If an individual likes to use blow alone, what is it? IT's like a social drug, no?
The exact circumstances are that I like to stay awake all night and instead of getting high, I just feel energetic, inspired and more assertive. Experiencing that without people around me gives me peace instead anxiety. Even though I do like to be with people if we make a party, sometimes my friends go through judgemental, sensual, depressed and moody phases, and people that I do not know always get fixated on me because my behavior on coke is so mellow and really attentive.
But, it's not very normal how I increase focus and I never feel depressed by doing what is suppose to disrupt you mentally, and it's wierder still that I like to do this alone. I was reading about cocaine because my goal is to form a disipline of control, so that I will decrease and stop it, and when when I am around it, I won't touch something that I personally decided to reject and individually accomplished.

I just add in because I am recently here and I am not sure if I can discuss a drug or ask a question about it if I am not recovering of addiction or asking for support af addiction. I think there would be a difference between a vocalizing forum which tends to the psychological, or if only general information may be given with a controlled response. I thought it was the first of these because there is no one attacks what other people say, and there are moderators for each board.
And if anyone might answer that though it's off topic, I need to be in this community so I appreciate knowing specifically. Thank you.

Well I used cocaine a very long time ago and it made me feel the same way, it calmed me down which is not what its ment to do. I could even sleep really well when I was on it. Hell I can drink coffee before bed and be relaxed and sleep awesome.
I did only use for recreational fun I was never addicted so Im not sure I qualify to post here either however and this makes sense.
My daughter was given ritalin for ADHD which is a form of speed, your giving speed to someone who is already hyper??
yes you are because they lack a chemical in their brains that when is increased makes them relax. Didnt hit me until I thought back to how I was just like my daughter in school and still am today I suffer from anxiety, and all the pills they give me make me speedy but calm me down too. So the effect of cocaine is basically the same if you lack that chemical. I hope you can understand what I am saying here.

Adriene..
The fact that you use coke-outside a "party"-situation..by yourself-and it calms you/etc..sounds to me like you may have Attention defict-ADD-
Im not a Dr. i cannot diagnose this-but you should search on the web-there are some online tests-particularly the amen test..
You mentioned you are a model..do you use this also to control your weight?
Sorry-if i seem to be nosy..but im really trying to help..
Cocaine is a powerful/addictive drug..and although you have a supportive grp. of users around you..that will tell you its okay..its really not..
From your post-it sounds to me-like you've developed a pychological dependance..im not trying to make you feel bad-or judge..im an addict..
You came here cos you sense there is a issue..
You are in the right place..
Do you want to continue to use?If not-i would suggest-doing an online test-and if it shows that you have ADD-i would contact a Dr. and get on adderall-or one of the stimulant meds that would help you-and you wouldn't have to use coke-to calm/or energise you..and you would be under a dr.s care.
I hope this helps you-as i said-no judgement-i could be wrong..
just my 2 cents-
I hope this has been helpful in some way..
ggrl :angel:

Thanks. Yes. I use cocaine to control my weight, because I'm not petite. I have a regular frame and so I have to keep my weight way below normal. That's not the issue. I like it. Sometimes I take it when I do not want it much of the time, because I do not like to be high. I haven't been high since I started using it.
I do not like people when they're high either, because they are like, "listen listen, <insert loooooong rambling here>." I get frustrated when I get seperated from my girlfriend, and I noticed an increase of use when I began to see her.
I go out to the same clubs too. People deal lines right up in the VIP section, and in the back room where the regular people arent allowed, when you are a model at a big club and you become a regular, you become associated with it and the promoters give you anything you want to keep you coming with your other friends. They give you a bottle and whatever. This is straying off my topic too. I do not have ADD, at all. I have no trouble paying attention and I notice everything. I never get distracted, people notice and comment on my perceptiveness. I do have extreme sesitivity though. Light, sound, especially smell and flavour all bother me if I don't like it. I thought I was bipolar for a while, but I am not depressed. I have a high IQ, and maybe I'm just disrupted by things. But I do not have ADD. And I agreee. My dependance seems to psychological so far, because my body doesn't look forward to it.

Hi Adrien,

You're singing my song, or many of the verses anyway. I too once wondered why I would like to isolate or enjoy my solitude with a drug that is and certainly was for me a powerful social lubricant. Over many years of increasing usage and evolving methods of usage I went from using cocaine exclusively in social situations to using cocaine exclusively in private.

I have always been a high-energy person and this stimulant actually had a calming effect for me too. This is not uncommon for people with ADD but I don't have ADD either--I've always been able to focus. I believe the reason it seemed to have a calming and focusing effect was because my mind was numbed to my worries and preoccupations. It never lowered my heart rate or blood pressure but I was as they say "comfortably numb."

This was when it worked. A time came when it no longer worked. It was as if the mechanism that made it all work gradually malfunctioned. It still had a numbing effect but it started to have a worrying effect. I eventually came to associate cocaine with self-destruction.

Once during a period where cocaine was still working but I was starting to become skeptical, I conducted an interesting test. I tape recorded an evening of my using cocaine (with others) to see if the conversation that seemed so intelligent, lucid, and fascinating when I used still seemed so when I was sober. Listening to the tape the next morning was a real shocker--I felt the opposite of how I had felt the night before. The conversation was mundane, rambling, and circular. It was then that I determined I wasn't going to accomplish anything great while using cocaine.

Kept using for the feeling it gave me for a long time, but that was it. In my earlier use, I also did not get high per se. I always liked to say that cocaine just enhanced my reality. But it works both ways--later the bad got enhanced. Like you, the doctors thought I was bipolar (which I'm not). I also have a very high IQ but that doesn't decrease the liklihood for addicition.

My dependence became completely psychological (that was plenty enough for me!) All my body wanted was water, food, and sleep. Cocaine hijacked the brain centers that made me hungry, sleepy, etc. What started out as a curiosity became an addicition when I wanted to stop but could not.

I'm glad you are here. I hope I was able to shed some light on some of your questions and hope you feel some comfort from others like myself who can identify with your situation.

It's been over ten years since I had any drink/drug but here I am well after midnight with plenty of energy--all natural (or naturally abnormal!)--living life on life's terms and plenty grateful for all of it.

Sure would like to hear more about how you're doing, Adrienn.

Peace

Thank you sumtimes for taking te time to post that. I do have preoccupations, and major responsibilities that cocaine helps me accomplish, like staying awake mroe hours, losing weight, and feeling comfortable. I get embaressed to take drugs around people too, not socially doing a line or two. But I won't get high, because I don't like people to see me like that.
I am so glad you posted to me. Thanks, write more if doesn't bother you. I mean add anything if you think of it.