I feel so bad posting my own thread, as I've been of little use to anyone around here lately, and I don't feel like I am in any position to ask for help and support when I haven't even been able to find the strength in myself lately to help and support others. It's not for lack of wanting to, I just keep drawing blanks.... I can never find the right words anymore. And... I'm so sorry for that.... :( I do care. Coming to this board and helping others was something that made *me* feel better, and I can't even manage that right now, pathetically.

*Sigh* I'm a mess. I can't begin to explain my overwhelming sadness. <Sad laugh.> It's so hard to explain, that I've erased and re-typed this paragraph about 7 times. I really don't even know what I'm trying to say. I just... I guess... I'm hoping somebbody might understand me. Sometimes, I feel so alone in my depression--even here, because it seems like *most* people on this forum can pinpoint their depression. There's loss, disease, poverty, low esteem, stress, pressure, bullies, difficult partners, etc. It seems like the great majority can say, "I know why I'm depressed." I don't have a reason, which, in a way, makes it harder for me. It's frustrating as all hell to know I have just about everything I ever wanted, I have EVERY FREAKIN' REASON to be happy and greatful, and that I still feel like this every day, regardless.... :(

The logical thing to do, would be to get help. I know that. I obviously have something chemical going on in my brain that can be treated somehow. The thing is, is that I tried that, and it failed big time...and now I'm scared. When I last went to the doctor for help, I couldn't believe his indifference. Before that experience, he seemed like such a nice, genuinely caring guy--but when I walked into his office near tears, finally brave enough to seek help, he was rushed, unconcerned, and... just...I don't know... dismissive, I suppose. I thought he'd be a little more compassionate and understanding knowing that I had come to him with the complaint of depression. Instead, he asked about 3 questions, hastily wrote a prescription for Lexapro, and practically pushed me out the door. I cried once I reached my car. The Lexapro did not work out. It made me: sleepy, dizzy, cranky, numb, out of sorts, sleepless, and it gave me tachycardia (rapid heart beat), but it did not make me well. I missed work because of it. I was a horrible mother. I even became very suicidal at one point. I did NOT like it at all. At my 3 week mark on the Lex, I saw the doctor and I TOLD him how the Lexapro made me feel. He asked, "Does the rapid heart beat bother you," and I said no. Despite EVERYTHING else, he told me to continue with the Lexapro, because I didn't mind my heart beating fast. Well, doctor knows best, right? So, I continued with 3 more weeks on that awful course, losing more sleeping, missing more work, being monster mommy. When at 6 weeks the Lex was doing nothing but making me miserable, I quit cold turkey. I was afraid to go back to the doctor for fear he'd make me continue, or that he'd make me start taking something even worse. And... since then, I haven't really known where to turn or what to do. I have been trying herbs, minerals, vitamins... but I haven't really stuck to a strict regimen. I'm not sure what works, what doesn't. Some days *are* better than others, but I haven't figured out what to attribute that to. I should change doctors... I should get therapy. The thing is, where's the time? I work 9-6, Monday-Friday. I have 2 young kids to watch during the day, while working. Where do I squeeze in my mental health?

What I do know, is that I'm sad... so, so, so sad. I cry nearly every day, and if I don't cry, it's because I'm so incredibly morose, that I can't cry. It's a despair too overwhelming for tears. I sigh a lot. I run my hands down the sides of my face and ask out loud, "What is wrong with me? WHAT is WRONG with me?" I continually fool myself with promises that tomorrow will be a better day. I just want out. Make it stop. Make it go away... Tell me what to do, and I'll do it. Tell me how I can be happy again. Please, help me. I'm so close to losing it. One of these days, I'm going to round the corner at just the wrong angle, and I'm going to drive right off the cliff (metaphorically, of course.) I'm afraid. My mother was bi-polar. I say "was", not because she became well, but because she killed herself when I was 4. I'm terrified that I'll someday go down her path. My mother is somebody an outsider would say was honestly crazy. My siblings and father have told me terrifying stories about her--from her setting fires in the living room, to her throwing my mentally handicapped sister outside in the snow naked. From her pitching tents in the house and living in them, to nourishing herself with only milk for weeks. From her being a zombie on lithium to her beating my sister within inches of her life. How does a person even get to that point, and how is it they're not aware of their actions? Does one wake up one day with no concept of self? Am I destined for this type of fate? I feel like I'm slipping. There are days I honestly am not sure of who I am, anymore, and my boyfriend has even told me that he has days where he feels like he doesn't know me--and that frightens me.

