Been to the docs today,had a through checkover with him,explained everything to him and he checked me over for everything,examined me head to toe.He said he would be very surprised if there was a serious problem given my negative result,and what i have been feeling,and he is sending me for blood tests for everything else, just to reassure me :) He however says that he thinks i have just gotten a virus that is doing the rounds that has knocked me sideways and i am just suffering from post viral fatigue syndrome,coupled with my anxiety.Although he also said that their is a possibility of mono,given that someone i kissed a a couple of months back has contracted it.I will retake the test when the time comes but im feeling good :) I think im gonna be ok?Although,i got a bad sinus infection today,dont think i have had them before :( Read a page once that said this was also a symptom :( I was happy for a minute then :(

Jon please stay off the internet .
You're mind will either relate to what you read ( WHICH IT IS ALREADY DOING ) or creat the symtoms itself ................:nono:

i agree with lost spirit you should stop reading as your creating placebo symptoms.

Repeat your doc's words over and over, and for a few days, try to ignore your body unless it screams
-Sarah

Yeah I AGREE. STAY AWAY FROM THE INTERNET. Just get tested, and STOP THIS CRAZINESS. You're are making things worse for yourself than they should be. ENOUGH

joyb, I think MrJon is waiting out his window period...which I know can be mind boggeling painful and nervewracking.

Its ok,Im sorry to write stuff like that down.Just trying to fight my way to feeling better,and i cant seem to do so.Im tired and still scared is all.

Its ok,Im sorry to write stuff like that down.Just trying to fight my way to feeling better,and i cant seem to do so.Im tired and still scared is all.

Just stop looking up symptoms is all. That stuff doesn't help you at all. :nono:

I will stop,i know it is.My body has just been through a rough patch is all,and im just scared.My doctor is right im sure.He has to be.Thanks for keeping in contact with me,even though im sure im a little testing.Just trying to occupy myself with things that keep me happy,my ex has been round a few times,work is going ok,went to see star wars as well.Trying my best.Trying my best.

I will stop,i know it is.My body has just been through a rough patch is all,and im just scared.My doctor is right im sure.He has to be.Thanks for keeping in contact with me,even though im sure im a little testing.Just trying to occupy myself with things that keep me happy,my ex has been round a few times,work is going ok,went to see star wars as well.Trying my best.Trying my best.

Way to go, MJ! :) Keep your mind off of all this upsetting stuff. Did you enjoy the movie? You should do more of that, I think... Well, don't let me spend your money or anything. :jester: But, dining out, movies, reading, playing with pets, being with friends - all good things. :p

dear MJ: Please listen to us, listen to Lost Spirit, PanaSONIQUE, and Spectacular. A few years ago a book was published written by John-Roger and Peter McWilliams called YOU CAN'T AFFORD THE LUXURY OF A NEGATIVE THOUGHT. You really ought to locate the book and read it as you would your Bible (if you are so inclined to read your Bible). Also, book by Jon Kabot-Zinn. The fact is that the internet makes us feel powerful because we can access so much "wordly" information. However, unless you want information on the Greek City-States, Copernicus, or Chopin stay away from the internet if you are trying to self-diagnose your situation. It's like so much gossip - unless you have someone there who is knowledgeable, or an expert in the field, then it will simply drive you crazy. I would rather you bring your issues here, to this post, than try to find a solution on the internet.
I am really glad you have gone to the doctor. However, I am desperately concerned that, no matter what news the doctor gives you, you will turn into a negative. Really, only you can control what goes on in your head. It may be time to turn it over to God, take Tai Chi, learn Yoga, walk on the beach, or eat two gallons of chocolate ice cream Whatever, it takes, you really need to find it and do it.
Remember, we all continue to be there for you. You give us great opportunities to see ourselves in the mirror that is you. Hang in there and trust.....chris

Hey Chris,thanks for your post.I am trying to do what you have suggested by throwing myself into my guitar and trying to further my understanding of it, along with the rest of my music, and it is helping me to relax.I am doing my best for everybody,and I really do take comfort in knowing you guys are there for me.All of you are real inspirations,and as far as eating a couple of gallons of chocolate is concerned,I think i might take your prescription tommorow when i wake up :) Please keeep posting, because you guys are really helping me hold it together. You really are amazing to take the time out to help me and others through our problems,Chris,lost spirit,panasonique and spectacular, and I for one find comfort in speaking to you.So thank you.So much.

Please keep posting :wave:

You've made it this far :) so don't let the stress tear you any more if you need to go online come here :angel: we will help you and once again I have to say ( THE OTHER SITES WILL ONLY SCARE THE ABSOLUTE LIVING HELL OUT OF YOU ) and that goes to any 1 else that reads this .
It is truly amazing how the mind works.........
( IT IS MUCH EASIER TO EXPECT THE WORSE THAN HOPE FOR THE BEST ) and the internet only fules our parranoid fire .
So many people have read you're thread already all over the world and I'm sure there all praying for you and every 1 else in this forum positive and negative alike .
So hang in there and don't give up ok :D
And most of all ...........THINK NEGATIVE ........
............... Lost Spirit ................

Oh,just seen your post spectacular, thanks, im trying my best to stay occupied, really trying hard. This is the hardest thing i have ever had to deal with, and that is saying a lot, believe me. Seem to roll on from one crisis to the next. Ho hum. And yes I enjoyed Star Wars,it was fantastic and helped me forget about my worries for a couple of hours. My mind is in conflict with itself, with one side saying im gonna be neg based on what i have been told, and the other is telling me the opposite based on what I think I know.Im trying hard guys :)

Well you seem to be doing alot better then you have been, which is most definetley a step in the right direction. Just keep a clear head
And remember, "worrying is like a rocking chair, youre moving, but it doesn't get you anywhere"
Take care
-Sarah

Im doing my best guys,thankyou :) Went hospital yesterday for some blood tests,five vials they took from me :) Was quite nice after a couple of vials,nice and light headed.Like I said,the doctor said that he does not think anything is wrong at all,and he would be very shocked,but by doing this they can rule everything out.Feeling hopeful today,want to move on with everything.Keep posting :D

That's great jon :D see you're a lot stronger than you thought ;)
What did you get tested for ?

Thanks spirit :) Im trying my hardest,hoping i will be ok.The only thing in the back of my mind was the aches i had all over my body were very severe, that keeps frightening me the most. I spent today with my ex, we have decided to see how it goes with us so that has made me feel elated :) But i worry in the back of my mind that I may not get the result i want.Only a month and a half to go before window is over.I can only hope.
As for tests, i had a full blood check, glandular fever (mono) screen,um,rhuematoid something done, i cant remember the rest.A lot of things were checked on the list. Soon find out I guess,ten days before all that comes back.Anemia was mentioned i think.I dunno,this is getting a bit much.Like i said the doc said not to worry as he would VERY shocked if their was a major problem.

Im hanging in there,please keep posting.

MR JON!
Listen. I went through a similar experience as im sure I told you. Just a word of warning. If your tests all come back normal, it might be a little scary at first. When I was in your boat, and all my bloodwork came back normal, I freaked. I almost wanted something to be wrong, like my thyroid or anemia (i know that sounds awful)just so I knew it wasn't HIV causing my symptoms. So if by chance your tests come back all normal,which they probably will, please don't let it bring you down!! I don't know if you're similar to me (ie hoping something minor is wrong to omit the thought of HIV), but if you are, I hope this helps. Anyway, i'll talk to you later
byebye
-Sarah

Hello Sarah :)

You are right, im hoping something does come back abnormal, and im banking on the mono screen :) Its exactly how you described it,i want something to omit the thought of it being the alternative, as it were. I would just have a slightly difficult time of accepting the doc just saying it was a virus knocking me sideways.But I am trying to be strong and i will accept it becuase i have too. I think the stress is getting to me you know,my typing for weeks,both here and at college has begun to border on dyslexic! Im not kidding,im going over all my writing and having to rewrite it all,not saying its in any way connected to my health or anything,just wierd :)

Keep posting guys. I could do with the good vibes.

Been doing a lot of thinking for the last day or so,i suspose you call it being reflective. I have so much that I want to write down but none of it has any meaning,because its all just speculation.Without getting the test and results im just guessing.Just feeling a scared today.My ex and me are getting on fso wonderfully yet I cant help but think that its all for nothing.Sorry to be so downbeat today guys.

Hey guys,just thought i would say hi.I have been so irritable the past few days,biting everybodies heads off,except my ex.Had a good day today,not worrying really as i spent the day shopping with my ex.However,just cant get the notion out of my head its all for nothing.Im sorry,i have managed to stay away from the net like you all recommended,but i cant stop remembering how i have been feeling.Just wanna cry and give up.

