:) Karebear,


I just want to say thank you so much for your kind words. Hearing anything positive about myself right now is almost as good as I imagine a pill would make me feel. I just want you to know that I appreciate so much your kindness and compassion. Because those do seem to be two very important things this world is lacking (at least my world) at the moment.....

You are truely an inspiration, and you are so much appreciated!!!!

And I just thought you needed to know that!!!

Joan

Thank you Joan! Always glad to help. Hang in there-I know you will get through it BECAUSE YOU WANT TO and that is all that matters. :O) Have a great day... -Bear

Dear Joan,
I can think of nothing to add, for you said it very well.
I, too, am amazed at the power of the trust and caring that's so obvious in every member of this elite group. My comrades (as I've come to call them, for we do, together, fight the battles that comprise this war we've waged against our demons) are second to none at the business of listening and offering their hands to help.
I know firsthand the courage it takes just to put hands to the keyboard and begin writing the often terrible truth that our lives have become since being introduced to our drugs of choice. I have also talked to numerous counselors, professional and otherwise, about the nightmares of my personal addiction. And never have I been comforted anywhere close to the level that I have felt by just asking for help here on this message board.
You know, when I began posting, it was only after nearly two weeks of terrifying withdrawals from my drug of choice, oxyCONtin. During that two weeks, I'd sit, so very sick, and hold my head up with my hands and read these posts again and again. I wanted to write, but hadn't the energy to create a member name or retrieve a password. I hung on their every word and was amazed at their honesty and candor as well as their obvious expertise on the very topics in which I so desperately needed information.
And when I finally did write, I decided I'd (for a change) be dead-on honest and just kind of throw my life out there and see if I got any nibbles, any insights on my situation. In short, I wanted to know if anyone out there thought I had a chance of "making it." And, quite frankly, I wanted to know if anyone cared.
I felt the chances weren't in my favor, but still I wrote and waited silently for a reply, fearing the worst.
The morning after I'd written my first post (in which, I believe, I referred to my then-recent attempt at suicide via the downtown bridge,) I held my breath hoping for a reply. I was so afraid I'd see my post here and see a big fat zero under "REPLIES." I'm sure my mouth fell open when I saw better than a half dozen replies - this in less than 12 hours.
I savored the responses given to me by these people. They were not just "brush-you-off-now-let's-talk-about-me" letters. They were not "stop-trying-to-act-like-you're-one-of-us" letters, nor were they "we-ain't-comin'-to-your-pity-party" letters. Instead, they were informative, compassionate, and right from the heart. My own heart pounded in my chest when I realized that these people, who'd never even met me, seemed to really understand what I was going through. It was the closest thing to a natural high I'd ever experienced.
Now, about a month later, I am still amazed when I see these folks reaching out to others who are beginning the Journey Back to themselves. They don't say, "for withdrawals, go back and look and the old posts." Perhaps they realize that many people haven't the energy to do even that. Instead, they urge those who've asked for help to take the steps that will make them get through these month-long days that always mark the beginning of this healing process. Tirelessly recommending hot baths, vitamins, clear fluids, information, escape movies, suboxone therapy, sleep remedies, and good books, these good people never, ever seem to forget what day one was like. They don't say, "a day at a time," for they understand the dilemna and instead say, "a moment at a time." They do not view relapse as failure but as another opportunity for success. And they do not judge, my friend, they never ever do that.
I had to write my agreement to your post, as creedence surely must be given those who give their time, efforts, and prayers to those of us just beginning our journeys. Here's to wishing God's blessings upon them, these people who held my hand through my life's darkest days.
Thanks again for making this excellent point. I wish you every success and godspeed in your journey.
Your Friend,
Tonnie M.

Tonnie,

Thank you for making such great points. I have read most of your posts, and in each one you never to fail to touch on something that hits so close to home for me!! Like you, it took me a long time to post here, I have been coming here off and on for about 4 yrs, and it is only this time that I have even really made it further than the occassional, very struggled, one sentence post. It was the energy thing, and the not being able to even compose a thought in my head, much less try and articulate it to another human being( ya know, the zombie state)... Each time though, even though, obviously, I failed at every other attempt, or I wouldn't be where I am now, :rolleyes: the members here have been nothing short of helpful. But somehow, this time it is so different for me. It just really seems to me, it is the specific group of people, there is just a strong positive energy here for me this time. For whatever reason, this exact group of people have managed to all congregate in this very place that each of us here needs, so very much right now, at this moment in time!!

You, have been such an inspiration to me, because, we are truely in a very similar place, as are most of us I suppose. But there are just certain people we make a connection with, and you are one of those for me!! You and your story have definitely pulled me through more than once, becuause I have watched you so bravely pull youself up, and hold your head high...And even have managed to give some scummy guy in your Rest... compliments (That really made me laugh).... I'm not sure I would be able to even hold a conversation at the moment, much less step up like you did!!! So thank you for being the awesome person you are, and such a source of strength for so many of us!!!

You are ALL TRUELY AMAZING AND WONDERFUL!!!!

Joan :)