It seems that anxiety and it's symptoms are sort of mythological with the public. You say you simply can't handle something at work because you have terrible anxiety and panic attacks and they just act like you're faking some sort of exotic disease that no one really suffers from & you're just a slacker. They act like it's some sort of personality thing that can be overcome if you just try hard enough. Obviously you're just a loser and can't run with the pack. Ok, I can't run with the pack, I'm a lone wolf, but I can tell you what you shouldn't do because I've been an observer for more years than I'd like to admit. I have anxiety and it's symptoms but I think most of my symptoms come from pent up anger that noone will listen even when I do say something relevant. Fight or flight. I'd rather run away than smack these idiots.
They'd rather listen to the vocal people who spout off and say nothing rather than the quiet ones who only say something when it's truly important. I really don't understand this world. It's a complete case of missing the point entirely. I punched my monitor this week because a person we support kept giving me grief after I had explained the situation several times. I was so ready to walk out because of that and several other problems but I would take it as a personal failure. My fiance keeps telling me to just quit, but it's good $ and I don't understand either but I would take it as a failure (society & my family would deem it as such). I am so confused and depressed because I really don't like this world at all. I kind of wish I would have been born in the 50's when my parents should have had me, rather than the 70's. My life would have been a choice of homemaker or career woman. I would have chosen homemaker but now that is a something just seen on TV Land (Edith Bunker complains of not having a purpose and I think "Lady you don't know how bad it can get with a "career" - think of trying to please an office of people and doing a week's worth of housework on the weekends) or for those lucky to have high earning husbands. It's a privilege, not a choice. Every day I drive to work and can't help making snide comments to myself about the people I see just walking around the streets and not having to go to a place they dread, hate, loathe - especially housewives and SAHMs. I don't hate them, I envy them. I would be happy to only have to please my husband and kids and not 40+ people in my office. Anxiety would still be a problem but it wouldn't threaten my existence and reputation as it does now. Some people just aren't made for this...Some days I wish I could just march in and give my resignation but that would require a confrontation of sorts.
Meds may have calmed me just a little but they haven't changed my mind yet...
Sorry for the rant.

Hey, get it out--I have to do that sometimes...I had a terrible job like yours last year, and I DID walk out!!! That took a step of faith, considering I didn't have a job waiting on me and I needed the income. But the people there acted like they were in high school, and I couldn't take it any longer...Things have improved greatly since then--I found another job with none of that junk to put up with everyday...maybe the same can happen for you. And vent anytime you need to--that is part of why these boards are here!!! :bouncing:
Jitterygal

I agree, it's great to vent! if you bottle it up and don't get it out then you'll expolde on someone (maybe someone at home who don't deserve it). I know I've done that before and then feel aweful about it. The boards have helped me by being able to vent with people who "understand" what it's like. Anxiety & panic sucks!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wish I could take it from myself and everyone else in the world and send it straight to hell where it belongs!!!!
Maybe we should all just get together and scream our brains out in the streets for an hour or so once in a while to express our frustration to the world who does not feel this and does not understand or seem to care. We have to deal with them so, they should have to deal with us. I hate being belittled or looked down on because of having this! Part of me just wants to grab them and ring their neck out like a wet rag! BUT, I resist and just toss it in the trash can that now lives inside my mind due to all of this.
Life goes on, we go on... who knows what tomorrow will hold. Every time I get excited about someone or something or make plans this anxiety surfaces and tried to ruin it. Is anyone else out there exausted from dealing with this? I am! But to hell with. I'm still going to live my life and follow through with my plans.

I have found that is the best approach--to go on with life as if your anxiety isn't there...it's extremely tough, but I think it helps you because you realize you CAN do things and enjoy some things in life...no sense in staying home like a hermit and missing out!!! :) So I just do the best I can and don't care what others think--if they think I'm not being "social" enough, that's their problem!!! My husband is so understanding, and he will take the hint if we are out at a social gathering and I'm not feeling up to snuff...He'll tell everybody we've got errands to run, or it's getting late, or something that doesn't make me look like the bad guy. I feel blessed to have him... :angel:
Jitterygal

I hear you, I feel the same way, especially about the people that have the option of staying home, seeing people during a normal weekday casually walking around downtown shopping, going to the lake etc. It infuriates me. This is terrible, but I have a friend who's life is so seemingly perfect I can't even frickin stand to talk to her. I haven't emailed her back in over a week because I just cannot handle listening to her perfect life story anymore. I know she doesn't mean to, but all i hear when I talk to her is her husband is so ambitious and loving and make so much money and she could stay home if she wanted but she doesn't because her work is fulfilling and she's so good at it and blah blah lah on and on and on until i want to PUNCH HER IN THE FACE!!!! Lol, ok, so your post brought out some animosity in me too.

