JenW67
07-12-2005, 02:16 PM
This is one of those " I need to know if anyone else feels this way" posts. I have a 10 day old little boy. He is adorable, agreeable, and very healthy. I find myself looking at him a lot and wondering how I made such a beautiful creature.
My problem is that, in spite of the good fortune of having a healthy little boy, I really miss my old life. This is the second marriage for both my husband and me and we got married last August. He is 42 and I am 38. For the past year, we have been totally into each other. It seemed natural that we would want a child complete the circle. Sometimes now though, I really wish it would go back to just being my husband and me. I sometimes wonder if I have made a mistake. I do not want to resent my boy, but sometimes I do. I feel guilty for saying/feeling these things yet I suspect that I am not alone. Does this sadness pass? How do I incorporate this little guy into the love that my hubby and I have for each other?
Thanks
Jen
My problem is that, in spite of the good fortune of having a healthy little boy, I really miss my old life. This is the second marriage for both my husband and me and we got married last August. He is 42 and I am 38. For the past year, we have been totally into each other. It seemed natural that we would want a child complete the circle. Sometimes now though, I really wish it would go back to just being my husband and me. I sometimes wonder if I have made a mistake. I do not want to resent my boy, but sometimes I do. I feel guilty for saying/feeling these things yet I suspect that I am not alone. Does this sadness pass? How do I incorporate this little guy into the love that my hubby and I have for each other?
Thanks
Jen
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2fast4u
07-12-2005, 03:49 PM
Jen, I totally understand. My little guy is one month old and the cutest thing. DH and I got pg on our honeymoon. We are both 24. We dated for 7 years before we got married but did not live together. Then we get married and got an apartment and basically spent our money on nice stuff for the apartment, our honeymoon and wedding. Now we have no money,a one bedroom apartment and a cute baby. Not what we planned. We miss being together so much. And some times, I almost and so does DH, resent our little one. We said when I pg that we would carry on our life and just take DS with. Well, DS loves to cry so someone has to hold him while the other quick takes a shower or eats or runs to the store. It is no fun because some one has to be home holding DS and some one does the other things. I miss DH so much. We NEVER have time for each other at all any more. So I know where you are coming from. I may be much younger but I feel what you are going through. But when DS is staring you in the eyes and just studying your face, you can't help but love him to death. I keep telling myself, one day DH and I will find a happy medium. P.S. We got married Aug 27, 04. Sounds like you got married aound the same time. Except I got pg a month before you.
BioAdoptMom3
07-12-2005, 10:36 PM
I felt the same way when we had our second, concerning our first child. I kept thinking, "what have I done to our beautiful little threesome?" Then I would feel very guilty about it. So yes, I think your feelings are very normal. Not only has your lifestyle changed dramatically, but you have raging hormones that are sailing through your system! I know its soon, but in a week or two I would find someone you trust to watch your baby and try to get out alone with your dh even if its just for an hour or two. It will do you both a world of good.
Nancy
Nancy
momatheart
07-12-2005, 11:22 PM
I felt that way too... and still do to some extent... My DS is the light of my life and I wouldn't trade one moment that I have had with him BUT I miss being able to have a nice relaxing, uninterupted dinner with my hubbie and going to the movies spur of the moment... Even having a romantic evening at home... My advice to you -- take advantage of those who want to babysit... I just now started doing that (I felt guilty leaving the baby and always rushed right back when I did).. Don't feel guilty -- if grandparents, aunts/uncles or friends offer to watch the baby for an evening, take them up on it.. Even just getting out to dinner by yourselves for a couple of hours has you coming home feeling much more relaxed and then you enjoy the baby much more too!!! It does get easier once you fall into a routine and feel more comfortable with being parents!
Thumper68
07-12-2005, 11:32 PM
You could possibly be having post partum depression as well. Talk to your ob/gyn about your feelings. Post partum is a real thing and needs to be treated, if that is what you have. Do not ignore the early warning signs.
jmcummins3
07-15-2005, 10:47 AM
When the baby starts sleeping through the night consistently, you will feel much better and will have time in the evenings with DH. You won't be able to go out all the time anymore, or spur of the moment, but you can rent a movie, play games, have a later romantic dinner and have some alone time for the 2 of you again. It just takes a few months to get the baby into a routine of sleeping through the night. Try to be patient.
JenW67
07-15-2005, 12:41 PM
Thanks all,
JMcummins3 - you are right, I know. I have talked a lot to my sisters and friends and they all assure me that this first month or even two are the hardest. It is such a huge life change. Everything seems harder now- getting out of the house with the baby( who knew how much stuff a 7 pound person could need?), eating supper while keeping the little one quiet, etc.
I am learning his routine and am adjusting mine to get the best time alone or with hubby. It may not be a lot but I think if I can carve some out, I will remain sane.
-Jen
JMcummins3 - you are right, I know. I have talked a lot to my sisters and friends and they all assure me that this first month or even two are the hardest. It is such a huge life change. Everything seems harder now- getting out of the house with the baby( who knew how much stuff a 7 pound person could need?), eating supper while keeping the little one quiet, etc.
I am learning his routine and am adjusting mine to get the best time alone or with hubby. It may not be a lot but I think if I can carve some out, I will remain sane.
-Jen