4pbears
06-02-2005, 10:12 PM
i have had OCD for over 35 years, but in the last couple of years it has been a lot worse. i also have been a christian for over 25 years, but in the last few months i am having a hard time still believing in God or Jesus, or even that they exist. it has gotten to the point that i can't control my thoughts anymore, its like they are automatic, and center on evil thoughts. for example today, i am having thoughts that i am the devil. these thoughts like i said just come on anytime, and these evil thoughts just pop in like they were normal everyday thoughts. i have prayed for years to God to ask him for his help with this, and the only answer i seem to get is silence. after having OCD for over 35 years, i am worn out, and exhausted trying to fight these thoughts with little success to speak of. i don't or can't call on God to help me with this anymore because as i said earlier, i really haven't gotten an answer in 25 years. i guess i am to the point of just asking myself what i did to deserve having a life like this, why am i being punished like this? well i guess the reason why i am writing this is to ask if anyone is or has felt like this.
Dave.
Dave.
Sponsor
Losec20mg
06-02-2005, 11:32 PM
hmm ok listen to me Dave..i also lived many years with thaughts like those where i had the devil sleeping under my bed, and, seeing blood on peoples faces wherever i went and, i took so many meds but, nothing cured my thaughts..until 16 months ago when my doctor found out that i had a gluten allergy..gluten for me was the monster in my intestine...ever since iv been gluten free all those thaughts have disapeared and, no more meds..and, no more negative thoughts.. ok..just wanted to let you know that the problem might not be in your head..but, more likely in your gutt..go get tested for allergies...maybe you are suffering for an intolarence.. good luck :) I am almost sure that it is a food that you are eating thats doing this.
yfguitarist
06-03-2005, 03:04 PM
I'm a Christian as well and I"ve been having evil thoughts, too, just like wanting to kill people and stuff
bondgrll
06-06-2005, 02:52 AM
Are you on any SSRIs? Prozac and Zoloft are supposed to be excellent for OCD...at high doses. Also you should be evaluated by a psychiatrist. Having to live with those thoughts is no way to live. I'm a Christian too, and I feel that God put medicine in the hands of people to help others that may need them. I used to be real caught up in the "don't want to take medicine" thing, that I should be able to "pray" away bad thoughts....didn't happen. Good luck
yfguitarist
06-06-2005, 03:19 AM
I don't think you're talking to me but I'm not on drugs or seeing a doctor. I need to, though. I know that's what's keeping me from getting help partially, that I should be able to pray away bad thoughts, I've been trying to for five years, maybe God is trying to get me to get help. That's what my dad thinks, too, which is another thing keeping me from getting help.
P00hbear
06-06-2005, 04:58 AM
I agree that there are reasons for the advance of medication - God has created many cures through man for various disorders, even though prayer works, sometimes it works in ways other than we might think and we have to take action on our part to find the solution.
Sari05
06-06-2005, 11:08 PM
i have had OCD for over 35 years, but in the last couple of years it has been a lot worse. i also have been a christian for over 25 years, but in the last few months i am having a hard time still believing in God or Jesus, or even that they exist. it has gotten to the point that i can't control my thoughts anymore, its like they are automatic, and center on evil thoughts. for example today, i am having thoughts that i am the devil. these thoughts like i said just come on anytime, and these evil thoughts just pop in like they were normal everyday thoughts. i have prayed for years to God to ask him for his help with this, and the only answer i seem to get is silence. after having OCD for over 35 years, i am worn out, and exhausted trying to fight these thoughts with little success to speak of. i don't or can't call on God to help me with this anymore because as i said earlier, i really haven't gotten an answer in 25 years. i guess i am to the point of just asking myself what i did to deserve having a life like this, why am i being punished like this? well i guess the reason why i am writing this is to ask if anyone is or has felt like this. Dave.
I have OCD too, I have obsession of washing myself. Also I have violent thoughts, I have thoughts of killing myself and my family. I am a Catholic and I believe in God, but my head keeps on telling me that religion is evil, also it tells me that everything in my bedroom is evil, also it tells me that my family is evil and that I am evil too. My head tells me that I am evil and crazy, I am on medication and I am seeing a psychologist. Having OCD is terrible, its a living nightmare, I am really sick of it, I can't stand it anymore.
