Hello everyone.......
I could really use some advice right now and didn't know where to turn.

I'm a 41 yro female battling depression and axiety disorder for years (21). I keep it under control most of the time, with positive thinking, Zoloft etc.... Sometimes though my fiance can bring me down and I stay down for days. I know it's really me that lets him do it ,but I just don't know how to ,not be ,affected by peoples moods and negativity.I'm generally an upbeat person but it's happening more and more and I don't know how much more I can take before I snap.
This has been a pattern with me for ever, and I just want to break the pattern, and don't know how.

Have any of you had this problem with dealing with peoples negativity? Any suggestions? Thanks for reading I appreciate it. :)
Willowwhip

...I don't know how much more I can take before I snap...It might be a good thing to go ahead and snap, at least as far as your energy sucking fiance is concerned...

Remember: we can perceive, interpret, accept or contest feedback from anyone. We are more than merely passive receptacles of other people's views of us.

When someone pulls this kind of crap with me, the first thing I feel is guilt, shame, hurt and all the other slew of emotions out of habit. :( Then, I feel an intense rage at the individual who provoked all these feelings as easy as flipping on a light switch. :mad: I am shocked that all my unresolved emotional issues are spread out like so much garage sale fluff for the neighbors and all the world to see. :eek: At this point I begin to pull myself together and realize that absolutely no one can make me feel one way or another. Think about it! Have you ever tried to cheer someone up and they refused to cooperate? Have you ever told someone they should be more confident and they could not seem to get a grip? Why am I now acting like a puppet on the end of someone's strings?

Whenever I've done something wrong, more often than not, I am held accountable. If it were not for this, I would be a spoiled brat-at-large. :p Is there any reason whatsoever that I should not hold this person accountable for his/ her behavior? I am going to hit them like a ton of bricks because they do not even have the intestinal fortitude to tell me how they really feel and so hit me with this cheap shot. I will ask them: "What are you really trying to say? Are you saying that I am lazy, mean, boring, etc.? What brought this on? What makes you think I am like that?" We all have to own what we say, you know. People who do this type of thing are hiding.

Anyway, I hope this may help you out some. I like your nickname. :cool:
:wave:

Hi Willowwhip,

Welcome to the boards. :wave:

It sounds like you have found some way to control yourself and your feelings in a positive way and it was a GREAT accomplishment after so many years!!! :bouncing:

Listen dear. It’s NOT YOUR FAULT that you are being “affected by peoples moods and negativity” as you said earlier. This rule should normally apply to the overall public in general. It does not however apply to people we are living with or sharing our futures, goals or dreams with. Please don’t misunderstand me. I am not getting down on your fiancé. I am sure he is good people just like any of us but it is unhealthy for both of you to go on this way if it is becoming the normal. This can become a pattern and can push he and you both backwards. People get into these patterns and bring others down with them at times. Others will start to avoid them and it will lead to further isolation. I would speak with him. Not at him but with him. Be sincere, warm and calm. Explain your concerns. This is no way for you both to start or continue your lives together. You should try to both help each other stay happy and positive. Perhaps you should both seek some type of marriage counseling or something. It’s only a suggestion.

I hope you keep us informed.

Good luck and God Bless
Sincerely
John

Hi,
Thanks so much for your advice. You both make some valid points for me to look at, and I really appreciate it.

My fiance is a very good person with his own issues he's been working on over the years .Generally we get along wonderfully and he's my best friend. I agree he can be energy sucking (love that) at times and I've told him that before. He does listen and try to be more positive, but I still have to remind him. He told me yesterday that he is intending to sell his business, which has been a huge stress factor for him and between us. Miracled Do Happen!!!! That's where a lot of his negativity has come from. Your right John... a lot of other people have seen this pattern and mentioned it to him.He's ready now because our relationship is now suffering from it.

What I've realized over the years is Everyone has Something wrong with them. lol. There is no perfect person. This has helped me with my anxiety tremendously. I grew up thinking I (not everyone else)always had to be the perfect little person all the time. I don't want to be co-dependant and "fix everyone" or take on their problems, but feel I'd be a lot stronger person if I learned how to Not get so emotional. It's not just the fiance, but several people over the years that have affected me. RainSerpent.... I can relate to the emotional rollercoaster you mentioned ,and go through them too. I think when I finally reach the anger stage and stay there, I can get a grip and pull myself out of it. I guess what I need to learn is work on "nipping it in the bud" before the whole process starts.That's the hard part for me lol.
RainSerpnt......your whole point about the "cheap shots" etc is something for me to remember and call him on (and anyone else), at the very beginning before it escalates. Thanks so much for your thoughts on that.
And it does make a difference to "talk with him", rather than "at him". Once in awhile I'll snap, and talk at him, and it does no good.I try not to do that. Thanks for reminding me and posting it.
Sorry this was so long but I really appreciate you both answering my post. It always helps to "talk" to someone. Thanks for being there.
Hugs, Willowwhip :)