jessejomomma
06-09-2005, 12:14 AM
I have currently started a relationship with someone with bipolar. I was wanting to know if there is anything that I should know about it, or any helpful tips. I really want to understand bipolar and make this relationship work. Thank you so much.
Sponsor
Jovial206
06-09-2005, 12:19 AM
Before I answer, I must ask what kind of treatment is this person getting if any?
kimber lee
06-10-2005, 07:31 AM
i would make sure that i knew for a fact that this person is diagnosed as bipolar and not just some drug addicted sympathy playing bum, sorry for the directness and i dont dicount your intelligence, its just that i have run into at least 6 people in the last 5 months that are exactly what i just said., so make sure first, and then i would make sure that he understood what bipolar is and how it affects him, becasue if he doent have a clear knowledge of what is going on with him, then it will be a guessing gamefor you to read him, then i would treat him as i would treat anyone else that didnt have bipolar, i would just be more understanding about the awake for days thing and sudden rifs of tiredness, thats all, good luck kimber lee
jessejomomma
06-11-2005, 06:18 PM
Jovial206
my boyfriend is recieving treatment. He takes medication and goes to counseling. I am new to the relationship scene, especially a relationship with bipolar. Anything is helpful.
Thank you.
my boyfriend is recieving treatment. He takes medication and goes to counseling. I am new to the relationship scene, especially a relationship with bipolar. Anything is helpful.
Thank you.
jessejomomma
06-11-2005, 06:27 PM
Kimber Lee
I want to treat him like any other person, but I want to be understanding of his disorder. He has been diagnosed, but I dont know if he is understanding much. we have had a few problems, and this relationship is new. I want him to find and understand who he is. I just need lots of patience, and helpful hints on how to deal with mood swings and anything else. Thank you very much, it is much appreciated.
I want to treat him like any other person, but I want to be understanding of his disorder. He has been diagnosed, but I dont know if he is understanding much. we have had a few problems, and this relationship is new. I want him to find and understand who he is. I just need lots of patience, and helpful hints on how to deal with mood swings and anything else. Thank you very much, it is much appreciated.
mudhound
06-11-2005, 08:54 PM
It's a tough road. It can be done. Get yourself some education about this illness. Here is a great place to start. There are book, tapes, magizenes, and other local support groups that meet in person. The info you need is out there.
kimber lee
06-12-2005, 06:13 AM
hello, thanks for writing me back, you sound like a nice person, and thats very nice that you are eager to find out what you can about his disorder, and this board is definatly the place where it seems that you will get all the advice you need and support, since everyone i have noticed is very polite, gracious and feeling towards one another ,kinda like a great big family., im impressed.
well any way,i have some more advice. This bipolar thing is a nightmare for anyone to try to understand that doesnt have it. I would make sure number one is to listen to everything he says about how he is feeling, and you dont have to feel like you have to have an answer to everything he says, because he needs someone to just listen and knod with a supporting smile.It is a good thing if he is open enough to talk to you about it, because rightly enough it really helps us bipolar people to hear ourselves talk about it because things get figured out and questions in our minds get answerd when we can talk out loud.And dont take anything to personal if you two are having some issues. There is someone that is just a natural a-hole that treats women bad or everyone for that matter, and someone that has bipolar who understands it, you will be able to distinguish the fine person that he is or if he isnt. bipolar is tricky and can suck you in to believing that this is the way it is, so just remember, keep track of your feelings and keep your self in check and dont fall completley into his path to where you loose yourself and dont try to figure anything out, thats his job to let you know what is happening once he understands it. there is know way you are going to figure out what this disorder is doing to him.So dont let it consume your life, because you have a life too that is moving forward, not backwards and the more forward you aim in life the less stale the relationship may get, he will need a positive person such as you to understand and listen, and do fun things with, and on the other hand there will be times you will think that maybe he doent want to see you as much, thats because bipolar people need lots of time by ourselves, so give him lots of space and try to be unselfish about that if you can. And maybe you will be able to see if this is the kind of thing you want to deal with for the rest of your life. i hope this helps you and i hope all of it sounded positivegood luck, kimber lee
well any way,i have some more advice. This bipolar thing is a nightmare for anyone to try to understand that doesnt have it. I would make sure number one is to listen to everything he says about how he is feeling, and you dont have to feel like you have to have an answer to everything he says, because he needs someone to just listen and knod with a supporting smile.It is a good thing if he is open enough to talk to you about it, because rightly enough it really helps us bipolar people to hear ourselves talk about it because things get figured out and questions in our minds get answerd when we can talk out loud.And dont take anything to personal if you two are having some issues. There is someone that is just a natural a-hole that treats women bad or everyone for that matter, and someone that has bipolar who understands it, you will be able to distinguish the fine person that he is or if he isnt. bipolar is tricky and can suck you in to believing that this is the way it is, so just remember, keep track of your feelings and keep your self in check and dont fall completley into his path to where you loose yourself and dont try to figure anything out, thats his job to let you know what is happening once he understands it. there is know way you are going to figure out what this disorder is doing to him.So dont let it consume your life, because you have a life too that is moving forward, not backwards and the more forward you aim in life the less stale the relationship may get, he will need a positive person such as you to understand and listen, and do fun things with, and on the other hand there will be times you will think that maybe he doent want to see you as much, thats because bipolar people need lots of time by ourselves, so give him lots of space and try to be unselfish about that if you can. And maybe you will be able to see if this is the kind of thing you want to deal with for the rest of your life. i hope this helps you and i hope all of it sounded positivegood luck, kimber lee
kimber lee
06-12-2005, 06:18 AM
hello, thanks for writing me back, you sound like a nice person, and thats very nice that you are eager to find out what you can about his disorder, and this board is definatly the place where it seems that you will get all the advice you need and support, since everyone i have noticed is very polite, gracious and feeling towards one another ,kinda like a great big family., im impressed.
well any way,i have some more advice. This bipolar thing is a nightmare for anyone to try to understand that doesnt have it. I would make sure number one is to listen to everything he says about how he is feeling, and you dont have to feel like you have to have an answer to everything he says, because he needs someone to just listen and knod with a supporting smile.It is a good thing if he is open enough to talk to you about it, because rightly enough it really helps us bipolar people to hear ourselves talk about it because things get figured out and questions in our minds get answerd when we can talk out loud.And dont take anything to personal if you two are having some issues. There is someone that is just a natural a-hole that treats women bad or everyone for that matter, and someone that has bipolar who understands it, you will be able to distinguish the fine person that he is or if he isnt. bipolar is tricky and can suck you in to believing that this is the way it is, so just remember, keep track of your feelings and keep your self in check and dont fall completley into his path to where you loose yourself and dont try to figure anything out, thats his job to let you know what is happening once he understands it. there is know way you are going to figure out what this disorder is doing to him.So dont let it consume your life, because you have a life too that is moving forward, not backwards and the more forward you aim in life the less stale the relationship may get, he will need a positive person such as you to understand and listen, and do fun things with, and on the other hand there will be times you will think that maybe he doent want to see you as much, thats because bipolar people need lots of time by ourselves, so give him lots of space and try to be unselfish about that if you can. And maybe you will be able to see if this is the kind of thing you want to deal with for the rest of your life. i hope this helps you and i hope all of it sounded positivegood luck, kimber lee
well any way,i have some more advice. This bipolar thing is a nightmare for anyone to try to understand that doesnt have it. I would make sure number one is to listen to everything he says about how he is feeling, and you dont have to feel like you have to have an answer to everything he says, because he needs someone to just listen and knod with a supporting smile.It is a good thing if he is open enough to talk to you about it, because rightly enough it really helps us bipolar people to hear ourselves talk about it because things get figured out and questions in our minds get answerd when we can talk out loud.And dont take anything to personal if you two are having some issues. There is someone that is just a natural a-hole that treats women bad or everyone for that matter, and someone that has bipolar who understands it, you will be able to distinguish the fine person that he is or if he isnt. bipolar is tricky and can suck you in to believing that this is the way it is, so just remember, keep track of your feelings and keep your self in check and dont fall completley into his path to where you loose yourself and dont try to figure anything out, thats his job to let you know what is happening once he understands it. there is know way you are going to figure out what this disorder is doing to him.So dont let it consume your life, because you have a life too that is moving forward, not backwards and the more forward you aim in life the less stale the relationship may get, he will need a positive person such as you to understand and listen, and do fun things with, and on the other hand there will be times you will think that maybe he doent want to see you as much, thats because bipolar people need lots of time by ourselves, so give him lots of space and try to be unselfish about that if you can. And maybe you will be able to see if this is the kind of thing you want to deal with for the rest of your life. i hope this helps you and i hope all of it sounded positivegood luck, kimber lee
Zbaby
06-12-2005, 02:59 PM
JJMomma - I don't know all of the particulars of your relationship, how long you've been with him, etc. However, Kimber Lee's advice about maintaining your own self-awareness is key. It's important to maintain perspective on how you're being affected and if his condition is bringing you down to the point of impacting your own health, mentally or physically.
