Hello, this is my first post on here. The last couple of days I have been reading a lot of the post on here and it has helped me tremendously. I am on day 4 of no pills. Just wanted to share that with somebody. I am going to tell my whole story because I need to get it out. I need to vent so this heavy brick on my shoulders will be lifted. I just turned 24 years old. I discovered pain pills about 6 years ago (oxy & percs). I took them for about 4 months and went through w/d's CT. Goodness was it horrible. I didn't touch another one until about 2 and a half years ago. It started with a couple percs here, a couple there. Then about 2 years ago I started hanging out with this girl. Ends up she is a recovering drug addict. Sometimes you just cannot have two drug addicts hanging out. Bad combination for me and her. It seems we would just talk about drugs then we both ended up getting addicted to pain pills.

For about a year and a half I was taking around 10 methadone's a day. If I didn't take those I was taking 10 demerol a day. Pretty much whatever I could get my hands on. I think back and can't believe how much money was spent on pills. I decided to tell my husband about my addiction and he helped me through the w/d's. I don't think I have ever felt that bad. They were going strong for 10 days then after that I started feeling lots better. You would think I would stay clean after going through that much pain but all I could think about was how good I felt when I took them. It didn't help that my "friend" was still taking them. Of course she wanted me to keep taking them with her and I was too weak to say NO. I stayed clean for about maybe 2 months. Then fell back into the same cycle. I realized that I wasn't taking them to feel good anymore. I was taking them because I felt I had to have them to function. If I didn't take one I COULDN'T do normal day-to-day tasks. I didn't feel normal and still don't feel normal unless I have pills.

Since then, I have went through w/d's 2 more times. I know what I am suppose to do. I have been to rehab, change your playmates and playground. Tell your doctor about the addiction. Go to meetings. I quit talking to the "friend". I recently moved to California so that helped also. When I got here I was clean. I have a horrible back. herniated disc, degenerative disc disease, osteoarthritis all at 24 years old. It started hurting me to the point where I couldn't walk because my left leg was going numb and pain would shoot from my lower back down to my foot. So of course I got pain meds from my ortho surgeon. Once again the cycle starts. (moved to Cali in Nov)

So here it is June 1st. I just turned 24 on May 30. I made a choice to get off these pills once again. I am on my 4th day clean. I know that a couple of days of pure he** will turn into me feeling so much better and clear headed. I want to do something with my life and I won't be able to unless I get off these darn pills for good. They control your life. Well I am taking back control. I have lost the last 2 and a half years of my life. I am highly proud of myself right now. I cancelled a doctor's appt and dentist appt because I was afraid I couldn't say NO if they tried to give me pills. I am taking it one day at a time. That is all I can do. This is something that will affect me the rest of my life. The last couple of days I tell myself all day long "tomorrow i will feel better" hehe...yeah I feel better BUT my body is aching so bad that I have to keep moving around, I can't sleep, my stomach is messed up, a 2 day case of heartburn :eek: , hot and cold chills, goosebumps, anyone who has been through it knows what I am talking about. I know my body is just trying to adjust to no narcotics. I can deal with it. But goodness I am ready to get a good nights sleep and get to day 10 or something.

At the time you might think it will never end but I promise it does get better. So once again, i tell myself tomorrow will be better. Sorry so long!!! AND thanks for letting me vent. I feel much better. :angel:

Congrad's on your success so far. We also share a 5/30 B-day.. I'm 35...

You need to stay strong. I know exactly what you are going through. It is so hard to befriend another drug addict. Both of you know what it feels like to be messed up. When I talk about my past experiences, my heart starts racing, and I get this terrible urge to get my hands on something, anything. When you combine two people that feel the same way, you're twice as tempted. I like the idea of talking to people, telling them how I feel, but also knowing that I can't discuss where or how to score some. If you ever need someone to vent to, I'm more than happy to listen, and give my opinion.
Remember the worst is almost over.

way to go !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I didn't read the whole thing..............but you are on your way

Well, today was my first time to turn down pain medication. I had a appointment with my orthopaedic doctor to find out the results of my mri. I have a herniated disc and progressed degenerative disc disease in 2 disc. I am so very proud for not taking a prescription from her and for not asking for a script. BIG accomplishment for me.

allaboutme> i would love to talk with u. i completely understand what u are talking about when u talk about past drug use. i get the same way. anxiety, sweating everywhere, racing heart, and the huge urge to want to take some pills. As long as I am around clean people I am fine. But I don't think I could sit here with my old "friend" and talk about pills with her without going and getting some. we can talk on here or email. whatever you prefer.

