were due to start, I did manage to get my act together a little bit; but by then it was too late -- I'd missed so much I couldn't really catch up. I've applied for mitigating circumstances (my doctor wrote a message saying that I've been suffering from a depressive illness), so hopefully my Professors will take pity -- but I doubt it.

I can really relate to what you said about your mum not understanding how you could've messed up because of your depression. I haven't even told my parents about my depression etc. because I know they wouldn't understand; they'd probably just say something crassly insensitive like, 'Oh, what have you got to be depresed about?', and thionk that I was just making up excuses. I also feel like I've hit rock bottom. I'm sure I've failed; I just didn't have a clue on a couple of my papers. I feel as though I've spent 3 years at university for nothing. I've never self-harmed before but recently I've been thinking about it. Not good, methinks. I can also identify with what you said about the genius of the family, your brother. One of my sisters left university a few years ago with really good grades; my younger sister is currently doing well at university -- and I've just completely messed up. Worse still, my parents expected me to do even better than my sister. So they're gonna be doubly pissed off/disappointed when they find out how badly I've done. Although I think the worst bit is having to tell my friends; they're also expecting me to do really well. Worse, I think that a couple of them are secretly gonna be pleased because they will have done better than me. I think my self-esteem/image must have been dependent upon my getting good grades, because I just feel so wretched -- like such a loser -- now. It's a really terrible feeling. I just feel like moving away so I don't have to face up to everyone and explain why I f****d up.

I wish I could offer you some support. People keep telling me that it's not the end of the world; that they we're only exams, etc. That sort of trite stuff just doesn't help at all. It does feel like the end of the world -- the end of my world, at least. I spent 3 years at university for nothing, for God's sake. All I can really say is: 'hang in there; hopefully things will start to improve at least a little bit soon; just do the best you can'. I think you've got to allow yourself to be very upset and depressed over things as serious as messing up exams/university; it's no good pretending that this sort of stuff doesn't matter -- it does. But just try not to beat yourself up too much. Which is easier said than done, I know -- I've been beating myself up for the past three weeks.

Anyway, thanks for the reply. It really helps to know that there are others out there who are dealing with this sort of stuff.

Best,

Dave_81

P.S. What were you studying?

You should try to exercise/work out frequently. That could calm yourself down.
Some surveys show that exercises give people the confidence.
Take care,

Amright

You should try to exercise/work out frequently. That could calm yourself down.
Some surveys show that exercises give people the confidence.
Take care,

Amright

Your right, exercise does help. Whenever I can bring myself to go running, I do feel better -- calmer and more relaxed. But I think I just feel too crappy at the moment to even exercise. Suppose I should force myself to, since it does help...

Thanks for the reply.

Best,

Dave_81

Hi Dave,
Sorry it took me so long to reply. My mom has been yelling at me about keeping the computer on all the time, so I have to cut down. One of the many downsides to living at home after finishing college. I do have some good news though, at least for the time being.
I emailed my school to see if they would approve the two courses I picked out at a local community college, and they approved them! So there's hope for me yet! Now I just have to find out how much the courses cost, and then register for them. And then I have to find a way to get there. But that's another story.
In terms of finding a "real job", my dad had one of his coworkers and his wife over for lunch today to talk about new business opportunities. Little did I know that I would be a part of their conversations. The wife, Nicole, was an English major at her college, just like me. She originally had intentions of going into teaching, but changed her mind her junior year, just like me. So instead of venturing into the world of education, she is in banking. She's the assistant VP of the branch of her bank, and she might even inquire to see if there is a position or something for me. Even if not, it has opened my eyes to different routes I can take with my English degree. There's hope for me yet! Oh wait, I already said that, oh well.
I guess even with my depression I try to keep at least a little bit of optimism for the future. It gives me a sense of meaning, that my life is actually worth a little bit of something and that I shouldn't kill myself just yet.
Ok, didn't mean to write so much again. Thanks for caring about me and offering your support; you know you have mine. Keep me updated from time to time!
All my best,
Mermaid

ps my username, I can't avoid my mother's calls anymore because now I'm living at home for good. I get her in person, which is even worse! But thanks for the advice anyway!