wombatcat
06-03-2005, 05:42 PM
Hi,
I am age 37, married for 5 years, husband is 33.
I'm writing about my husband because we don't understand what is/has been happening with him and we are confused and afraid.
My husband often has "mood swings" (that's what we call them). He is ordinarily a kind and thoughtful person but when he has a "mood swing", he becomes very angry about things that never bothered him before. The "rules" of our relationship can change without notice. We live in a rural area, and have had pet ducks for 3 years and pet chickens for 1 year. The most recent mood swing happened when he became so disgusted with the ducks and chickens that he told me he was leaving because he couldn't live like that any more. They are outside. In fenced pens. And getting them was a joint decision. I am so tired of not knowing what the rules are any more, that I was ready to let him go. Fortunately his "mood swing" was over as fast as it came on, he realized what had happened and decided not to leave.
I know the anger is very real to him, but details get added in that exacerbate things, too--for example, when he got angry about the ducks/chickens, he told me he had been angry for months. I knew this wasn't true, I had only had about a day's notice that he was angry. And when he "came down" from the mood swing, he told me that he hadn't been angry for months and wondered why he had thought that.
Another mood swing happened when we were bantering back and forth--we frequently tease each other in a humorous way and he'll say something teasing and I'll say something like "oh shut up" and it's funny and we keep on going....but one day he got so angry when I said "oh shut up" (we had been goofing around like usual) that he didn't speak to me for three days, then realized what had happened again and wondered what the big deal was.
Another mood swing happened when he called me from work and asked me to make his favorite dish for when he got home. I usually enjoy cooking for him and do so often, and he enjoys my cooking. He got home, asked where his food was, and when I told him it wasn't ready, he stormed into the bedroom, slammed the door and went to bed. Then when he woke up the next day, again, he wondered why he got so angry.
Lest you think this is an abusive relationship, I can tell you that these "mood swings" are very abrupt changes in his personality and are not inherent in our relationship. Usually we have a relationship with reasonably good communication and we joke around a lot together. There is no pattern to the mood swings. I can sometimes tell by the tone of his voice that one is coming on, but most of the time they are completely unpredictable, and the things that anger him are things that I have done or said a million times before and he has had no problem with. When the mood swings end, he is back to normal and those things don't anger him any more.
He talked to his doctor who prescribed Prozac 40mg, and told him that he wasn't BiPolar.
The Prozac seemed to help for a long time, but now things are getting bad again, and we are wondering if maybe he needs something different or more and we don't even really know what direction to look in.
My husband is the first to admit that he has these "mood swings". He has talked about them, and how they don't make sense and how he doesn't feel like he can be confident in who he is, when things that never made him angry before, make him so unbelievably angry.
I am so confused! I hate never knowing what is going to "set him off".
I love him very much and want to help him figure out what is going on.
I would very much appreciate any insight you can give us,
Thanks so much for your time!
I am age 37, married for 5 years, husband is 33.
I'm writing about my husband because we don't understand what is/has been happening with him and we are confused and afraid.
My husband often has "mood swings" (that's what we call them). He is ordinarily a kind and thoughtful person but when he has a "mood swing", he becomes very angry about things that never bothered him before. The "rules" of our relationship can change without notice. We live in a rural area, and have had pet ducks for 3 years and pet chickens for 1 year. The most recent mood swing happened when he became so disgusted with the ducks and chickens that he told me he was leaving because he couldn't live like that any more. They are outside. In fenced pens. And getting them was a joint decision. I am so tired of not knowing what the rules are any more, that I was ready to let him go. Fortunately his "mood swing" was over as fast as it came on, he realized what had happened and decided not to leave.
I know the anger is very real to him, but details get added in that exacerbate things, too--for example, when he got angry about the ducks/chickens, he told me he had been angry for months. I knew this wasn't true, I had only had about a day's notice that he was angry. And when he "came down" from the mood swing, he told me that he hadn't been angry for months and wondered why he had thought that.
Another mood swing happened when we were bantering back and forth--we frequently tease each other in a humorous way and he'll say something teasing and I'll say something like "oh shut up" and it's funny and we keep on going....but one day he got so angry when I said "oh shut up" (we had been goofing around like usual) that he didn't speak to me for three days, then realized what had happened again and wondered what the big deal was.
Another mood swing happened when he called me from work and asked me to make his favorite dish for when he got home. I usually enjoy cooking for him and do so often, and he enjoys my cooking. He got home, asked where his food was, and when I told him it wasn't ready, he stormed into the bedroom, slammed the door and went to bed. Then when he woke up the next day, again, he wondered why he got so angry.