I love to read all the stories on here. It is nice to know that there are so many people out there going through the same thing. BUT I would never wish this drug addiction on my worst enemy. I know this is a problem I will live with and have to fight the rest of my life. Thanks to everyone that has replied to my message. I know it is rather long. It just feels good to be able to tell your story and not be judged and have people that you don't even know give so much support.

Thanks for your reply. It is really comforting to be able to help another person, while telling my own story. I've never had to oppurtunity to confide in other people without wondering if they'll tell all my friends and family members about my past mistakes. My husband is a former addict of pain pills, and we just have the un-said agreement about our addictions. If him and I were to sit down and talk about all my feelings toward pills, we would both be drug addicts AGAIN.
I kinda quit cold turkey. I hid my addiction from my husband for 2 years, which is another reason why I have a hard time expressing my views to my hubby. There is still a lot of anger and resientment about the past. When my husband found out about all the meds I was taking, he was pretty angry, considering the fact that the whole reason why he quit was because of me nagging him about it. But here I was doing what I had wanted him to quit. When he found my stash of stuff, he was mad. I had 100mg of oxy, 5 vicodin, 3 darvocet, and a few ultracet. Just to tick me off, he took my oxy for himself. Which he rubbed in my face the whole next day when he was all messed up, and I was feeling like crap. Which really sucked.
He gave me the other pills, and told me I could have them to help me w/d. I started off taking 2 vicodin the first day, which helped, but wasn't what I wanted. When I was a hard-core, I was injecting oxy and fetynal in my arms, which is the BEST rush ever. Better than any other feeling I have ever had in my life. Oxy had a good rush, but fetynal was even better. The way it consumes your whole body in just a few short minutes is incrediable. So, when I took pills, it just wasn't the same. The 2nd day I took only 1 vicodin, day 3, 2 darvies, day 4 1 darvie, after that just 1 ultracet a day until all my pills were gone. I really do believe that this DID help me. In the past when I would go a few days with nothing, because I couldn't get anything, I felt to much worse than I did when I finally quit. Maybe it was because all that anxiety was there, wondering when I could get my next fix. So nervous that it wasn't coming fast enough. But when I finally quit, I knew I was done, there wasn't that worry when I'm going to get my fix, because I knew it wasn't comming.
Yes, I had heartburn, cold night sweats, horrible nightmares, and pleanty of stomach trouble. I was throwing up, had the runs, and just felt like a pile of crap for what I had done to my family. The depression was terrible. After a month or so, I couldn't take the nightmares anymore. I went and got a patch. I jacked the ammount that used to make me feel normal, but this time it was TOO MUCH!!! I was so sick. Fetynal makes you so sick, and I look back at how much I did, and how often I was sick, and I wonder why I was doing such a terrible thing to my body. With fetynal, you get a huge rush, feel good for about 5-10 minutes, than the sickness sets in, but you're so messed up that it doesn't bother you that you are throwing up every 5 minutes. So I guess my withdrawls were no different than when I was using, the only difference is, I didn't have anything to numb the pain anymore.
Ok, I'll quit blabbing know. It just feels good to get all this off my chest.
My only problem now is, I was good for months, and felt good about it, but now it's like I've gone tooooo long without it, and I need it now. I find myself searching around, hoping that something might just fall from the sky and F*** me up. It's good to hear what you are going through, It's a good reminder to me why I need to stay sober. I hope for the best for you. Keep me posted on how you are doing, and how you feel. I'm more than happy to help you, and remind you how good AND terrible pills are. STAY STRONG!!!!!

