hey guys, i am just so totally disgusted with myself it's really bad. i don't know what to do. i eat fine during the day, then at night, that's when all HELL breaks loose, i eat a lot of breads, raisins, oh, and peanut butter,of course, that fat free kettle corn microwave popcorn,the whole bag, sometimes 2 bags, cereals, more fruit, oh, this is really bad, i eat an ENTIRE package of those fat free fig newtons!! the whole package, in one night!!! i used to throw it up, but i don't anymore because it made me have red bumps all over my eyelids and my face would be puffy the next few days. now i just feel guilty, FAT, and majorly depressed afterwords. i usually go workout the next morning, but like today, i just couldn't get up, so now i feel REALLY fat. i mean, my cute clothes and skirts don't even fit me anymore, i wear the same baggy pants to work everyday because i don't want my fatass, cellulite thighs and butt to hang out in people's faces. it's soooooo embarrasing!!! my boyfriend says he doesn't see what i'm talking about, but i'm like whatever. i try my hardest not to say anything to him about it, but sometimes he can tell when i'm really upset and depressed and i just cry on his shoulder. then i worry about him thinking i'm unnattractive and i get even more depressed about what i've done to my body. i feel completely out of control. does anyone know of any support groups or treatment centers that really help??
i was reading this one post and the girl said they put her on some eating plan where she has really low calorie meals for the day, but that she ate the same thing everyday and that it stopped the bingeing. what group was that?? and what is a sample menu for a day??? can anyone help me out??? i live in dallas, tx, anyone know of any groups here???

Hey hun, i dunt know of any groups but -
Im exactly like you - i can go all day without eating and then fancy a poptart - ill eat it , then a yogurt, then a mars bar then some fat free ice cream and so on and so on. It doesnt happen everyday but once i eat one thing i realise how hungry I am and ill eat and eat and eat. Ive never purged, but i feel soooooo guilty the next day, l'll go like 3 days with only eating 1/2 a meal and then after those 3 days ill binge at night again. and the cycle will continue.
Its awful.

so i know what you are going through - a little -. I hope it gets better and someone can help you out with a group

Lotsalv

X Hannie X

Hi guys, I understand what both of you are going threw and i'm very sorry, i know its sucks! I've experienced the same thing and I know what its like not to eat all day then binge on fat free kettle corn and ice cream. Things that helped me get through it is, and i know this is hard, but try and eat a couple healthy snacks through out hte day and lunch if you can. I know its hard to convince yourself to keep it down, but in reality if you do you will most likley not purge as much. I also try and drink alot of water and diet soda. This makes me feel fuller and I don't have such an erge to purge at night. And I understand what you were saying about how you feel fat around your bf, and he doesn't understand. I'm the same way, even though i know he thinks I'm beautiful I hate being naked around him, and I always feel huge. You have to realize this isn't ture because he is with you and is there for you so he obviously loves you. I just wnat you to know your defiantly not alone and I hope you get the help you need.
Take care,
Aleash

honey, me heart goes out to you! i'm doing nearly the exact same thing (and i've also eaten ALL the fig newtons in one sitting! amongst tons of other binge foods! they're so friggin' dry!!!) none of my clothes fit anymore either, and man, IT SUCKS!!! so, i guess i'm just saying i know how shi**y you feel about yourself (both physically and mentally) and i know how daunting and impossible this seems to get over. but you can do it!

Here's my suggestions (and i'm wearing no shining gold medal of a binge free life. my last one was 6 days ago, so i feel like i'm doing great, but that's not even a week! but here's what i'd say)

1. Get help. i know you don't want to and you think you can do this on your own, but you can't. it's too big and too hard and it's just going to get worse to where you're binging every night for weeks at a time (believe me, i've been there and it's f***ing horrible.)

2. Check out "Overcoming Binge Eating" (i forget the author). it's actually a self-help book, but i read it just for information and ideas. (i still HIGHLY recommend getting professional help) It helps you realize that the stuff you do is not freakish, and it gives you some good ideas.

