i am a- female with a +bf. we recently found out. just looking for others like us.

i am a- female with a +bf. we recently found out. just looking for others like us.
- How long have the two of you been together? :wave:

Welcome! It's nice to have you here:)
-Sarah

Welcome!!!!!

Hey, hows it going? x

Hi, POSNEG: My wife is negative and I am positive.

hello, iwas wondering if there was any advice you could give. or any expeirences that could be shared to help me learn more about what we are going through?

I know that you want to hear our story, but it might be better if you give me a sense of how he's doing through all of this. DO you know what his T-cell count is or his viral load? Is he asymptomatic?

I have been positive since 1994. My wife and I were married in 1987. She remains negative (it's the only prayer I've ever prayed) and by this time the likelihood of her seroconverting would be next to impossible. FOrtunately, I continue to work full time and enjoy my job as a social worker though it is sometimes a bit stressful. As for me, I take my med and live my life. Oh, my T-cell count has never been above 200 and my viral load has always been undetectable.

Let me here from you. chris

Hey, sidenote. I want to go back to school to get my MSW, right now im going for a B.A in sociology. I wasn't aware that you were a social worker Chris, and thats what i've been dreaming of doing forever. Sorry to break the subject, but I think that's great!!!
-Sarah

Sarah - I figured that I spent twenty years, close to 40,000 hours helping people fix their lives at one level or another. Sometimes it's great and sometimes it sucks. What field are you planning to go into? Medical social work is great! I had a chance and was offered a job with a local hospital as their social worker/discharge planner and, simultaneously, with Adult Protective Services for (what was then) HRS. I took the hospital gig. Whew!! Anyway, I stayed there for 9 yrs and then accepted a case management position in the rehab department of the Level II trauma center working mostly with head injured patients. You'd think with all the time spent working out other people's problems, I could easily unmask my own...it don't always work that way, you know. (It might make you crazy to know that I have a BA in Irish Lit and Biblical HEbrew)...I became a social worker by stumbling through the back door. chris

Yes, i'm looking into going into medical social work,and case managment. If not, then I wouldn't mind working with physically/mentally disabled persons, I did it for a year and I loved it. I'm hoping I can stumble through a back door as well, because the opportunities i'm taking with my current degree are office jobs and stuff, and I think i'm going to repay some of my loans before I get my MSW. BUT, it makes me feel better knowing that it's possible. Do you work many hours? I can imagine it gets stressful sometimes, but then I think of all the rewards that come with it as well, and that's the part thats most appealing to me.
-Sarah

hey chris, a little about us, my boyfriend and i have been together for two years. we were talking about marriage and having children, he was diagnosed in may, we had no clue, he went to the doctor because he had a lump on his neck and suprise.. not what we wantde to hear. i was tested a week later and am -, for now my next test isnt until august. his cd4 is 480 and vl is 138,000.i think. i am 30 him 33. we only know what we have been reading online. his doc. started him on truvada and sustiva 1x a day. he also is getting a biopsy on his neck this week and sees his hiv doc in about 2wks. this has all been mindblowing for both of us. we still have so many ??? and are both very scared. hpe to hear back posneg

Dear posneg: Well, obviously, his doctor will want to get his viral load under control and begin doing routine blood work (usually quarterly) to monitor this. He may, however, elect to do that more frequently, only because your boyfriend is newly diagnosed and has just started on his medications.

A couple of things to remember: 1) don't get hung up on the numbers. Remember,they are just numbers and don't reflect the health or illness of the your boyfriend. 2) the numbers are not a countdown. So, if his t-cells dip, don't begin thinking he is on the way out. He's not. (As I said, earlier, my t-cell count was 200 when I was first diagnosed, it's gone as low as 94 but my viral load has always been undectable and I've never been ill.) 3) make sure your boyfriend has a doc to whom he can talk and who is available to him. This is a scary time and he will need to be able to call the doctor as needed everytime some crazy symtom develops (that may not be a symptom at all). 4) read as much as you can but not too much. Stay away from the internet, it can drive you crazy. Begin living your lives...I can remember going through a stage when I thought I was going to "die on Monday", then it was "maybe next Monday," and then, "maybe Tuesday. That's it I'll die on Tuesday." My wife let me get away with that for about two weeks and then had a heart to heart with me and got me over it. And 5) this is a wonderful resource and support group for the two of you. Use us...we've been through everything you all are going through. Think of your friends here as the triple-A (AAA) of this particular journey. Chris

And to Sarah: I started out working in developmental services...they may just be my favorite population. Chris

hey pos neg id the lump the only thimg that had him go to the doc, and where exactly was it located and how big.

hey pos neg was the lump the only thing that had him go to the doc, and where exactly was it located and how big. I have the same problem.

Hi, POSNEG: My wife is negative and I am positive.

How does that work, Cflas? Were you married to her when you contracted it? And you just use condoms?

chris, thanks for your reply. we are finding alot out online, & like you said alot of it is making us go mad!!! i think we just need to feel like we are going to be alright again. to broken wings ,my b-f went to the doctors because of a small lump . his doc did bloodwork and thats how we found out, he has never been sick and was tested two and a half yrs. ago so we had no reason to think hiv it was and is still a big shock.

pos neg.. are you still worried you have contracted the disease? I assume you have not gotten past the window period when you tested. Goodluck on your next test. I hope you end up negative. Good for you for sticking by your boyfriend. I am curious as to how he got it? Do you have any idea? I think you mentioned he tested negative 2 1/2 years ago but how did that happen unless he got it later? By the way how is that lump? What is it and is the lump serious?

Dear HowUKnow: It would sound corney if I told you it's the only prayer I prayed...but it would be the truth. My wife and I have been married for 18 yrs. We have four children between us (all now in their thirties and late twenties - two each from our first marriage - and four grandchildren.) THere were ten yrs between my first marriage and this one and we didn't find out about my HIV status until seven years after we were married. Since we had no reason to consider HIV as a possibility, no, we did not use condoms. However, because it was the height of the AIDS scare adn because we had both been single and in some relationships prior to getting married, my wife decided to be tested first. Her test came back negative. I went and got tested and mine was positive. She's been tested for the past eleven yrs and has tested negative each time (I've seen the results and, while I thought she was trying to protect my feelings from what I thought was an inevitable outcome, they show that she is, in fact, negative.). Did I tell you, it's the only prayer I pray (that she be safe)? I've known her since we were both in high school and we used to double date (different partners) and when we both divorced (me three years before she) it never occurred to us that we would become partners. But I started comparing the other people in my life with her and realized that she was the one person I could not live without.

So, all of this to tell you that, (if I hadn't said it before) that I have learned all about unconditional love, the depth of family, the increasing good will of people I don't even know and so much more it would take a book.

Posneg: sorry to get away from you. How are things? What's going on? chris

Thats beautiful Chris. Im so pleased to read things like that.

I agree with MJ, that was so very beautiful, Chris. Thank you for sharing that.

hi all thanks for your many replies, :) it really helps alot. anyway things are a day to day kinda event, somes days are like "old times" and others are like rough seas. but i do know i love my boyfriend that wont change, i am still very scared for us both, that also hasnt changed, talking like this does make it bearable. as for myself, my window of testing isnt up yet, i get retested 2nd wk of aug. so im still praying for my self, but then i feel kinda selfish worring about myself when my bf is pos. i know he also worries for me and he dos'nt need anything else to worry about.so right now we both sit and worry. to chris hi how are you thanks for your replies, looking forward to hearing from you. love to all, posneg