Just know I feel the same way!!

I'd love to vent too but I too damn tired :). Just wanted to chime in and agree with ya all.

Thanks for your input. It's good to know I'm not the only one who feels this way. I think a new job for me couldn't hurt but I'm so afraid it'll be the same thing or worse. Guess you just gotta go for it! :-)

I hear you. God I wish I had an option like that. My work is not fulfilling, I'm good at it (never thought I had the option to be otherwise), but I hate it. Why is it the people who like their jobs get the option and the people who don't never get the option?? Guess some could say the choice of spouse comes down to love or money but...these people get both. What the heck!? I've got relatives like your friend and I always get to hear about how cousin Suzie the homemaker is just loving staying home with the kids and how they just bought this or that and life is so perfect, blah, blah, ad nauseum. I would love to have kids and be a homemaker but we'd probably have to live off Ramen noodles. Ok, I know the "ThinkPositive" people say that you bring good things to you with positive thoughts but gosh almighty I tried that so many times and things just went splat, plus this anxiety just doesn't help the mix. I'm just glad I'm not the only one who's bitter and needs to vent, because I certainly can't discuss it with happy cousin Suzie homemaker...

I hear you. God I wish I had an option like that. My work is not fulfilling, I'm good at it (never thought I had the option to be otherwise), but I hate it. Why is it the people who like their jobs get the option and the people who don't never get the option?? Guess some could say the choice of spouse comes down to love or money but...these people get both. What the heck!? I've got relatives like your friend and I always get to hear about how cousin Suzie the homemaker is just loving staying home with the kids and how they just bought this or that and life is so perfect, blah, blah, ad nauseum. I would love to have kids and be a homemaker but we'd probably have to live off Ramen noodles. Ok, I know the "ThinkPositive" people say that you bring good things to you with positive thoughts but gosh almighty I tried that so many times and things just went splat, plus this anxiety just doesn't help the mix. I'm just glad I'm not the only one who's bitter and needs to vent, because I certainly can't discuss it with happy cousin Suzie homemaker...

LOL - Life is just so damn unfair...I wish I could be happy for people like Suzie homemaker and my rich and fulfilled friend, but I just can't!!!

What is the worst thing at work for you for me it's meetings my boss loves to have meetings I'm alright if I sit at my desk all day alone the minute someone comes over to my desk I start to figid cross and uncross my legs i know they know something is up, i start to sweat and feel sick to my stomach. Today I had a meeting with my boss and one other person I felt weird and nervous I kept running back to my desk safe place. Anything she mentioned that I was supposed to do was an excuse to run back to my desk I must have looked crazy. The whole meeting I kept thinking about my anxiety and how I could run away I even kept looking at my desk because it was in view trying to make myself feel better. Thank u for listening. Kas

Oh, I hate meetings too. Especially status meetings where we go around the table and have to say what we're doing, our progress, blah, blah. I never hear what anyone before me has to say because I'm too busy rehearsing exactly what I'm going to say when it's my turn. I get this stomach seizing feeling or something when I have to talk in front of people and more often than not I get so panicked that I usually loose my train of thought and probably sound like a dolt. I just hate always having to be "on" at work, when I have a tough time concentrating and at this point am really not interested in any of it. What I hate most about work is having to be there at all. I feel that it takes such a big bite out of my life with all of the stress and worry and the other part is taken up by all the responsibilities that I have to take care of at home because my dh can't be trusted to do any of that. He has this vision problem that makes him unable to see dirt, clutter, full cat litter boxes, and empty pet bowls.

LOL!!! My hubby seems to have the same affliction, particularly when it comes to overflowing trash cans and dirty dishes.