I know how you feel, I know what it is like to have those kind of thoughts,
those thoughts drive you crazy. Also I am feel like I am being punished too.
I really hope that things will get better for you and I hope that you will get the help that you need. Also keep on posting on this board, talking about it helps especially if somebody knows what you are going through.
Take care and keep me posted on your OCD, I want to know how you are doing.
From,
Sari
I have OCD too, I have obsession of washing myself. Also I have violent thoughts, I have thoughts of killing myself and my family. I am a Catholic and I believe in God, but my head keeps on telling me that religion is evil, also it tells me that everything in my bedroom is evil, also it tells me that my family is evil and that I am evil too. My head tells me that I am evil and crazy, I am on medication and I am seeing a psychologist. Having OCD is terrible, its a living nightmare, I am really sick of it, I can't stand it anymore.
I know how you feel, I know what it is like to have those kind of thoughts,
those thoughts drive you crazy. Also I am feel like I am being punished too.
I really hope that things will get better for you and I hope that you will get the help that you need. Also keep on posting on this board, talking about it helps especially if somebody knows what you are going through.
Take care and keep me posted on your OCD, I want to know how you are doing.
From,
Sari
GatsbyLuvr1920
06-26-2005, 03:12 PM
Neither can I! All day long, even though I'm on 150 mg of Zoloft, I have blasphemous obsessions constantly. I'll hear profane words along with "God," "Jesus," "church," etc. or things like, "I love the devil." It's really frustrating because I'm very religious as well. My compulsion is to tap on any surface (started out by "knocking on wood") and saying, "Forgive me, God" over and over in a good rhythm until it feels right to stop; then I cross myself. I know that it's just my OCD and I've started to say "I hate OCD" when I hear "I hate God," but the obsessions still cause me anguish. Hopefully, we can both overcome them! Good luck and God bless!
-GatsbyLuvr1920-
-GatsbyLuvr1920-
TakeThatOCD
06-27-2005, 12:20 PM
Gatsbyluvr1920,
You are so right.You hit the nail right on the head in your descriptions. What you described is almost exactly what I have in my obsessions. Having thoughts of Hating god when you don't. Loving the devil when you don't. Mine also include " I worship the devil" "Come to me Satin or the devil or whatever you want to call him" when that's not what I want. Another one is "I rebuke the Lord" when I don't and all other kinds of stupid and ridiculous thoughts which is what they are but they torment me on a daily basis. Sorry, I don't want to give you any new obsessions but that's what some of mine are. Do your thoughts generally run something along those lines? Mine do and the thing which is sad is there isn't an element of truth to it but like you say it drives you crazy. When I do have the thought or have the impulse to have it I always add to whatever the blasphemous thought is "THAT is a ridiculous thought" I add that right after the the blasphemous thought and then I rebuke Satin in the name of Jesus Christ. I guess that's kind of my ritual to "neutralize" thought the thought. Like you I sometimes try to add this or something else in like "I hate the devil" when there might be some bad thought directed at god. I am going to see the therapist later today so we'll see what he has to say. God bless.
You are so right.You hit the nail right on the head in your descriptions. What you described is almost exactly what I have in my obsessions. Having thoughts of Hating god when you don't. Loving the devil when you don't. Mine also include " I worship the devil" "Come to me Satin or the devil or whatever you want to call him" when that's not what I want. Another one is "I rebuke the Lord" when I don't and all other kinds of stupid and ridiculous thoughts which is what they are but they torment me on a daily basis. Sorry, I don't want to give you any new obsessions but that's what some of mine are. Do your thoughts generally run something along those lines? Mine do and the thing which is sad is there isn't an element of truth to it but like you say it drives you crazy. When I do have the thought or have the impulse to have it I always add to whatever the blasphemous thought is "THAT is a ridiculous thought" I add that right after the the blasphemous thought and then I rebuke Satin in the name of Jesus Christ. I guess that's kind of my ritual to "neutralize" thought the thought. Like you I sometimes try to add this or something else in like "I hate the devil" when there might be some bad thought directed at god. I am going to see the therapist later today so we'll see what he has to say. God bless.