Nows not a good time to give up, because everyday you get through,another gets knocked down. Stay strong
-Sarah

Im trying,I really am,but Im just struggling with the timing of all this and how much my body ached,how my throat hurt and the ulcers.However,it did it again yesterday,all over aches and sore throat,six weeks on.Im trying just to forget about everything else and just wait it out till the window ends,but it is so hard to switch of my mind.I dread going to sleep because i dread the mornings,they are the worse.I want to be able to be with my girlfriend,thats all that matters to me.The reality of this is hitting me hard.I feel so helpless.

When does your window period end?

umm,bout five or six weeks left yet i think.

I have been thinking about it all day today guys,I cant help it.I know im gonna test positive,and i still have a month and a half to go.The reality has set in and all my reasoning about how low risk it was and the fact that I have had one negative result does not matter,and what makes it worse is i was trying to be careful by not having sex.I dont deserve to have any luck at all,so why should i be lucky in the slightest.I just wanna scream.I cant take this.I have got such a bad cough.

How I have got it is now irrelevant,I have to deal with it now.

It just doesnt seem that it could be anything else.Im sorry guys,i just want my window to be over and i have noone else to talk too.

How could I have been so stupid to even engage in any sexual encounter days before my test,even when i was trying to be safe and it was low risk!?!?!I deserve everything I get.

The where's,why's,hows and risks are irrelevant,I just cant escape this.If it was all stress making me feel that way then why am i not feeling it now.I have read no other posts on people suffering the all over aches and mouth ulcers.I am falling apart!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have red dots appearing on me,a large one on ny throat, and a cough that wont go away and hurts!!!!!!!!!!!

I am so angry and upset!!!!!!I hate myself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Guys?Im so scared,im losing and i cant stop crying,help me

I'm sorry, but i've really run dry on wisdom to give you. It's up to you to take control of the situation for now. I know that sounds very harsh, but I honestly don't knwo what to say...
You have to look inside yourself now. We can give you words, but we cannot be responsible for how you feel. Thats up to you
Best of Luck, God Bless
-Sarah

[QUOTE=MrJon]I have read no other posts on people suffering the all over aches and mouth ulcers.I am falling apart!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have red dots appearing on me,a large one on my throat, and a cough that wont go away and hurts!!!!!!!!!!!

MrJon, You have not read my thread when you state you read no other posts on suffering from aches and mouth ulcers (Those are my mild symptoms). I have had and still have so many other symptoms it is crazy! I have to keep faith in my testing. I am past my window and have tested excessively. See "Confused" thread for all my symptoms and testing. I had a dream that the clinic finally told me I was poz just to get rid of me. Your own logic and believing you are HIV positive does not change medical science. Stop torturing yourself and get tested. You might consider a DNA PCR test if you cannot wait your window out. I know it is hard. I think of it all the time. I constantly fighting when my mind gets going with "what ifs).

I am so scared though,im trying my best i really am but its consuming me,i want to wait the window out so then i know its conclusive.The aches have gone now,its just the all consuming worry.Its just set in the past week or so that odds and statistics are irrelevant now..

Im sorry Sarah,its too much for me x

I just want my window to end.I wanna know now.Somebody saw me and my ex/girlfriend today and said that it was obvious we were meant to be.I so hope she is right.

Well what can you do? Whats giving up going to do while you're waiting. Once again, you have to look into yourself. And I knwo it's hard, so don't be sporry at all, i'm just giving you the reality of your situation. There's only so much others can do.
I'll be praying
-Sarah

I know,I know.I just am staring at the depths of my soul,and the reality has set in. I just cant belive that i have done this to myself,i was trying to be careful by not having sex with the girl i was seeing,and it seems i have doomed myself anyway.I want a happy ending but i just feel its not going to happen,im sorry Sarah,i just have no one here i cant talk too about it and its eating me up x

But the reality is, your exposure was low risk and you've tested negative thus far. The reality of the situation is that your doctor assured you that he/she would be suprised if you tested positive. The reality is that you don't derserve to feel like this, and you shouldn't be beating yourself up. That's the reality that should set in. Why have you been feeling like this latley? I thought you were feeling better about things? Has something happened, or are you just experiencing a "going down" on the roller coaster?

I know I know, its just the fact that i was developing symptoms even after i stopped worrying about it so much,i can maybe write the ulcers off as stress but i have got these tiny red dots appearing on my body,which somebody said was a sign of a low platelet count(???),i cant shake that thought.Its just having my gf in the palm of my grasp and knowing that something is stopping me, and i dont wanna risk her health either.I am about to fail my college course it seems because of this,although im tryingto get it done,and my job as a teacher is suffering. Its like a nightmare,

Went to get tested for peace of mind,no need to worry about any exposure.
Tried to be safe by not having penatrative sex the weekend before my test, natural worries started to develop because of what i was being tested for and symptoms started to occur,didnt think anything about the oral exposure when i collected my results, felt great, still feeling symptomatic,then i realised about the oral exposure,panic set in. Then my ex shows up talking about us and i may have ruined it all, even in my effort to play it safe.Should be feeling elation but all i feel is dispair.How unlucky can one person be?I hate myself for it,i may have been ok up until the weekend before my test and i have to put myself through the same nightmare again!

Its the timing of the symptoms and there sudden disappearance.Other people who have posted with them and tested negative had experianced them for a much longer time after exposure,and they cam up negative.

I have so much standing in front of me, me girlfriend,university and a good job, the summer of my life and i cant think about anything else but this.

What scares me is the physical symptoms have subsided,all im left with is the ulcers and dots. Seven weeks now :(

Want closure Sarah,and I am struggling to wait it out.

Please keep posting...x

Don't you really get tired of this? I have had a chance to review all of your posts here and, I have to tell, you that you keep responding to everybody's encouragement with the fact taht "you can't go on", that you "deserve this," that you're "struggling."

This issue goes beyond anything I can do for you. You seriously need to look into counseling assistance, if for no other reason than that it is obvious we are not able to give you the support and love that you need. Please do something for yourself. chris

Im sorry.Your right,it is not the place,and im sorry.I will stop.

Im just scared Chris.I have no other outlet for any of this.

Other people who have posted with them and tested negative had experianced them for a much longer time after exposure,and they cam up negative.

First of all, you can never judge anything that's happening to you by these healthboards. The number of people who come on here seeking support is miniscule in comparision to the number of people who want to seek help, the number of people who are living with HIV, and the number of people who just don't care. For you to base your symptoms on the patterns of people's worries and symptoms is MORE UNHELATHY then the virus itself.
Speaking of comparisons, if i were to base my life upon what happpened to everyone else, i'd be one miserable girl...
And you, my friend, are one miserable guy right now. :nono: Look what you're putting yourself through!
You have to help yourself. I don't know how many people have tried to tell you that Oral sex is considered a low risk activity,go to the CDC website! You either have to listen to what we're saying, or keep torturing yourself. it's as simple as that. You're getting tested, so you can either ,make the best of this time, or beat yourself up...but it's not going to change your test result/. YOu decide

Your exactly right,and today I have been in a much much better mood,the best i have been actually.I am gonna do my best to enjoy whats left of my window,I really am.Still scared but like you said,nothing i can do about it now.Isn't hindsight a wonderful thing.Sorry for everything x

Your exactly right,and today I have been in a much much better mood,the best i have been actually.I am gonna do my best to enjoy whats left of my window,I really am.Still scared but like you said,nothing i can do about it now.Isn't hindsight a wonderful thing.Sorry for everything x

Good! Now enjoy your day, Jon.

I will try,I have pretty much reserved myself for the worst,nothing i can do now.Ah well.

Although i have let go of all the stress that was destroying me,and i do feel ok.Maybe thats why?

I thought I would write this down, as I have been doing some thinking today. I dont know what it is, but I have been calmer than i have been today for two months. I haven been back to my normal self and Im not sure why.I managed to get my college course completed today and that was a huge weight off my shoulders, but it feels like more than that.I have felt so ill and rough for a little over seven weeks now, that this feeling of being alright seems almost foreign. Been very reflective today, but in a calm way. Im through stressing out about it and im going to wait out the next five weeks as best as I can. Chris, you made me think, as did sarah, with your posts regarding the way I have been acting and posting, and I think that more than anything it was your comments that snapped me out of my hysteria. Whats done is done and Its time to take control of my destiny, and when my window closes I will test and see what the outcome is.A scary prospect but one which i do not need to dwell on right now.I am surprised at my new found attitude but I feel really good. The thought is still in my mind but it seems to have taken a back seat. Thanks guys.

Any comments would be appreciated.

Please don't think that all of us haven't been where you are. There were times before I found out that I was positive that the anxiety I felt (being, as I've said a hypochondriac) was the overriding force in my life. I sometimes wish that we could have someone put us in a drug-induced coma until we find out the answers we want to hear. And, on the day that I went to the doctor to learn my results, I new I was positive by the way the office staff acted and when the nurse told me, "We're going to lunch and Dr. _______ will see you in a moment." I paced up and down the office like a caged cake and then, when I found out I was positive, I cried. That was eleven yrs ago and, as I repeatedly say, "Life is good. I take my meds and live my life."