I guess that's it. I don't really have more to say. I just needed some kind of release. I appreciate the outlet.

-EoR

EoR, find another Doctor, immediately! In this day and age there is simply no reason why anyone should have to suffer like you do. Lexapro didn't work? Then try another! Pamelor didn't work for me. It left me dizzy and disoriented. Zoloft was my magic bullet.

Get to a doctor ASAP kiddo, you don't have to feel this way!

Bob is right EoR. I hate to see you suffering like this. :( Switch meds and don't let that doctor give you any more crap. Given your family history, some malicious genetics may be out to get you. :eek: I know you said you do not seem to have the time to treat your mental illness, but if you don't make the time you know everything just goes to s**t.

You are the eye of the depression storm for many on these boards and I, for one, really enjoy your posts! Take care EoR.
:wave:

I feel the same fyi! I have no reason for my depression. It just happened one day about 5 months ago and everyday has been crying, sighing **** since then. I can't remember the last time I genuinely laughed. My boyfriend has been completely ostrisized & now he's moving on with friends and school and I feel like Im stuck down in a hole while he leaves me behind, but I caused it. Anyway, this makes you do alot of stupid things. But I do feel the way you do. I used to be so, so happy & I don't know what happened or why...
I'm here if you need to talk...

EoR, I am fairly new to this board but I was drawn to read your post. I was diagnosed with major depression and like you, there was no apparent reason. In fact, I had gotten a 4.0 in college that semester. I also encourage you to seek another doctor. You must have vacation or personal time that you can make an appt during the day. I found that Zoloft works well for me. I get bad though when I am feeling good, I forget to take it. I have recommitted to taking it every day. I've been where you are (w/out kids though). But I want you to know that there is so much out there to be happy about. Once your brain is regulated, you will feel so much better, I promise. This past year has been so positive for me, despite being dx with MS and finding out my sister has breast cancer. Without my meds, I very easily could have slid back down into the depths. Please consider finding another doc. Talk to people for referrals or seek a female, sometimes they are a little more understanding. Let us know. Julie

Hi EoR Sweetie :wave:
I am sooooo sorry! I don't want you to hurt. I didn't know that's what that stupid, self centered, self serving....OH that makes me so angry! Why didn't you tell me earlier that your doctor treated you with disrespect. Sweetie, it's like John said in another thread. He works for you! Fire him! There are some @$$ of doctor's out there. I have been to some of them. There are also some very good ones too. Is that what you want to do? Do you want to try meds? You know how I feel about meds. I think it is your decision. I won't push meds on anyone. I guess because of the horrible experience I have had with Effexor. If you decide to give it a try, find another doctor. He shouldn't have told you to put up with the tachycardia. I am appauled. He is a disgrace. There are some really good Psychiatrists out there. I have seen them...really I have. No joking! It may take several meds to see what is right for you. You can take enough of time off of work to see a psychiatrist. When was the last time you had a physical? I know you were sick with bronchitis and you wouldn't go to the doctor then. You may need to get a blood test and see if your thyroid is causing your problems. You need to ask for help from a professional. I would start with a really good physical. Tell the doctor what you are going through. You are always tired and you were sick for a long time. I would be honest and tell him/her the truth. Tell them your family history. Tell them you want to make sure it isn't anything physically wrong with you and then if that comes back negative, you can try another med.

I guess I am going to have to come out there and take care of you. If that were possible, I would. I would do anything to help you.