GatsbyLuvr1920
06-27-2005, 08:59 PM
TakeThatOCD-
My main obsession is hearing the "F" word in front of God's name, which I absolutely despise because I absolutely despise the "F" word. The horrible part is that when I do my compulsion and mentally say "Forgive me, God" while I tap, I sometimes hear "'F' me, God" instead. Then I start over. One night about a week and a half ago I heard "I love the Devil," and this was really distressing to me because it was the first time (and only as of yet) that I had ever had that particular obsession. I tapped and said "I love God" and "I love Jesus" for at least 15 minutes, and I had a mild panic attack. Since I have the "'F' God" obsession so much, I don't panic as much as when I first had it, but I still always have to tap. Right now, it's just a nuisance because I hate it so much and it won't stop. Whenever I read a religious word, the obsession prevails. (sigh) :rolleyes: I go to the therapist tomorrow, and hopefully, when I begin my CBT, I can get better. Good luck and God bless! :angel:
-GatsbyLuvr1920-
My main obsession is hearing the "F" word in front of God's name, which I absolutely despise because I absolutely despise the "F" word. The horrible part is that when I do my compulsion and mentally say "Forgive me, God" while I tap, I sometimes hear "'F' me, God" instead. Then I start over. One night about a week and a half ago I heard "I love the Devil," and this was really distressing to me because it was the first time (and only as of yet) that I had ever had that particular obsession. I tapped and said "I love God" and "I love Jesus" for at least 15 minutes, and I had a mild panic attack. Since I have the "'F' God" obsession so much, I don't panic as much as when I first had it, but I still always have to tap. Right now, it's just a nuisance because I hate it so much and it won't stop. Whenever I read a religious word, the obsession prevails. (sigh) :rolleyes: I go to the therapist tomorrow, and hopefully, when I begin my CBT, I can get better. Good luck and God bless! :angel:
-GatsbyLuvr1920-
Kathrin74
06-28-2005, 08:43 PM
Hey 4pbears,
that's a deep question, why do we get the lives we get.... I am somebody who does believe that everything happens for a purpose, that everything can be an opportunity for growth. But of course I know what you mean, if something goes on for years and years, and there is just so much distress, it is difficult to see anything good in it.
And still, if I hadn't gone through years of OCD suffering, I wouldn't be sitting here now and be able to reply to other people and maybe give some comfort.
(Ok maybe what i write isn't helping much, but maybe it is... anyway it's good if somebody at least answers a post, right?) ;)
And if I hadn't gone through all that suffering I would appreciate many things much less now.
Just being able to look out the window when I'm on the bus, for example (I always used to see things I had to go check on).
I also had superstitious kind of OCD, the kind with "evil" thoughts and stuff like that.
You know, I really don't believe God has left you. He doesn't leave anybody. Maybe He is still waiting for you to find out something... well, I don't know, how could I, but I really don't think God just leaves somebody.
And you are not evil! One thing about OCD is this: We usually get obsessed about things that are totally CONTRARY to what we are or believe in. For example, a loving mother would get obsessed with hurting her child.
YOU ARE GOOD.
My computer time here at the library is running out, I better send this... Bye for now!
Kathrin
that's a deep question, why do we get the lives we get.... I am somebody who does believe that everything happens for a purpose, that everything can be an opportunity for growth. But of course I know what you mean, if something goes on for years and years, and there is just so much distress, it is difficult to see anything good in it.
And still, if I hadn't gone through years of OCD suffering, I wouldn't be sitting here now and be able to reply to other people and maybe give some comfort.
(Ok maybe what i write isn't helping much, but maybe it is... anyway it's good if somebody at least answers a post, right?) ;)
And if I hadn't gone through all that suffering I would appreciate many things much less now.
Just being able to look out the window when I'm on the bus, for example (I always used to see things I had to go check on).