You are not behaving the way any of haven't. So, I want you to continue to care for yourself, do what is safe and productive, breathe, find your center, go to the beach, eat ice cream, and find a really, really good friend. chris

I think it's the only thing you can do in a time like this(not dwell). I went through 6 months of wondering before I even decided to get tested. Some days it would keep me up at night, some days I would be crying hysterically, and some days it would drive my boyfriend to craziness because I was so scared. I moved back home from college, dropped a few courses, and gave up some ambitions that I had, and I can never get that back. I stopped spending money and started saving for my meds, and I started doing some really awful things. And then i realized that I couldn't live like that. One day, I decided to make an appointment to get tested, and I had to wait a month to get in. However, during that month of waiting,I was pretty calm about things. I was just so happy that I finally mustered up the courage to get tested. I found people on this board who helped me through it, my boyfriend was there every step of the way, and one of my very best friends went with me, to get tested. The next two weeks were hell. Some days I would convince myself the test was positive, because the symptoms I had couldn't be anything else but HIV..Others, I would be okay with everything, but in the end, it just came down to the fact that if i was still alive, regardless of my test result, everything would be okay.
I'm really glad that you've been inspired to do something besides waste your time with worry. As much as I wish I could get that time back, I kind of don't regret it. If it had never happened, I wouldn't be talking to you right now, and meeting such kind and amazing people.
What's the time left on your window period?

I also experienced every emotion as I waited for my results. Like Sarah, I had felt a weight lifted off when I decided I was going to get tested on Monday April 25, 2005. I felt confident and in control of my life. I felt like I could do anything and I KNEW I was going to be okay.

When I left that clinic after being tested I started to get scared because I KNEW I was defenitely going to come back and get my results. I knew that I would know in 2 weeks the reality of what I'd been worrying over for the past year. Each day (and I mean EACH DAY) of that 2 weeks brought a different emotion. Some days I was confident...some days I was scared...some days I was cold, calloused and uncaring...some days I was bitter and pissy and not a fun person to be around..some days I felt so very alone (even thought I most certainly wasn't alone).

So, MrJon, you're not going through something unique here - lots of us have been there. Your not alone in this. And, I really, truly do believe you are negative based on what you've said. Take good care of yourself, my friend.

You three really are an inspiration you know,I take comfort and knowledge from your words. This morning my girlfriend came round and woke me up and a couple of times I bit her head off unnessacarily.Didnt mean too, and I really was a jerk. I think It was Sarah who said that this was like a rollercoaster in an earlier post.Its strange,im so calm. None of the hysteria is there anymore and physically i feel ok. Im fed up of wondering and interpreting things, there is nothing more I can do other than wait. I got a new CD the other day, James Blunt-Back to Bedlam, and I have never had a cd that speaks more to me. The pain is at its worse when i see my girlfriend, because she is so wonderful, and I dont wanna jeapordise her health at all, or anybody elses. It is a very sad fact that it has taken something like this to educate me on the dangers of this infection. And I promise, regardless of results I am going to make sure that I help to educate others. I was attempting to be safe by engaging in a low risk activity (which I considered completely safe I have to say, such is the level of my naievity) and I should have not jeapordised my health in any fashion. This experience has changed my whole outlook on life. I hope its not too late.

Just bumped into an old friend, we went for a drive and I started to get very very nervous and stuff and my body just numbed up and ached, along with my neck getting all swollen.Exactly as before.She then informed me that she has been laid in bed all week not being able to move with a sore throat and swollen neck.Doctor diagnosed it as a viral infection.Starting to feel very very optomistic.Just thought I would share.

Oh,and I have little over a month left on my window period. Feeling very low today,I want to get it over with :( I have gambled with my life and that scares me you know, beacuse i feel i have lost when i have had more of a chance in life than most.And I may have squandered that chance.I was trying to be safe,but the road to hell is paved with good intentions I guess.Im still calm,just a bit upset today.Thanks for your continuing support x

Let me go through this again: #1) Everyone gambles with their life every single day. You get in the car and you gamble it won't explode. You step off the curb and you gamble that you won't get hit by a bus. You meet someone, fall in love, and you gamble that you won't have your heart broken. You meet someone, have a casual sexual liaison and you gamble you won't contract HIV. It's all a gamble. What you do with the information, how you handle the difficult times is what makes us into the people we are intended to be. Remember, when you get to heaven God won't ask you why you weren't more like Moses. He'll ask you why you weren't more like you!

2) The road to heaven and hell is paved by good intentions. Also, by broken promises, misread intentions, lies, cheating, love, passion, art, etc. etc. etc. Everyone is trying to be safe but, as I have said repeatedly (and what you are not getting) is that whatever the outcome is is the outcome you will have. How you handle it, what blesssings you do with it is entirely up to you.

You need to focus your energies on your courage and not your stupid fear! Remember Ryan White? Remember his courage? Read Paul Monette! This is the time to learn as much as you can about this disease. You need to learn about the varying courses of treatment available to you if you are positive. You need to become an expert in this disease. I once facilitated a support group for people with HEpatitis (no, I don't have hepatitis) and I was simply blown away by how much those people knew about their disease. Talk to people with Parkinson's and be amazed at how much you can learn about Parkinson's. AIDS/HIV isn't any different.

And, if you are negative, and don'tdo anything with all of your wasted energy, I swear to God I will find you and drag you kicking and screaming into a life of service! chris

MrJon--
I'm sorry to crash the party, but you're getting such great advice and support here--you are very very lucky to have these ppl on your side. Please take their advice and use your energy wisely. It is what it is--you can't change things, whatever they may be. Just play the hand you're dealt and
keep your life on track.They're all saying the same things--they know what they're talking about. Hang in there...I'm thinking of you and wishing for a good outcome.

For the rest of you guys-- Thanks for letting me in a minute---I just want you to know I've read your stories & altho I'm not in this specific situation, have learned A LOT here...about spirit, courage, and quality of life. I am translating it to my own situation...whether you know it or not, your advice to MrJon has helped me immensly.
Thank you all.

Cflas--I think you scared the hell out of me enough so that *I'M* going into a life of service!! I'm just kidding --about the scaring part--I actually LOL so hard...it made my night!! :D
Gina

Hey guys.I am trying my best here Chris,I really am.Im just angry with myself is all.Angry at my stupidity and lack of education,and it frightens me that others are uneducated and likely to make the same mistakes.I am scared and at the start of this journey,and for now everyday is a battle.You must understand that whatever outlook I try to adopt,its still in the back of my mind.But I am trying and you telling me off, in its own little way, is helping me.

Elf,thanks for your input and I swear that If I am negative I will too join you in that life of service. I hope I am able to x

I have just been doing some reading on how stress and anxiety can affect the immune system.Interesting and reassuring stuff.Well, a little anyway :) lol x

Hello all,went out and had a really good night out with my friends,had a few drinks and forgot about all my worries for a while,didnt even enter my head,although feeling a bit rough this morning :) One month left,holding on and trying my best still :)

Good evening: This is just an observation - I had a chance to review the posts that you wrote to "stevenr" in his post entitled "COnfused." There were four. Four very positive, very upbeat, very "hang-in-there-you'll-get-through-this" posts. I do realize that sometimes it is easier to "do as I say and not as I do" but I wasn't sure if you were aware as to how positive and supportive you are with others and but not with yourself. chris

Good evening: This is just an observation - I had a chance to review the posts that you wrote to "stevenr" in his post entitled "COnfused." There were four. Four very positive, very upbeat, very "hang-in-there-you'll-get-through-this" posts. I do realize that sometimes it is easier to "do as I say and not as I do" but I wasn't sure if you were aware as to how positive and supportive you are with others and but not with yourself. chris

:) Chris, I noticed the very same thing! :) I'm very proud of MrJon and the great support he's giving others.

One month to go, MrJon, hang in there... We're here for you. :wave:

Hey guys,I just feel that everybody who comes here needs support and I understand exactly how others are feeling, and the help you offer me is invaluable,so I thought I would repay that kindness to others. Im doing my best and becoming more upbeat by the day,please keep posting x

"repaying that kindness" is exactly what you need to be doing. I hope you understand and appreciate how much others need you at this time. It's great that you're able to be as supportive of others as you. It's all "loaves and fishes", isn't it? When there doesn't seem be enough to go around, there's always eneough to go around. chris

Thank you Chris,I have took the advice offered by you and the rest of the guys and just getting on with things now,I really am starting to believe that I may indeed be negative,and like you have all said,the answer will be in the testing,so symptoms and their presence/or lack of are irrelevant. I feel really good, and I am going to enjoy this next month to the utmost. I have surprised myself at my attitude. And you lot, Ladies and Gentleman, are without doubt my own, personal saviours, and because of this, I intend to travel the globe to hug each and every one of you :) Ah yes.