One of my worst meeting experiences was we had a big "review" meeting with our client and some other board members, so basically it was like 25 people. my manager has to get up in front of these people and talk about what our company is doing, how it is helping the client, etc,just kind of a review thing. Well, about an hour before the meeting, my boss says oh by the way, I would like you to attend this meeting and just give a little talk about what's going on in marketing. I about died. I spent the next hour in the bathroom sobbing and eating Xanax like candy. I came as close as ever to just walking out on a job and never coming back. I was SO mad.

I feel like work is a waste of my life also. There are so many other things I could be doing...I really feel like I am wasting my life being here. I'm not doing anyhting to further myself or help anyone else. Meaningless.

They'd rather listen to the vocal people who spout off and say nothing rather than the quiet ones who only say something when it's truly important. I really don't understand this world. It's a complete case of missing the point entirely I am so confused and depressed because I really don't like this world at all.
I could have written this myself!!!

Every day I drive to work and can't help making snide comments to myself about the people I see just walking around the streets and not having to go to a place they dread, hate, loathe - especially housewives and SAHMs. I don't hate them, I envy them.
I'll first say that I'm a housewife...please don't envy me. I feel INCREDIBLE pressure to have a job and supplement my husband's income (I don't have kids yet). I feel that the world just does not RESPECT me unless I'm helping 'pull the weight', although my husband makes enough that I don't have to. I get rude comments from people all the time. I even tried volunteering at a local arts association, and the office women were so rude to me. I heard stuff like, "Oh, she's just avoiding getting a REAL job." Not true!

I get fired from most of my jobs--the fact is that women hate me. I guess it seems like I have it together or something. I got into it with a girl a while back, who hated me for no reason. Turns out she was JEALOUS of me because she thought I had money and was spoiled. (INSERT: both not true!) I can't work in office environments because of this! To top it off, I'm incredibly sensitive, and I'm a nice person, so it kills me when someone is rude to me like that for no reason. I have severe anxiety, OCD, and depression too, and I simply can't handle that kind of stuff. I either get fired or quit.

All the while, my husband's family is going, "So, are you WORKING now?" Arghhh!!!! If they only knew!

I plan to be a stay at home mom, both because I want to for the baby's sake, and because I can't function out there with this nasty attitude coming down on me all the time. And I know I'll still get negative sentiment even when I have the baby. It's not enough to be a nice person these days...you just can't please anybody!

So I just want to say, the grass isn't always greener! Please be nice :)

PS. I didn't mean to rock the thread or sound gloaty or anything, I was just trying to give another perspective...

Oh, that's terrible. "A little talk about what's going on in marketing..." Just because we do something well does not mean we can convey that through public speaking. I'm glad there are people out there that feel the same way. I work with so many RAH! RAH! Corporate World Cheerleaders that I would probably be crucified if I said what I really thought about the whole meaningless cluster. One day I just snapped because one of our head honchos acted like the whole world was coming to an end because a graph showed the data in a way they weren't used to. My lead told me he pitched a fit about it in a meeting and I was like "These people need to get a life. The whole meaning of existence is not based on a stupid chart that noone will even look at again". I got the blankest look I have ever received from a corporate drone. My God, there should be more to life than this!

No, no, I am truly happy for you & I won't be mean because I like to think I'm a nice person too (unfortunately we take all the crap)- although I must admit I do envy you a bit. I think recently society has been brainwashed to reject the equation that has worked for millenia (male = provider, woman = nurturer,keeper of the home, & family). Truly, the working woman who has a husband ends up trying to please everyone at the office, her husband, her kids, and tries to keep a clean house. That commercial with the woman saying that after she deals with the kids, and work, and the house, she has no energy and no passion - well that just ticks me off - no secret Sherlock - she's carrying everything - no wonder she's exhausted and she doesn't want sex. Ok back to the point, society is screwed up. Some of us women would give anything to go back to the "June Cleaver" days. In retrospect it wasn't as demeaning as having to do it ALL. Now we are still subordinate to a husband but let's throw in a whole hierarchy of management to make it fun! The problem is that we no longer seem to have a choice. Women who want a career - I feel they should go for it. Those who don't should not be looked down upon because they are housewives or SAHMs. We women our our own worst enemy. We put down our fellow females for giving up a career for a family. The first thing I am asked when I go to an event, family or otherwise is "So...What do you do?" What I do is not who I am, but I tell them and they proceed with "Oh, that sounds interesting" or "Oh, that's a good company to work for" and I struggle with all my might not to snap and say "No it's not interesting, it's incredibly stressful, annoying, it's put me on meds, and I am literally hours away from hanging myself." or "No, the company sucks and it's run by idiots".
I'm glad you have the choice to stay home. The snide comments people make are just because they're jealous (trust me they would rather be at home). Ignore them and enjoy your life. I applaud your decision to be a stay at home mom in the future. I would if I had a choice. I don't have kids yet for that very reason. I would want to raise them myself like my mother raised me and not have to throw them in daycare for 1/2 of my monthly wages.