Please let me know how you are doing. You don't have to be supportive every time you come to the boards. It's your health and if you need to get all of it out here, then by all means....PLEASE DO!

I love you, EoR! Let me know what you think.

Many warm hugs,
Sam :angel:

EoR i was very relieved to see you had posted because i had been thinking about you lots. But then i wish you were not having a bad time of it. i really do wish that.

I'm not too good at the advice bit on here, but it seems like the comments you have received make a lot of sense.

i'm sorry i'm not offering you anything more practical. But i hate seeing someone who has been so amazingly kind to me suffering. :( i hope my sincerity comes across. You deserve the absolute best that is out there to help you.

You need to concentrate on yourself too. we're all here for you, whenever and whatever it is!

You don't have to be supportive every time you come to the boards. It's your health

exactly! Please beleive this!

i hope you can let us know how things are going.

Please please take care of yourself.

James.

Hi there EoR, I've looked for you arround too, poor poor soul to have to go through a time like that. I think the major consensus here coincides with my own oppinion: GO SEE SOMEONE COMPETANT AND GO SOON as soon as you can do it. Lexapro is obviously not what you should be on, but if your depression is chemical based then there's obviously something out there that could work for you. Try researching into different types of drugs so you can tell a doctor if there's one that seems to suit you more than others etc. big big hugs when you're feeling low. Love flinch. xxx

Hey EoR, My heart breaks for you. You are supportive to this board, just by letting other people know they are not alone. I'm just glad that you are still reaching out, and not withdrawing. Talking always helps. I definitely agree that you should seek a new doctor, asap. All medications have side effects, and to my amazement, I've learned that some actually can cause depression. My grandfather committed suicide, and my mother suffers now with depression and panic disorders, so naturally you feel doomed. Don't give in to it. The mind is a powerful thing, and you can overcome anything you set your mind too. I suffered with major depression when i divorced from an abusive husband, and was left alone with nothing, and i mean NOTHING, and I had a small child to care for. My ex stalked me for four years after I left, and I can't even describe the fear. I made it with no meds, but lots of counseling and talking to people just like you. Keep your chin up. Keep searching for a good doctor. If he/she doesn't have time to listen to you, then you don't have time to pay his/her bills. Hang in there honey. I'll keep ya in my prayers.

I thought I had no reason for my depression until I went to a therapist who specialise in cognitive behavioral therapy and she made me understand what had caused it, right back in my childhood, and helped me work out ways that would suit me to combat it. It really helped and I am fine now. Anytime I feel sad I remember the methods she taught me to make it go away. Good luck

EoR. Andrea. My friend. Before I started typing a reply I put my hands over my face cos all I could do was cry. All I could offer you was my tears. I really care about. I hope you know that. They say the blind can't lead the blind. Well I'm blind. I know. But I want you to take my hand anyway. I don't know if anything I can ever say will help. The tragedy of this is this is all I am. Just words. I wish I could sit and talk with you, go with you on your appointments, and be a crutch and give you moral support.

Just like everyone else, we all here in unison are heartbroken. Because your such a angel Andrea. Someone so beautiful inside and out should not be so sad. I look up to you and others on this board. And right now I just wish I could take away whatever is tormenting you. I swear to God I wish every soul on this board could line up and just dump every ounce of their sadness into my head until It swells up and I would just go somewhere and die. Why is this happening to us.....

