SophiaB
06-09-2005, 01:33 PM
I desparately need some help....i feel like i am going crazy with my thoughts. basically i can't stop worrying that my husband doesn't want to have sex with me. this all started when we got married. i basically expected him to want to have sex every day. and really he is quite content to have sex 2-3 times a week. and for whatever reason, this has been incredibly troubling to me ever since we've been married (2 years). and when we have sex, it's usually really good. i don't actually want to have sex every day, but i seem to believe that if he doesn't want it all the time, that something must be really wrong, with him or with me. i can't stop thinking about it. we are going on a beach trip in a week and there will be tons of opportunities to have sex, and i'm already freaked out about the fact that i will be constantly waiting for him to initiate, in hopes of alleviating my fears. i keep telling myself that this is just an obsession, but i don't know.
if any of you can provide me with any feedback about techniques for dealing with these fears, that would be so helpful. my therapist was absolutely no help the other day when we talked about this. also, if anyone can shed some light on the state of our sex life, that would be great too? are we normal?
if any of you can provide me with any feedback about techniques for dealing with these fears, that would be so helpful. my therapist was absolutely no help the other day when we talked about this. also, if anyone can shed some light on the state of our sex life, that would be great too? are we normal?
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dollface001
06-09-2005, 02:13 PM
I desparately need some help....i feel like i am going crazy with my thoughts. basically i can't stop worrying that my husband doesn't want to have sex with me. this all started when we got married. i basically expected him to want to have sex every day. and really he is quite content to have sex 2-3 times a week. and for whatever reason, this has been incredibly troubling to me ever since we've been married (2 years). and when we have sex, it's usually really good. i don't actually want to have sex every day, but i seem to believe that if he doesn't want it all the time, that something must be really wrong, with him or with me. i can't stop thinking about it. we are going on a beach trip in a week and there will be tons of opportunities to have sex, and i'm already freaked out about the fact that i will be constantly waiting for him to initiate, in hopes of alleviating my fears. i keep telling myself that this is just an obsession, but i don't know.
if any of you can provide me with any feedback about techniques for dealing with these fears, that would be so helpful. my therapist was absolutely no help the other day when we talked about this. also, if anyone can shed some light on the state of our sex life, that would be great too? are we normal?
I have various obsessional thoughts about my fiance like this. I rarely tell him about them, but this past week I did. He was with me all weekend, and because he didn't come to see me on Tuesday evening, I thought he was losing interest in me or was getting sick of me. Stepping outside of the situation, nothing could be further than the truth, and he was quite annoyed with me because he truly does a lot to show his love for me. But I explained these thoughts rational or irrational I have them and I wanted to express them.
i obsess that there is going to be a devastating break-up, all the while the relationship keeps going towards more commitment. I also obsess about whether he is losing interest in me sexually, doesn't like my body...another situation where it couldn't be further from the truth. We have it and often and he tells me he likes my body.
I deal with it on a case by case basis as these thoughts come up. I try to keep looking at the facts and not indulge myself in what isn't real or isn't happening. It takes a lot of effort though and it doesn't whipe the fears away completely.
I hope this helps.
Dollface
if any of you can provide me with any feedback about techniques for dealing with these fears, that would be so helpful. my therapist was absolutely no help the other day when we talked about this. also, if anyone can shed some light on the state of our sex life, that would be great too? are we normal?
I have various obsessional thoughts about my fiance like this. I rarely tell him about them, but this past week I did. He was with me all weekend, and because he didn't come to see me on Tuesday evening, I thought he was losing interest in me or was getting sick of me. Stepping outside of the situation, nothing could be further than the truth, and he was quite annoyed with me because he truly does a lot to show his love for me. But I explained these thoughts rational or irrational I have them and I wanted to express them.
i obsess that there is going to be a devastating break-up, all the while the relationship keeps going towards more commitment. I also obsess about whether he is losing interest in me sexually, doesn't like my body...another situation where it couldn't be further from the truth. We have it and often and he tells me he likes my body.
I deal with it on a case by case basis as these thoughts come up. I try to keep looking at the facts and not indulge myself in what isn't real or isn't happening. It takes a lot of effort though and it doesn't whipe the fears away completely.
I hope this helps.
Dollface
princess72
06-09-2005, 10:21 PM
I to can relate! I often question why my husand is even with me! That tends to cause an arguement with us. I have all kins of irrational fears. He knows me better than anyone else in my life....but cant fully understand me. I have soooo many issues, i live my life in guilt!!!!! Him and i come from 2 whole different worls-------and im talking we are way different! Anywayz, i obsess about the sex thing too. I cant even get into it all....i'd write 10 pages. Just had to respnd that i can relate, and im so happy that im not alone in this world....dealing with this s***! :wave:
SophiaB
06-17-2005, 01:34 PM
Thank you both so much for your replies. it's nice to know i am not alone. it doesn't make the situation any less frustrating, but it is comforting. I told my husband about this last night and of course, i regretted it b/c i was hoping he would make me feel better, but his attempts failed. now i'm just depressed about it and that sucks because we are leaving for the beach in the morning and i really want to be happy and relaxed. uggghhhh....
anyone else out there with a similar problem? or with any advice? or with any information about a man's typical sex drive? i would love to know if my expectations are just too high or what???
Thanks again.
anyone else out there with a similar problem? or with any advice? or with any information about a man's typical sex drive? i would love to know if my expectations are just too high or what???
Thanks again.
hry33
06-17-2005, 03:07 PM
hubby is fairly normal, not all men want sex all the time
tell him, I dont know the answer, maybe he needs to frequently reassure you that he still finds you desirable
if its become an obsession, books on how to overcome OCD may have helpful advice, try the local library, brainlock is a good one for unwanted thoughts
tell him, I dont know the answer, maybe he needs to frequently reassure you that he still finds you desirable
if its become an obsession, books on how to overcome OCD may have helpful advice, try the local library, brainlock is a good one for unwanted thoughts
Laner
06-17-2005, 03:22 PM
OK Ladies, think about what your actually talking about here. YOUR FEAR THAT HE WILL GET IT SOMEWHERE ELSE. But have faith in your husbands, make him your best friend and spend time with him. Enjoy your relationship and be happy with what you have. As men get older they don't desire sex as often.......when that happens will you have a relationship? I hope so. Find things that you enjoy and do them together. Don't let all your fond memories be in bed. There is more to love than sex but you have to look for it.