Adrienn
06-05-2005, 06:31 AM
I purposely did not read a lot about manic depression because I don't want to create an issue if it's not there.
If I'm not manic depressant, I am normally a hypermaniac.
I know a lot of bipolar people like to write, and that's what I like to do. I want to be a writer, because it makes me calm and entertains me. I sty home to do that. I like to do interactive things, but not really watch TV because I am bored with things like that. I can't really handle relationships, because I get so attached that I can not live without the other person. I do not eat or sleep, and if she's sick, I get physically sick just knowing it. I used to be so promiscious that I took so many lovers. I refused to even have a relationship. I obsess about my career and my work. I of course can't sleep. When I turned around 21 I noticed I felt like I died and became some other person, and maybe it's just things that I did, but I am accused of being so different. I'm gay, so straight people saying that made me start to get frustrated at them because that's capatilized upon, yeah I'm a lesbian model hmmm, but then gay people say I'm different, and they think it's great, but that just goes to show you.
I did start to use drugs, but only recently. I just keep getting more wierd and intense but I do not get depressed. I'm always awake and everything makes me nervous all the time, but I definately do not feel depressed. I avoid thinking about my problems, to the point I forget they exsist. But I do not think I have problems except the ones I get myself into with girls or going out sometimes. I infatuate people because I am so confident and then I ignore them so I do not have to help them with their issues, because for some reason ppl think that I am smart and focused, and since I immdiately give good advice at the drop of a hat, they are like...oh, I know you can help me with this...
Maybe I'm just in such a strange world and I bring this on myself, but, I do not like the fact that I am still different. Could this be an onset of bipolar? I wish I could describe it more. I think that a lot of what I said is positive, but the way I feel, it's not like I'm sad. It's like I'm stuck. Like, no one is strong to me like I am for them. I get bored all the time. I can't make up my mind about things, and I force myself to do normal things that should be easy, while I do things that are suppose to be hard so easily. And yes I am very frustrated easily, but just my general range of emotions seems to be out of balance.
If I'm not manic depressant, I am normally a hypermaniac.
I know a lot of bipolar people like to write, and that's what I like to do. I want to be a writer, because it makes me calm and entertains me. I sty home to do that. I like to do interactive things, but not really watch TV because I am bored with things like that. I can't really handle relationships, because I get so attached that I can not live without the other person. I do not eat or sleep, and if she's sick, I get physically sick just knowing it. I used to be so promiscious that I took so many lovers. I refused to even have a relationship. I obsess about my career and my work. I of course can't sleep. When I turned around 21 I noticed I felt like I died and became some other person, and maybe it's just things that I did, but I am accused of being so different. I'm gay, so straight people saying that made me start to get frustrated at them because that's capatilized upon, yeah I'm a lesbian model hmmm, but then gay people say I'm different, and they think it's great, but that just goes to show you.
I did start to use drugs, but only recently. I just keep getting more wierd and intense but I do not get depressed. I'm always awake and everything makes me nervous all the time, but I definately do not feel depressed. I avoid thinking about my problems, to the point I forget they exsist. But I do not think I have problems except the ones I get myself into with girls or going out sometimes. I infatuate people because I am so confident and then I ignore them so I do not have to help them with their issues, because for some reason ppl think that I am smart and focused, and since I immdiately give good advice at the drop of a hat, they are like...oh, I know you can help me with this...
Maybe I'm just in such a strange world and I bring this on myself, but, I do not like the fact that I am still different. Could this be an onset of bipolar? I wish I could describe it more. I think that a lot of what I said is positive, but the way I feel, it's not like I'm sad. It's like I'm stuck. Like, no one is strong to me like I am for them. I get bored all the time. I can't make up my mind about things, and I force myself to do normal things that should be easy, while I do things that are suppose to be hard so easily. And yes I am very frustrated easily, but just my general range of emotions seems to be out of balance.
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mudhound
06-05-2005, 07:16 AM
writing is one way of letting our inner person come out. Just the fact that you are here mean that you must be searching. Keep on. You will find what your looking for.
Ruth6:11
06-05-2005, 09:56 AM
If you are not experiencing depressions or moodswings and have NEVER experienced a serious depression I would definitely question if you are bipolar at all.
Most of us have periods between the depression and manias where we feel pretty normal. But without medication the moodswings will always return - most times stronger than the last.
I don't think you would change anything if you took a look at one of the many lists of symptoms for Bipolar Disorder (along with how long these episodes normally occur - EVERYONE has these symptoms at some point - just not for such long periods). It might help you rule out this illness at least.
There are many different disorders out there and it would take a long time to check them all out - and of course none of us are doctors here!!
I have a feeling that a few sessions with a counselor would really help you focus in on some of your main issues of concern
Oh, and by the way, I've found that the Bipolar Disorder board is one of the most supportive ones here. Don't ever hesitate to stop in even if you aren't Bipolar!
:angel:
Most of us have periods between the depression and manias where we feel pretty normal. But without medication the moodswings will always return - most times stronger than the last.
