malibubarbie999
06-01-2005, 02:31 PM
I'm hoping someone on this board can give me some insight & I thank you in advance for taking the time to read this.
I've been in a serious relationship with this guy for about 6 months. Since the day we met, I knew something "wasn't right" with him. He just seemed a little too hyped up, a little too impulsive & a little too moody. About a week into the relationship, he confided that he is bipolar (diagnosed with BD I at a young age). His father is also bipolar & his sister is schizophrenic (since a very young age -- rare). They say mental illness runs in families -- definitely the case here.
Anyhow, my bf is not the 1st person I've known who has this disease. I had 2 past relationships with bipolar men & a close friend who is bipolar. However, I have never seen a case as extreme as my bf's. I'm wondering if this truly sounds like BD to you, or something worse?
These are his behavioral/personality traits:
1. Ever since we hooked up he has put me on a pedestal, even going so far as saying I'm "like God" to him. When I try & rationalize with him he gets mad.
2. He is extremely jealous & has threatened men who've merely looked at me or said "hi." A month ago he put a guy in the hospital for referring to me as "baby." Very violent temper & very quick to snap. Yet sees nothing wrong with his behavior & rationalizes everything he does.
3. Unable to empathize. Lengthy criminal record. Doesn't seem to learn from past mistakes.
4. Mood swings!!! He cried for a week straight, accusing me of wanting to break up with him. (I did absolutely nothing to make him think this). He threatened to kill himself if I left him. Then, ironically, the following week he dumped me (for no apparent reason -- completely out of the blue). He was very mean & acted like a completely different person. After being broke up for 2 wks. (and not hearing from him even once) he came crawling back, saying he only dumped me because he heard I cheated on him (which he made up on his own & convinced himself of). I ended up giving him another chance & we've been together since.
5. Very thin-skinned. Anything you say to him he takes litterally. After one particular argument he said "If I can't have you, my life is over" & made a suicide attempt (which was unsuccessful, thank God, & he ended up in the hospital).
6. Huge ego/thinks he's better than everyone most of the time. Other times he'll say things like "Why do you like me? I'm ugly."
7. Acts inapropriately in public places (like he'll grope me in a store or talk loudly about sex).
8. He's been in & out of psych wards throughout his life. Yet refuses to take meds.
I'm wondering if this behavior does in fact sound bipolar, or if it sounds a little extreme? I'm very confused, cuz like I said, I've never seen a case of BD quite this bad, if it is in fact BD.
I love this guy very much, but his behavior is putting a lot of stress on the relationship.
I've been in a serious relationship with this guy for about 6 months. Since the day we met, I knew something "wasn't right" with him. He just seemed a little too hyped up, a little too impulsive & a little too moody. About a week into the relationship, he confided that he is bipolar (diagnosed with BD I at a young age). His father is also bipolar & his sister is schizophrenic (since a very young age -- rare). They say mental illness runs in families -- definitely the case here.
Anyhow, my bf is not the 1st person I've known who has this disease. I had 2 past relationships with bipolar men & a close friend who is bipolar. However, I have never seen a case as extreme as my bf's. I'm wondering if this truly sounds like BD to you, or something worse?
These are his behavioral/personality traits:
1. Ever since we hooked up he has put me on a pedestal, even going so far as saying I'm "like God" to him. When I try & rationalize with him he gets mad.
2. He is extremely jealous & has threatened men who've merely looked at me or said "hi." A month ago he put a guy in the hospital for referring to me as "baby." Very violent temper & very quick to snap. Yet sees nothing wrong with his behavior & rationalizes everything he does.
3. Unable to empathize. Lengthy criminal record. Doesn't seem to learn from past mistakes.
4. Mood swings!!! He cried for a week straight, accusing me of wanting to break up with him. (I did absolutely nothing to make him think this). He threatened to kill himself if I left him. Then, ironically, the following week he dumped me (for no apparent reason -- completely out of the blue). He was very mean & acted like a completely different person. After being broke up for 2 wks. (and not hearing from him even once) he came crawling back, saying he only dumped me because he heard I cheated on him (which he made up on his own & convinced himself of). I ended up giving him another chance & we've been together since.
5. Very thin-skinned. Anything you say to him he takes litterally. After one particular argument he said "If I can't have you, my life is over" & made a suicide attempt (which was unsuccessful, thank God, & he ended up in the hospital).
6. Huge ego/thinks he's better than everyone most of the time. Other times he'll say things like "Why do you like me? I'm ugly."
