Hi, I'm new here. I am a 19 year old single mother who is very scared about HIV. I was with some about 3 months before I became pregnant with my son, I got tested for HIV 9 months later and it was negative, then when my son was 2 months old, almost a year and a half after that encounter I tested negative again. It seems as though I have every symptom possible. I get hot very a lot and I take my temp. and it's normal. I have joint pain and I don't know if any of this has to do with being almost 90 pounds overweight. But recently a scary thought has entered my mind that I can't seem to shake. What if I just don't produce antibodies?? I've heard of viral load testing but that it should not be used for diagnostic purposes. It can be affected by many factors and they need to be taken several times to determine any result. I don't have the money or the patience for that. I just feel like I don't know what else to do. Is anyone here going throught the same thing where they just don't believe their numerous negative results well beyond the "window period"

Hey,It is certainly easier said than done but relax, If you start looking for anything you will find it wherever your health is concerned. I have convinced myself of schizophrenia before (no you haven't! yes I have! Who said that? Me! Oh.) and numerous other things, including HIV. I am still waiting my window out but I have found if you let go of the stress, the symptoms disappear. The answer for me is in the test, you however, i think are negative, as you have tested ok before :) If it helps, test and make yourself feel better, but I think your fine x

It's very rare that it happens, but if you're very concerned about it, you should let your doctor know in order to get a VL test done. I highly doubt that you're positive, but it will be the only way to ease your mind. AND STOP USING THE INTERNET TO DIAGNOSE :)
-S-

Wouldn't people eventually develop antibodies at some point? I mean, if there was even a remote chance that some people NEVER developed antibodies, isn't it kind of dangerous to assume that their fine if they had a negative ELISA, and blamed all of their "symptoms" on stress and anxiety? AIDS is not a cold, it's a deadly illness that will eventually kill you, I don't think that's something to play around with. Has anyone here heard of anyones body never in their life producing antibodies and going on years undiagnosed? If so, do you know their circumstances? I become more stressed out when people tell me to do the viral load testing to make myself feel better, because my docor told me that she doesn't want to do it because there is a chance it could come out positive numerous times before it would negative for many different reasons, and that it would just heighten my anxiety and make things worse. I don't want that. I tested for HIV 1 and 2 a year and half after my encounter and to this day I can't seem to get over it. I hear that people with HIV cannot absorb sugar, so now I can't even drink soda or eat candy because I'm petrified I'll get diarrhea. I'm sick of living like this, I don't want to keep feeding into my obsessions, because I don't want my son to turn out the same way. And I heard anyways that after a PCR test that they have to test you with the antibody test anyways, it's all so confusing. You're right, I should never have come on the internet, I should have taken my negative result and moved on with my life.

I went through the same fear. I know how you feel! Has your baby ever had any syptoms? A baby who is born through an HIV infected mother will most likely carry the disease. Most hospitals will test the baby after it is born. I'm sure you are fine. I drove my self crazy with the thought of having the virus. I looked it all up on the internet and found so many of the same symptoms in me. I cried for days! I would say, get tested one more time for peace of mind. You will test neg. again, then close this chapter in your life for good! Move on and be happy! One thing I learned is to not take life for granted. I'm going to be the best mother I can be. You know what? As soon as I tested, and made the decision to move on, my symptoms went away!

[QUOTE=scaredmom2232]Wouldn't people eventually develop antibodies at some point? I mean, if there was even a remote chance that some people NEVER developed antibodies, isn't it kind of dangerous to assume that their fine if they had a negative ELISA, and blamed all of their "symptoms" on stress and anxiety? AIDS is not a cold, it's a deadly illness that will eventually kill you, I don't think that's something to play around with. Has anyone here heard of anyones body never in their life producing antibodies and going on years undiagnosed? If so, do you know their circumstances? I become more stressed out when people tell me to do the viral load testing to make myself feel betterQUOTE]
Well, then you've answered your own question. I'm no doctor, i'm just here to give what knowledge I have to help others. I'm sorry if i've stressed you out more etc, but it was the only thing I knew to say. You need to talk to your doctor about your concern if you haven't to figure out the best option for yourself. Best of luck

Thanks Amberay, it makes me more at ease to know that I'm not the only mother who feels this way. I've taken three HIV tests, all way outside the window period. I've always had a questioning, what if way of thinking. I used to be terrified of the flesh eating virus when I was a little girl. Every time I got a cut or scrape I was sure my skin would start coming off. I don't know if my symptoms are from stress or if they are from something medical. I know their are a billion diseases and conditions of the human body and I don't know why I focus on HIV so much. Maybe I just feel guilty about having a one-night stand with someone I didn't know very well. My babt appears to be healthy, he was 9 pounds 4 ounces at birth and 21 inches long. He's never had anything seriously wrong with him other than he gets coughs like once every month, but the doctor doesn't seem too concerned. Every time I go in for his well-child checks I always bring up my concerns of HIV, and the doctor asks me if I tested positive and I say no and they look at me like I'm crazy. I'm so afraid my obsessions will start to make people think that I'm an unfit parent, but I'm not. Amberay, what types of symptoms did you feel, did you worry a lot about you're baby and any symptoms she way having? I've tried to make the decision to move on so many times that I don't believe it anymore.

I developed thrush from an antibiotic. I looked up thrush on the internet and BAM, pictures of people with HIV. At first I didn't think about it but then my mind really started wandering. I thought "what if that were me". I then went to a doc. who told me that thrush is a sign of HIV, but not to worry, I do have a reason for it!". What ever! I worried for weeks! The next thing I know, I was looking HIV up on the internet and found some of the same symptoms, night sweats, fatigue, I felt sick! The thrush wouldn't go away with the first set of meds so I obessed about it so bad I went to the doc. 5 times that last month. I must have called the nurse line 4 times a day. I couldn't ask them if it was HIV, I was trying to dig it out of them. I cried for days, thinking that if I was infected then my baby was forsure! She always has been a healthy, happy baby. I did research and read that they do test babies at birth. I drove my boyfriend so crazy about this, he made us both get tested. At first I couldn't go through with it, he tested neg. I thought that would ease my mind, it didn't. A few days later, I got tired of feeling like I was going to die, so I went in. I took the 20 min test. In 20 min I was going to find out if I was healthy or going to die from this horrible disease. It is such a hard thing to do. You are fine! Like I said, if you must, get tested ONE more time just for peace of mind. You WILL test neg. When you get your results, go outside and breath! No more worries! One thing I do have to say, it sounds like you have health anxiety. You may want to talk to your doctor about going on some meds. if you're not already. If you are, you may need to up the dosage. I'm the same way. I'm always worried about my health. Last month, HIV, this month, cancer. I suffer from panic attacks and depression. If you are at all like me, you do need meds. I'm just bad lately because I don't have health insurance to start on them again. Hang in there and keep me posted. ;)

I'm about 85 pounds overweight. Most of my symptoms include joint pain and overheating. I'm always paranoid about having fevers, so when I feel hot I will take my temperature and it's perfect. I find myself asking family stupid questions like, "What do fevers feel like?" "What do swollen lymph nodes feel like?" Even though I know the answer to both questions, I feel like people have to convince me otherwise. I've been tested so many times that I'm done with it, I know there's really nothing more I can do. Thanks panasonique, I didn't mean to sound that way I know you're trying to help. I'm supposed to take meds, but I don't see how that will get these thoughts out of my head or my symptoms from persisting, but who knows.

The meds will even out the chemical inbalance in your brain that causes depression and anxiety. Some people just need them. You will be surprised the difference you'll feel after taking them. I strongly recommend you talk to your doctor about it. Once you start, follow your doctors orders, never take your self off. Stick with it. You may not notice a difference right away, they do take time. It may also take a few different kinds of medications to find the one that works best for you, so if there is a few strikes, don't give up. You deserve to feel better and live a normal happy life! Do it for that baby all so! Please take my advice. The syptoms you are feeling could have a lot to do with your weight. Try to get healthy and keep intouch.

I didn't think that they tested newborns for HIV, I didn't think that they could. I knew that they performed the heel test and tested for other disorders but I didn't think that was one of them. Where did you hear that? Every day is a struggle thinking on this path, it's very depressing and time-consuming. I have two fears. One day I may just forget about it and my son or myself will become deathly ill and my fears were legite after all. My other fear is that I was obsessesing for no reason and I go through years of testing just to be convinced I don't have it and I wake up one day when I'm 30 and I realize I never had it and I wasted all these years of my life worrying for no reason. I've already wasted 2 years and I'm done, I now just want to be happy and healthy and make a good life for my son. I've been this way since I was little and I don't want my son to have to go through the same things. Sometimes I also feel like my son senses my stress and I feel like I'm putting a wedge between us. I guess sometimes in my head I feel like if I don't let myself get too attatched to him that when he dies from AIDS it won't be so hard. I love him more than anything in the world and my train of thinking really scares me and I know I need help.

Overheating sounds like that is the symptom that scares you the most, I know because Ive been getting the same thing, no Fever, These hotflashes scared the hell out of me, until I read the symptoms of Anxiety, and I noticed I only got hot flashes when I was anxious, or thinking about Hiv, the very word HIV was like a subconcious cue for my hotflash to happen I havent had a hot flash in about 2 weeks simply by knowing that my unconcious mind was telling my body to have a hotflash. Ive even talked to people that started getting hotflashes after a trumatic experience. On the other hand overheating could be caused by a hormonal imbalance. I tested negative by the way, Im going back next week for my 6 month test just to make sure

Scaredmom, you or your son do not have HIV. I know that they test newborns because I did the research on the internet and a doctor told me during one of my many trips to the ER when I thought I was dieing. This was a doctor that told me that thrush is a symptom of HIV. I told him that my partner did test neg. so the only other person I would get it from would have been from 4 years ago. I said that I did have a baby since. He said "that's good because they do test newborns at birth". I was so reliefed after hearing that. You are going to affect your baby a great deal if you don't get some help! I garauntee your baby senses this now. If you're still going through this in the future you will regret this in the long run. You're missing out on the most precious moments of your babies life. You may be there physically, but mentally you're not and your baby knows this. If you creat distance between you two it's not fair to your baby, none of this is. Pound it into your head that you are going to get some help. Go to your doctor and tell him what's been going on and that you've been dealing with it since you were a child, he may refer you to someone. You are healthy physically but mentally you're not. Check out the OCD board all so. You would be amazed at how much your story is the same as others there. If you can't work up the motivation to do this for yourself, then let your baby be your motivation. Does your family have any idea what's going on? Keep in touch.

Hi sweetie. I am sorry you are going through all of this additional stress when you've had 3 negative HIV tests. By reading some of your thought patterns, you sound a lot like I did about 3 years ago. I was having thyroid problems (have you had your thyroid checked, btw?) and then started having panic attacks. It became clear that my panic attacks were because of my thinking patterns and possibly a touch of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. My brain spun all the time and it was always negative and it was always about my health. Have you and your doctor discussed this at all? My sanity was saved by Xanax and Zoloft. I worked hard while on this med combo to learn how to not let my brain get stuck in a negative rut. After about 6 months, I was able to wean off the medicine and I've done so much better since then. This is just a suggestion that you talk to your doctor about, so I hope you are not offended. I wish you all the best!

Thank you everyone for your kind words. Sometimes I do think that something is more mentally wrong with me than anything, but my mind seems to get the best of me and it seems too good to be true. I do feel as though I'm missing out on important milestones with my son because of my obsessions, I deal with this guilt every day. I do feel as though I'm here physically and not emotionally and it kills me inside. I love my son more than anything and he is my motivation to want to get help and get better. I wake up anxious from the time I wake up and it's so bad I feel like I'm going to have a heart attack at times. The anxiety tends to decrease as they day progresses, but the thoughts are always there. I'm actually moving out of state this next week for awhile, I'm hoping the change of scenery might do me some good. And yes when I explained my symptoms to my doctor and she suggested I get me thyroid levels checked but I never did because I'm afraid they'll find something and my life will be over. I always have extreme anxiety over doctor appointments no matter what the actual appointment is for. I also have anxiety for my sons well-child checks-ups because I'm always afraid he's not gaining weight or growing normally. I weigh him almost every day and obsess of different one day to the next. I don't know why he's actually in the 85th to the 90th percentile in weight and a little slower in the height. He's short and chubby! He's such a beautiful baby and I see this and it makes my heart hurt that I can't enjoy every waking moment of my life with him. It's just me and him now, his father is not really in the picture and supportive at all. I'm supposed to take zoloft, buspar and gabatril but I take none of them. I guess I don't fully understand how crucial it is that I remember to take them. Thanks again to everyone for listening to my story and giving me your friendly advice, I really appreciate it.

I know how hard this is, but I really do believe that you are fine. From reading your posts, you think like me, almost identically, and I have done all my life. I fully believe that you are negative, and If you go and retest, you will relieve yourself of all this stress. You can do it.

I did not have too good a day today. Thank you to everyone who tries so hard to make me feel better, it means a lot. I can't help but be obsessed with my sons bowel movements. I know that sounds gross, but I constantly obsess over the color and consistency of it. I read that infants with HIV have diarrhea. Well, sometimes his stools become loose. I don't what is concidered "normal" for a formula-fed infants stool, but I cant help but think he's not normal. I'm such a spaz for thinking this way