I draw blanks too. Cos where all blind. Sharing in darkness. I don't know if the right words even exist. Is there a combination of words I can type that could save just one of us. Highly unlikely. Theres a source. Theres always a source. And quite frankly in your case it could very well be genetic. In my case we all know it could anything from genetic to childhood abuse, to low self image. I would imagine to me that happiness is a state of being internally. It can't come in any shape or form. It can't come from a person or a child or money, or anything material. Not even a better enviroment because even now since Ive moved from my parents home Ive gotten even worse. But all of those factors can help and assist but none of them can give you happiness. There are people with everything that end up blowing their brains out and people with nothing that are so happy and content with just being alive. You'll be happy if I have, when I get, when I move, if I do this, that, there. No. I can't say that you'll ever acheive happiness. But I will say you will feel alot better when you get the proper treatment you deserve and need. I am the perfect example of someone who waited 4 years stubbornly before I first walked through a Psychiatrist office and told them, Im depressed. I did not believe in pills and I did not believe in psychiatry. If only i could go back and save myself earlier. I waited too late. But Im still alive and Im still giving my all. So really its never too late, but the more you go untreated, the worse it will become. It will consume you. It assimilates your personality, your emotions, your thoughts, your feelings, your mood, your health, the way you talk and treat others, the way you take care of yourself. And slowly it assimilates your entire life to the point that you don't ever know who you are anymore and people you love can't even recognize you.

It is IMPERATIVE that you get treated and get all the help you can get for yourself right now. One of the worst things about having poor mental health is that it is such a severe and growing problem in our country, yet it still has this negative passive stigma attached to it and doctors seem to just treat it like a cold. You can't see it on a X-ray. Its not cancer, and its not immediately life threatening. But its just as dreadful. They throw pills at you like candy and tell you come back in 6 weeks. But there are good doctors out there. I found one and you can too. There are people who understand and care and who are comppasionate about treating mental health. But unfortunately you have just as many uncaring Doctors who bring their own personal beliefs and bias into their offices.

Would it be too much to ask for you to stop everything right now. Admit yourself into a hospital. Get into a group program. Talk to a counsellor regularly and maybe start you off on a mild anti depressant. Just take 3 weeks or so off and just concentrate on your mental health. Because if you don't treat this as the devestating illness it is then it will continue to relentlessly drag you deeper and deeper into a endless void of misery. It may be the biggest stand you ever make in your life. Please don't think YOU failed at getting yourself help and treated. NO. The doctor failed you. Doctors have failed many of us. Ive had over 15 of them in the last 6 years. You did not fail. You cannot fail when you try at something. There is nothing to be afraid of. They are there to help you. You control what you take and if you are responding well to it. If not, you disregard it, exlain it to them and move on until you find the right thing for you. One anti depressant isnt for everyone. And if you need someone there with you to be a more stern and frank prescene in the office, consider taking your husband or a friend and make you get what you want out of the appointment and not be rushed or feel overlooked. If your doctor seems uncompassionate to your needs, you can either explain that to him or simply move on to someone else.

Lexapro(cringe). I did not agree with Lexapro and it did not agree with me. I took it once and thats all it took. Later that night I was sick as a dog and vomiting. Ive taking eeeeeeeeeverything. And the only thing I could bear taking regularly was Prozac and Paxil. Paxil seemed to have helped the most but made me gain weight. Prozac is what Im currently taking, and it helps moderately.

Please don't blame yourself for this. Don't blame yourself for your actions or change in behavior. Andrea you know you are emotionally influenced by this illness. It does causes you to be suicidal and short fused and easily agitated but you know deep down your not a terrible mother. I don't even have to tell you that. Your a remarkable human being. Period.

Go back to your doctor, tell him, Lexapro did not work for me, I had too many side effects, it did not improve my mental health, we are going to discontinue use of it and try something else, maybe a little more mild or a different class of drug. Change doctors if you have to, therapy is essential as well, and it would help to join a group like I did. It saved my life. You must exhaust every option because ultimately you are fighting for your life. Study yourself, your patterns your swings, the things that ignite your depression. Research different things. Find time. Find time. Find time. Please. For you. For you Andrea. Because if you continue to deteriorate and lose it, your job, your relationship, everything, there wont be time for anything anymore. Upon one of my earlier suicide attempts I admitted myself into a hospital and was able to keep my job under a sick leave and was protected from being fired. None of my mental health record were released to my employer or anything. The company was sent a note from my hospital and I was able to resume working 3 weeks later. Drop everything and just help yourself hun. Just do it. Talk to your husband and tell him you need time. Fully commit yourself. Once you do that then you will be on the road to feeling better. This is not a illness you can treat half speed.

