Hey Everyone :).. I'm new here. I'm so glad I found this forum. I'm new to this whole thing. Well lately I have been feeling horrible about myself... I am so unhappy with my weight.. I have been not eating for a while.. and I've been exercising then throwing up because I would get so sick after it.. I feel weak all the time, dizzy.. I use to weigh 130 now I weigh 110lbs.. I don't want to stop though, I want to be 100lbs or less.. I feel so fat all the time.. I went to the gym after not eating, I ended up working myself so hard, then I went to the bathroom and got sick.. I threw up a total of 7 times.. and a lot.. but it was all water.. I never ate anything .. its horrible I know.. but that is what I do like 3 times a week... and I don't eat like at all..sometimes I will probably have a yogurt a day...... yesterday I ate a a slice of pizza and ended up crying, I was so depressed I felt like a fat pig after I had it ate.. so I ended up throwing it up.. I guess I am anorexic and bulemic... my mom askes me if I ate and I end up lying to her...I don't want her to find out.. you don't have to reply to this if you don't want... it's ok... well thanks for taking the time to read this..

*Shell*

Hi Shell,
I'm new to this site too, but I tottaly relate to your situation, I was just like you. I still am trying to complete recover from my ED but I know it will take along time. The thing is you are going down a path that is only going to get worse. At first it may have seemed worth it becuase you lost weight so fast, but with ED you will never feel like your losing enough. When I first started throwing up everythig I ate and excersing ritually, I lost alot of weight. When I came hope from college after my first quater my parents kept telling me I looked really good, that only made me feel worse (like I needed to lose weight in the first place, and that I needed to continue to do it). After several more months of the same routine I was always tried, weak, dizzy, and depressed. I would always brake down and cry and never wanted to do things with my friends. I was even at the point where I was throwing up blood. Heres the thing you have to realize, doing theses things to your body will never make you happy. You have to want to get better for yourself not anyone else. Its hard to make your self realize that your sick. It sounds like you want to lose the weight but your misserable, so you have to ask yourself is losing even more weight really going to make you happier? I know its really hard, and for me I got help talking to my bf becuase at the time he was the only I felt could help, even though he really didn't understand. I think talking on this forum is a really good start. I have never been to thearpy myself basically because I don't want to admit to other people that I have a problem, even though I obviously did and still kind of do. After talking on this site and reading other peoples posts its really comforting to know that there are others who feel the same way and trust me your not alone. Also this site seems like theres alot of people who can offer you great advice and hopefully make things alittle eaiser. I hope by reading a little of my story you know your not alone, and I am doing alot better then I was a year ago, so I hope you realize you can get better you just have to want it for youself and there are people here to help you!!!!!!
Best of Luck,
leash

Hi Shell and welcome to the boards!! I am sorry to hear you are really struggling right now. I know how you feel but please try and be careful with you body you can really do a lot of damage. I have been battling anorexia for about 10 years now ( :eek: wow thats a long time when I write it!!) and it just gets harder. Please try and talk to someone who can get you set up with a healthy way to loose weight b/c what you are doing is so not good for ya and it just gets worse!!
I understand how you feel about talking to your mom, it took me a long time to open up to my mom, we still talk about it, but let me tell you it helps to talk about it. Do you have a boyfriend or girlfriend that you could try and talk to? Or even your doctor?
I know it all seems so hard but I know you can beat this b/f it gets any worse. I am here for you if you need to talk and this board is filled with wonderful gals of all ages with alike and different stories that can help you sooooooo much. Welcome and keep posting :)

Your on my mind
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
- Jade

welcome! my heart goes right out to you . . . you sound like you're struggling so hard. just know that we all are here for you, whenever you need to talk or ask questions.

I'm with jade though, you really need to get help before this starts to get worse, which it will, it will get MUCH worse. talk to your mom, it's clear she's worried about you and it seems like you're worried about you too. don't feel guilty or shameful, what you're doing is caused by things in your brain that you can't control. you're mom won't be mad, she'll be overjoyed! and i guarantee you'll feel a million times better. you don't deserve to live like this.

Hey thanks for the nice coments. It really means a lot to me that you guys took the time to help me out. It made my day though really.. I have no one to talk to about this .. I don't have a bf .. and I don't feel like I can open up to my friends about this, I don't want them to worry and they probably wouldn't understand. It makes me feel better that I'm not alone in this.. I am after reading other posts from girls on here, and I can totally relate to all of them. ED are horrible!!! I never ate yet today.. I'm not even hungry... I 'might' try to eat some fruit.. I'm not sure yet.. I just feel sick after I eat... well anyways, I know there are a lot of girls going through the same thing as me.. and I hope for the best for all of you!

- Shell

Welcome to the boards, it's a great place for support! I read your first post and it reminded me of how I started out. Just like you, my mind was always on what I was gonna do next about my weight, whether it be not eating, throwing up, or exercising my butt off. I would sound hypocritical to tell you to stop because we're kind of in the same place. I dont want to stop or get help. But just know that I'm always here to chat and to listen as well as everyone else. This mb has become like another "home" for me. :) Talk to you later!

how tall are you if you want to weigh 100 pounds. My girlfriend is 98 pounds, but shes only 5'0 tall. (im 5'7 yeah im short) another thing she goes to the gym alot and she eats ANYTHING she wants. Yeah she can pig out.

you guys are all so nice! :) .. I feel like your the only people I can really talk to about this at the moment. And about my height.. I am 5'3".

hey there shellZ!! im a lil late cuz i have been gone, so welcome!! i can relate to how u feel. im better now about my body image but yah i can relate alright. id go get help hun. go see a doc or a therapist or someone! and really, i would advice u telling ur mom. she needs to kno be4 things get ne worse...support is key for recovery. i need to get help be4 ur ED gets even worse.


i hope i helpedh un and u take care! :)

I know...... I ate yesterday.. and I felt like so fat.. I had a bar which isn't good, so I had to throw it up.. I feel like I'm gonig to gain 50 pounds or something if I don't. Today.. I never ate anything. I want to be skinny... all of my friends go swimming and I don't because I feel that I'm to fat.. it sucks!!!! I wish that I would just be skinny without going through this horrible thing.. people say that I'm not fat.. but when I look in the mirror I HATE what I see. I know I need to get help before it gets any worse.. but I just can't do it! I know being here will help me so I'm glad I found this forum!

the boards are helpful shell but you also need a live person who you go to and sit down with face to face and say Hey I need help to. I know that idea probably sounds really hard b/c it sounds like you are comfortable with your ED and want to keep it for now. Some day you will change your mind, or you will get so sick that people will notice- hopefully before 30 yrs pass ( yes I said 30 years) it only gets harder the longer you keep it believe me I know. good luck take care

Hey Shell, I just wanted you to know that I read your post, and can totally relate to what you are feeling. I fit the not eating, exercise throwing up profile as well.

And I just wanted to reiterate what was said earlier is that as helpful and insightful as these boards are, there is only so much they can do. Getting real-live (and hopefully professional) help is the kick that a lot people struggling with ED's need to fully, and truly recover. It is my belief that no message board can provide that! Although, if you ever have a question, need to vent, or just talk you have come to the perfect place!!!!

i wish you the best of luck, and just know that you are not alone! :wave: