Hello evryone...I really need some help right now. I am so on the edge,I don't know what to do for myself or how to help myself. I havesuffered from this problem for so many years and my life is so chaotic. I have (HAD) a long time relationship with a man for seven years,he is my protector and I love him dearly but I always do things to make myself feel safe.I always have to keep contacts like my ex-husband,ex-boyfriends ect.ect...I know this isn't the right thing to do but I always feel like I need backup so I keep them in my life.Usually things are fine.I always drink to much when I am in a depressed and call these people.Last night I had an aurgument with my boyfriend and he left then I called this one guy friend(I don't even like this guy,so I don't even know why ) but myb/f came back to my house and heard me talking to him (btw they hate each other) I was asking likewhen are you coming to the city again and all. He was so madhe came in and told the guy off and left I am so scared he is never coming back. Imiss him dearly. I am such an idiot. What can I do? I believe he really hates me now.I am terrified.

Well first off, your better off than I am....when I drink I try to kill myself. But I wouldn't worry so much...I'm sure he doesn't HATE you. He is probably upset, but I'm sure if you talk to him you could work things out. I know it is really stressful...I am bpd too(+other crap), so I understand the predictament, but just plan on a way to go about talking to him about it, plans help me a lot.

Good luck, and God bless! :angel:

Thanks so much. I hate being this way...I think about killing myself but I don't b/c Of my baby girl....I have no one to watch out for her. Why is it that it seems with this bpd (at least me) I feel my life is always in a sham? How do you cope with day to day life? He has never understood my problems,the way my brain works. Heck, I don't even understand it.I hate my life right now. I went to school and finally found something I can do after all these years. I have been working as a Realtor this first year and it's the only job I seem to be able to excel in b/c I feel more in control,not having a boss telling me be here at this time,do this,do that ect. But when something goes wrong in my life I seem to fall apart. He took my phone and everything now,I cannot even work without it,I feel like a child being grounded.This cannot be healthy but if he came back I would more than likely start the whole thing over with him b/c he has became more like an idol to me...it is a wierd screwed up situation,yet I cannot seem to see my way out of it. I get these surges of power sometimes where I feel strong enough to do anything (at times like this) but it seems like he cripples me but im really not sure.I HATE MY LIFE!I just wish I were more normal.

You may also want to check out the board here at HealthBoards that is specifically for Personality Disorders (like borderline personality disorder).

I have Bipolar Disorder and it's been really well taken care of with meds. My niece-in-law has Borderline Personality Disorder, claims she "doesn't have a problem", and her life is a shambles...
I feel for you and admire you at least recognizing the problem!
:angel:

I didnt find a BPD board and I was searching.I will look again.

The board is called "personality disorders" and it is here at healthboards. Just scroll down to the p's until you see it...