My God reading that last paragraph is so painful. I can feel your desperation. <crying>. I was there. I am there in some ways but, I know exactly where you are and I just want you to know you can survive. Im not the best example. Don't ever use me as a example because I have self inflicted most of my own wounds with my unrelenting jealousy and envy of others. My own selfish blood thirsty crave for beauty. If Im Frankenstein, then Im also Dr. Frakenstein as well. I created my own monster and i continue to. Im lost. I don't even really know if I want to be found. Theres nothing inside me that connects me to life. Im just breathing air in and out. That is all my life is right now. And Roselyn is the only reason Im still breathing.

Andrea stay with us. Please. Stay with us. I need you. You hear me? Yes, I need you. I don't want to lose you. Get help now. Drop the kids off at a friends or with your boyfriend, write your bf a note and go to the hospital and just get as much help as you can thats available to you. Please hang in there. Fight it. Sometimes, somedays, it comes down to just will. You have to bite your lip, clench your fist, close your eyes hard and just fight it. 12 years ive been hanging off a string. And If the string breaks so be it but im not letting go. Please hold on.

I'll get on that plane. You hear me? I promise Ill get on that plane. Ill do it for you. Ill do it for everyone here. For myself and most importantly for Rose. Ill do it. We can't let it win. I need you and I love you my friend. I knew something was wrong because you were so quiet. Your mother has nothing to do with your destiny. Nothing in your past does. You have everything to do with tomorrow. I hope you read this today or sometime soon. I wanted to thank you for shooting me with a bazooka in my thread. You were right about everything. It helped me alot. Your so right I couldnt do anything but look down in shame. Your right, she does love me, I have something to live for and Im getting on that plane if it kills me. But there are other things I wanted to express and I will later.

If you need me to refresh your memory of who you are ill tell you. Andrea. Your a woman who helped me realized that I belong and I am worth loving. Andrea. Your a amazing woman. Andrea. You have a heart the size of the moon and so much compassion and kindness for others. Andrea. Selfless in every aspect of the word. Andrea. A great mother and your boyfriend is a very lucky man to have you. Andrea. Your a wonderful person inside and out. Andrea. Someone I love and care about. Andrea. Someone Ill probably never meet in person, but will always have a place in my heart.

(Im sorry I threw your name around, but I just wanted to make a emphasis on you.)

Ill be here....... Take care.

EoR... Look at all these responses to your cry... Please come back to us, read our words, take the hands offered you so sincerely... EoR, dear, here is my two insignificant cents... Yes, many here can pinpoint their depression (this doesn't necessarily mean they are right)... I often had the same thought: is there really a particular REASON I'm like that? I can offer an array of legitimate reasons, but I no longer believe they are reasons for depression, nor are they excuses... I have said that to Sam here before... it feels like something inside is wired wrong, like something alien to our rational soul speaks out and takes over and permeates me with sadness... Like you, dear, I ask myself out loud, the very same words, "What is WRONG with me?" We have a need to rationalize... to analyze... defeat the pain with our analytical thinking... and when we can't, we feel helpless... then we need an emotional cure... or a spiritual one... a hug... a conversation... Those are luxuries many of us don't have, except for here on the board...

EoR, in addition to the wise advice of the old-timers here, who've traversed the mine field of therapy and medications, I want to ask you this. Say new words to yourself out loud... They may not come out as naturally as, 'What's wrong with me?' but you must speak them and internalize them... Say words like, 'I'll be okay. I'll get through this. I'll find a way to help myself." And then look for this way. Look for another doctor, yes, but also look for something around you that will give you even a moment of peace and wonder... look at the flowers in the store... that's what I do, just look closely at a flower... something like that, something that's detached from you, that just is, pure and silent... Something that will put your pain in suspence and enchant you. Give those moments as gifts to yourself.