7. Acts inapropriately in public places (like he'll grope me in a store or talk loudly about sex).
8. He's been in & out of psych wards throughout his life. Yet refuses to take meds.
I'm wondering if this behavior does in fact sound bipolar, or if it sounds a little extreme? I'm very confused, cuz like I said, I've never seen a case of BD quite this bad, if it is in fact BD.
I love this guy very much, but his behavior is putting a lot of stress on the relationship.
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Zbaby
06-01-2005, 02:48 PM
There's still time to get out, so I suggest you run for your life! He doesn't sound capable of having a healthy relationship, and may end up causing you to go into therapy and start taking meds. I'd also seriously question why you've been in more than one relationship with BP men. What are you getting out of these situations, and what attracts you to them?
Your boyfriend may indeed be BP I, which is the most extreme form of BP. Your past BFs may have had BP II, which is milder and can sometimes be mistaken for eccentric behavior from an otherwise normal person.
If you've seen all of this behavior in only 6 months of dating him, he's most likely rapid cycling, too. Your sensitive side may compel you to help this man, but at what cost to your own mental health? I don't even know the man, but your description sounds fairly severe. May your survival instincts kick in soon! Though he may say that he would die without you, he had these problems before and will continue to have them after you're gone. Only he can get the motor running for his own healing process.
If you are still unsure of what to do, try talking to his friends, family and past girlfriends if you can. That might change your mind.
Sorry for being so harsh, but I've been a mildly "psycho" GF in the past, and the friends of former BFs probably told them to cut me loose - with good reason and a lot of common sense in retrospect.
Take care of yourself and let us know how things progress.
Your boyfriend may indeed be BP I, which is the most extreme form of BP. Your past BFs may have had BP II, which is milder and can sometimes be mistaken for eccentric behavior from an otherwise normal person.
If you've seen all of this behavior in only 6 months of dating him, he's most likely rapid cycling, too. Your sensitive side may compel you to help this man, but at what cost to your own mental health? I don't even know the man, but your description sounds fairly severe. May your survival instincts kick in soon! Though he may say that he would die without you, he had these problems before and will continue to have them after you're gone. Only he can get the motor running for his own healing process.
If you are still unsure of what to do, try talking to his friends, family and past girlfriends if you can. That might change your mind.
Sorry for being so harsh, but I've been a mildly "psycho" GF in the past, and the friends of former BFs probably told them to cut me loose - with good reason and a lot of common sense in retrospect.
Take care of yourself and let us know how things progress.
reesie
06-01-2005, 03:12 PM
i agree with zbaby, get out. Irregardless of being bipolar, he seems to have serious codepency issues. And that is very very bad in relationships. The dependent one really needs to work out those issues and overcome them before being in a serious committed relationship. Just my .02
*music23*
06-01-2005, 05:06 PM
I agree that you should get out of that relationship ASAP, but I think you also need to be concerned for his safety. Because while he does sound rather bipolar, a lot of what you described reminds me of borderline personality disorder. They are very, very jealous, moody, insecure, self-destructive, and obsessed over people leaving them. Be careful how you approach leaving him. But yes- you need to get out of there.
Good luck. Try to keep everyone safe.
Kristina :wave:
Good luck. Try to keep everyone safe.
Kristina :wave:
NodiGoiterGirl
06-01-2005, 05:33 PM
If he was willing to take meds it would make a world of difference. If he knows he is BP and is refusing treatment then there is nothing you can do. If my husband wasn't trying so hard to get his BP under control, I would have been gone a long time ago. And I love him very much.
Even with meds, we still have rough times. There isn't a magic pill that works for everyone, it is a trial and error thing.
I know you love him, but he needs to love himself enough to get help. Otherwise he will never treat you the way you deserve to be treated.
Try talking to him about meds, if he is unwilling to comply then it would be best for you to end the relationship.
Even if you don't take that advice, we are all here to help and be supportive.
Keep us informed of how you are doing,
Nodi
Even with meds, we still have rough times. There isn't a magic pill that works for everyone, it is a trial and error thing.
I know you love him, but he needs to love himself enough to get help. Otherwise he will never treat you the way you deserve to be treated.
Try talking to him about meds, if he is unwilling to comply then it would be best for you to end the relationship.
Even if you don't take that advice, we are all here to help and be supportive.
Keep us informed of how you are doing,
Nodi
blondie79
06-02-2005, 01:44 PM
This may play a role- does he abuse other substances such as drugs or alcohol? Or does he have an extensive drug history?