If you are new to the dating scene, you need to seriously ask yourself if you're with him because the two of you actually share a real bond, or if you're afraid of being alone and he's the first guy to accept you. Sorry if I sound harsh, but I've been in such situations with disasterous results. It's a tough road, as Mudhound says, so please make sure you're strong enough to handle it. BP or not, it's important that you do not let any guy take advantage of you or excuse all hurtful behavior because of mental illness. Don't know how you're going to tell the difference, but please be aware that the possibility exists.
I really sucked at dating and became a walking doormat for unscrupulous BFs that I liked well enough, either out of lust, desperation or obsession. So forgive my bluntness, please. I just don't want to see you put through the wringer if this situation turns sour.
If you are new to the dating scene, you need to seriously ask yourself if you're with him because the two of you actually share a real bond, or if you're afraid of being alone and he's the first guy to accept you. Sorry if I sound harsh, but I've been in such situations with disasterous results. It's a tough road, as Mudhound says, so please make sure you're strong enough to handle it. BP or not, it's important that you do not let any guy take advantage of you or excuse all hurtful behavior because of mental illness. Don't know how you're going to tell the difference, but please be aware that the possibility exists.
I really sucked at dating and became a walking doormat for unscrupulous BFs that I liked well enough, either out of lust, desperation or obsession. So forgive my bluntness, please. I just don't want to see you put through the wringer if this situation turns sour.
Jovial206
06-13-2005, 09:30 AM
Jesse,
I was in a bipolar relationship and he ended it while manic. We had an argument and he snapped and was very mean to me - completly opposite of his personality. He had wanted to marry me. Then he acted like he hated me. He refused to speak to me. Then he wanted to speak to me. Then he started a mini-stalking thing for a couple of days. Then he got engaged and married to a woman he once told me couldn't compete with me. He still can't look me in the eye. I've never met anyone so confused.
But the thing is, he was in DENIAL. He was diagnosed as bipolar in the past and believed that he no longer had it. Some psych. doctor told him the disorder was in full remission. He was not on meds or getting any treatment.
After the break-up I researched the disorder and his behavior matches half the symptoms for mania. This board has been extremely helpfull. Thanks, guys! Anyway, I think he's going through depression now. Shortly after the wedding, he lost A LOT of weight. His hair is falling out. He used to look youthful and now he looks like an old man. The wife has four kids and he threatened to spank on of them in public. He does NOT look happy.
The difference in our situations is that your BF is GETTING HELP. You need to research. You need to decide if your strong enough to deal with it. If my ex had been taking care of himself I know we wouldn't have broken up like we did. Our argument was a trigger to his mania which lasted for several months (my lay opinion of course). His disorder would not have scared me away because I loved him enough that I would have been willing to work through this together. However things did not turn out that way.
Take care of yourself. It hit me when you said you're new to this relationship thing. Relationships are already emotional rollercoasters. Bipolar disorder adds to this. One of the symptoms is that it DAMAGES RELATIONSHIPS. Are you sure you're up to this? If not, that's OK. If so, that's OK too. You'll need to be aware of his moods. You'll need to know the difference btween when he's "normal," manic, and depressed. When he's manic and he yells at you during an argument you need to let him yell at you because he will be unreasonable and responding to him will escalate the situation. You'll need to differentiate between when it's his illness talking or if he is just being disrespectful. When he's depressed you'll need to be patient. It's more than just being sad. You'll need to ask him what he needs you to do when he's having a mood.
I have thread here entitled, "A Manic Episode?" which has my story in more detail. Cujojohn and Colefort have some as well. Ruth 6:11 is bipolar and she always has wise input. Read the sticky thread which lists the symptoms of mania and depression.
Go to search engine and type "bipolar central." There is a man that will send you free emails and articles about caring for someone who is bipolar - emotionally, financially, etc. I don't really read them anymore since my relationship is over, but I think you definitely should.
God bless you.
I was in a bipolar relationship and he ended it while manic. We had an argument and he snapped and was very mean to me - completly opposite of his personality. He had wanted to marry me. Then he acted like he hated me. He refused to speak to me. Then he wanted to speak to me. Then he started a mini-stalking thing for a couple of days. Then he got engaged and married to a woman he once told me couldn't compete with me. He still can't look me in the eye. I've never met anyone so confused.
But the thing is, he was in DENIAL. He was diagnosed as bipolar in the past and believed that he no longer had it. Some psych. doctor told him the disorder was in full remission. He was not on meds or getting any treatment.
After the break-up I researched the disorder and his behavior matches half the symptoms for mania. This board has been extremely helpfull. Thanks, guys! Anyway, I think he's going through depression now. Shortly after the wedding, he lost A LOT of weight. His hair is falling out. He used to look youthful and now he looks like an old man. The wife has four kids and he threatened to spank on of them in public. He does NOT look happy.
The difference in our situations is that your BF is GETTING HELP. You need to research. You need to decide if your strong enough to deal with it. If my ex had been taking care of himself I know we wouldn't have broken up like we did. Our argument was a trigger to his mania which lasted for several months (my lay opinion of course). His disorder would not have scared me away because I loved him enough that I would have been willing to work through this together. However things did not turn out that way.
Take care of yourself. It hit me when you said you're new to this relationship thing. Relationships are already emotional rollercoasters. Bipolar disorder adds to this. One of the symptoms is that it DAMAGES RELATIONSHIPS. Are you sure you're up to this? If not, that's OK. If so, that's OK too. You'll need to be aware of his moods. You'll need to know the difference btween when he's "normal," manic, and depressed. When he's manic and he yells at you during an argument you need to let him yell at you because he will be unreasonable and responding to him will escalate the situation. You'll need to differentiate between when it's his illness talking or if he is just being disrespectful. When he's depressed you'll need to be patient. It's more than just being sad. You'll need to ask him what he needs you to do when he's having a mood.
I have thread here entitled, "A Manic Episode?" which has my story in more detail. Cujojohn and Colefort have some as well. Ruth 6:11 is bipolar and she always has wise input. Read the sticky thread which lists the symptoms of mania and depression.
Go to search engine and type "bipolar central." There is a man that will send you free emails and articles about caring for someone who is bipolar - emotionally, financially, etc. I don't really read them anymore since my relationship is over, but I think you definitely should.
God bless you.
angelblue65
06-13-2005, 05:08 PM
Hi Jesse,
I wouldn't feel right if I didn't add to this thread since everyone here has been sooooo incredibly supportive and helpful to me since I joined. And you have definitely come to the right place!
I am currently in a relationship with my BF who is BPII and we have been together for nearly 15 months. I have to say it has been the most happy and stressful times of my life but would I change anything to be with someone "mental-health free"? Absolutely not. I was married once and was not happy. I knew exactly what I wanted but did not think it all could exist with one person. Then I met my BF and I haven't looked back.
My point is this - you have to look beyond the fact that he has BP to see his qualities, who he is as a person, does he make you happy, can you picture this long-term, is he kind to you, etc.. If you love him for all that he is, then it is very possible to be able to deal with this illness. But you must know first how you feel about HIM. And it sounds like you have thought about this; otherwise, you wouldn't be here.
Now, as far as dealing with the illness, well - the more you read in these posts, the more you will see that everyone has different experiences YET there are so many similarities. Common things are irritability and anger which have been the hardest for me to get used to and I've been given very wise advice here - develop teflon skin. Let things roll. Easier said than done. It took me over a year to get it, and up until only a month or so ago to be able to walk away instead of getting into it (arguing) when there's no way to reason with someone when they are in a state of rage. And amazingly enough, the rage can quickly dissipate as if nothing happened. You may see other symptoms or behaviors displayed and patterns develop. Come here, ask questions. The more you know, the better you will be able to cope. Having support is huge.