EoR, I'm a mother, too... I also have two souls for whom I must keep living, and when all my strength is gone, my sense of duty still lingers, reminding me this simple truth... I can't leave these children with a horrific legacy of their mommy giving up and deserting them... You are NOT like your mother; you ARE sane, and loving, and... sad. Your two birds need you.

And we need you here, too.
Hugs and love,
Angel :angel:

P.S. Rod... much love to you, too.

Hi EoR :wave:
We are all rooting for you. We all want you to get help so you will get better. Please take good care of yourself and call to make an appointment with a doctor. Rod is right...the longer you put off treatment the longer it takes to feel better. I have experienced that for myself. I kept telling myself that there was no use in going to the doctor...he wouldn't help me. The depression takes a hold on you and tells you all of these lies. I wasted so much time feeling miserable when I could have been on a road to getting better. I have been there and so has Rod. We are just wanting what is best for you sweetie.

Much love and many hugs,
Sam :angel:

Welcome back EoR, :wave:

WOW LOOK AT ALL THIS SUPPORT FOR YOU!!! CAN YOU FEEL THAT???
I LOVE ALL THESE PEOPLE HERE!!! THEY LOVE YOU TOO!!! :D :D :D

I tell you now I have not forgotten you. I sensed like others that something was wrong and prayed harder every day for your return here. :angel: Listen dear. You are amazing and are so many things. Good mother, good girlfriend, neighbor and good friend and helper to so many here. That is a tremendous heavy responsibility being so good at being all those things to so many. Now maybe it’s not a bad idea to be something for you too. "Your turn!" :)

As our great friend Sam notes I am pretty vocal at times about my views of bad docs and hospitals. Keep going until you find good ones. I wont analyze anything that is happening to you or the causes of your feelings. They are nothing to feel ashamed of but it may be the time for you to find a way of controlling it not it controlling you. I agree with everyone’s comments here and everyone here fills me with so much hope for you and this world! Rod was right about a very good point too. Some docs and hospitals don’t have any interest unless you come in with limb missing or in a strait jacket. They honestly don’t know how it feels any more than you know my medical pains or symptoms. Well now it’s time for you to be a little more aggressive with the next doc. Tell him you want to be tested for things that could be physical too if you haven’t already. IT’S IMPORTANT! You concern yourself of genetics and it being in you. Sweetie take it from me, you will never know for sure what caused your moms illness. It may be genetic but it doesn’t have to be your same fate no matter what it is. If it’s tough to get doctors to take you serious in 2005 what do you think they did to your mom back then? I know an 89 year old sweet woman. Years ago when she was a teen she had trouble coping. She was institutionalized because of her uncontrollable feelings and mood swings. She also had heart palpitations that they thought were made up or self induced from anxiety. Thankfully years later they discovered thyroid disorders and how they controlled hormones and moods. I also knew a girl with three little ones in her mid 20s. Someone noticed she started cutting and later they found out she had some female problems that had developed after the last child was born. I can keep going. I AM NOT SAYING THIS IS WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU! I am saying that a good doctor or psychologist should be able to listen and if they had any concern would order testing to rule everything out or to get a proper diagnoses. To get back to the most important part dear. The genetic question. Many know I am facing some pretty nasty health issues. These issues may have been genetic and lead to my mother’s unexplained young fate as well. I for some reason never had children of my own. Yet I go for treatments, I drove 1,400 miles in a snowstorm to volunteer to be a guinea pig for a small study. I never give up because I am more concerned about my example to my nieces, nephews and cousins kids. 18 of which are my Godchildren. To help them know the right tests to have done and right doctors to see if God forbid any of them should find this genetically. You should feel the same way for your kids if you think there is a possibility. Don’t you give up either EoR!!! Stay with us here and do it! We all love you and want you to feel better again too O.K?

You are always in my prayers as well.

