debdaniel
06-01-2005, 03:00 PM
My dad is dying after suffering for months. He has been on "comfort care"? for a month now. He stopped eating in April. Now he don't drink. Only sleeps. He is a bone with skin. This process of him in the latter stage of life is really taking its toll on or family. My fibro is in one of the worst flairs I have experienced. I cannot sleep, I cannot walk or stand. Sitting is so very painful. Sitting only make things work. I feel so bad when I am not with him. Nothing is helping the pain I am in both physically and emotionally. I don't know what to do to stop the pain from the fibro. Sitting is now becoming very painful.
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bluelakelady
06-01-2005, 04:22 PM
dear debdaniel,
there is nothing you can do except remember to breath. deeply and slowly. fibromyalgia feeds on our emotional state. it makes sense that it would hit so hard. your heart is hurting. you are watching a person you have known all your life prepare to leave his body.
my step daddy died 29 years ago and my birth father 1 year ago. this is a very big deal in your life. death of a parent really hurts our feeling of security. they are our anchor. they are our protector and they are leaving. so many emotions. fear, loss, anger, frustration and pain. with fibromyalgia all emotional pain is expressed by the body.
there will always be moments in life where we are swamped by our emotions. naturally this is one for you and every child/adult who must say good bye to a parent. no matter how old we get, losing our parents is hard.
there is also peace. knowing the person you love is free. free of the body that has been so well used. a part of your daddy will always be with you. i know this to be true. after 29 years i can still hear my daddys voice and sometimes even smell his scent. parents leave a part of themselves inside us when they die.
i am here for you my friend. in any capacity i can serve you. i will send energy for peace of mind and healing of body. so you do the deep breathing and know that i am breathing with you. standing by your side to support you when you need to lean. always.
peace,
bluelakelady
there is nothing you can do except remember to breath. deeply and slowly. fibromyalgia feeds on our emotional state. it makes sense that it would hit so hard. your heart is hurting. you are watching a person you have known all your life prepare to leave his body.
my step daddy died 29 years ago and my birth father 1 year ago. this is a very big deal in your life. death of a parent really hurts our feeling of security. they are our anchor. they are our protector and they are leaving. so many emotions. fear, loss, anger, frustration and pain. with fibromyalgia all emotional pain is expressed by the body.
there will always be moments in life where we are swamped by our emotions. naturally this is one for you and every child/adult who must say good bye to a parent. no matter how old we get, losing our parents is hard.
there is also peace. knowing the person you love is free. free of the body that has been so well used. a part of your daddy will always be with you. i know this to be true. after 29 years i can still hear my daddys voice and sometimes even smell his scent. parents leave a part of themselves inside us when they die.
i am here for you my friend. in any capacity i can serve you. i will send energy for peace of mind and healing of body. so you do the deep breathing and know that i am breathing with you. standing by your side to support you when you need to lean. always.
peace,
bluelakelady
hangin
06-01-2005, 05:28 PM
Dear DebDaniel,
I am so sorry to hear about your father. In 2000 I went through a similar thing in that my mother and I nursed my father as he was dying...it was extremely stressful and my fibro was the worse I can ever remember. At times I thought I would loose it but then I thought about how my family and mother needed me, my father did to, I was able to get it together. I am not saying you shouldn't feel your pain, you cannot help it. My heart goes out to you so much, the pain is not only in your body but in your heart and spirit.
We nursed my father for 6 months, I know how hard it can be in the later stage of an illness. He was on "hospice care" for the last 2 months.
What got me through was knowing that I was receiving an incredible gift, I was able to give back to my father who had given to me all of my life. I felt that it was sacred to be able to hold my father when he weighed as much as 90 pounds..it was like holding a sweet baby who needed my compassion and love. When my father was healthy I was never able to hold him that way. I feel as if I was given a chance to show my father that he was leaving behind someone who could take care of herself...even if I felt awful I never told him that...I know it is hard but I tried to put myself in his place. In the last 2 months he couldn't talk but I knew he was there and talked to him as if he could hear every word I said. When his time was getting nearer, I kept whispering in his ear that he could let go, Mom would be ok and so would all of his children. I told him that his love and spirit would always be with us, at times I know I saw a smile.