If not, he could possibly have a personality disorder on top of bipolar disorder. Putting you on a pedestal & being afraid to lose you and then turning around a week later to devalue and break up with you, plus the extreme jealousy sounds similar to borderline personality disorder. You may want to check it out, its in the DSM and there are a lot of resources on the web.
Have you begun to lost friends due to his jealousy? I would think so- my male friends call me hon, sweetie and baby all the time and if my boyfriend took to beating them up, I'd be out of friends fast. I just hope that he doesnt ever get so angry and jealous at you that he turns physical on you. Keep your own safety first!!
Best of luck,
Blondie
If not, he could possibly have a personality disorder on top of bipolar disorder. Putting you on a pedestal & being afraid to lose you and then turning around a week later to devalue and break up with you, plus the extreme jealousy sounds similar to borderline personality disorder. You may want to check it out, its in the DSM and there are a lot of resources on the web.
Have you begun to lost friends due to his jealousy? I would think so- my male friends call me hon, sweetie and baby all the time and if my boyfriend took to beating them up, I'd be out of friends fast. I just hope that he doesnt ever get so angry and jealous at you that he turns physical on you. Keep your own safety first!!
Best of luck,
Blondie
kimber lee
06-10-2005, 07:40 AM
oh my god girl friend, get the heck out and if he crying about all this stuff, it will just get worse, hes got a problem, and it aint bipolar, hes definatly a basket case. get out while your still alive, bye now, kim
malibubarbie999
06-18-2005, 03:26 AM
Thank you everyone soooo much for your insight!!! My computer was down the past couple weeks so I haven't been able to get online, or I would've replied sooner.
Anyhow, I'm happy to say I took all your advice & broke up with my bf. Within a few days of my original post, he was arrested for a felony & has been behind bars since. It was a lot easier to break up with him by letter than it would have been in person (and probably a lot *safer* too). Since receiving that letter he has continued to write me acting as if we're still together. (I know he received my break-up letter, because he did mention it in one of his). I'm not sure if he's just delusional or what, but he still strongly believes we're gonna be right back together when he gets released. He's always writing stuff about how his life is meaningless without me. I find this kind of disturbing...
I know you all probably think I'm crazy for putting up with this guy to begin with, but I truly did love him... in fact, I still do. I just know that deep down the relationship doesn't stand a chance. I deserve to be with a man who I can depend on... not one who puts me through such emotional turmoil...
Oh and Blondie, yes, I did lose a lot of friends over that relationship. Naturally, he was jealous of all my male friends & so I stupidly chose him over them. Whenever my phone would ring, he'd insist on answering it so he could tell off any guy who "dared" to call me. He even copied some guys numbers out of my phone (without me knowing) & called them behind my back threatening them.
Hopefully the next guy I end up with will be mentally stable... or at least diligent about taking his meds...
Anyhow, I'm happy to say I took all your advice & broke up with my bf. Within a few days of my original post, he was arrested for a felony & has been behind bars since. It was a lot easier to break up with him by letter than it would have been in person (and probably a lot *safer* too). Since receiving that letter he has continued to write me acting as if we're still together. (I know he received my break-up letter, because he did mention it in one of his). I'm not sure if he's just delusional or what, but he still strongly believes we're gonna be right back together when he gets released. He's always writing stuff about how his life is meaningless without me. I find this kind of disturbing...
I know you all probably think I'm crazy for putting up with this guy to begin with, but I truly did love him... in fact, I still do. I just know that deep down the relationship doesn't stand a chance. I deserve to be with a man who I can depend on... not one who puts me through such emotional turmoil...
Oh and Blondie, yes, I did lose a lot of friends over that relationship. Naturally, he was jealous of all my male friends & so I stupidly chose him over them. Whenever my phone would ring, he'd insist on answering it so he could tell off any guy who "dared" to call me. He even copied some guys numbers out of my phone (without me knowing) & called them behind my back threatening them.
Hopefully the next guy I end up with will be mentally stable... or at least diligent about taking his meds...
mariposa2340
06-21-2005, 02:30 AM
He may have bipolar and also have some tendencies of borderline personality disorder. What alarmed me especially was that he put some guy in the hospital over calling you (was it 'baby')? What would frightened me was if he became delusional and in the future believe you somehow invited men to flirt that he could get violent with you....
I suggest that you make it a condition of your relationship that he comply with medication and maybe go to couple's counseling with you regarding his extreme jealousy and other behavior.