God Bless
John

lousy at advice EoR so just sending you all my love and prayers. You're much loved here, please stay with us and tell us how things go. Your friend Teresa

I feel for you, girl. I too, have been faced with severe depression. I want to kill myself.... The only thing that makes it bearable is the whiskey that I shoot (drink) every hour on the hour. I would give my SOUL to find relief, but it has not come. Oh, well................

Snap :o

I feel so bad posting my own thread, as I've been of little use to anyone around here lately, and I don't feel like I am in any position to ask for help and support when I haven't even been able to find the strength in myself lately to help and support others. It's not for lack of wanting to, I just keep drawing blanks.... I can never find the right words anymore. And... I'm so sorry for that.... :( I do care. Coming to this board and helping others was something that made *me* feel better, and I can't even manage that right now, pathetically.

EoR,
I am in the same boat as you. I come to these boards everyday, but I hardly ever post anything, and the things that I do post are hardly supportive. I feel as though I come here and gripe about my life, and few people (mainly you, sam, and rod) actually reply. How can I be in a position to offer advice and support when I'm feeling like crap? How can I expect others to help me when I can't return the favor? It's a sick and twisted catch-22 of sorts.

So here I am replying and still unable to think of what I can say that would make you feel better. You have been one of the only people on these boards who has been there for me and had something nice to say to me, and I can't even do the same for you. Unfortunately, since you don't know what the source of your depression is, it's hard to pinpoint what exactly is making you feel so bad. Also, I am going through a completely different life experience as you right now, so it's hard to relate to you when you talk about your boyfriend and children, because these are things I do not possess. I wish I could be sympathetic or empathetic to your needs, but I cannot talk from experience, so I don't know what to say. I just hope that these words that I'm typing right now have some sort of impact, and I hope I can put a smile on your face, because you have done that for me so many times.

I guess what I am asking, EoR, is that you seek out more and better help. Talk to a doctor with whom you feel comfortable, whom you feel will cater to your needs. If medication is not the route you want to explore right now, then find a route worth exploring. You're taking the right steps in trying an herbal remedy, but have you talked to a doctor to find out the proper doses of each vitamin and mineral? That would be something worth looking into as well. I just want you to get better so you can go back to being the good ole EoR we all love and miss.
All my love and support,
Meredith

That's what these boards are for - so we can help YOU too. I hope you have a doctor that you can trust - it sounds like you need someone to "carry you" for a while, until you're on your feet. Life is overwhelming you right now, and you need to get well. Concentrate on that, and please don't feel guilty about being "selfish". It is not selfish to want to feel better when you're miserable. Been there - recently. Done that.

I miss you EoR... Despite your absence, your in my heart and prayers and I just hope that right now your somewhere getting better.

Take care.

If you are having a hard time finding a good professional...find a local group meeting, ask who has a doctor that they like... try to get an appt with that doctor. I have friends that have tried several meds to find the right one. I wasn't as lucky, but I don't feel that I had good care.... care is the key. Make some time, if you don't take care of this as soon as possible you are still not feeling right... therapy will help out until you find the right med, and will help if you don't find a med that works... genetics is not guaranteed, you are not absolutely destined to follow her life track... you can have your own

Eor, It sounds like you do need to change meds since you've tried that one for a while without luck. I hope you will look for another doctor, or at least talk to the one you already have. You could write down all your symptoms and leave a message for him to call you at the end of seeing his other patients. I say this because I realize you hate to miss any more work and it can take time to get in to see a new doctor. You need help fast and don't need to wait. Tell your doctor that you need to try something else, that Lexapro isn't working. Quitting cold turkey will probably make you worse, and you don't need that. You deserve better and so do your precious little ones. Gotta go, good luck

:angel: Thank you, all. I want to reply to everyone individually, but I need a little more time for that. I'm so greatful to you all. Thank you! Big hugs,

EoR

EoR!

Take as much time as you need! I'm just really glad to see you post.

Take care of yourself!