Lest you think this is an abusive relationship, I can tell you that these "mood swings" are very abrupt changes in his personality and are not inherent in our relationship. Usually we have a relationship with reasonably good communication and we joke around a lot together. There is no pattern to the mood swings. I can sometimes tell by the tone of his voice that one is coming on, but most of the time they are completely unpredictable, and the things that anger him are things that I have done or said a million times before and he has had no problem with. When the mood swings end, he is back to normal and those things don't anger him any more.
He talked to his doctor who prescribed Prozac 40mg, and told him that he wasn't BiPolar.
The Prozac seemed to help for a long time, but now things are getting bad again, and we are wondering if maybe he needs something different or more and we don't even really know what direction to look in.
My husband is the first to admit that he has these "mood swings". He has talked about them, and how they don't make sense and how he doesn't feel like he can be confident in who he is, when things that never made him angry before, make him so unbelievably angry.
I am so confused! I hate never knowing what is going to "set him off".
I love him very much and want to help him figure out what is going on.
I would very much appreciate any insight you can give us,
Thanks so much for your time!
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mudhound
06-03-2005, 07:52 PM
Hello and welcome to the board. Does he admit that he has these issues?
The total truth needs to be told to your dr. Go with him on his next trip to the dr.
The total truth needs to be told to your dr. Go with him on his next trip to the dr.
Picali
06-04-2005, 03:13 AM
Hi there
Understand your frustrations completely -we've all been there, and the worst thing is always not knowing why!
Doesn't sound like bi-polar as that tends to involve longer episodes (weeks or months) rather than isolated incidents. That said, there is obviously something that troubles you both. The only thing that sprang to mind as I read your post was that he might have some 'issues' that he isn't even aware of? I've had similar problems in the past - lots of therapy brought out lots of problems I didn't even realise were bothering me, but these things can fester inside your subconcious mind and affect your conscious behaviour without you realising or being able to control it? That might also explain why he's easily ready to admit there wasn't really a problem afterwards (ie if he was ill he'd probably find it harder to be 'normal' again so quickly.
I'm not a doc. so I could be way off the mark here, but it would be worth talking to the doctor about it and getting some self help books about anger management. Another thing to think about is food intolerances - sounds crazy but I get really crabby after eating wheat - my life is so much easier when I avoid bread! Again would be worth reading up on and checking out; you'd be amazed what food intolerances can do to a person. Could also try keeping a diary of everything he eats and drinks and when he has these outbursts to see if you can find a pattern. Keep an account of things that might bother him as well - sometimes people who repress anger will blow up some time after the actual event (ie if someone nicks his parking space he'll smile at them but let loose at you about his dinner three days later). Once you identify the triggers you can find ways of helping yourself to cope with them.
Hope something there helps. Good luck and let us know how you're getting on - mood swings are hard to cope with no matter what the reason for them is. There are always people here who can give you some advice.
Picali xx
Understand your frustrations completely -we've all been there, and the worst thing is always not knowing why!
Doesn't sound like bi-polar as that tends to involve longer episodes (weeks or months) rather than isolated incidents. That said, there is obviously something that troubles you both. The only thing that sprang to mind as I read your post was that he might have some 'issues' that he isn't even aware of? I've had similar problems in the past - lots of therapy brought out lots of problems I didn't even realise were bothering me, but these things can fester inside your subconcious mind and affect your conscious behaviour without you realising or being able to control it? That might also explain why he's easily ready to admit there wasn't really a problem afterwards (ie if he was ill he'd probably find it harder to be 'normal' again so quickly.
I'm not a doc. so I could be way off the mark here, but it would be worth talking to the doctor about it and getting some self help books about anger management. Another thing to think about is food intolerances - sounds crazy but I get really crabby after eating wheat - my life is so much easier when I avoid bread! Again would be worth reading up on and checking out; you'd be amazed what food intolerances can do to a person. Could also try keeping a diary of everything he eats and drinks and when he has these outbursts to see if you can find a pattern. Keep an account of things that might bother him as well - sometimes people who repress anger will blow up some time after the actual event (ie if someone nicks his parking space he'll smile at them but let loose at you about his dinner three days later). Once you identify the triggers you can find ways of helping yourself to cope with them.
Hope something there helps. Good luck and let us know how you're getting on - mood swings are hard to cope with no matter what the reason for them is. There are always people here who can give you some advice.
Picali xx
Zbaby
06-04-2005, 03:25 AM
Has you or he noticed any pattern to the mood swings? Do they occur more often when he's not getting enough sleep? Or when he's neglected his own sustenance needs, like skipping meals, etc?
Also, has there been a history of mental illness in his family? Have there been any extreme changes or traumatic events in your lives within the last year? Was he ever like this before?