3. On this one, i'm going to disagree with what Aleash said. the number one goal here is for you to stop binging, and at least for me, and few healthy snacks and possibly a lunch and a ton of diet coke and water would NOT do it. you need good food so you're not hungry and tempted. (i also needed a little dessert even, so i wouldn't feel totally deprived and go out and buy an entire apple pie plus eat two ice cream sandwiches plus more of that da*n peanut butter!) you need meals and snacks so you feel good, even if they're relatively (but not outrageously) low calorie overall.

(Sorry if this is triggering, but i'll tell you my plan and you could maybe try that. it's about 1200 calories, which seems like a ton with ED, but it's really just the amount that our bodies need to function. plus, eating 1200 a day is not going to make you gain weight; it's the binging that will do that. so, try to let your body have at least this much (or more if you can handle it). Just think, would i rather eat 1400 today and feel good or try to eat only 800, binge, take in like 5000, and feel like *****?)

Here it is:

Breakfast: oatmeal, english muffin with jam, cereal, 1/2 bagel with cream cheese
Mid-morning Snack: fat free yogurt (or other 1/2 of bagel if i only ate 1/2 before) (TOTAL: 240-260 calories)

Lunch: sandwich (light turkey, american cheese, brown mustard) and carrot sticks
Afternoon Snack: pretzels, low fat animal crackers, two rice cakes or a Chewy granola bar (TOTAL: 350-360)

Dinner: this meal i totally vary so i don't get too bored, but i keep it between 430 and 450 calories)
Dessert: low fat ice cream sandwich, 3 small cookies (like Oreo), 6 Hershey's Kisses, or light mini bag popcorn (TOTAL: 130-160)

Anyway, with those four "meals" I end up around 1200. It keeps me pretty full most of the time, but now i'm taking a baby step and adding one apple in my afternoon (because i KNOW this is not enough). I'm not saying this plan is 100% by any means. I've binged TONS while trying to stick to it, but it might be somewhere for you to start.

sorry this was so long, but i really feel that we're going through the same thing and i want to help you. good luck and think about therapy! i just started and i'm so excited to beat this thing!

joanna

I'm sorry you're so depressed. I have said this a million times, but it's true......I am exactly the same! Sometimes it'll be the opposite. If I wake up in the morining and frogot I wasnt going to eat, and get a tiny sip of some fluid with calories, then lose it! I figure that I already messed the day up, so I binge all day. Lately I've cut down on the purging, but only because it exhaustes me so much. You wouldn't want to know the amount of food I've downed in one sitting. Ummmmm I think once I had like 4 hotpockets, some chips, icecream.......ugh... it's so horrible. I definitely know how you feel and will be here to talk. :)

Can totally relate over here!

It is funny, (well not really!) but I am actually on the boards tonight after going through yet another nighttime binge and purge....my binges aren't quite as big as they used to be...(toinght it was 3 chips ahoy and half a stack of whole wheat ritz) but this nightime binging and purging has become a nightly habit of mine!!! And I eat very very healthy during the day!! Only fruits, whole wheat bread and salads!!! I dont get it i do good all day and then night rolls around and i lose all control!! I find that when I am out at night or busy with friends, i still eat terrible but don't find the time or situation where i can purge. So thats partly a good thing...staying busy and all...I just wish i could find the self control that i have throughout the day during the night hours!!!
:wave: I wish everyone luck in finding that night time self restraint!

I can relate too! I will practically starve myself all day and then when nighttime comes I will eat EVERYTHING! I totally agree with you guys. When you eat one thing it just leads to more and more and more. I guess our bodies are telling us something but it's hard to listen. I never feel full either! All I do is think about food and restrict but then if I do eat I just want to keep eating. It's like there's no shut off button once I start.

oh man. thats another me... sum of my binges can be brudal. but im a purger so it never stays in, but wow...it makes me so weak and shaky at the end its literally serious. get help hun :)