What a day, I don't know why I take things the way I do...Well remember how I posted some time ago about feeling uncomfortable on the phone, well I had called a health club earlier to ask about prices to join for the summer. Needless to say, I "talked" to myself before making the call and felt ok about it. Well I ask to about the prices and he tells me that this club is for "students only." I don't know if I should name the gym, however most of you should know it esp those who live in the northeast. I really was upset - I think he delibertaly said this b/c I might have "sounded" like I have a disability b/c of my voice and that he didn't want the gym responsible if indeed he pictured in his mind this disabled person...I just said, I'm sorry I had no idea and hung up. I'm sure he was wrong! Why couldn't I defend myself and say, no you are a health gym, that caters to everyone's needs. Since when is this a "students only" gym? I was so upset. Why can't I say this??? And stick up for myself???

Then I go to the mall and get a cold drink. I just have some difficulty with counting change sometimes...why? B/c I think, oh the people behind me are thinking I'm taking too long etc. Why can't I just be calm? Then a go to grab my cup and let's just say thank God there was a lid. I cannot carry a drink in my hands...my body just tenses. But at home I do just fine. Why oh why? I'm so upset about this :(

My "problem" has become psychological and I feel it's taking over and I'm afraid I can't stop it. i read all your posts all the time and I understand that you guys have much more to deal with than I, and God Bless You all for being such couragous people. Why can't I be like you? And I tell you my problem is next to nothing. I have a very good friend who I think she might ask me to be her maid of honor and baptise her first child and I'm tearfully admitting to you that I might turn her down :( And that will upset her tremendously. She always tells me to forget about my problem thats now only in my head, and I tell you I can't! I'm not a child anymore and I don't have any excuse like that, I'm an adult and I just can't come to terms with this...what should I do? Even a psychologist told me you have nothing! Should I buy ten drinks a day and just walk up & down with them?!! Should I just randomly call places to just get used to it? I'm so terrified of looking incompetent and spill things. Even the rudest people on earth can hold a glass, not spill it, talk calmly on the phone, are they better than me? In that respect, yes. But I acknowledge my own positive attributes, I know I'm a good person, I try to help others, be a productive person on earth, yet I have come to limit myself. I wish my mother could have been more helpful...growing up she would tell me, people talk and don't give them reason to talk about you, and I'm so upset my first born had this problem and I have to worry about you all my life...why couldn't she be more positive? I think she made things worse for me. In a world that is so turbulant and becoming more restrictive every day, I feel like I'm slowly ending it in a way....I guess I just had a rough day. Thanks for listening...

Firstly, as you realize...it's not in all in your head. Your CP has physical manifestations, which cause you to stress out and worry about how people percieve you...you shouldn't worry about how people percieve you or what they think - because there's nothing you can do about them! You can only control your thoughts, actions, etc., no one elses. So what if you spill things? Not only people with CP spill things. I spill things too sometimes, especially if I'm walking fast or something. So if I'm with someone else, like my mom, I'll have her carry drinks, and I'll grab something else. If I'm not with someone else, I'll not fill the cup as full, or put a lid on it, or take a drink or two to lower it down before I start to walk. And yes, I've spilled stuff, and spilled stuff on me...and I've just come to realize it's gonna happen sometimes! One other thing that helps a lot, is when I'm out and about, I like drinking out of travel mugs...mostly because I drink a lot of coffee and tea, but I use them for other stuff, too. They are great because if you drop em, fall down, whatever, there's a chance you might not spill stuff...plus, unlike glass, they don't break (very easy, at least). Practice makes peerfect - so talk on the phone, carry drinks...the more you do it, the better you get, and the more you learn to compensate and adapt to make things easier for yourself!

Hi Hope~

It's ok to spill stuff from time to time. Having trouble with somethings helps us to figure out better ways to do them. I love Midg's travel mug idea. That's a great one Midg. I went to the movies today, I ueually just buy drinks that come in pastic bottles with caps. So maybe that is something else you can try.

Most stores or resteraunts will be happy to help if they can. Wheather a person has a diability or not, you are still a paying customer. I'm still trying to figure out a way to get my own food at a buffet style restraunt. Having a lot of trouble with that one but I know I'll get it.

As far as the gym goes, is there anyone you know that would be willing to go in and ask to join? If they are let in and you were not that gym could get themselves in some trouble.

But also check around to other gyms that may be more accomadating.