Since he's as mystified as you, perhaps you need to both keep journals regarding his behavior and your interactions. You might be able to flag a piece of the puzzle that he totally missed.
Your doc needs to know the whole truth as MH noted. Remind him of your suspicions and what behaviors lead you to believe that he is bipolar. Make sure he knows that the Prozac ain't cutting it and other courses of treatment should be considered.
I am glad to hear that he is just difficult to live with at this point rather than a danger to you. However, with unexplainable rage like that, there is still that possibility. Don't suffer through this alone. Keep us posted on any new developments.
Also, has there been a history of mental illness in his family? Have there been any extreme changes or traumatic events in your lives within the last year? Was he ever like this before?
Since he's as mystified as you, perhaps you need to both keep journals regarding his behavior and your interactions. You might be able to flag a piece of the puzzle that he totally missed.
Your doc needs to know the whole truth as MH noted. Remind him of your suspicions and what behaviors lead you to believe that he is bipolar. Make sure he knows that the Prozac ain't cutting it and other courses of treatment should be considered.
I am glad to hear that he is just difficult to live with at this point rather than a danger to you. However, with unexplainable rage like that, there is still that possibility. Don't suffer through this alone. Keep us posted on any new developments.
angelblue65
06-06-2005, 12:20 PM
Hello there,
After reading your post, I could so relate. If you have the time, you can check out some of the threads I've started regarding my BF. He has been diagnosed with BPII and is an extreme rapid cycler. Rapid cycling means one moment everything can be fine and the next moment, it's like literally turning a switch on and he becomes a completely different person, one I don't even recognize. Then it's over and after a few minutes, he's acting like nothing happened. I have gone through a lot trying to let things roll off of me and I'm getting better. By the sounds of it, you seem to be handling his moods pretty well (better than I did!).
One thing though - he and his mother share a difference of opinion - she does not believe he is Bipolar yet he feels that he is due to the number of Pdocs he's seen who all diagnosed him. However, PTSD (post traumatic stress) and depression share very similar reactions that your husband is displaying. Does he display any depression at all? My BF not only has the anger outbursts like your husband but also can quickly spiral down from a simple thought that he has.
Journaling does help as was suggested. It may reveal some patterns that you are not aware of on your own. My BF has PTSD from a childhood of abuse both physical and emotional and, aftre all this time, I am finally learning that one of his anger issues stems from the verbal abuse - he does not take criticism very well - even when I present something in the most calm and quiet way. I think it brings him back to when he did nothing right as a child (his father berated him any chance he got). Is there any history that you know of with your husband? You may not be doing anything wrong but if he's reacting to something that APPEARS to him as a slight (meaning he immediately reverts to another time when he felt bad about something), then he treats you as the person who initially hurt him.
It's good that he's aware of what is happening. Hopefully you two will be able to work at this together to determine what is happening. And as far as the meds, one can work really well but lose its effectiveness after a while. As you read more on these boards, it's a consistent problem in finding the right one(s) and continuing to have something that works.
Good luck!
After reading your post, I could so relate. If you have the time, you can check out some of the threads I've started regarding my BF. He has been diagnosed with BPII and is an extreme rapid cycler. Rapid cycling means one moment everything can be fine and the next moment, it's like literally turning a switch on and he becomes a completely different person, one I don't even recognize. Then it's over and after a few minutes, he's acting like nothing happened. I have gone through a lot trying to let things roll off of me and I'm getting better. By the sounds of it, you seem to be handling his moods pretty well (better than I did!).
One thing though - he and his mother share a difference of opinion - she does not believe he is Bipolar yet he feels that he is due to the number of Pdocs he's seen who all diagnosed him. However, PTSD (post traumatic stress) and depression share very similar reactions that your husband is displaying. Does he display any depression at all? My BF not only has the anger outbursts like your husband but also can quickly spiral down from a simple thought that he has.
Journaling does help as was suggested. It may reveal some patterns that you are not aware of on your own. My BF has PTSD from a childhood of abuse both physical and emotional and, aftre all this time, I am finally learning that one of his anger issues stems from the verbal abuse - he does not take criticism very well - even when I present something in the most calm and quiet way. I think it brings him back to when he did nothing right as a child (his father berated him any chance he got). Is there any history that you know of with your husband? You may not be doing anything wrong but if he's reacting to something that APPEARS to him as a slight (meaning he immediately reverts to another time when he felt bad about something), then he treats you as the person who initially hurt him.
It's good that he's aware of what is happening. Hopefully you two will be able to work at this together to determine what is happening. And as far as the meds, one can work really well but lose its effectiveness after a while. As you read more on these boards, it's a consistent problem in finding the right one(s) and continuing to have something that works.
Good luck!