Human Child
06-09-2005, 05:10 PM
I have a question I’m hoping to get insight on. I’ve posted it on bipolar boards because I have the probable dxs of both OCD and BP. But I can’t tell if this is an OCD thing or a BP thing.
I have these episodes where I get totally obsessive with a goal, a subject, a person, a project – something–and it’s all I can do, plan or think about to the exclusion of everything else.
Examples:
I go on writing binges (and work on my novel) where all day long, all I do is write. If I’m not writing, I’m on the net researching info about what I am writing, or writing about what I am writing, or downloading pictures of my characters and making slide shows and photo albums. I become totally obsessed with it as my mission. I have all kinds of ideas and plans about it at the time.
The house doesn’t get cleaned, dishes don’t get done, sometimes, I don’t get dressed. My husband gets PO! I also have to buy everything that pertains to my obsession at the time. I don’t think about the money I’m spending. I spent over 500 dollars on DVDs because the actors I’ve chosen to represent my characters are in them. Bought a 1700 dollar lap top because as I writer, I need one (even though I have a desktop). I know the buying most likely stems form BP. Or, do OCD’ers do this as well. I am convinced at the time that I am supposed to write this novel and start looking for and finding signs to prove it (guess this is sort of delusional – do OCD’ers do this)?
One time, I got obsessed with Native American Shamanism and thought it was my calling. I bought everything I could find on the subject – books, audio tapes, rocks, crystals, medicine cards. Started burning sage around my house, conducted midnight ceramonies, gave colors meaning, hunted for my animal spirit, did medicine cards. I would spend hours outside in one spot listening for the universe to speak to me or show me direction. I would sometimes make up excuses at work so I could leave to go home and do the medicine cards. I started believing the trees were communicating with me.
So, there is a little delusion that goes along with it. Also, it doesn’t feel bad when it’s happening. In fact, I don’t want it to stop. It feels great. I think I am doing what I was called and meant to do. I am filled with ideas and energy. Of course, I also have this underlying feel that I could drive myself to the point of exhaustion and collapse, but this doesn’t stop me. What ever I am doing is worth the risk.
Interfers with my sleep at night, enters my dreams and keeps me awake planning, thinking, or doing whatever is my mission at the time.
This actually helped me in nursing school because I became obsessed with studying and knowing every morsel of information on the lecture guides they gave us. I used to memorize them word for word – I’m not kidding. My husband told me I was abnormal – that no one studied that much. It’s all I did. I’d studied from the time I got home until I went to bed, then, got up at 3:00 in the morning and study until I went in. But I graduated top of my class.
Sorry to ramble. But, this is bugging me. Does OCD manifest this way. Or, is it part of BP.
Thanks for any insight.
I have these episodes where I get totally obsessive with a goal, a subject, a person, a project – something–and it’s all I can do, plan or think about to the exclusion of everything else.
Examples:
I go on writing binges (and work on my novel) where all day long, all I do is write. If I’m not writing, I’m on the net researching info about what I am writing, or writing about what I am writing, or downloading pictures of my characters and making slide shows and photo albums. I become totally obsessed with it as my mission. I have all kinds of ideas and plans about it at the time.
The house doesn’t get cleaned, dishes don’t get done, sometimes, I don’t get dressed. My husband gets PO! I also have to buy everything that pertains to my obsession at the time. I don’t think about the money I’m spending. I spent over 500 dollars on DVDs because the actors I’ve chosen to represent my characters are in them. Bought a 1700 dollar lap top because as I writer, I need one (even though I have a desktop). I know the buying most likely stems form BP. Or, do OCD’ers do this as well. I am convinced at the time that I am supposed to write this novel and start looking for and finding signs to prove it (guess this is sort of delusional – do OCD’ers do this)?