One month to go...keep posting x

I'll be here waiting, because I sure could use a hug!
-Sarah

Hello, I'm new to the board. Now, I've been reading some of the posts and I see that a lot of people are saying that the 6 month test is a guaranteed accurate result. How do U know? Are there any cases where a person can still test falsely after 6 months? Say, they test negative at the 6 month mark....there aren't any possibilities that those results could be faulty???

Hi howuknow,I think that, and correct me guys if im wrong, unless you are an IV drug user, or have a weakened immune system beacuse of an organ transplant for instance, then there can be some invalidility at the three month mark, but I think the six month mark is conclusive. Is there something worrying you? Start a new thread and everybody here will help :)

Me included :wave:

Just like everyone else here, I had an "encounter". back in Aug 04. Now, I thought that the guy used a condom the whole time, but I found out in Jan that he had taken it off for a little bit. He said that he didn't cum inside of me. He then said that he went and got tested, but who knows if that was a lie or not. He seemed like he didn't even want to use a condom in the first place, making me more suspicious that he maybe wanted to be vindictive and pass me something. I went and got tested in Jan (6 months later) and I tested negative. I just want to be sure....

I would say that your testing is accurate, and that you should walk away happy and healthy :) :bouncing:

Just like everyone else here, I had an "encounter". back in Aug 04. Now, I thought that the guy used a condom the whole time, but I found out in Jan that he had taken it off for a little bit. He said that he didn't cum inside of me. He then said that he went and got tested, but who knows if that was a lie or not. He seemed like he didn't even want to use a condom in the first place, making me more suspicious that he maybe wanted to be vindictive and pass me something. I went and got tested in Jan (6 months later) and I tested negative. I just want to be sure....

You are A-OK! :p A test at 6 months post exposure is conclusive.

Hey everybody,just wanted to say hi. Been up and down today. The hysteria is long gone and it seems that I am left with being pensive for now. I have been informed by several others that their opinion is that I am ok. Its strange really, I am not so sure myself but Im not getting upset anymore. Just seems that I am ready to find out now. I cant do nothing but wait for now, and I dont really know why I'm writing this, even as Im typing it.Hmmm.Im nearly there now.

Nearly there.

Aw man I want my window to end now,im getting anxious about it now, not that I wasnt before but im sorta sat here and surprised at the fact I dont want to surf the internet anymore looking for problems and symptoms and stuff. Im scared to find out but I want to know!

I know this rambling a bit but need to let it out!Sorry If its annoying,im staying level headed here but you all know what i'm feeling!

Twenty-six days remaining.Woah, thats the first time I have worked that out. Kinda scary, I have just beem thinking its a month or so yet or something, not actually thought about it in that kinda detail.

Keep posting!

Mr Jon, you only have 26 days remaiing??? And you already took your two month? Come on now! You need to stop worrying? With your little exposure I'm sure you're fine. My doc feels the need to test after 6 weeks after a unprotected experience. Have you gone to your doctor to ask him about what he thinks or are you believing what everyone says on here?

Hi, I had a test done on roughly two months ago that returned negative after 3 months, but the weekend previous to it I gave the same girl involved in the previous exposure oral sex,trying to be safe(!),and then I went symptom hunting and they developed,so I am gonna test again to put it to bed.Hopefully.

Hey everybody,Im off to the Glastonbury Festival tomorrow, so I wont perhaps be posting for a week or so I guess. Bet some of you are glad of that :) Im gonna use this week to relax and forget about it, and just have some fun and listen to some music in a big field in the sun.Just what I need I think. Times counting down now so I wanna have some fun before I have to deal with this. I am so calm and relaxed its unbelievable, I am a differnt person compared to what I was these past two months, and that is because of you guys. And I owe you my sanity and my wellbeing. And I am so grateful,regardless of results.

Nearly there x

Have fun MrJon...that's probably what you need the most right now! Don't worry, you'll be fine in the end!

And thank you for all your support thus far :)

Thanks for the kind words and advice, Im still hoping x

Hope everybody has a good week, stay healthy x

Have fun...what is the Glastonbury festival anyway?
-sarah

Its a music festival,years old, white stripes,coldplay are all headlining.Anyways i speak to you all when i return. Have a good week x

Oooh Coldplay..nicee..have lots of fun, and since it's a week, that'll be one week down!
_sarah

Coldplay...? Aren't they a break-off group from the THrogs? Nope, I'm thinkin' like the Eagles, huh?

I think thats before my time :cool: :angel:

Hello all :) I am back! That was a fantastic week (nearly). Really helped me relax and just let go of it all for a bit. It was in the back of my mind yeah but still, had a real good time. How is everybody else?Brian Wilson, of the beach boys, is my new god,he drew the biggest crowd i have ever seen and his music certainly is the most uplifting stuff known to man. Nearly at the window now, and now I am back I have realised that I have lived these past few weeks feeling ok by just saying to myself to worry when three months is up. Now its here, im feeling a bit scared again. Im still gonna test and fight this if i have too, but its a scary prospect. Hope you are all ok and i await to hear from you all.

Im still gonna test and fight this if i have too, but its a scary prospect.

I just want to tell you, MrJon, that I think you are so very brave. Getting tested is one of the scaries things EVER, IMO...but, you are determined to get tested (despite the tremendous fears you have).

So many choose to live with their heads in the sand, but you choose not to do that.

I heard on the radio today that it's "HIV Testing Day". Is this a national thing or is it just in my local area (Washington DC Metro)?

Thankyou for saying that, I dont feel so brave somedays but I am not gonna go down without a fight. Not anymore. Testing wont change my status, but it has the potential to save my life. I have learnt that now. And Its because of you guys. My friends.

Hi, Glad that you had a good time away. I am still haveing a hard time. I tested last week and was neg. I was happy until this weekend when I continued to have muscle pains and then had a soreness on the left side of my neck and my mom told me it was probably a glad or node! Now, I am freaking out that with it being only 30 days after my encounter when I was tested, althougth 2 nurses told me that because of me beign considered low risk the test would be a definate answer and that I wouldn't need to get tested again. By the way it is national hiv/aids testing day to day. I live in michigan and have been hearing the commercial for about a week now.

Hey :) Nice to hear from you and im pleased on your result! I would assume that your test would be correct, and a trained professional knows better than me, but I think that three months is considered the standard and if you want to put it to rest then you could retest then, and then it will be done with. When we are going through something like this we examine our bodies intensely and you may just have a touch of the flu or something,to paraphrase Chris, "Sometimes the flu is just the flu". I hope your feeling ok, be pleased with your negative result, and keep posting :)

As for me, Im nearly there and im a mixture of feelings right now, so I know how you feel. Im trying to hold it together and ignore my body but its frightening. But nothing I can do now but test. Doing my best though :)!

Hi, yes I was pleased with my result also. But the "what if's" will not stop running through my mind. Right now I feel like I can not move forward with my life until this is over. I sit at a desk all day at work and having more than enough time just to think!!! I have this weird feeling that I do have it. I wish the guy that I had slept with would get tested. How much longger before you can get tested??? I hope soon so that you get that Negative result and move on with your life....

Its difficult, the girl in my questionable exposure has said before that she would never bother with a health clinic unless she had too, and that scares me too, and she just said to me that im being stupid. But honestly him getting tested is not worth persuing. The what if's are wrecking my head too, and I have been not much good to anyone lately. I have got just under three weeks left to go, and im getting more scared as it approaches, but I have to do it.Whats worrying me to is I booked tickets to a couple of festivals, one that cost £90, and that is not until two weeks after my window ends. It sounds trivial, but I want to go and enjoy it with my friends, and not have to stand there knowing I have a battle to fight if i come back +ive. I think upon request you have to wait a few weeks to get tested on the NHS so I think its gonna work out that way anyway, and I wanna try to have one last time with my buddies. On the other hand a test could return negative and make that time with my friends even better. A conflict and a half I would say. Im trying to remain a optimistic outlook but part of me "knows".I want this nightmare over. I want to be ok and use what I have learned to help others too. Im nearly there, all i need is to hear the word negative. That would be better than anything I could possibly hear. Im going to test, because im not gonna allow this virus a headstart if i have it. No ******* way.

Im going to test, because im not gonna allow this virus a headstart if i have it. No ******* way.

Way to go, MrJon!!! You should be an ispiration to others. :D

I have so many things to say, and none of the energy to do so, because reflection and wonder and regret are not going to help anything. Its getting close now, and Im frightened. But nobody else needs to hear me spouting hysterics. All I have is hope now, and thats all I can have in this particular context. Im ready to believe I guess. So here's hoping.

Mr Jon: Remind us...what is the actual day you find out The reason I ask is because I want to be outside and watch your rainbow! chris

Hey Chris, my window ends on the 16th of July. Then I have to get a test, and two weeks for the results. A rainbow huh?That would be really nice...if I walk out with a negative result then It will be the prettiest sight i will ever see. It's strange isn't it, how appreciative we suddenly become when faced with this situation. But if that rainbow is there, I will think of you. Heres' to your continuing good health Chris.

