Hi everyone,
I post here sometimes, and on the ocd, anxiety and infertility boards. And I read this board all the time. Today I had a "breakthrough" therapy session - it is becoming more and more clear to me that my husband has been quietly dictating everything about our lives, including living across the country from my family, whom I miss terribly. And the more he controls, the more I feel the need to control what I eat - everything lowfat, no sweets, I eat all the same things, in the same order, with the same utensils, at the same time of day. I get very upset when this order is disrupted.

There was a post earlier today (it has been deleted, I think) where someone was advertising a seminar. In it, she said that they will explore "what your soul is telling you". That line made me think about my need to control. When I am feeling like my husband is in control of my life and I feel the intense need to control my eating, I try to say to myself "What is going on in your head right now, what is wrong, what is this telling you?" and it has helped me see that I'm trying so hard to take back some control in what I feel is an out-of-control life.

Thanks for letting me vent, I guess you could call it, and organize my thoughts.

i think that's how a lot of eating disorders start. Most people who develop eating disorders have all the things "needed" to develop it, and then something sets off the trigger. For you, it's probably your husband trying to control everything and you feeling out of control. And so you turn to food because you know you can control it. But in reality, the eating disorder is/will be the one in control, not you. I would definitely try to talk to someone before this becomes a full blown problem.