One time, I got obsessed with Native American Shamanism and thought it was my calling. I bought everything I could find on the subject – books, audio tapes, rocks, crystals, medicine cards. Started burning sage around my house, conducted midnight ceramonies, gave colors meaning, hunted for my animal spirit, did medicine cards. I would spend hours outside in one spot listening for the universe to speak to me or show me direction. I would sometimes make up excuses at work so I could leave to go home and do the medicine cards. I started believing the trees were communicating with me.
So, there is a little delusion that goes along with it. Also, it doesn’t feel bad when it’s happening. In fact, I don’t want it to stop. It feels great. I think I am doing what I was called and meant to do. I am filled with ideas and energy. Of course, I also have this underlying feel that I could drive myself to the point of exhaustion and collapse, but this doesn’t stop me. What ever I am doing is worth the risk.
Interfers with my sleep at night, enters my dreams and keeps me awake planning, thinking, or doing whatever is my mission at the time.
This actually helped me in nursing school because I became obsessed with studying and knowing every morsel of information on the lecture guides they gave us. I used to memorize them word for word – I’m not kidding. My husband told me I was abnormal – that no one studied that much. It’s all I did. I’d studied from the time I got home until I went to bed, then, got up at 3:00 in the morning and study until I went in. But I graduated top of my class.
Sorry to ramble. But, this is bugging me. Does OCD manifest this way. Or, is it part of BP.
Thanks for any insight.
Sponsor
seaturtle
06-09-2005, 11:44 PM
Hi,
I'm no doctor, but from the little I know about BP, it sounds like mania. I've seen two friends in mania, and they get like that. And I believe the mania is often goal-directed as opposed to OCD repetitions.
Can you see a shrink to get evaluated? Also, mania can border on the psychotic at times, and people usually don't want to give it up, either.
Hope this helps.
I'm no doctor, but from the little I know about BP, it sounds like mania. I've seen two friends in mania, and they get like that. And I believe the mania is often goal-directed as opposed to OCD repetitions.
Can you see a shrink to get evaluated? Also, mania can border on the psychotic at times, and people usually don't want to give it up, either.
Hope this helps.
Human Child
06-10-2005, 11:22 AM
Seaturtle,
I have seen a tdoc who has referred me to a pdoc (because she thinks I need meds). Her feeling is I have both. She said OCD can be part of BP.
But on a BP board, someone mentioned it sounded like OCD (he has both, too). Of course, some of the other BP'ers said they get obsessed with missions - like me.
I'm confused because it's my understanding that OCD obsessions are like you said - geared towards repetitious behavior and having order. I do have that behavior. I have to check things, touch things, I count sometimes, etc. That, I know is OCD. I don't like that I have to do these things because they take up time and interfer with what I'd rather do or how I'd rather feel. They make me feel imprisioned - not inspired. And, I don't regret when they end, or sit around waiting for them to strike me again.
But this other thing when it happens - feels like a gift. Like I'm unfire, being inspired, and highly wired all at the same time.
I think it's more likely mania, too.
But, if anyone with OCD reads this and can relate, please let me know. Let me know, too if any BP'er might be reading and have these types of obsessions/ experiences.
Seaturtle, thanks for responding.
Best wishes
I have seen a tdoc who has referred me to a pdoc (because she thinks I need meds). Her feeling is I have both. She said OCD can be part of BP.
But on a BP board, someone mentioned it sounded like OCD (he has both, too). Of course, some of the other BP'ers said they get obsessed with missions - like me.
I'm confused because it's my understanding that OCD obsessions are like you said - geared towards repetitious behavior and having order. I do have that behavior. I have to check things, touch things, I count sometimes, etc. That, I know is OCD. I don't like that I have to do these things because they take up time and interfer with what I'd rather do or how I'd rather feel. They make me feel imprisioned - not inspired. And, I don't regret when they end, or sit around waiting for them to strike me again.
But this other thing when it happens - feels like a gift. Like I'm unfire, being inspired, and highly wired all at the same time.
I think it's more likely mania, too.
But, if anyone with OCD reads this and can relate, please let me know. Let me know, too if any BP'er might be reading and have these types of obsessions/ experiences.
Seaturtle, thanks for responding.
Best wishes
kitkat77
06-11-2005, 01:35 AM
I have OCD and I have a friend who is BP. When I read your story I saw my friend, bang on.
Human Child
06-11-2005, 07:22 AM
Thanks, Kitkat -
Anyone see that Howard Hughes film Aviator. Saw it last night. He seemed pretty goal driven - was that part of his OCD? I know the obsession with germs, the peas, and the phrase repeating were. He got a little pyschotic there, it seemed also. Of course, it's a Hollywood version.
Anyway - it was a good movie.
Best wishes
Anyone see that Howard Hughes film Aviator. Saw it last night. He seemed pretty goal driven - was that part of his OCD? I know the obsession with germs, the peas, and the phrase repeating were. He got a little pyschotic there, it seemed also. Of course, it's a Hollywood version.
Anyway - it was a good movie.
Best wishes
kitkat77
06-11-2005, 06:38 PM
The only thing people with OCD are driven to do, is the repetitive actions or thoughts that ease their anxiety.
Being "goal driven" is classic of BPD. My friend who is BP is exactly like you -- constantly searching for a better career, constantly searching for SOMETHING. She has done everything from desk jobs to nursing, and is currently trying to get a column going for our local newspaper. She also thinks she is psychic. As well, she gets totally obsessed about a subject, person or project (missions) and it CONSUMES her day and night.
Honestly Human Child when I read your first post, it could have been written by her. This is definately BP and not OCD.
Being "goal driven" is classic of BPD. My friend who is BP is exactly like you -- constantly searching for a better career, constantly searching for SOMETHING. She has done everything from desk jobs to nursing, and is currently trying to get a column going for our local newspaper. She also thinks she is psychic. As well, she gets totally obsessed about a subject, person or project (missions) and it CONSUMES her day and night.
Honestly Human Child when I read your first post, it could have been written by her. This is definately BP and not OCD.
Human Child
06-11-2005, 08:31 PM
kitkat,
Thanks. I guess I suspected that was the case all along. But the person on the BP board threw me for a loop when he suggested it could be OCD. And, since I have that dx as well - I just wondered if that was all I had.
But I suppose the fact that I get hypersexual, can go at high speed days on end on 2 to 5 hours sleep, get riskey and even a bit delusional at times should have clued me in. That, and the fact that two family members have been dx as BP - one, which is my mother.
But, did you see the Howard Hughes film? Makes me wonder if he had a little BP going on as well.
Anyway, thanks for being candid with me. I needed it.
Best wishes
Thanks. I guess I suspected that was the case all along. But the person on the BP board threw me for a loop when he suggested it could be OCD. And, since I have that dx as well - I just wondered if that was all I had.
But I suppose the fact that I get hypersexual, can go at high speed days on end on 2 to 5 hours sleep, get riskey and even a bit delusional at times should have clued me in. That, and the fact that two family members have been dx as BP - one, which is my mother.
But, did you see the Howard Hughes film? Makes me wonder if he had a little BP going on as well.
Anyway, thanks for being candid with me. I needed it.
Best wishes
seaturtle
06-11-2005, 11:01 PM
Hello again,
Just wanted to ditto what others have said. I have a friend w/BP, and I've seen her in various stages of mania. She lost her family, her job, and when she came down, she was in a financial mess, too.
She also had OCD, severely.
She had gone off her meds, and did much better when she went back on them.
i think a pdoc is a very good idea, and good luck to you,
Seaturtle
Just wanted to ditto what others have said. I have a friend w/BP, and I've seen her in various stages of mania. She lost her family, her job, and when she came down, she was in a financial mess, too.
She also had OCD, severely.
She had gone off her meds, and did much better when she went back on them.
i think a pdoc is a very good idea, and good luck to you,
Seaturtle