:wave: My husband and I have been together since we were 14 and have been married for 4 years so we have been through everything together. He also is a former addict. He joined the Marine Corps about 5 years ago and it was the best thing for him. I seem to do good when he is home but I got real bad when his first deployment came. That was when I definately became a pain pill addict. It was so easy to just numb the pain and not think about him being overseas. The longest I had ever been away from him in 8 years was a week. He was gone for 10 months. And needless to say, I was a full-blown addict when he came back. I told him, he helped me through withdrawals, clean for little while, then started using again behind his back. He now knows I never quit using and is helping me once again through these w/d's. He has been with me through all my previous addictions, rehab, recovery, and whatever else life threw at us and I was with him through his addictions, recovery etc. All in all he is a great guy and we are great together. So I need to get well for the both of us.

At 13yrs old I started smoking weed, At 14 crystal meth, cocaine, LSD, benzos, heroin(once, didn't like narcotics back then) At 16 rehab inpatient 64 days for crystal meth and cocaine, the day I got out of rehab I went back to same ole friends and took acid as a welcome home present. At 18 I discovered the famous opiates and my favorite's oxycontin & percs. did all the drugs i just listed until the age of 21. THEN I HIT ROCK BOTTOM. :blob_fire I Got clean, got married, and moved to North Carolina. And that is when my hubby deployed the first time and the pills took over my life.

Congrats on kicking the heroin addiction. :) I have never been addicted to heroin. I know its in the same family of drugs but I think that is pretty hardcore. My best friend who I mentioned in my first ever post started shooting up heroin after I left North Carolina for Cali. I'm glad she waited until I left because I would have been doing the same thing. Honestly I wish she would have never of touched it. I don't hear much from her anymore. She is moving about 2 hours away from me in July but I don't think I will be hanging out with her. Boy, that would chap my husbands butt. He knows when me and her get together it is bad news. My friend and I went through w/d's together many times and from what she tells me heroin w/d's were the worst. It's just sad to see a life wasted. She has a husband in the navy, 2 beautiful kids, and man, those drugs have a huge hold on her.

anyways, I am rambling. sorry, it's just nice to have someone to share these things with. As you can tell, i'm still not sleeping good. it's 3am and im still awake. eekkkk!!!! it is going to feel great to finally live a normal life and be drug free. I'm so ready for a good nite's sleep. My goals for now is to go to sleep early, get up early, work out everyday, then get a job once I get the worst over with. I know it isnt much but like i said before, i'm taking baby steps. I want to really never touch pills again and soooo dont want to relapse. WELL thanks for listening and responding. Hope everyone has a great day and night.

:D Suzannah

Hi Suzanna. Thanks for sharing your story. I am weaning off of percocet and xanax over the next 8 days. I am going to an AA meeting tonight and my sponsor gets her 20 years coin tomorrow so I am going to that. I have been sober 11 years, but i quit going to meetings about 3 years ago. I am going to go every night unless I am puking or have diarrhia.

I have tramadol that I have never abused to help with the pain. I used to take it 5 times a day 50 mg. and I was worried about developing a dependence so I weaned off. I have fibromyalgia but am not in enough pain to be on percs every 5 hours. And it is so hard not to take an extra one or two in the evenings and they really mess me up. I feel real drunk and sleepy. I am just ready to be off them after over a year of having to have it. I really needed it the first 8 months or so but now I just take it because of the acheyness i get when its time for for my next perc.

I have been on xanax for 9 years and am tired of having to take those too. I am weaning slowly.

I know its going to be hard but i don't really "know". I have 22 extra percs and a whole bottle of xanax. I would like to give the percs to my sponsor for when I flare but she has all ready been through that with a different girl she sponsored who kept coming over to her house and taking the meds. It is going to take a lot of willingness to flush them. There is a certain amount of security knowing that I have them and I am choosing to stop instead of having to because i ran out. Does that make sense? Should I get rid of them? I know when I quit drinking there wasn't any booze in the house. Still isn't. Ever.

I hope that you keep posting. It will help me to get through the next few days. We can help eachother.

Would it be better to just cold turkey and have my husband take care of me all weekend? (I don't work, I am 44 years old)

Donna

Congratulations, you are taking the first step for the rest of your life....please stay on the boards, there are many here who will support you as you find your way.....take care of yourself, that's the most important thing. we don't take care of ourselves when using, we just barely get by...,.the drug becomes the center of your life....now, the really important things will shift to that center...."hugs to you"

emily's mom :angel: