this whole week my heart has been racing. My pulse rate is at a steady 118 per minute, which is okay, if your excersizing or having physical activities, only i would be sitting or laying down. I didn't know what it was from or what else to do so I went to the doctors today, they did and ekg and it was fine, they tested my iron levels and it was good, probably because i take vitamins everyday, and they want to test me for anemia and test my thyroid. But i have to go back on monday to have the rest of the tests completed. . . Today has been an awful day, one of my cats is one year younger than me, and we had to have her put to sleep this afternoon. She couldnt even walk anymore. It broke my heart. And then tonite another bomb shell was dropped....my step dads best friend and his wife are very close to our family. I love both of them to death, and his wife cas has cancer,and the doctors say its probably too late that they dont think they can save her, she has a 16 hour surgery scheduled for tuesday to try to do whatever they can for her, please pray for her

I am so sorry to hear about your loss; pets really are a significant part of one's family. I will definitely for your family's friend. You know, God has many miraculous ways of working and His will is always done. Just remember that although this is a tough time, you will make it through and God is with you all the way. We are all here for you, too. Stay strong!

I agree with zero. I also think that through all of this pain, it makes us so much stronger in the end! You'll be in my prayers too. I hope your tests turn out good and you get to feeling better. :)

thank you both so much, i really appreciate it. It's nice to hear some encouraging words in times like these. I hope that everything goes okay. I've lost so many loved ones to cancer or lukemia that I despise the disease. They had taken cas to surgery about a week ago to have her gullbladder taken out because she was having pain, and they sent it away to be tested and it come back positive for cancer, its already all through her lympnodes, liver, stomach and lungs. its like her husband told me when i was talkin to him, he said chris ive done so many bad things in my life, ive done so much and she hasnt ever done anything wrong and shes the one whos dying and im the one that should be. its just hard i guess....but i know u gotta keep on going....so we all just have to pray for the best....i mean shes only in her 30s shes far too young to die....shes got her whole life still ahead of her....keep her in your prayers please

cryingskies,
i am so sorry for your loss and this hard time that you and your family are going through. i will definitely say a special prayer for you and the people around you. just try to keep your head up, think of what a wonderful life cas has had and what a wonderful person she is. find the joy and the love, and stay close to her and give her your support. best of luck to you and her.

i'm sorry, it sounds like things aren't easy at the moment.

Just don't let life escape you. This just shows how you never know whats around the corner - so make the most of life while you have it.

Please take care. xx

Aw cryingskies, u hang in there hun :) . remember, ur always in my prayers and i agree with the other gals, the bad moments always turn out for the best at the end...


u just wait and see...:)

thanks everyone for your sweet and thoughtful words. My step mom and I were talking today, I went up and spent the night with her and my real dad, something I havent done in years, I havent stayed in that house since my mom and I moved out, I would stay up n the same city he's in but i would stay at my grandmas house or my brothers house because it was too weird to be in my old home, but now its not so bad. But my step mom and I were talking about losing people this afternoon. And we both are the same way that we always tell everyone that we love , that we do love them all the time because u are not promised tomorrow, every bit of time u have on earth is a gift. i feel bad though because they made me eat breakfast lunch and dinner, and i can never even make it through one meal, let alone three. I guess its good for me but if its so good for me I dont understand why I feel so damn awful about it. also while everyone has cas n their prayers, also if uc ould please pray for harold.... he's the neighbor up by my dads, ive known him all my life he''s like a grandfather to me and he's losing his battle with cancer.....in horrible pain....and he looks awful, i know that he is going to go but i just hope that he can get some relief from the pain.....the disease is so horrible.....its in the times that i watch the ones i love die this awful death from cancer, and they get extremely thin, and frail and turn into a skeleton and they eventually quit eating and get too weak to hold on anymore, and i mean my ant died the same way and she fought so hard to live, andit just makes me feel even more worse abouot myself because i was a heathly young girl with my whole life in front of me, and i chose to bring myself into this situation im in today, i may not choose it now but its too late because im too far in.....and my aunt wanted to eat so bad, she wanted all this different food and we would bring it to her and she wouldnt be able to eat it because she would get real sick, and here i am perfectically capable of eating anything and keeping it down and yet i wont its like the food is the cancer.....i guess we all have our own type of cancer.....slowly killing us all.....sorry, its beena long couplle of days, im exhausted i hope this makes sense and isnt just a lot of jibberish. . . I was playin with one of my nephews all afternoon and i just dont have anything left tonite, without taking care of myself running around playing cops and robbers is hard to do....but i wouldnt trade it for the world....playing with the kids is the best, and because they dont think i can have kids, i just try to enjoy everyone elses until it really hits me that i cant have kids of my own.....but im going to try to get a few hours of sleep....I have more bloodwork i have to go have done monday morning....so hopefully everything turns out okay, and if it doesnt then lets hope they will know whats wrong thats making my heart beat so fast.....keep ur head up and thanks again take care

it is NOT too late. it will never be too late for you to get better. get help now, you haven't screwed up the rest of your life. you are a strong woman and YOU CAN BEAT THIS. this thing will not control the rest of your life. you still are a healthy girl with her whole life ahead of her. the ED has just covered that girl up and made her feel hopeless. but you're going to throw off that cover and come out, your true self, who knows that she can get better and love her life and live and be happy. i know you can do it, you just might need some help to do it right. please try to get help. i believe you can get better!
good luck

thank you for the encouraging and kind words. It still amazes me the strength that each and every person in here has, its just amazing. And I am thankful that everyone is not afraid to step up and give the love and support that some of us desperately need, even tho we have never met its like we connect as tho we've always been friends, and can just reach out and accept the support that everyone will give.
I am definately scared that this "thing" is going to control me for the rest of my life. Its like every single thing in my life is out of my control, its like I cant do anything to keep my life ogoing the way I want and need it to go. I have seen so much pain, heartache, tragedy and just pure hell in my life that I just want to take a cover and go hide in the closet for the rest of my life. I know it may sound crazy, but at times I feel like im going crazy. I think it must be the deprivation of food, nutrients and vitamins. I've recently started takin a multi vitamin to try to help myself out somewhat. But I dont think that they are helping. My real dad takes tons of vitamins and he insisted that they would make me feel SO much better and that they would give me more energy. I think that I'm getting ready to just quit taking them again because if they arent helping whats the point in taking a pill everyday.. u know?? When I went to the dr's on friday to see about my racing heart, the doctor made me so mad, as soon as they took me back, the nurse weighed me u know, and I weighed 105 which is up 7 pounds from the 98 that i had been at for the past two weeks so that wwas good, my good friend thats been tryin to help me, D, was really happy about that and told me how proud of me she was. but the doctor come in, and the time before that when i had been to the doctors which was only like a month ago and i had gotten myself all the way up to 120 which was just amazing, i had been doing so good, and then u know, not even a month later im back down to 105 sp the doctor....ugh she pissed me off....comes over and looks n my nose and down my throat and looks at my arms and is like you smoke and i was like yea, and she said u snort coke?! CRACK?! shoot HERION!?? DO YOU?! DO YOU?! It made me so mad that I go in there for some help about my heart and she tries to practically accuse me of doing drugs, that i dont do! I cant say i never have, because I was addicted to a lot of drugs for a long time, but I have been drug free for almost two years now, and so I guess thats why it made me even madder than it should have. But I dont know, I just wanna get thru this

i'm sorry the doctor treated you like that. she has no right to do that! what a bi***! HUGE

i'm sorry the doctor treated you like that. she has no right to do that! what a bi***! HUGE congrats on gaining some weight (and being drug free for so long!). just try to blow off the doctor. you know you're doing good with the weight gain and you know you're not doing a ton of drugs and that's all that matters. and you will get through this. it won't be easy or quick but just keep at it and you will.