It has been said that we are all most alive when we are close to death, its funny how we take life for granted like we do, well enough with the philisophical nonsense.....good luck on your test, my 6 month window ends on july 15 which strangly falls on the same day as my birthday

Dazed and Jon ..............
Good luck and I hope you're results is ( NON-REACTIVE OR ( NEGATIVE )
Testing with the actual fear being positive can be totaly horrific and terrifying .
But you do get through it regardless .
You both have helped so many ......... Even when you're both going through such a living hell yourselves .:angel:
But the most important thing right now for you both is .......... THINK NEGATIVE .........
In good health ..............
............ Lost Spirit ...................

Thanks dazed,lets do this together shall we :) Philosophy is not a good place to visit right now, and it could all just be wasted energy if we both get the results we desire, so lets just get on with things and enjot the next few weeks.

Thanks Lost Spirit, Im nearly there now, and yes its terrfying, but I have come this far and I want to find out now. In one sense I dont wanna know because im scared its gonna come out +, and on the other hand I hope its gonna be - because the odds seem to be in my favour.

Was wondering where you had gotten to lost spirit, hope your doing ok.

Hi, I am glad that you are getting close to the end of your window period, so you can get your negative result that I am sure you will get. You said that you have to wait 2 weeks after you get tested to get your results, do they have the test that you get the results back in 20 min.? I talked to the guy that I had sex with and i asked him if he would please get tested for me so I would have peace of mind and of course he thinks I am crazy..... before we even had sex he told me that he had been test within the past 6 months prior while he was is Jail for drinking and driving. From what I am told that they test you every time. I thought about going to my doctor today to have him check me over, check my glands that are painful. One thing that I remember about that night is that after feeling 2 times that the condom was on I got on top and I think that ssoon after he lost his erection, my question is, if he did lose his erection and I kept going, what are the chances that the condom woudl have slipped off?? One thing that bothers me is here we are worried to death and the ones we slept with are going on with their lives as they have no worry in the world. I

Here in the UK we have to wait two weeks for our results, although it is free its still a long time to wait and worry. Apparently its to help you be reflective on the potential + result. Im sure you are ok, and I know nothing I can say will help the time pass till your window ends, but hang in there. As for your question I am pretty sure you will be ok, condoms are effective and its very very slim that your worry would occur.

I got a real bad headache today :( And I have noticed the aches returning a bit. Im beginning to think that I have become extremely hypersensitive to my body now, associating any twinge or pain with something I might not even have. In a way it gives me hope because I know that ARS hits you hard for a few days then disappears completely.

Look at me sounding the expert :D

Hi, I am sure your headache is from stress. About you being hypersensitive to your body, last year I had a chest xray done and they found a spot on my lung, at the time I was a smoker( Iam 28 years old) I FREAKED out, I thought I had lung cancer. I was sent to a lung and heart surgeon for futher evaluation. He didn't think that the spot was anything to worry about so he gaave me meds to see if maybe it was an infection, went back 2 weeks later and he said that it had gotten smaller but not by much. He requested that I get another ct scan from his hospital to be sure that the spot was nothing. My mom and I went back to his office for my results and he informed us the spot was not suspicious, BUT the ct scan showed that there was something that looked like a TUMOR INSIDE my heart!! I started crying like crazy and could barely breath. He said that I needed to go see a cardiologist to have a test done where they stick a tube down my throat to confirm that the tumor was there....Well it was there and I had to have open heart surgery to have it removed. If I didn't it would have eventually stopped my heart. There was a chance that the tumor was cancerous but my surgeon reassured me that if it was he was going to get ALL of it and i would be fine. Had my surgery on Aug. 17th 2004, and he got it ALL and it was not cancerous!!! Thanks God!!!
It was a EXTREMLY difficult time in my life, I thought my life was over, etc. Well, my point is since that has all happened, every pain or weird feeling that I get I think it is a tumor or something really bad. I went to my doctor a few months back and he told me that because I went through something like that, I am more intuned with my body as with before, I would have a pain and think nothing of it, and it is true. I think it is something I need help dealing with.

Wow, you really had all that to deal with and you bounced back?You are very courageous to have gone through with such an operation and what was most undoubtedly a terrfying time. Listen, I promise your alright, in fact I would lay money on it. I really believe your ok.Keep posting on here as an outlet, and my advice is not to stop doing anything or preparing for this and that because it is just wasted energy. Just let the time past but above all enjoy yourself and get on with things, this whole ordeal has given me a newfound appreciation for life, and I think you have or will find that too. Think negative, be optomistic :)

Yes, it was alot to deal with and I did and do appreciate life so much more since then. I am very angry with myself for putting myself in a situation to have have worry and doubt with my health. I ALways use protection when I am going to be intimate with someone. I am angry with myself because I wa not aware of situation the entire time. Alcohol blurred my judgement. Prior to having sex with this guy 4 1/2 weeks before, I had to have a procedure which required my doctor to laser cell from inside me so now am freaking out thinking what if I wasn't completly healed yet, would have made it easier for the virus to be transmitted to me if he was positive? My doctor told me 2 weeks after the procedure that I was premitted to have sex. I have an appointment with my regular doctor tommorow about the pains i am having which seems to be my glands,and I will tell him about he muscle aches too. So, does your girlfriend know what iss going on with you?

Hey. My girlfriend does not know the full extent of all this no, and I have not compromised her health in any manner, and I am worried.She has just been round and she has a really bad cold, tired and keeps sneezing and is all teary. She looks generally ill and is now complaining of feeling sick and im scared because of this. For her to be ill because of me is my worst nightmare come true. To top it off, i have a slightly wierd blemish on my tongue that i can feel, only small but on inspection it seems to be coated with white dots, and a bit red underneath, tastes funny too. I know it could be anything like i burnt my mouth on something but Im starting to freak. Just needed to vent. Worried...

having my first major freakout in weeks!

Im sure some of the guilt has something to do with the fact that you've been put in a vulnerable position once before...and that's completley normal. The odds are in your favor by all means...he most likely used a condom and you tested neg at the appropriate time for your testing...I would get a 3 month ELISA if i were you, not because I think you have HIV, simply because it would ease your mind. However, you tested negative, and i's assume you're negative due to the timing.
Good Luck
-S-

Do you know what I have come to realise? My greatest fear would be infecting somebody else with this if i get a positive result. I have been considering this because i remembered a girl i was seeing a few months ago, before all this. I was unsure of my sexual health because whilst i had been careful, i had never checked. We did not have any protection, and i refused to have sex with her. This girl was seventeen, and i was nineteen at the time. She kept insisting upon it and i still refused out of respect for her health and she got really insulted by this. I know this is slightly off tangent but i have just been thinking about this. I thought that I had a poor education concerning transmission of this virus when i thought that oral sex would present no risk, but here is a girl who is willing to engage in a potentially high risk exposure with someone a couple of years older than her. Sex education in this country is ridiculous. The girl in question in my current predicament is just as bad, saying that it would never happen to her and neevr using protection. I really truly believe that more is needed to be done with regards to education. It never entered my head before all this, and neither does it my friends. And we all had the same education. Further to this, the time between request for testing and its actual occurence is six weeks. Plenty of time for more risky encounters for the uneducated. I hope my newfound education has not come at a price. Nearly there.

Hi guys, well last night wasn't good. I was for the most part ok until I had to use the bathroom about 3 times with diahrea. Still having the pain in the neck area and the muscle aches. Panasonique, if your last post was in regards to me I appreciate your words. I don't think that I can wait another 2 months not knowing for sure if I am negative or not. It was only 30 days after my encounter that I got my neg. results. I can't seem to get this off my mind. I think I am starting to lose my mind with all of this. Is there any other way of knowing for sure (any other tests) before the 3 month window period? I feel like my life is on hold right now. My ex and I are back together now, and I feel like we can not move forward until I know. Another fear of mine is that the guy I am worried about told me that he used a condom the whole time and he says that he is sure he did, I wonder if he was too drunk to remember himself. Thanks for listening to me..... Mrjon, I feel the same way about having the fear of giving it to someone else. Your worries are almost over, you will be fine.

Shesix-It's scary but you just have to believe to get through these next few months. And symptoms will surley manifest where there is stress involved. Just keep posting here and you will make it through!
Mrjon-this is why it is important for people to test, and for people to make thier SO's aware of any concern,status etc. Soemtimes lies can kill...and it happens to too many people...and you are completley right in what you're saying
PS-how was that glastonbury thingie?
I hope the two of you are doing okay :)
-Sarah

Thanks, IT was exactly 30 days from my encounter, what do you think about that??

Hey Sarah, Glastonbury was amazing, it really made me relax and feel good. Brian Wilson singing Beach Boys songs in the sun, how could i not feel good! Im doing ok thankyou, trying my best to get through it, and not thinking bout it. How are you?