When I am assigned a task at my job that makes me want to say, "No, that would cause me so much anxiety that I think my efforts would be better channeled elsewhere," but I can't say it, something I read many years ago in a Rolling Stone comes to mind. It was an article about a rock star who had managed to overcome substance abuse only with heroic amounts of help. The rock star said something like, "Telling me to 'just say no' is like telling a manic-depressive to 'cheer up.'" It helps me to think that I am one of many, many people who struggle with psychiatric disorders, with the added burden of living in a society where there is still a great stigma about mental illness.

Blue102, I'm sorry you fel like people stigmatize you, that sucks. You are so lucky that you have the option to stay home and that your husband is ok with it. I bet some husbands would hold it over their wives heads as a control thing. I know what you mean though about people instantly asking what you do...I guess that is really the first icebreaker that comes to mind. You know its funny, my mom and I were talking the other day about how she feels so sorry for our generation because women are expected to do it all and being a housewife isn't respected the way it used to be.

Honestly, if i could find a job doing something I really cared about and actually wanted to do, I could easily see my anxiety vanishing away, but I agree with qwerty in that in most corporate office-type jobs, its all just meaningless paperwork and stupid people that take meaningless jobs too seriously.

And if you guys are anything like me, I pretty much do EVERYthing at home, and running a household is a full time job, so for people to assume that if you aren't working that you aren't "pulling your weight," they are SO wrong!! I really respect women who work full time and have kids. I just have two dogs and I am so busy with work, taking care of the house and dogs that there are never enough hours in the day. I don't know how people do it. There is no time to enjoy life and take care of ourselves anymore, no wonder there are so many people on the anxiety boards!!

This thread is very interesting. My sister quit her job 2 years go to stay at home with her kids - now 9, 6 and 3. She has loved every minute of it. AND - to say she doesn't do anything - WOW!!! She has much less down time than I do. And I work full time, have a 1 year old boy, dog and oh yeah - hubby (child #3). Anyway, I don't have the luxury due to financial situation, but would LOVE to stay home. Not because it's easier - because it's not. But - because you could control your environment and schedule your routines to ease the stress load, etc. AND the joy of seeing your children grow. I love the lady who watches my sweet angel during the day. But - she told me on Friday he took 3 steps and I missed out.

It does me so much good to be able to relate with all of you and not feel like a freak..the one post about seeing people doing all their fun stuff, laughing, just loving (I think) life makes me want to urp...if only I could be there, feel great again..been so many years now..I have a sister that will say "are you still talking your meds?"..not being hateful I know but man that hits home...I have been at this same job for 28 yrs. today, have a wonderful boss, it isn't terribly stressful but I AM SOOOOOOOOOO BURNT OUT !!!

Thanks for all of your posts, it does help me to have someone to talk to... ;)

Its important to remember that the grass is always greener on the other side. The people you are envious of may not be as thrilled with their lives as they claim to be. The stay at home mom may talk about how happy she is because she feels she has to prove it & justify her lifestyle because YOU have a career. Those you are envious of just may be envious of you. :wave:

Well, that is a very pleasant way to view all the "happy" people I meet up with..they may be hiding something too...There are so many days I feel like I"m in someone else's body trying to seem o.k., make people think I'm happy, feeling great..wears you out !!! :yawn: Get so angry at myself for not getting IT together and just enjoy all the gifts I have...let the past and all it's painful happenings go, once and for all...I'm so weak... :D

That's a great description dinney - I feel that way too! I get jealous of other people too - because I think "I used to be like that". Like - public speaking used to not bother me at all and I would even make fun of how nervous people would get....NOT any more... It's like your outside yourself watching everyone else be normal..