He died peacefully with perhaps 40 of his loved ones around him, at home, in his bed...I know that I was dealing with an angel at the end. :angel: Your father will always be there, I can feel mine with me all the time.
I realize it doesn't make your pain easy, like BLL said, try to breathe, cry when you have to, hold nothing back, it builds up inside and makes your pain worse. It was the biggest loss of my life and you will go through many stages. Don't feel guilty about feeling bad, your body cannot help it and you are grieving.
If you can't sit, try lots and lots of pillows on a chair or on the floor. For me there was another bed in the room so I was able to lay down. One thing I do remember is that my guard never went down and I didn't realize how I was holding my body until after my father passed and I relaxed a little. Try to go into a quiet room or place when you can, breathe and tell your body to let go, at least for a little while.
Remember, this to shall pass, time heals all wounds...try to rest when you can....no words I can say will take away the pain of having a loved one pass away. I never thought I would be able to think about my father without crying, now I think about him and smile :)
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. It isn't easy to loose a person who was your security all your life. Just remember that he is alive in you.
Keep posting, it is important that you let you emotions out--tell us how you are feeling, not matter what.
All my love, Janet
I am so sorry to hear about your father. In 2000 I went through a similar thing in that my mother and I nursed my father as he was dying...it was extremely stressful and my fibro was the worse I can ever remember. At times I thought I would loose it but then I thought about how my family and mother needed me, my father did to, I was able to get it together. I am not saying you shouldn't feel your pain, you cannot help it. My heart goes out to you so much, the pain is not only in your body but in your heart and spirit.
We nursed my father for 6 months, I know how hard it can be in the later stage of an illness. He was on "hospice care" for the last 2 months.
What got me through was knowing that I was receiving an incredible gift, I was able to give back to my father who had given to me all of my life. I felt that it was sacred to be able to hold my father when he weighed as much as 90 pounds..it was like holding a sweet baby who needed my compassion and love. When my father was healthy I was never able to hold him that way. I feel as if I was given a chance to show my father that he was leaving behind someone who could take care of herself...even if I felt awful I never told him that...I know it is hard but I tried to put myself in his place. In the last 2 months he couldn't talk but I knew he was there and talked to him as if he could hear every word I said. When his time was getting nearer, I kept whispering in his ear that he could let go, Mom would be ok and so would all of his children. I told him that his love and spirit would always be with us, at times I know I saw a smile.
He died peacefully with perhaps 40 of his loved ones around him, at home, in his bed...I know that I was dealing with an angel at the end. :angel: Your father will always be there, I can feel mine with me all the time.
I realize it doesn't make your pain easy, like BLL said, try to breathe, cry when you have to, hold nothing back, it builds up inside and makes your pain worse. It was the biggest loss of my life and you will go through many stages. Don't feel guilty about feeling bad, your body cannot help it and you are grieving.
If you can't sit, try lots and lots of pillows on a chair or on the floor. For me there was another bed in the room so I was able to lay down. One thing I do remember is that my guard never went down and I didn't realize how I was holding my body until after my father passed and I relaxed a little. Try to go into a quiet room or place when you can, breathe and tell your body to let go, at least for a little while.
Remember, this to shall pass, time heals all wounds...try to rest when you can....no words I can say will take away the pain of having a loved one pass away. I never thought I would be able to think about my father without crying, now I think about him and smile :)
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. It isn't easy to loose a person who was your security all your life. Just remember that he is alive in you.
Keep posting, it is important that you let you emotions out--tell us how you are feeling, not matter what.
