Hi. I'm new here and was wondering if anyone could help me.

I'm a life-long depressive (bi-polar, depression dominant) who was recently divorced after having had an extramarital affair. The affair and the marriage ended at the same time and left me feeling utterly lost and worthless. I realized that I'd borrowed my self-esteem from these men and without them I had none.

Now, I've met a new person and am suddenly aware of how dependent I am on external validation. Two weeks ago I didn't know this man existed. We fell into a... I don't know what you could call it... intense friendship around common issues with "benefits"? I became suddenly happy, healed. I wanted to spend as much time together as possible, to continue feeding on that good self-feeling.

Now, predictably (as I came on too strong, among other situational issues), this man is pulling away and my entire being is disturbed and distracted because I feel, once again, lost and worthless.

I know, intellectually, how ridiculous this sounds. Nevertheless, that's where I am emotionally. I feel pathetic. Really, horribly pathetic.

Does anyone else struggle with this type of thing, and what helps?

Thanks for your time!

hey looloo, your post really interested me, i'm only 15 but from all my experiences, i feel i cling to people who i have had feelings for much too quickly, and than when they pull away, even in ways that don't mean anything (like not on purpose, just small stupid things) i feel unloved or useless. i think my depression is from a chemical unbalance as it just seemed to grow coming from nowhere, and like youve said yours has been long term. in my opinion, i think our minds are just taking things the wrong way. we become a little too dependant on those happy feelings we get with these people its the only place we want to be, and we forget about everything else. i'm sorry i don't have much advice, but i wanted to get my two cents in that i can kinda relate. i try to not think about the times when ppl are 'pulling away' and enjoy the good times and try my hardest to keep them :)

I get this completely. Two years ago I was on major downer,started working for my current boss and 'fed off him' to get the confidence I've been lacking all my life. There wasn't a proper 'relationship' there - more a close friendship but because he believed in me I did too. Unfortunately I recently had my belief in him knocked (I found out he's been seeing someone - not me - behind his wife's back) at the same time as having a relationship with my boss from my part time job who was also married with a kid (which ultimately ended at his hands not mine). I've realised putting all my eggs in someone elses basket is not a good idea but don't now know how to learn to like myself.

I have a similar problem. Guys in my life are a distraction for me - whereby I stop thinking about practical things like what I'm going to do with my life, saving for retirement. I start living in the moment.

Anyone, I eventually end up feeling like the guys are somehow preventing me from doing something I should have done and I end up resenting them for the time I've lost.