I also had superstitious kind of OCD, the kind with "evil" thoughts and stuff like that.
You know, I really don't believe God has left you. He doesn't leave anybody. Maybe He is still waiting for you to find out something... well, I don't know, how could I, but I really don't think God just leaves somebody.
And you are not evil! One thing about OCD is this: We usually get obsessed about things that are totally CONTRARY to what we are or believe in. For example, a loving mother would get obsessed with hurting her child.
YOU ARE GOOD.
My computer time here at the library is running out, I better send this... Bye for now!
Kathrin
TakeThatOCD
06-29-2005, 12:13 AM
Gatsby,
I would be interested to hear how your CBT training goes and what is involved in that. I just saw my therapist yesterday and we discussed doing some of this.
I would be interested to hear how your CBT training goes and what is involved in that. I just saw my therapist yesterday and we discussed doing some of this.
GatsbyLuvr1920
06-29-2005, 04:15 PM
TakeThatOCD-
I went to my therapist yesterday, too! He just went through a list from the Yale-Brown Obsessive-Compulsive scale and asked me about all of my compulsions (we did obsessions last week). Next week, he said that I'll make my "fear hierarchy," where I list my obsessions on a list of 0-100 on the amount of stress that they give me. After this preliminary stuff, then we'll begin the real CBT! Talk to me anytime! :angel:
-GatsbyLuvr1920-
I went to my therapist yesterday, too! He just went through a list from the Yale-Brown Obsessive-Compulsive scale and asked me about all of my compulsions (we did obsessions last week). Next week, he said that I'll make my "fear hierarchy," where I list my obsessions on a list of 0-100 on the amount of stress that they give me. After this preliminary stuff, then we'll begin the real CBT! Talk to me anytime! :angel:
-GatsbyLuvr1920-
simplyj
06-30-2005, 10:03 PM
4pbears:
I've asked myself many, many times what I did to deserve OCD. Just today I was talking to my mom about it with so much sadness because OCD has taken so much joy and life out of what I thought could be a great life. I had so many dreams, talent and aspirations for the future and then I turned 21 (14 years ago) and my life comletely changed. I am afraid all of the time. I don't have a lot of friends because I am too caught up in my OCD world. I've forgotten what it feels like to just be carefree and happy. I start every day with worries about what OCD will attack me with. Just when one OCD symptom subsides, another surfaces with even more velocity than the last. I wanted to contribute so much to my life but instead, most days I just feel like I exist and don't live. I too am a Christian. I became born again a few weeks ago. I've always believed in God but I finally could not take life any more and just turned it over to him. I must say that I have felt better, but it's still a process and the OCD just pounces on me when I least expect it. When I do have a fairly good OCD day, I get terrible nightmares and wake up feeling horrible again.
I often wonder what purpose God has for me to go through so much pain. I haven't figured it out in all these years and I've spent a lot of time trying to figure it all out. I don;t have any great advice for you, but I did want you to know that there are others that go through it too. I wish you all the best.
j.
I've asked myself many, many times what I did to deserve OCD. Just today I was talking to my mom about it with so much sadness because OCD has taken so much joy and life out of what I thought could be a great life. I had so many dreams, talent and aspirations for the future and then I turned 21 (14 years ago) and my life comletely changed. I am afraid all of the time. I don't have a lot of friends because I am too caught up in my OCD world. I've forgotten what it feels like to just be carefree and happy. I start every day with worries about what OCD will attack me with. Just when one OCD symptom subsides, another surfaces with even more velocity than the last. I wanted to contribute so much to my life but instead, most days I just feel like I exist and don't live. I too am a Christian. I became born again a few weeks ago. I've always believed in God but I finally could not take life any more and just turned it over to him. I must say that I have felt better, but it's still a process and the OCD just pounces on me when I least expect it. When I do have a fairly good OCD day, I get terrible nightmares and wake up feeling horrible again.
I often wonder what purpose God has for me to go through so much pain. I haven't figured it out in all these years and I've spent a lot of time trying to figure it all out. I don;t have any great advice for you, but I did want you to know that there are others that go through it too. I wish you all the best.
j.