I don't think you would change anything if you took a look at one of the many lists of symptoms for Bipolar Disorder (along with how long these episodes normally occur - EVERYONE has these symptoms at some point - just not for such long periods). It might help you rule out this illness at least.
There are many different disorders out there and it would take a long time to check them all out - and of course none of us are doctors here!!
I have a feeling that a few sessions with a counselor would really help you focus in on some of your main issues of concern
Oh, and by the way, I've found that the Bipolar Disorder board is one of the most supportive ones here. Don't ever hesitate to stop in even if you aren't Bipolar!
:angel:
Zbaby
06-05-2005, 12:00 PM
Adrien - you could be BP and in denial, or you truly don't have depressions and you're something else. Something tells me you're the latter. Please follow Ruth's advice and get thee to a p-doc.
You sound like you have a larger-than-life persona that everyone buys into, yet you're very aware of your own faults, even when you're in denial that nothing's wrong. I've known several artists who exhibit symptoms like yours, maybe not all in the same person, but the elements are there. They tend to be prolific since they don't get much sleep anyway. Detachment in personal relationships allows you to delve more fully into life without boring responsibilities. Artists can be notorious flakes, too.
Please note that I'm not glamorizing your life, simply calling it as I see it. You're probably better off seeing a p-doc and getting a correct diagnosis. Also, there may be emotional issues that you're blocking, too. Until you address them, you might not realize your full potential at the height of health. And when you realize that you're happy with your state of being, it's likely that you'll still feel different from mainstream folks, even among the G&L crowd. That's okay, too. That's the artist's perspective -- the outsider questioning life.
You may not have BP, but you're still welcome to check in and give us updates. We celebrate diversity among misfits here ;)
You sound like you have a larger-than-life persona that everyone buys into, yet you're very aware of your own faults, even when you're in denial that nothing's wrong. I've known several artists who exhibit symptoms like yours, maybe not all in the same person, but the elements are there. They tend to be prolific since they don't get much sleep anyway. Detachment in personal relationships allows you to delve more fully into life without boring responsibilities. Artists can be notorious flakes, too.
Please note that I'm not glamorizing your life, simply calling it as I see it. You're probably better off seeing a p-doc and getting a correct diagnosis. Also, there may be emotional issues that you're blocking, too. Until you address them, you might not realize your full potential at the height of health. And when you realize that you're happy with your state of being, it's likely that you'll still feel different from mainstream folks, even among the G&L crowd. That's okay, too. That's the artist's perspective -- the outsider questioning life.
You may not have BP, but you're still welcome to check in and give us updates. We celebrate diversity among misfits here ;)
*music23*
06-05-2005, 03:26 PM
We learned in psychology that there is, in fact, such thing as Manic Disorder. Just as some people are bipolar, and some people only have depression, some people only have manias. I assume it is rarer than both bipolar and major depression because I had never heard of it, but I've done a ton of research on mental illness. Maybe that's something you might want to look into.
Kristina :wave:
Kristina :wave:
Adrienn
06-05-2005, 11:41 PM
YEs, I was thinking that on this board some people may know what is happening to me. Depression is when you can not overcome being sad, and I think most people know something along the lines of being down if there is something that happens. I used to be moody when I was younger, and this stopped, so I know I don't have these symptoms. I might have anxiety. But I do not like to keep thinking on it. I agree, I should probably go to like a behavioral therepist. I do not know about that either. Can someone reccomend what type of doctor can help me, or the board for help on this? Thank you for the support.
fiesty_leo
06-06-2005, 10:16 AM
I think most people know something along the lines of being down if there is something that happens
Hi Adrienn,
Not meaning to sound presumptuous...far from it!...but (as many people on here can relate to) one of the hallmarks of depression isn't being down if something happens (although that happens too, obviously), but being down (and more) for no reason.
Hi Adrienn,
Not meaning to sound presumptuous...far from it!...but (as many people on here can relate to) one of the hallmarks of depression isn't being down if something happens (although that happens too, obviously), but being down (and more) for no reason.
Adrienn
06-11-2005, 04:03 AM
Ugh... No I am not depressed for no reason. I am unhappy but there are good reasons for it. And I don't feel hopeless. I feel overwhelmed yet determined. But I am stressed. I notice that I have a burst of creativity and insight. Then it goes away. It is all very minor, but, it is happening that I am bored with everything but planning things in intricate detail. I am so focused that I accomplish really difficult things and people think I put all my attention into one project. But I do them all at once. And then I get bored and sleep a lot and play games or slack off at the gym. I'm real chill and good then. I drink coffee and talk on the phone and watch DvDs or go to my castings. And then I can't do those things anymore. The more drama that finds me, the more tension I feel and then the more I become obsessive about outdoing everyone. Last month, I managed to convince people to invest in a business plan, convince the girlfriend of a billionaire to leave him for me, form a clubbing group that people know by name, learn a complete language like I have been speaking it for years,...it's things other people don't do. I say things that people never think of. It's just that I am smart, mayhaps. And that's all. Because it's not me, people put you in that position. And it wears off anyway. I'm going to travel again, and then I will not be so occupied with finding new things to do all the time.