Hey there,
I've had ed for years now (on and off between relapses etc) and for the first time i am about to go into treatment with someonw actually trained in the area. I am so scared about this and it's happening so very fast and i don't know what to do. Part of me wants to actually recover, but i know this so well and i don't feel strong enough to live without it, and i feel like everyone will/does hate me for being so fat. I know that i am underweight, yet i feel like a pig and a monster if i get into my healthy weightrange. i am leaving most of what i know and that means something to go back to a place where i grew up (and although i do know it fairly well) and i hate. i will be outpatient at this stage so that's not too bad, but i'm going to have to live under the same roof as my father and in the same town as my mother....i don't know if i can really take it. Guess i'm just wondering if anyone has any ideas or experiences they could share to help me settle and not be so worked up about all this. Take care all and best wishes.
Love Kath xxxxxxxx mwa

aw... i wish i knew what to tell you. i only know i wish i had the guts to seek treatment myself. you're braver than i!

good luck.

Heya.. I've been in treatment for a little while now. I just want to say congratulations on taking such a huge step! I know it's scary and fast, but it's probably better that it's moving fast so that you don't have time to talk yourself out of it. That's how it was when I started. I know how scary it is to give up something that you rely on soooo much. But the important thing to remember about treatment is that they aren't going to make you stop your ED and leave you with nothing. They are going to help you learn other coping mechanisms so that you can learn to deal with life without hurting yourself. It's really hard at first and takes a conscious effort (that's the stage where I am now!) but I guess eventually with enough practice it will become natural. Heh, I try to think of it like my boxing class.. like when I first started, I learned to punch the wrong way and the way that I learned could potentially cause me to break my hand in a real fight. It was really hard and annoying to have to unlearn the wrong way and make a conscious effort to throw a punch correctly every time. For us, we learned how to cope with life by starving or binging and purging, or whatever your ED entails. That is the wrong way.. it will eventually make us incredibly sick. So it will be an effort to unlearn this and practice healthy coping mechanisms.. but in the end it will become natural and will be worth it because we'll be able to live our lives without this huge demon controling our minds.

Good luck. I'm really happy for you. Stick with it through the good days and the bad because it will be worth it.

yeah, congrats on taking the big step. it's a huge move and i know it's super frightening, but you should feel proud that you did one of the bravest things you'll probably ever have to do in your life. I say just try to relax and go with the flow as much as possible. i too just started therapy (i was anorexic, now i binge eat horribly, but still try to restrict, etc. the next day, but i just keep binging). i really don't know what to expect from therapy, and as much as i'm sick of this ED and as much as i want to get better, i'm terrified to let it go. i don't know how i could live without it, even though i can imagine this wonderful life where i can eat when i'm hungry and enjoy all foods and not worry and feel anxious all the time when there's food around.

anyway, i keep worrying and thinking about how the recovery process is going to go with my therapist -- what she'll say, what i'll have to try, whether it's to continue counting calories but eat more, try to eat a few meals without counting, go get a huge ice cream sundae just because, anything! i think about it all the time, and then i just tell myself to relax and just follow whatever she says, whatever that may turn out to be. i don't know the steps to recovery, i'm so lost in this, so i just tell myself that she's there to guide me on the right path. i'm kind of trying to think of relying on her advice instead of my ED habits, until i finally become able to stand on my own two feet without any support from ED or therapy. does that make sense? i'm basically just trying to give up control and do whatever she says, regardless of how i feel about it. (granted, she hasn't made me make any major changes yet, so it's sort of easy right now!) anyway, good luck. i know you're going to do great. you just have to trust in your treatment for now, until you can learn to trust in yourself again.

I have been in treatment for ED specifically for two years but did go to therapy before that for complex post-traumatic stress disorder. It can be scary - it is very hard when you first start because you'll worry about what to say how much to say. Its ok if you are not ready to give up ED yet, go test the waters and see what happens. Make sure you find someone you can trust and that you feel safe with, if you don't understand what they are telling you make sure you ask them over and over until you understand. I think you'll find it very hard and very wonderful all at one time. Congrats - you are very courageous to make this step - give it a try - you have nothing to lose really, try and do what they tell you, it may seem unreasonable or demanding or that they think you are stupid, remember they are trying to help. You'll find yourself happy, sad, angry and all kinds of other things. good luck friend...

Hey,

I can't really offer much advice but just want to let u kno that I am feeling v much the same as u as i am waiting 4 an appointment with a specialist and then am going to start this 20 week programme thing and im terrified. Its like there is no going back but I guess if u are also worried then it must b normal 4 us to feel that way so I just wanted to say thanks 4 posting.

Good luck and keep us posted. Maybe we can help each other throught treatment.

Suzanne
xx