The more you and your BF can talk about it, the better as well. It took a long time for my BF to be as open about it as he is now but thankfully, he finally realized that it wasn't helping by ignoring what was happening. You can have a wonderful relationship if you keep communication open. You sound like a very caring person and that will go a long way to him. You may feel like he doesn't appreciate you at times but he does and he will tell you - sometimes at the oddest times but treasure it. I've seen so much emotion and a world of words in my BF's eyes but all that comes out of his mouth sometimes is anger. It's hard but awareness, as I've said here before, is key.
Please don't be afraid to ask whatever you need to. There is a book about loving someone with bipolar which I found to be helpful but you can't take anything as gospel either because each real life situation is much different than on paper.
I wish the best of luck to you and hey, before you know it, you could find yourself on here giving advice...........look at me!
I wouldn't feel right if I didn't add to this thread since everyone here has been sooooo incredibly supportive and helpful to me since I joined. And you have definitely come to the right place!
I am currently in a relationship with my BF who is BPII and we have been together for nearly 15 months. I have to say it has been the most happy and stressful times of my life but would I change anything to be with someone "mental-health free"? Absolutely not. I was married once and was not happy. I knew exactly what I wanted but did not think it all could exist with one person. Then I met my BF and I haven't looked back.
My point is this - you have to look beyond the fact that he has BP to see his qualities, who he is as a person, does he make you happy, can you picture this long-term, is he kind to you, etc.. If you love him for all that he is, then it is very possible to be able to deal with this illness. But you must know first how you feel about HIM. And it sounds like you have thought about this; otherwise, you wouldn't be here.
Now, as far as dealing with the illness, well - the more you read in these posts, the more you will see that everyone has different experiences YET there are so many similarities. Common things are irritability and anger which have been the hardest for me to get used to and I've been given very wise advice here - develop teflon skin. Let things roll. Easier said than done. It took me over a year to get it, and up until only a month or so ago to be able to walk away instead of getting into it (arguing) when there's no way to reason with someone when they are in a state of rage. And amazingly enough, the rage can quickly dissipate as if nothing happened. You may see other symptoms or behaviors displayed and patterns develop. Come here, ask questions. The more you know, the better you will be able to cope. Having support is huge.
The more you and your BF can talk about it, the better as well. It took a long time for my BF to be as open about it as he is now but thankfully, he finally realized that it wasn't helping by ignoring what was happening. You can have a wonderful relationship if you keep communication open. You sound like a very caring person and that will go a long way to him. You may feel like he doesn't appreciate you at times but he does and he will tell you - sometimes at the oddest times but treasure it. I've seen so much emotion and a world of words in my BF's eyes but all that comes out of his mouth sometimes is anger. It's hard but awareness, as I've said here before, is key.
Please don't be afraid to ask whatever you need to. There is a book about loving someone with bipolar which I found to be helpful but you can't take anything as gospel either because each real life situation is much different than on paper.
I wish the best of luck to you and hey, before you know it, you could find yourself on here giving advice...........look at me!
jessejomomma
06-13-2005, 06:34 PM
Thank you to everyone for your replies. I really do appreciate it. I have a friend who also helps to remind me of things that I need to be aware of in this relationship. The funny thing is, I was through with men, and I had decided to just remain single, then my boyfriend came sneaking into my heart. A lot of this info I have already heard, but it helps to have it clarified by so many other people, and it helps to be able to remember it. My boyfriend told me about the anger thing, so I already know about that. This man and this relationship is important to me, and I will do what I can to be understanding and accepting. Thank you again, and please keep the advice and information coming if you feel you want to.
Jessejomomma
Jessejomomma
kimber lee
06-14-2005, 04:28 AM
angelblue.....
right on angelblue, that was some really good advice for jessjomamma that you gave :) kimber lee
right on angelblue, that was some really good advice for jessjomamma that you gave :) kimber lee
angelblue65
06-14-2005, 10:21 AM
Thanks Kimber Lee. Hey, there's been a lot of the proverbial blood, sweat, and tears but I wouldn't trade it for the world. I don't expect there to ever be an easy road in front of us but I would rather have what I have with this man than an easy path and not be in love. Been there, done that.