All my love, Janet
jdlfmc
06-01-2005, 06:21 PM
Deb, I'm so sorry to hear of your father, I lost both my parents like that and know that it is one of the most devasting of times, please know you are in my thoughts and prayers.
You have been given advice and support by some of the best, I can only add that try to let it go and breath, this is one of those things you can not change and all you can do is take care of yourself now and be with your father when you can, this is a time to prepare for letting go and know that when your father finally does he will be at peace and no longer suffering, I'm sure that he would not want you to stress to the point of making your self even sicker, he will take comfort in knowing you are taking care of you even if he can't tell you this himself now.
Know that you remain in my thoughts.
Linda
You have been given advice and support by some of the best, I can only add that try to let it go and breath, this is one of those things you can not change and all you can do is take care of yourself now and be with your father when you can, this is a time to prepare for letting go and know that when your father finally does he will be at peace and no longer suffering, I'm sure that he would not want you to stress to the point of making your self even sicker, he will take comfort in knowing you are taking care of you even if he can't tell you this himself now.
Know that you remain in my thoughts.
Linda
bilij
06-01-2005, 07:30 PM
Dear DebDaniel, There are no words that seem adequate at
times like you are going through. Most of us are not afraid of
death itself; we are afraid of the process of dying. The pain
you are living with day in, day out is the worse pain on earth,
that's the pain of watching over a loved one and not being able
to make it better. This is a difficult time even if you were in perfect
health. In the Bible there is a story of how God fed the children of
Israel on manna. It had to be gathered every day for that day. They
couldn't borrow from tomorrows supply nor could they save it for the
next day. Our strenght is like the manna, it's for today only and that's
how we face such pain and sorrow. What a blessing you are to you
daddy. I lost my dad in 1976. My wonderful memories of him are as
fresh today as they were 29 years ago. My prayers are with you for
both physical and emotional strength. Your fibro friend,
Bilij
PS..Try to take advantage of friends and family when they offer to help,
and don't feel guilty. Maybe your doctor could help with the increased pain
medication.
times like you are going through. Most of us are not afraid of
death itself; we are afraid of the process of dying. The pain
you are living with day in, day out is the worse pain on earth,
that's the pain of watching over a loved one and not being able
to make it better. This is a difficult time even if you were in perfect
health. In the Bible there is a story of how God fed the children of
Israel on manna. It had to be gathered every day for that day. They
couldn't borrow from tomorrows supply nor could they save it for the
next day. Our strenght is like the manna, it's for today only and that's
how we face such pain and sorrow. What a blessing you are to you
daddy. I lost my dad in 1976. My wonderful memories of him are as
fresh today as they were 29 years ago. My prayers are with you for
both physical and emotional strength. Your fibro friend,
Bilij
PS..Try to take advantage of friends and family when they offer to help,
and don't feel guilty. Maybe your doctor could help with the increased pain
medication.
rosebuddy
06-01-2005, 08:24 PM
Dear Deb,
I agree with what everyone is saying to help you get through this heartwrenching and also physically painful time in your life. I love what Bilij said about manna, that God gave then what they needed to live one day at a time. And they couldn't borrow or save. They relied on God each day. (actually, I didn't know this part about the manna, only that God provided it. That really touched my heart. Thanks Bilij)
As I sit here, I cannot think of anything to ease your emotional pain but to feel it, live it, help him one day. And wake up tomorrow and do it again.
As far as your physical pain, you will get sicker from painful emotions, its just how our body works with fms. So take care of yourself. You must do that. Make a list of the things that you need to do to take care of yourself and just check them off daily, that way when you are feeling zapped, you won't even have to think about it. Schedule time for yourself each day and read a novel or do puzzles or whatever so that you can get distracted from the pain. Don't isolate. Come here and visit too.
I also agree that you need some pain meds.
I also couldn't sit for a long time and still can't for very long and never in a hard chair or I will pay dearly. i stand or recline.