Shesix-its stress i assure you, and your test result is very encouraging!Stay safe with your ex and all will be ok :) x

Thanks for the kind words.......It seems when I start to feel better about all of this, something happens to make me start to think about it again. Not sure if you read my other post but I went to my doctor yesterday about the pain on the side of my neck that I thought could be related to my nodes or glands and he looked in my ears and said that the left side of my ear( same side as the pain) the tube in there looks retracted which could be causing the pain along the neck area. I asked him if my glands or nodes were swollen or enlarged and he said not at all. I told him I was also having muscle pains in my calves and he said that I need to stretch and exercise, which I do not do either one of them. He gave me meds for the ear thing, and if it does not get better in 2 weeks then to go back and see him. I felt a little better knowing that but I am still worried, it is always in the back of my mind. My 90 day window period is so far away! How are you feeling today??? I hope that you are feeling ok.

Im feeling ok I guess, my girlfriend is still feeling kind of ill, similar to what i was feeling which has me worried, but she told me that her parents are the same as her, which suggests light at the end of this long tunnel...

I just went back and re read all of your posts, to me you seem to be very low risk and you have already tested negative, I REALLY believe that you are negative. Your encounter was a much lower risk encounter than mine. I think you are fine. My 3 month window doesn't end until august 20th :eek: After writing my last post to you, when I stand up my legs feel weak..........I am sure that your girlfriend has a cold r something. like you said, her parents are going through the same thing.

Hi, not only am I having muscle pain, I am also experiencing joint pain especially in my fingers and right arm..........I have trying to think about other things but I can't.

Hey all, my girlfriend has just got an ear infection!Not that im overjoyed she is in pain or anything, but im just happy its not anything more serious. Shows me something about worrying though, seeing her poorly like that made me assume the worse and act crazy again, and I was sure that it was something more complicated. Until i found out her mum and dad are really poorly too and her dad has an ear infection too, and a doctor has said what is wrong. Im really starting to feel optomistic as opposed to indifferent.

Shesix-try to ignore your body if you can, Sarah (Panasonique) told me that once and it helps, you are in an extreme mindlock (Lost spirit) which will make you look for and concentrate on anything, and as such make it worse. There are lots of others who have experienced every symptom under the sun and not tested +!!!Hope im included but for now keep your head up, its a long journey but im near the end of mine, and I have got there surprisingly well. Keep posting!

I am SO glad to hear that the reason your girlfriend was feeling that way was because of her ear infection. That is great news! I am going to try to ignore my body. About my body feeling a little weak, I THINK and hope it is from the medicine my doctor gave me yesterday for my ear and neck, it is a decongestant with Pseudoephedrine. Thank goodness for my daughter at home that keeps my mind occupied for the most part. I Am and will continue to pray for you!

Im pleased too, Im scared now my testing date is approaching, and Im trying to cram everything I can into these next few weeks so I can do them without having to worry about something else.Maybe we should all live our lifes like there is no tomorrow, so to speak. I have this amazing appreciation for life now, and all i want is to be able to live it to the fullest. My hands are aching from the amount of guitar practice I have been doing, as it is my full intention to make a recording and leave my mark on the world!I wanna get my test done and over with now, still scared but in the meantime im gonna make beautiful music :) lol x

Hi, I am feeling a little better today, I do have my moments though. I thinking about getting tested at my 2 month mark too. I feel as though I tested way too early. It was only 30 days. This is just unbearable! It seems no matter what I am doing or what a good time I Am having, it always pops back into my "what if I am positive". I have a long weekend this weekend with my boyfriend and I hope I do not let this ruin it.

I know exactly how you feel, whatever I do it opos in to my mind too, especially when im with my g/f. Its not been so bad lately though, in fact I have been getting on extremely well all things considering!Two weeks tomorrow is the end of my window, and im scared to see it really cause I have had these past few weeks to just enjoy myself. Still, only one way to find out!

Jon

I am sure that you will be negative. I am glad that things are gettting a little better for you. I hate having all this stress to deal with. Last summer I was stressed out about the tumor in my heart and now this summer it's hiv! The guy involved in my encounter seems to have slept with a girl that has slept with a few of his friends and his brother! He says that is was after he slept with her. Who knows he could be lying about sleeping with her before that. I pray that he used protection with her! When I went to his house he had a big box of condoms in his drawer. Which I'd like to think that is a good thing. God, I hope the condom was on the whole time! Sorry, I just had to vent!

Its amazing how much we all obsess and worry about every little detail isnt it? I am feeling a bit low too, and I am trying really hard to keep on at it, but its just a scary prospect and I get the feeling this is one bullet, Im not going to dodge.

That is exactly how I feel, not going to dodge this bullet this time. I really think that you will be fine. Your risk was VERY Low. I can't wait until you get your negative result. I know it will be negative. I think that spending the entire weekend with my boyfriend will help my worries.

Im glad that you are so sure, and I sincerly hope your right, and that you get your negative too. My problem is that I am probably the unluckiest guy you will ever meet, and I don't see a change in that trend on the horizon...

Hey.My older brother has just walked in and cleared all my debts. He has just walked in and given me more money than I have ever seen and wiped my slate clean. And my university has given me a place on a better course and my girlfriend has told me that she loves me. Everything, in a single instance has just become amazing.

And then I remember my problem. Why do I have to be dealing with this? Damnit!!!I was trying to be careful and I still might have ruined everything!!!This makes me so mad!Im angry at myself, and Im angry at the girl involved becuase of her stupid attitude and Im angry at the way my friends when it comes to this issue.

This is unbearable, why has everything gone so right at a time when everything may have gone wrong!Im so angry and im just venting but arrrgh!!!!

Pray for me guys.

Prayers coming your way. :) Try to be strong, MrJon....I know it's hard, but you are almost at the end. And, I just know you are going to be fine.

Thanks spectacular, thirteen days until the window is over and I can then go get an answer. I hope your alright, sorry if my last post was a little over the top though :rolleyes:

Hey all, I have been speaking to somebody who works in the HIV field and they say they would bet the farm that Im negative. I told them everything, and they said that ARS, if at all, hits all at once is gone. The longevity of my problems, and the mouth ulcers are not suggestive of HIV. A ray of hope there then? Still will test but things looking up?

Jon.

OK, thirteen days brings us to the 16th, right? Everything appears to be going your way, you know. I'm glad that you found someone to talk to in the HIV field who could reassure you. Have you decided how you're going to celebrate once you find out you're negative? chris

Have you decided how you're going to celebrate once you find out you're negative? chris

MrJon, are you taking suggestions? Why don't you host a celebratory bash - I'd love to come to the UK. :D

A strange thing just happened, my older brother who lives down in London, is staying with us and I have been speaking to him about all this stuff and my new found knowledge. I got onto the subject of ARS and his expression changed. Just now he has come in and relayed his worries about something. About three weeks before xmas last year he was out with a woman in a bar who fell over, heavily intoxicated and smashed her face on the floor. My brother had only just met her but obviously went to help her out and in the process got his hands covered in blood. Three weeks later he woke up one night throwing up and spending a long night on the toliet. After drinking all night and having a pizza to himself I might add! I have completely spooked him now even though he was ok again the next day. He was kinda worried about it he said because he chews his finger nails and the skin surrounding it becomes a little broken. I explained how ARS hit you hard, if at all, for ten days or so and mentioned its other affects and the fact it doesnt just pop in for a night to say hello and then go away again, but he still a little spooked. Im sure he is fine but just goes to show how worry can attack you. He is gonna get tested now because of it. Im slightly amused really because he said I shouldn't worry so much and now look at him :) Lol.

Oh Hey Chris, spectacular, just seen your posts!

Yes the sixteenth is the end of the window, and then I can get a test on any tuesday following that. As for suggestions,if I get that negative result (i dont wanna be complacent), If I could get you all in one room and then proceed to hug you all intensely that would be a start. I would love to get you all here somehow, when i make my millions, that is the first thing im gonna do.

I woke up today aching like a b*****d, for want of a better word, and my side is killing me!I had a few drinks on saturday night and been aching ever since, true to form, and another ulcer has popped up. The expert I was speaking to said that this is suggestive of anything but HIV, and I should forget about it and find out what my REAL problem is. Sounds like a good plan to me!

Im so close now, lets hope its been all in vain and seriously, you guys are gonna have to get a restraining order against me cause im gonna ccome find you all and administer hugs until you cants stands no more!!!!!

The UK???? GOOD LORD I'LL TAKE IT! I haven't EVER been out of the states. Pretty sad, huh? Maybe you can also give me a nice little trip to the Carribean as well,since you're offering. The time will be here before you know it, just keep being strong.
-Sarah

Why not eh?The international destinations are on me! I know Sarah, im nearly there, and im scared out my mind! And Im smiling for some reason! Wierd huh? Keep posting x

The UK???? GOOD LORD I'LL TAKE IT! I haven't EVER been out of the states. Pretty sad, huh? Maybe you can also give me a nice little trip to the Carribean as well,since you're offering. The time will be here before you know it, just keep being strong.
-Sarah

*clears throat* Ummm, I've never been out of the States either. Lets not forget me. :wave: I haven't even ventured up to Canada. MrJon, since you are buying, I'd like to go to the Carribean, too.


And, don't you fret, MrJon, we'll all be waiting here to hear the good news when it comes in.

Well, Spectacular did ask first, so I propose we have a competition to decide the winner. Starting with who can be the nicest to me? Maybe not ;) I hope im able to give good news to you all x

Keep posting!

Hi, Hope you had a good weekend....Mine was ok, It was good being with my boyfriend all weekend. It helped keep my mind of this horrible thing. But, now that I Am back to work, it's on my mind again. It has been 43 days since my possible exposure. Mrjon your time is almost here........then you can get on with your life when u get your neg. result! Over the weekend I had a bout of the runs, it was the early morning after going to a bbq and having 3 drinks. I hadn't gone in a few days so I am trying to think it was from that and not hiv.
I can't believe that I put myself in that position. I hope and pray that I get a neg. result and that the next 37 days go by fast and get a little easier for me.

Thats all it will be I promise, it happens, especially with late night eating and drinking, talking from past experience here :jester: I know how close it is, its scaring me something horrible, but nothing I can do now but go get it done. Ignorance isn't bliss. Think thats gonna be my new mantra. I kinda think im almost being brave to actually go through with it again, then I remember how scared I am. I posted once trying to help someone go get tested cos there window was over and commenting that I would be as bad when my time came. Guess I'm right eh? Jon x

I am trying to think that's what it was. I think that getting tested IS a VERY brave thing to do and is scary. Just thinking about it makes my stomach hurt. Once I start thinking that I am probably negative, it pops in my head that I very well could be positive. Still had the muscle aches in my legs this weekend, boyfriend rubbed them for me which made them feel better......He is going to pay for me to have a full body massage! I think it will be nice.

I am trying to think that's what it was. I think that getting tested IS a VERY brave thing to do and is scary. Just thinking about it makes my stomach hurt. Once I start thinking that I am probably negative, it pops in my head that I very well could be positive. Still had the muscle aches in my legs this weekend, boyfriend rubbed them for me which made them feel better......He is going to pay for me to have a full body massage! I think it will be nice.

No doubt, it is one the scariest things to do. The weight you feel when it's over, though, cannot be compared to anything. You feel as though the world is yours. Enjoy your massage, shesix! You deserve it. :p

Thanks Spectacular, I will try! It is SO hard to get it out of your head though. My boyfriend and I are doing So well right now. I am trying not to let this get in the way.

Im glad you are feeling ok, and that you snd your boyfriend are doing so well together :) Im feeling absolutely shattered, feeling more and more like it as testing day approaches, optomism or not, Im feeling so low it isn't funny. Could just do with a great big hug and a cuddle. How lame am I?

Jon x

I could too, having an awful night tonight:( Maybe its something in the air.

Got a cold again and a wicked sore throat, kids coughing in my face at work. I dont need to feel ill and fuel the fire :(

Hi, I hope that you guys feel better. I am feeling ok today, but of course it is still on the brain! Here is a big hug from me to you..... ;)

Thank you very much :) I could do with all the love and support I can get, my girlfriend is away for two weeks and im on my own really, no one else knows of my worries ya see. Except you guys ;)

I cant stay away from my computer for some reason. Its 01.18 am here and i cant go to sleep. I think its because when i go to sleep its another day closer to the end of my window, one step closer to testing, and one step closer to knowing. Im so worried, and trying to put a brave face on this but its hard. I have been for a few years now, of a very fragile state of mind. i seem to go from one crisis to the next and this would truly finish me off. I have, as my mother puts it, experienced too much for someone so young. Maybe I will fill everybody in on it all one day. Just reflective tonight. I don't wanna deal with this. I for once, feel very young, and sticking with the current trend, very afraid.

And do you know what, in all seriousness, I truly believe and consider you all to be my friends, and I love you.

Goodnight all x

Everything will be okay. The days before are scary, but they're very numbered, and once the test is done, you'll feel like a million dollars. Try to get some sleep
xoxo-Sarah

Thanks Sarah, I will try.

I feel like crying and I am aching all over. Im so tired.

Jon x

I truly believe and consider you all to be my friends, and I love you.



That absolutely goes both ways, my friend. You are always in my thoughts and prayers.

Holy Crap! MJ you're in England! Count me in on the UK trip. I was to complete my MA at Trinity College, Dublin... but didn't. ANyway, majored in Irish Lit, and would absolutely adore being in England. If ever we get there, you and I owe each other a drink..or several. Hang in there...you're doing fine. As I've said, I'll light candles on an altar... talk about the meaning of life with a bus full of rabbis in the middle of Gaza...slaughter a chicken on the mud floor of a hut in Haiti...whatever you need...remember we're all here waiting to hear. Blessings. chris

Jon I have to say that from what I've seen from you ....... You truly are an amazing person ;)
When you first came here you were scared , alone , stressd , and a bit parranoid .
BUT ...........
During all this time you found it you're heart to help others , pull them back up , given them a loving hand and shown how brave and careing you truly are .
People like you , panasoniq , spectacular , and especialy Chris have shown how wonderful people can be :angel:
Jon be strong just a little longer and this will all be over and you can live you're life without fear :angel:
.................... Lost Spirit .................
Ps:: jon I hope you're girlfriend knows how lucky she is :)

Hello all :)

Thanks Chris, any other rituals you can perform or recommend will be recieved greatfully. Im serious you know, If we can find away to get you all here then I would be ecstatic. And I think many, many drinks would be in order.

And that includes Lost spirit, Sarah, and spectacular too ;)

Lost spirit, that the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. I don't feel so brave sometimes, and I still feel plenty scared, but you and the rest of the guys have afforded me such kindness and support, and I feel that I should repay this kindness and help others too. Its people like you and the rest of they guys here that have shown me what bravery is. And I respect you all.

As for my girlfriend I think she would say she hopes I know how lucky I am ;)

And I do. Because I have friends like you.

And that includes Lost spirit, Sarah, and spectacular too ;)



*does the happy dance* :bouncing: :bouncing: :bouncing:

On a serious note, MJ, I'm really happy to see you on here - I was worried about you and yours after I heard about the bombings in London. I pray all is well with you.

Thanks Spectacular, my older brother usually works in the centre of London, but he has been staying with us for a few days so that is a relief. Its horrible stuff, there have been a few deaths involved. Very sad. All in the name of God?Yeah right.

I like your happy dance. :bouncing: Do it again.

Feeling good tonight :) Oh yes.

I'm glad to hear it, friend. :)

MJ - Just know that we are all praying for you and your country. Bless you all. Chris

Thanks, I am too. Im feeling good most of the time now, just keep getting these little mouth ulcers, but it does only seem to be when I am stressing out and worrying about it. I will tell you why, I bought some stuff called oraldine, which my brother recommended. It is for sore throat/gums and mouth ulcers. I used it, and my mouth got like a numbness to it. And I read the instructions saying this could happen, but was rare, and I should stop using it immediately and go see my doctor :( This was weeks ago, but it popped back in my head the past few days. My brother says that it happens to him, but Its just praying on my mind, given the circumstances. It is the only thing stopping me relaxing about all this. Nothing is ever easy is it guys.

Ho hum.

Mr.Jon, sorry to hear about the tradgedies in London today. Hope all is well, and I'm praying for your friends and family over there. I can only imagine what a scary thing it must feel like for you. And to add to all you have going on now must be stressful, but we're here for you, and it's almost that time. You're doing so well, don't give up now!!!!
-Sarah

Hey Sarah, thanks for the kind words, my family are all ok, but I feel so terrible for those who were lost today. People who were just travelling to work and who didnt know when they were leaving their families that they would not be seeing them again. Where is the sense in that? To die for some faceless enemies cause, some holy war? There is no justice in this world. None of those people deserved to die for anybody else's fight.

It kind of makes my plight seem insignificant. They had no chance today those people. Whereas I still have a glimmer. I hope.

In loving memory of those who were taken unjustly.

Jon.

Dear MJ: I think your sentiments are so personal and so very true. It doesn't really matter what the faceless enemy is or how is presents itself, we just have to remain strong and loving in spite of it all. chris

Well said. This whole experience has really made me examine life in general, from my own personal experience, to the world in general. Particularly the violence and suffering and complicated lifes otheres lead. Did I menation I was a teacher? Well i teach a boy who is handicapped. It doesn't matter to me, but more importantly it doesn't matter to him. He runs to greet me every friday and hugs me and tells me how he has missed me the past week. I look at him and it makes me think for everything else that is wrong in this life, we really should not take anything for granted. He may not recieve the best chances in life, but he is happy. It makes me sad that I may have jepordised (sp?) my own chance in life, and that it was a reckless thing to do being as I have had so much to begin with, in comparrison to others. It makes me angry at myself. It makes me angry that in this world as it is today, that people have to pay for medication, and education. It makes me angry to see the state of Africa, where this virus, alongside poverty, runs rampant. The attitude displayed by so many is that it does not matter, because it's not happening here. It should not happen anywhere. Period. As a nation, my country is guilty, in a manner of speaking, of torturing the third world by not helping more. Its sad that it has taken something like this to happen in my life, to make me appreciate what I have.

