This might be a weird or dumb question or make no sense but I need to know if people start to need the depression. I have been told almost my whole life that I like drama and to always be pissed off. Now I am trying to forgive myself for the things I’ve done in my life and also forgive my family and friends. However, I say I forgive them but I really don’t. It feels like I’m just masking it. I don’t like to argue but if I’m mad I just have to let it out. Maybe I’ve been depressed a lot longer than I thought and it just got severe over the years. I just don’t want to hold my feelings in and go crazy or something but then again I’m loosing all these people I care about because I’m always angry or arguing about something. It’s so confusing. I don’t feel normal with this depression and I don’t feel normal I guess with out it. I don’t know what to do or how to really forgive people if I still feel upset. Any advice will be appreciated.

I almost see depression like heroin addiction it starts out nice and slow but before you know it it is out of control and your life becomes so consumed with it you do not how to live without it or at least see the future without it.

take care

I think depression serves some purpose. I wouldn't call it a need. I also think it's a very difficult thing to deal with. I think it can be a habit and habit are hard to break. There are many levels of depression. Some are more mild and you still might have some control over it. Others however, just take over like a virus. I've had both, the more mild ones I can control but not when it becomes severe.

Anger and depression are symptoms. I NEVER liked being miserable, but it can get to be a habit. For me I think it was a protective mechanism - I didn't like people touching me, crossing my emotional boundaries, even when I was a little bitty kid. I liked people to respect my "space" and they didn't. I was "just a kid". Anyway, some people like to throw themselves little "pity parties" but those aren't any fun unless you're just a little bit miserable. When you're really miserable?? Sorry, I don't think anybody really truly enjoys that.

You sink into depression, you dont swim.

I don't think I like being miserable...actually I know I don't like being miserable, but at times it does seem that I feel "better" in some way when I'm depressed. Maybe just because I've gotten so used to feeling that way that it feels more "normal" to me than when my mood is good. I'd have to say that has to be the reason, because I honestly don't like feeling so down about my life.

:wave: Hang in there. We're here for you anytime you need us.

I don't think I like being miserable...actually I know I don't like being miserable, but at times it does seem that I feel "better" in some way when I'm depressed. Maybe just because I've gotten so used to feeling that way that it feels more "normal" to me than when my mood is good. I'd have to say that has to be the reason, because I honestly don't like feeling so down about my life.

:wave: Hang in there. We're here for you anytime you need us.

I feel better when Im depressed sometimes because its a way of withdrawing. Actually, depression is just an excuse to withdraw temporarily from all of my problems and stresses; completely withdraw from life. That is exactly what it is for me.

Agreed.

It's a slow process and you're more often than not in over your head before you even realize it. I'm 41 now and having been through a number of nasty epsiodes I can tell you that you just don't become DEPRESSED. You need to "John Madden" your life up to that point and realize where it is you are and how you got there. I've been depressed now for more than 18 months and didn't realize it. Until now. I've acted impulsively while under duress and now I have a real mess on my hands that I have to clean up. Problem is I'm so depressed and anxious that I don't know how to. Oh, I know how too...it's just I'm so lacking in self confidence right now that I don't know up from down.

And on some level I do believe that I enjoy being misserable. I had a therapist years ago who said that to me...and she was right. Sucks too because this ain't fun.

Do I like being miserable? No, absolutely, 100%, NOT!