I am a firm believer in prayer and quiet time alone so that you can regain your strength each day. It may help to journal or sketch too. When I lost my old life to fms, I went through the steps of grieving with an art therapist. I am not artistically inclined but it changed my life, drawing my feelings and where I hurt and how I felt. It helped me so much.
You are in my prayers,
Donna
I agree with what everyone is saying to help you get through this heartwrenching and also physically painful time in your life. I love what Bilij said about manna, that God gave then what they needed to live one day at a time. And they couldn't borrow or save. They relied on God each day. (actually, I didn't know this part about the manna, only that God provided it. That really touched my heart. Thanks Bilij)
As I sit here, I cannot think of anything to ease your emotional pain but to feel it, live it, help him one day. And wake up tomorrow and do it again.
As far as your physical pain, you will get sicker from painful emotions, its just how our body works with fms. So take care of yourself. You must do that. Make a list of the things that you need to do to take care of yourself and just check them off daily, that way when you are feeling zapped, you won't even have to think about it. Schedule time for yourself each day and read a novel or do puzzles or whatever so that you can get distracted from the pain. Don't isolate. Come here and visit too.
I also agree that you need some pain meds.
I also couldn't sit for a long time and still can't for very long and never in a hard chair or I will pay dearly. i stand or recline.
I am a firm believer in prayer and quiet time alone so that you can regain your strength each day. It may help to journal or sketch too. When I lost my old life to fms, I went through the steps of grieving with an art therapist. I am not artistically inclined but it changed my life, drawing my feelings and where I hurt and how I felt. It helped me so much.
You are in my prayers,
Donna
debdaniel
06-02-2005, 02:24 PM
Thank you all. Your kind words were very comforting. Today I am not as teary eyed as yesterday, although my pain gets worse each day. I feel so torn in wanting this long torment to end, but yet I don't want to lose my dad forever. Truth is that the dad I know and love has already left the frail body that I call "dad". I want him to find peace. One day my body will heal and my heart will too. I pray he gets his healing soon.
jdlfmc
06-02-2005, 02:34 PM
Deb, Both my parents passed of cancer my Mother when I was 16 and long ago when they didn't belive in keeping the patients comfortable and my Father about 10 yrs ago and they kept him as comfortable as possible, both were very long and a experience I will never forget I can only say that it is the watching them suffer that is the hardest, I was so relieved to see both my parents out of the suffering that I had to thank God for taking them, of course I still and always will miss them but in my heart know that they are at peace at long last.
You have a great iner strength and will get through this, I feel it.
Linda
You have a great iner strength and will get through this, I feel it.
Linda
Glojer
06-02-2005, 02:38 PM
Debdanial, I will be thinking about you and praying for you. When you need extra strentgh, dip into the well we offer here. We have enough to help sustain you through this time of pain. Try to breath, relax, and let the pain flow from your body.
Glojer
Glojer
hangin
06-02-2005, 03:01 PM
Hi Deb,
Just wanted to let you know that I am thinking and praying for you, your father and your family. I know you are in a lot of pain, spiritually and physically.
I do think you need pain meds, especially at this time.
Peace and love, Janet
Just wanted to let you know that I am thinking and praying for you, your father and your family. I know you are in a lot of pain, spiritually and physically.
I do think you need pain meds, especially at this time.
Peace and love, Janet
JenniferEvelynn
06-06-2005, 03:35 PM
Hi DebDaniel,
I echo all that has been said on this thread. Losing a parent is one of the hardest things we go through. I lost my dad 13 years ago and sometimes it feels like it was yesterday.
My heart goes out to you - I will pray for you.
Keep us posted, okay?
God bless, Jen
I echo all that has been said on this thread. Losing a parent is one of the hardest things we go through. I lost my dad 13 years ago and sometimes it feels like it was yesterday.
My heart goes out to you - I will pray for you.
Keep us posted, okay?
God bless, Jen