Try not to worry so much about making mistakes that's how we learn. Heck I once spilled a whole gallon of orange juice on my kitchen floor. You know how sticky orange juice is. Well I do. It took me a couple of hours to clean it up.

You can bet I make sure that cover is on tight now.

Hope this Helps

StixForLife :wave:

LOL...I once dropped a whole water mellon...:D

Thanks guys once again. Midget, you are correct in saying that CP, in any level, has its own physical manifestations that are uncontrolled. What bothers me is that I can't seem to get it out of my mind.To be honest, I have improved quite a bit...there was a time when the "paying" for an item was so impossible to do, I mean give/take the change. My hand would just do a jerking motion when a person would hand the change back, or it would just tremble a bit. I would then get these weird stares from the cashier like, "where did that come from" You were fine a minute ago." Oh, how embarrasing that was :( But know I've managed to calm it somewhat, meaning be more at ease with picking out coins etc, however I "subconsciously" hold my breath sometimes and that prevents me from breathing and makes me MORE nervous b/c I become breathy. There are times when "thank you" is hardly audible and I can't seem to get it right! I tell myself, just breath and speak lound enough but it doesn't work!

About the coffee, it's a frozen frappichino, from Starbucks, etc...they give it to you in this plastic cup-thing. I'm so terrified that from squeezing it to hard I might crack it, lol! I order whip cream on purpose b/c it subconsciously tells me that its "covered" and when I don't see something filled to the tip, it makes me feel better that I won't spill it since i can't see it filled to the tip, could you believe it? I've also had the same stares when someone hands me something and out of the blue I jerk and spill it...it's like, you don't seem to have a problem, why did you spill it? It's so hard to explain....

As far as the gym, I'm thinking to just go in person and ask. I just have to start sticking up for myself...it's so hard to do....and ANYTHING involving myself in front of other, my body just becomes as still as could be. How will be maid of honor, if it should happen...I will just become stiff and get embarrassed. I'm thinking to go to a doctor for medication to have just for those occassions, but I dont want to resort to drugs. It gives a false sense. But I'm sure they'll help me get through it...

I have a very good friend who I think she might ask me to be her maid of honor and baptise her first child and I'm tearfully admitting to you that I might turn her down :(


If your friend has asked you to baptise her child, she clearly thinks that you are able to do it.


I wish my mother could have been more helpful... ...why couldn't she be more positive? I think she made things worse for me.

Well, if your mother wasn't positive enough, she wasn't, and any amout of rumination can't change that fact. Try to find people, whose positivity can compensate your mother's negativistic thinking. I think you're too focused on your mother's opinions.But she's not the only person in the world, there are over six billion others. OK, she has wounded you with her words, but if you are thinking about those negative words all the time, you just keep the wounds bleeding.

I don't think your mother has been intentionally evil. It seems that having a disabled child has made her feel guilty, ashamed, or helpless. IMHO it's not very useful to try to psychoanalyse her much further.

however I "subconsciously" hold my breath sometimes and that prevents me from breathing and makes me MORE nervous b/c I become breathy. There are times when "thank you" is hardly audible and I can't seem to get it right! I tell myself, just breath and speak lound enough but it doesn't work!



I also sometimes hold my breath when I'm nervous (I think it's a pretty common reaction, it has nothing to do with CP). Relaxing one's shoulders (=letting them drop down) or jaw often helps. And if you can't inhale, then exhale (it triggers the inhalation reflex, too). Just telling yourself to breathe can actually make things worse.

And I tell you my problem is next to nothing.

One thing that came into my mind: by continuously saying that your problem is next to nothing you make yourself feel more ashamed, more nervous. Don't compare yourself to others.

Hope25,

I have to chime in here and tell you to live it up girl! You can do anything you want to!!! Believe me you can. I feel like part of me wrote what you have posted because I have been in your shoes.
I have mild L spastic hemiplegia and I am 40 years old. (did I just admit that) :) Anyway, I have had the very same experience of looking like the average person at a counter and then when my hand shakes when I hold something out people just have to have their comments! Sometimes it is my head that will start shaking a bit.....I call it my parkinsons moment. When they give me the "where did that come from" I look at them and very seriously say "the muscles in my arm, of course". It is nice to have the upper hand.

I get nervous too and hold my breath continually. I am always being told by someone to "breathe". This too can get better over time when you start feeling better about everything around you, and you will.

Now I don't think anyone has a more troublesome mother than I. I won't go into detail, but she avoids me at all cost because she dislikes me very much.
I was a mistake in her eyes and ruined her life as I was so often told. I say was because I just don't let it get to me anymore. It takes a while to do these things, but they can be done. I don't think your mom is in the same category as mine (don't get me wrong) but she did manage to make my childhood rather miserable.

Now..........maid of honor..........you go for it! I did it two summers ago for one of my good friends. I made sure my botox appointments were aligned with the wedding, and I held on real tight to the guy that I was walking with.
As a matter of fact, I had to wear these sandals with no backs and that just isn't possible in my book on a regular day so......I literally taped the shoes to my feet so they would stay on for the walk down the aisle! I kid you not.
It worked and the whole thing went well.
If you talk yourself out of it then you may miss a wonderful opportunity. Your friend knows that you have CP right? Then if she wants you there at her wedding then she thinks you can do it and doesn't care what others may think. What a wonderful friend this person must be.
You do your best and that is all anyone can expect you to do. Speaking from experience, it will make you feel so good when it is all done. I sang a song all the way up the aisle. I fixed a spot to look at and kept my attention focused.

Now something that may help. I just started taking zanaflex this past weekend. What a great med! It really works! It is a muscle relaxer that is pretty mild but highly effective. Might want to check with docs about that. It can have some side effects so I would try it well before the wedding if that is something that you might want to do.

Do keep me posted. When is the wedding??
Hang in there! Life dishes out its bad times, but you have to know that there are good things out there too to hold on to. Take as many of those good chances as you possibly can!

You can do it!

Lastramy

Hope25,

I have to chime in here and tell you to live it up girl! You can do anything you want to!!! Believe me you can. I feel like part of me wrote what you have posted because I have been in your shoes.
I have mild L spastic hemiplegia and I am 40 years old. (did I just admit that) :) Anyway, I have had the very same experience of looking like the average person at a counter and then when my hand shakes when I hold something out people just have to have their comments! Sometimes it is my head that will start shaking a bit.....I call it my parkinsons moment. When they give me the "where did that come from" I look at them and very seriously say "the muscles in my arm, of course". It is nice to have the upper hand.

I get nervous too and hold my breath continually. I am always being told by someone to "breathe". This too can get better over time when you start feeling better about everything around you, and you will.

Now I don't think anyone has a more troublesome mother than I. I won't go into detail, but she avoids me at all cost because she dislikes me very much.
I was a mistake in her eyes and ruined her life as I was so often told. I say was because I just don't let it get to me anymore. It takes a while to do these things, but they can be done. I don't think your mom is in the same category as mine (don't get me wrong) but she did manage to make my childhood rather miserable.

Now..........maid of honor..........you go for it! I did it two summers ago for one of my good friends. I made sure my botox appointments were aligned with the wedding, and I held on real tight to the guy that I was walking with.
As a matter of fact, I had to wear these sandals with no backs and that just isn't possible in my book on a regular day so......I literally taped the shoes to my feet so they would stay on for the walk down the aisle! I kid you not.
It worked and the whole thing went well.
If you talk yourself out of it then you may miss a wonderful opportunity. Your friend knows that you have CP right? Then if she wants you there at her wedding then she thinks you can do it and doesn't care what others may think. What a wonderful friend this person must be.
You do your best and that is all anyone can expect you to do. Speaking from experience, it will make you feel so good when it is all done. I sang a song all the way up the aisle. I fixed a spot to look at and kept my attention focused.

Now something that may help. I just started taking zanaflex this past weekend. What a great med! It really works! It is a muscle relaxer that is pretty mild but highly effective. Might want to check with docs about that. It can have some side effects so I would try it well before the wedding if that is something that you might want to do.

Do keep me posted. When is the wedding??
Hang in there! Life dishes out its bad times, but you have to know that there are good things out there too to hold on to. Take as many of those good chances as you possibly can!

You can do it!

Lastramy

Hi Lastramy,

What can I say, it sounds like we're exactly the same! First off, I was so sorry to hear about the relationship with you mother. I guess I never had it THAT bad but she expresses herself in similar ways, I don't know if that was clear. I guess they have their own complexes. My mother has very low self-esteem, moreso b/c she was brought up in a poor environment where they didn't have much, and in a society where "girls" weren't thought to accomplish much except bear children, and be married of course. I can't really say my mother is bad, but I guess she never "learned" to deal with my problem in a positive way. As a result, I think this is why I too, tend to have low self-esteem regarding this issue, which I now characterize more "psychological" that "physical"

Yes I agree, I have to start living! I mean, I do hope to get married, have children, etc, but I sometimes think that might not happen and it upsets me! I've been also told I think TOO much about everything!

As far as the wedding, I was thinking too far ahead! My friend isn't engaged yet! But she expressed to me that she wants me to be her Maid of Honor when the time comes. Believe me I just started shaking! I don't want to ruin the wedding! There I go, thinking all crazy... :( I have to stop this. I guess it was just one of those bad days....I have to live lif, I know. I hope I'm not sounding too much of a bore. I think I'm just posting too much about the psychological effects of my "problem." I think you all probably think I'm nuts!
Well, I try not to be believe me....

Mothers...my mother is not OK with my handicap either. She thinks it is weak of me to speak about my pain when I am in pain etc....it is by no means easy. Maybe she never really accepted she gave birth to a disabled child, I don´t know - I feel very depressed about it at times, but I believe that I can help her by behaving as I feel I should, i. e. be clear about my pain and feelings and be nice to her when she is ill - which she is not to me.

The fear of spoiling something in public - I can really relate to that. When I´m supposed to perform in public, I always panic and start shaking that is visible. I too have some fear of falling in front of all the people watching me. It almost happened once at a concert I was supposed to be moderating - well, when I got my stability back, I just said: "You see, for an entertainer it is important to catch the attention of the audience in the very beginning. Which I managed really well, don´t you think?" The people laughed, so did I and we were all happy. I have also learned to ask the audience, if I could sit while talking ("you are sitting as well, aren´t you?") Think of the most comfortable way for you to do what you should at the wedding (when it comes) and then ask for the things you need.

Take care,

Alinka

I think I'm just posting too much about the psychological effects of my "problem." I think you all probably think I'm nuts!

Hope,

Try not to be so down on yourself... I can personally relate to what your going through and judging from the posts I know others can as well.. As I said before, some of us are blessed with good genetics and are born and raised to be confident adults. In today's competitive business and social environments this has gained a lot of importance.

As I worked, and continue to work through my own confidence issues (as it's a constant realistic thinking excercise) I realized that self-confidence although comes easy for some, can be learned at any point in life, and with enough practice, it becomes engraved in your mind - kind of like how you probably feel that your fears are a part of you now.

Believe me.. When you realize that you can turn this around, it gives you tremendous emotional energy! Sure, it's normal to have the occaisional setback now and then.. Take these in stride. Try to learn from them.. What doesn't kill you can only make you stronger. Use the momentum you've gained from your successes to continue to move forward.

If you feel like you need some more help dealing with this than this board can provide look for a therapist in your area who knows about Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (or CBT). As I've mentioned, there are books on this as well.

This is probably the hardest part as it involves admitting that you have a problem.. Hold your head high. Don't be the victim of old stigmas. The help is out there in one form or another. It's just a matter looking for it.

Good luck to you.. I know I've learned a great deal from reading others' experiences.. Hopefully all this is helpful for you too.

F.S

Hi! First of all, I am an "able-bodied" person, so no, sadly, I can't begin to imagine all of the experiences you've had in life. But I wanted to write to you to tell you that I'm glad you posted about them.

I have a boyfriend with CP. He has moderate Spastic Quadripledgia. But I don't think about that. I think of him as my boyfriend. He has been a tremendous support to me. Sometimes he tells me about problems like this, and it makes me feel for him.

I think the reason why you're fearful about things is because, let's face it, most of the world is NOT knowledgable about disabilites. When I first told my family members about my boyfriend, my grandmother fussed about him having a "disease." I laughed and said, "NOOO.... it's a DISABILITY, but it's NOT a disease." People today lack education and knowledge unless they are directly affected by something like CP or have a family member with it.

I'm not in the best place to offer you any advice, but I will tell you one thing. Just because I'm an "able-bodied" person doesn't mean I have no trouble doing all of the things you described. I, too, get nervous when I use the phone. In fact, I"m convinced I've had "phone phobia" my whole life. I have to rehearse what I'm going to say, unless I'm calling someone I know very well. I almost prefer to avoid it and talk to people in person instead.

Maybe the way to look at the gym situation is to think, "Well, obviously, they are a STUDENT gym, so what would happen if I were a STUDENT?" Or, "Maybe they just don't deserve my business." lol I'm sure there has got to be a gym in your area that won't "fear" you joining.

As for counting change and worrying about impatient people behind you... I get this way, too. I mean, nervous. I get really nervous when I drive and there's this idiot behind me, honking and hollering. These people are probably impatient with their spouses and kids and friends, so don't take that personally. There are just some Type-A people out there who don't have any patience. So don't let them bother you. Or, better yet, don't worry about them, and if people get impatient, they DESERVE to "suffer" by waiting. lol

I hope this helps you feel better.

Christina

Hi Hope-

Remember, the able public takes their comfort level about our disabilities from us. So, Always keep the chin up. I would not let the rude people get under your skin. You will drop things, and alike, but that is ok. Just part of the game .

With regard to your mother, it stinks that she does not accept you, but that's her problem. You need to accept yourself..

The fear of spoiling something in public - I can really relate to that. When I´m supposed to perform in public, I always panic and start shaking that is visible. I too have some fear of falling in front of all the people watching me. It almost happened once at a concert I was supposed to be moderating - well, when I got my stability back, I just said: "You see, for an entertainer it is important to catch the attention of the audience in the very beginning. Which I managed really well, don´t you think?" The people laughed, so did I and we were all happy. I have also learned to ask the audience, if I could sit while talking ("you are sitting as well, aren´t you?")

Alinka

I admire that you can even get the nerve to do something in front of people. I feel that same panic and visible shaking that you describe. I don't know how to deal with it. Does sitting down in a chair really work for you? I have been told that I have a talent singing and do a lot of poetry writing. People are interested and they want me to share but I just get soooo nervous and shake to the point I can't control it. I want to do things because when I write something good, I feel good so in turn I want to share it with someone else.
Again I admire you for being able to take the step to be able to perform in front of a large audience and make jokes to make the audience and yourself feel more comfortable.

Hello all,

All I can say is THANK GOD I FOUND THIS BOARD! I didn't know about it. I was doing some searching for a cane that would be sturdy enough for me to keep my balnace, yet not so heavy that it would make me fall in the process of using it. I have CP. I am 36 years old. I went to a regular public school plus went to college. However, I don't have any friends with CP. The type I have according to my doctor is "Spastic tetraplegia" meaning I think that the CP affects three of my limbs. My left side and my right leg. I have had two surgeries and was casted with each plus tons of PT. When I turned 18 my Ortho doc, said that he had done all he could for me. So, I have not seen an Ortho doc since that time. I just see a FP.

I still live in the house I grew up in. I am not married nor do I have children. Nor can I drive. :( It is a long story that has pretty much to do with living in the south and parents who had a lot of fears where I was conserned. Plus not having the money for Hand Controls and drivers training. I have learned to accept not being able to drive, but I have to admit there are times, I sure whish I could.

I can walk, but I started to have balance problems which terrifies me, about two years ago. I used to be able to go where I wanted, and pretty much do what I wanted (as long as I had a driver) ha. I can no longer stand in one place for more than a few seconds with out feeling like I am going to fall. I am afraid to go out anywhere now without holding on to someone's arm, or pushing a buggy. I know it gets tireing for family members to help me, and it is hard on me because I used to be so independant.

I have a rolling walker but I hate to use it unless I go to the mall. Or to a theme park. Part of the reason is that it is so heavy. I love it other wise. It gives me freedom again. I am about 5 feet tall and small boned. So lifting this heavy thing out of the trunk of a car is hard for me. I thought I would try a cane but I don't know if I have the balance to use one. I tried one but it was so unsterdy I was afraid that I would end up hurting myself worse trying to use it. Do any of you know where I can find a good sturday supportive cane that does not feel flimsy in your hands?

Hope, I can relate to you and others who replyed to you. I have spilled so many things in my life I would not be able to count. ha I always have who ever is with me carry drinks, or put a lid on the cup.

I can also relate to not being able to get my own food at buffet style eateries. ha ha I never seem to get what I would really like to have because I am to afraid of hurting the person who got my food for me feelings. ha ha I have a feeling that I will be spending a lot of time on this board. ha If you have an answer for me about the cane, let me know. God bless you all.

Ann

Hope25:

I'm SO sorry to hear about your bad day!!!! It hurts my heart to know people struggle & have to feel pain. Please always remember that people can be SO cruel & SO uncompassionate & they are the ones who have the real problems. Unfortunately, you have to work at things much harder than other people & it's very maddening that other people take the simplist things for granted, it's ashame. I wish everyone who treats people (anyone) that way could walk in your shoes for just 1 day. Please be strong & have faith & PLEASE don't ever get down on yourself!!! I hope you have a better day!!!

Do any of you know where I can find a good sturday supportive cane that does not feel flimsy in your hands?

Ann

Hi Ann,

Thank you for your kind words. I really don't know anything about aids, as this is one thing that I did not have to deal with. However, the only thing I can think of is the internet and doing a web search. There are so many items out there that can help us out; the only down side to this is not being able to "feel" or "test" them out before purchasing them. But good luck to you, and I'll tell you what people tell me too: tomorrow is another day, a day that can bring hope, always. Thanks and take care!

Hope25:

I'm SO sorry to hear about your bad day!!!! It hurts my heart to know people struggle & have to feel pain. Please always remember that people can be SO cruel & SO uncompassionate & they are the ones who have the real problems. Unfortunately, you have to work at things much harder than other people & it's very maddening that other people take the simplist things for granted, it's ashame. I wish everyone who treats people (anyone) that way could walk in your shoes for just 1 day. Please be strong & have faith & PLEASE don't ever get down on yourself!!! I hope you have a better day!!!

Goulais,

Thank you for your kind words. I have since have better days, and some bad ones, but luckily I'm a positive person that can look on the bright side of things. I guess we all have bad days every now and then. I have to work on just strengthening my character. I have to understand that there are people far worse than I, and they end up going through each day, so I will have to do the same. But I just have to get these negative thoughts out of my head! So with every chance I get, I will buy coffee, I will go out more, and I will try to stop feeling self-conscious! Life is short and I will try to live it the best I can. I know better days are ahead - thank you so much!

Hi Hope

I understand how you feel. My body tenses up to when I'm around people I don't know because I'm afraid that I'll look more disabled. It's natural, I think. The only problem that I realize for me is that all of that tensing up and feeling like I'm about to fall over just makes me look more disabled. What works for me is telling myself in my head that I'm okay and no ones looking at me and kind of tilt my head downward so I can't really look directly in people's eyes and that helps me out a lot.

Try not to stress out about it so much. You have to practice being calm and just saying it to yourself isn't going to work all the time. You have to take it day by day. One day you will pick up the phone and feel perfectly fine. It'll be like talking to a family relative on the other end.

Sorry about your day but things will get better in time. PLEASE BELIEVE THAT. TRUST ME. I HAVE A LOT OF SIMILAR EXPERIENCES.

Hi Hope

I understand how you feel. My body tenses up to when I'm around people I don't know because I'm afraid that I'll look more disabled. It's natural, I think. The only problem that I realize for me is that all of that tensing up and feeling like I'm about to fall over just makes me look more disabled. What works for me is telling myself in my head that I'm okay and no ones looking at me and kind of tilt my head downward so I can't really look directly in people's eyes and that helps me out a lot.

Try not to stress out about it so much. You have to practice being calm and just saying it to yourself isn't going to work all the time. You have to take it day by day. One day you will pick up the phone and feel perfectly fine. It'll be like talking to a family relative on the other end.

Sorry about your day but things will get better in time. PLEASE BELIEVE THAT. TRUST ME. I HAVE A LOT OF SIMILAR EXPERIENCES.

Hi Write,

Thanks so much for your encouraging words. I know, this is all Mind Over Matter, or something. I will do my best to ignore other. Enough is enough. We can't keep allowing things like this to get us down. There's so much to do in life...hmmm, now, next thing: how to pick up a cup and walk calmly without tensing up. What a challenge !!!! :D

I'm glad I could be of some assistance. You're right, we can't let these simple things get us down. We just have to keep focusing and try not to care about what other people think of us and who is looking at us at a given time.

Hi I'm new here. I wanted to say Hope that I understand that its not about occassionally spilling things or being oversesative on the phone its the whole picture of the whole day, the same stuff all day every day. I don't have any answers, except to say that I understand. As for the gym, I tend to get fed up w/trying to struggle to fit in there, not that we shouldn't keep trying, but you may find that you'd rather watch tv and exercise in your living room.