I have had an ED since I was about 14, I'm now 26. At first it started with anorexia and taking ritalin. I was 15 years old, 5'3 and 89 lbs. My doctor threatened to admit me to the hospital if I didn't start to gain weight so I slowly gained back more. I have recovered and fallen back into it numerous times since then. Now I'm both ana and mia. I try so had to not eat anything or only things with negative calories and then I wont eat for a couple of days. After a few days of not eating I totally binge eat and I try so damn hard to keep it down for myself to be healthy but the guilt takes over and I make myself throw it all up. Then I'll go through days of binging and purging and then back to restricting and ana again. I want so much to just be happy with myself and to be able to enjoy food again. I'm starting to slip again into Mia and I'm afraid of the damage it's going to do to me. I have a three year old daughter and I'm scared that she'll grow up thinking eating is bad and that she'll have an ED too at some point. I try my hardest to hide it from her but I don't know how long I can do this anymore. Anyway, thanks for listening.

A.

Hello...
I too have suffered from bulimia for a long time. Many days I feel like giving up. I always feel like it will never end, the cycle. I don't have any kids, but I am afraid that If I ever do (I doubt I will, becaue I am too afraid to gain the pregnancy weight) that my child will develope an eating disorder because of me. That would be the worst thing I could imagine. I am hear to listen to anything you have to say. PLEASE don't give up. There are so many people who are in your situation, (not exactly, but very similar) so know that there are people who understand.

Thank you for your kind words. It's good to know I'm not alone. I think a few close people to me know that I may have slipped again b/c I lost a considerable amount of weight in a month. I gained a great deal of weight while pregnant and I'm trying so hard to lose it now. I just hate looking in the mirror b/c I'm so much bigger than I have ever been since having the baby. I wear horribly baggy clothes when I go out to try and not attract attention to myself. I'm going to try really hard not to give up. I have been reading a lot about exercise and nutrition and I think I'm going to try and eat very healthy and clean and make sure I exercise every day.

thanks again,

A.

i think eating healthy and exercising is a wonderful resolution. also, have you considered getting some help? i'm just starting therapy (as in, my first appointment was yesterday), but i just can't do this binge, starve, binge, starve, binge, eat normal shi** anymore!! i'll keep you updated on anything that works, and good luck with eating more and exercising healthily. you can do this!

Hello

I am going through the same thing right now, i am 24 I have been battling ana for 10 years and it is sooo awful. ( I went through the Ritalin/Adderall thing too which is kinda weird!!) I still slip soooo fast I can hardly tell until I am totally sick again. I start to loose weight and I forget that I dont know when to stop. Aargg it is so frusterating!!! This is such a vicious cycle and I just want you to know you are NOT alone. I am hear for you.
Also your daughter is going to grow up and be a beautiful HEALTHY lady!! Please you are so strong and she knows that, we can do this.

You are on my mind
xoxoxoxoxoxox
- Jade :angel:

Hey guys... :wave: thanks for your support ..it means a lot and I even cried when I read this...I'm a super emotional person...*lol*

I have considered getting help but I don't know if I'm able to make it there without having a panic attack (I also suffer from panic disorder). I get extremely uncomfortable in situations where I'm making myself vulnerable.
I think I might talk to my family doctor and see if she can give me something to calm my nerves for going to get help for this. I need to do this for myself and my daughter but I'm afraid.

My thoughts are with you as well b/c I know how life-consuming and frustrating this crap is. I hope your day is going well guys.

A.