Oh, and I have promised, that If I come out of this negative, I am going to take a parachute jump. I always wanted to and I keep putting it off. After that I am going to visit the Normandy beaches, where my hero stepped 61yrs ago. I miss my Grandad so much. He was the bravest man I have ever met, all the way to the end. All he cared about was me, even when he knew that his life was nearly over. And I want to become someone like him. I realise this now and its making me cry. I miss him, and I have not yet had the time to grieve for him, because my head is overrun with other things. Damnit.

I agree with the point you made about helping third world countries. In fact, on the 4th of July, my friends and I went downtown to watch the annual fireworks display. We got to talking, and one of my friends mentioned that it costs the town 1 MILLION DOLLARS. Thats 1 MILLION DOLLARS spent, to entertain a crowd with explosives. And that's just one rinky dink town in the small state of ct. Scary thought? I think so
Anyhow, MrJon, I think you've been giving yourself way less credit then you deserve. You are an amazing person, and I think everyone's told you that by now. Regardless of the outcome of anything, I think you will ALWAYS be okay. You're strong.
-S-

MrJon, I think you've been giving yourself way less credit then you deserve. You are an amazing person, and I think everyone's told you that by now. Regardless of the outcome of anything, I think you will ALWAYS be okay. You're strong.


Ditto. Ditto, ditto, ditto, ditto, ditto. MJ, you have proven yourself to be one of the most invaluable members of the family. :cool: I find your strength and caring to be outstanding and I think you are great for it.

I'm here thinking of you and praying for a speedy and negative test result for you.

Yay me. I think :) Im still struggling to try and expect a negative result, the closer it gets, the more erratic I become, trying to second guess dates, times and actions. Im trying to keep it together but it is now a week till the window ends. The person who I spoke to in the field tells me that I am overreacting to something that he deems a very low risk, coupled with history and "symptoms".

Thank you so much for all the kind words, you make me feel good about myself. I don't feel so strong somedays and Its a struggle, but I do not wish to make a fuss any more. I have got it all out of my system, and nothing more can change or help anything. I hope that I get that negative, there is so much I want to do. Its shame it takes something like this to make you realise what is important. Damnit.

Hey Mr. Jon Ive been reading your posts for a while now and I can relate to how you are feeling past and present. Ive been praying for you and been waiting for you neg test too. I really think you're going to be OK, you sound like a wonderful person. Ill be pulling for you greatly and may god be with you. Also wondering if youve read my post, I would really like your opinion.

Hey everybody, how are you all? Im feeling really tired and beat, went out with a friend last night and had a few drinks. Well, a few too many actually. Didnt get any sleep at all and then me and my brother have just been to see Batman Begins, which, by the way, is fantastic. I shouldnt really have gone and had those drinks last night, I feel awful today. And its making the fear a bit more intense :(

Anybody with any questions can reread my earlier posts if they so wish, they dont make for pleasant reading. Symptoms, or lack of, mean nothing. Read and memorise. Symptoms, or lack of, mean nothing.

I feel I have pushed my luck one step to many, and that It is noone's fault but my own.

I really am an idiot sometimes. I deserve all I get.

Hey everybody, spent today trying to sort out a test in my area that yields faster results. No luck so I guess it will be the good ol' NHS, and perhaps a week on Tuesday. Been on the web and found some statistics concerning my area, and they are very comforting. The odds have tilted some more in my favour. Got upset again earlier, I want to know now. I am ready.

Hey, everybody is here for you. Trust me, they have been nothing but kind to me and I am undeserving of any praise. Kee posting.

Awww man, just found a really wierd sore on my tongue, I have been feeling really good and now that has just bought me back down, feels like a layer of my tongue is missing :(

Maybe you burned it or something, or it's an inflamed taste bud..you're so close, no need for worry now.
xoxoSarah

Its done. Next Tuesday at 3.00pm. I booked my test. I can't believe it. Game on.

Its done. Next Tuesday at 3.00pm. I booked my test. I can't believe it. Game on.

Great! It'll be over soon, MJ! Is that 7/19? I'll mark my mental calandar. How long do the results take?

Thats correct. I only rang to see how soon I could get a test done, and when she said next Tuesday I automatically said yes. Two weeks for results. Im so scared.

Have heart my dear, your bound to be afraid, even if it's only for a few days, making up for all this mess.

Mr Jon.

I decided to get an early night and I have not ven been to sleep, my mouth tastes horrible, my throat is sore, my skin is crawling and im sweating immensely. Im so hot its unbelievable. Im so scared, I know what my result is gonna be. Im terrified. I dont want this. I want to go back to my old life and being me.

yo! you are being you. And, right now, being you is being scared. Soon, you will be you and you will be not scared. Get it!

I decided to get an early night and I have not ven been to sleep, my mouth tastes horrible, my throat is sore, my skin is crawling and im sweating immensely. Im so hot its unbelievable. Im so scared, I know what my result is gonna be. Im terrified. I dont want this. I want to go back to my old life and being me.

Ohh, MJ, I just love you to pieces and I hate seeing you this worried. It'll be over soon, my friend, and you'll be your same happy self again. Trust me. As always, I'm praying and thinking about you.

God bless!

Thanks guys, I didnt get one bit of sleep last night. Not one, Im shattered and i ache. I want this over.

Dear Mr. Jon, You are one of the most interesting and courageous people on here. You make it your point to provide good and helpful information to everyone in here. Except yourself!!! Some of the good energy and information that you offer to everyone else. Maybe try to use it in your own life. You are a very brave person, and you will get through this, as I will too. I hope only the best for you and everyone on here who is going through this ordeal. Good luck everyone!!!!!!!!!!

Wow, thats really kind of you. I seem to be more do what I say and not what I do, dont I?Thank you for the kind words, and I wish you the best of luck too. Nearly there now. Jon.

iTS 4.00AM here, i have not slept for two nights, its 30 degrees here and im sweating uncontrollably and I have a hige insect bite on my back. I cant help but feel that this is due to something else and because of this i cant sleep. I hate my life right now.

Woah, just been at work and the physio girl just felt my neck and said that the right was a bit swollen and maybe I should get it checked out. I just smiled and said that I might. Until I got out the door and started freaking. The only thing I will say is that I have been poking them mercisely since last night. Testing on Tuesday gang.

OK, Mr. Jon, three more days! You've come a long way,baby. And, remember, you will Ok no matter what. But you better keep us posted, OK?! chris

Im doing my best, spent the day trampolining (sp), fast becoming my new hobby! Three days, I will of course keep you guys involved, I promise! :) You deserve to know the end result, especially since you have spent so long watching out for me. Im holding it together. Jon x

Trampolining?! What an incredible metaphor for all you've been through! That is just so cool! Hang in there! chris

Good job, MJ..you are almost there, buddy, it wouldn't be long now until you can put this nightmare behind you. :) Happy trampolining.

Thanks guys, im so tired. Its so hot here and im not sleeping right, my skin feels like its crawling when Im in bed. Two days.

Right. 3 hrs exactly now. My neck is so swollen, the glands there are huge, and I have a sore throat. Something is not right.

MJ, I'm thinking of you today. God bless.

Thank you, bit I think that I have tested Gods Limits far too much for him to help me today.

Thank you, bit I think that I have tested Gods Limits far too much for him to help me today.

Not possible! :p Spectacular happy dance-----> :bouncing:

Last post before I go. Im so scared, but this has to be done. My neck is so wollen, like never before. Can stress do this?

Last post before I go. Im so scared, but this has to be done. My neck is so wollen, like never before. Can stress do this?


Yes, stress can do lots of things to you. Stay strong...we'll be right here when you get back.

Aw...it's okay...In a time like this, i'm sure everythings going to appear to be, or be swollen,sore and everything else under the sun. But the point is, you're going to put this to rest once and for all within the next 2-3 weeks, and live your life the way you want, and help people, and be a strong and amazing person. When i had my test done, I found that the waiting was hard, but it was a cake walk comnpared to the 6 months prior...the two days before calling in my result was a mix of (weird but true)adrenaline, and fear, and victory because I overcame my fear...and then relief...knowing that I was either going to get the right doctors and meds, or I was going to stop my really stupid behavior, and help others stop thiers as well....It's been a long road MrJon, but you're near the end, and you've brought a nice group of friends, who at the end of the race, will be waiting with open arms, and me personally,a big pot of gold for you. Stay with us these next two weeks, they're going to be a rendition of the roller coaster you were just on, but just with a different set of emotions. And if you agree with me, I must say, we're DEFINETLEY connected.
-Sarah