Now keep in mind the following:
1. "I" am bipolar
2. I get extremely and unnessarily jealous in romantic relationships
Despite being bipolar and also a jealous person, I in no way condone his behavior. Once a person steps over the line and becomes violent with someone else over what I've heard termed delusional jealousy than this person is NOT safe to be around and needs IMMEDIATE help.
I suggest that you make it a condition of your relationship that he comply with medication and maybe go to couple's counseling with you regarding his extreme jealousy and other behavior.
Now keep in mind the following:
1. "I" am bipolar
2. I get extremely and unnessarily jealous in romantic relationships
Despite being bipolar and also a jealous person, I in no way condone his behavior. Once a person steps over the line and becomes violent with someone else over what I've heard termed delusional jealousy than this person is NOT safe to be around and needs IMMEDIATE help.
Downpillow
06-21-2005, 01:36 PM
Please read this book about how to have a relationship with BPs, it's called something like "How to stop walking on eggshells" or something like that. It describes exactly your situation and how to deal with it.
Jovial206
06-21-2005, 05:30 PM
2. I get extremely and unnessarily jealous in romantic relationships
Is this common in those with bipolar disorder? Does it occur during mania or depression?
malibubarbie999, I'm glad you got out of that relationship. You deserve one that's safe and healthy.
Is this common in those with bipolar disorder? Does it occur during mania or depression?
malibubarbie999, I'm glad you got out of that relationship. You deserve one that's safe and healthy.
mudhound
06-22-2005, 06:39 AM
I'd get out. Someone untreated with the kind of issues that you mettioned can be dangerious.
malibubarbie999
06-22-2005, 01:23 PM
Thank you all for your input!!! I definitely think I made the right decision in ending this relationship.
Jovial206 - Violent episodes are most likely to occur during mania.
mariposa2340 - Yeah, I found his violent tendancies to be quite disturbing as well. All that guy did was say "Hey baby" and my ex attacked him (without warning or even saying a word). After beating the guy to a bloody pulp, he left him lying in the middle of a street. I was crying & pleading with him to move him, but he wouldn't. The next day I found out the guy was found by police, taken to the hospital & had to have emergency surgery for multiple facial fractures. I ran into him at a store 2 weeks later & his jaw was wired shut. I wanted to vomit.
Witnessing what my ex was capable of definitely made me reconsider the relationship. I love him but his severe temper/mental issues are not worth risking my life over. It would only be a matter of time before that temper was turned on me... and I am not sticking around to take that risk!
Jovial206 - Violent episodes are most likely to occur during mania.
mariposa2340 - Yeah, I found his violent tendancies to be quite disturbing as well. All that guy did was say "Hey baby" and my ex attacked him (without warning or even saying a word). After beating the guy to a bloody pulp, he left him lying in the middle of a street. I was crying & pleading with him to move him, but he wouldn't. The next day I found out the guy was found by police, taken to the hospital & had to have emergency surgery for multiple facial fractures. I ran into him at a store 2 weeks later & his jaw was wired shut. I wanted to vomit.
Witnessing what my ex was capable of definitely made me reconsider the relationship. I love him but his severe temper/mental issues are not worth risking my life over. It would only be a matter of time before that temper was turned on me... and I am not sticking around to take that risk!
kewpiedoll
06-22-2005, 01:39 PM
How scary. I hope this guy gets locked up for a looooooong time for whatever he did so that he can't come bother you.
Jovial206
06-22-2005, 07:57 PM
Jovial206 - Violent episodes are most likely to occur during mania.
No, I meant is jealousy common in romantic relationships when one is bipolar? If so, does it occur during mania or depression.
Stay strong, malibubarbie!
No, I meant is jealousy common in romantic relationships when one is bipolar? If so, does it occur during mania or depression.
Stay strong, malibubarbie!
malibubarbie999
06-24-2005, 12:40 PM
Jovial206, sorry for the misunderstanding. I'm not sure jealousy has as much to do with bipolar as it has to do with a personality disorder (such as Dependent Personality Disorder or Borderline Personality Disorder). My ex was (obviously) extremely jealous, but a good friend of mine who is also Bipolar I is probably the least-jealous person I know. Nothing seems to faze him. Jealousy doesn't really seem to have a strong correlation with Bipolar Disorder. However, if a bipolar person did act excessively jealous, it would most likely be during the depressive phase, since that is when they tend to be the most insecure about themselves. And insecurity often goes hand-in-hand with jealousy.