James
(it's cheered me up seeing you on here!!) :D

James, sir, you are just too super sweet. I don't even deserve to be treated so well. <blush.> Well, you jus' made my day, sugah. <kiss> I'm cheered up seeing you here, too. It's nice to know you're hanging in there and still coming to see us. I've missed you. Please don't go away!

I really do want to take the time out to sincerely reply--it's just that all the advice, warmth and compassion is so overwhelming, that I feel completely lost when I hit the reply button and begin to type. I don't even know where to start. But I will do it! I will!

And you, my dear, will never get stuck in a rut like the guy in that show you were watching. I will re-read and reply to that thread tomorrow. I started to reply yesterday and then one of the kids did something to distract me. The joys of having two youngins... indeed. Until then....

Big squishy hugs and good night kisses,

EoR

It's good to see you reply Eor. I've been thinking of you a lot. How are you doing?

Hi EoR :wave:
I am so glad you stopped by. You are a much loved and much needed person.

Love,
Sam :angel:

Hi EoR :wave:
Congratulations! You are a Senior Veteran now! Wow! Hey guess what?
That does not have to mean you are old, just experienced at loving everyone!

Love,
Sam :angel:

EoR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :bouncing:

YOUR BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :bouncing:

WE MISSED YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :bouncing:

Talk to you again soon.

Sincerely :wave:
John

Dear God,

Thank you so much for prayers answered.
Love John

Aaaaw. I'm blushing all over. Really--all over. <blush> You're late birds! I'd be in beddy-bie if it weren't for inconsiderate co-wokers that conveniently forget their shifts. Oh well, it's overtime. How are you, John? I keep meaning to write in your threat, but somebody always comes along and snatches up everything I wanted to say! Go figure. :P Hugs and love and prayers and angels to you! (So tired...yawn)

Love,
EoR

And I need to learn to proof read... Doh. That's *thread*, not threat. It'd be kinda weird to write in someones threat, huh?

I've finally caught up to you, Sam! A SENIOR VETERAN! I think I just babble a lot. ;)

Much love to both of you.

-EoR-

I AM WORTH SOMETHING!!!! :bouncing:

I AM WORTH SOMETHING!!!! :bouncing:

EoR is talking to me on OVERTIME!!! I am special!!!! :bouncing:

Time and a half or double dear??? LOL!!! HA HA!!! :D

By Now
John

I AM WORTH SOMETHING!!!! :bouncing:

I AM WORTH SOMETHING!!!! :bouncing:

EoR is talking to me on OVERTIME!!! I am special!!!! :bouncing:

Time and a half or double dear??? LOL!!! HA HA!!! :D

By Now
John

Just a bye now? No love and hugs? :( Cry. Sob. Just kiddin'. Don't I WISH it was double time. That'd be sweet. I'm afraid it's just time and a half, and even then, it's a pathetic income, but it's a nice stay at home job, and I guess I'm lucky to have it at all.

Of course you're special. You don't need me to know that. ;)

LOVE and HUGS ;),

EoR

If I was your boss it would be a big promotion and a corner office with a view. Budget cuts would have me getting you the coffee though. LOL!!!

Aaaaw. I'm blushing all over. Really--all over. <blush> You're late birds! I'd be in beddy-bie if it weren't for inconsiderate co-wokers that conveniently forget their shifts. Oh well, it's overtime. How are you, John? I keep meaning to write in your threat, but somebody always comes along and snatches up everything I wanted to say! Go figure. :P Hugs and love and prayers and angels to you! (So tired...yawn)

Love,
EoR

Hi EoR Sweetie :wave:
Yes, I am a late night owl at times. I got in a tizzy earlier and forgot to take my sleeping med (Benadryl). It's a multiuse drug...it works for withdrawls from Effexor, helps with allergies and is a cheap sleeping aid...woo hoo! I am also very silly when I am tired. :p

Yay! Overtime means overtime pay! Tell your boss to hire me to help you out. Send all inquiries to Samantha Needs A Job!

Love you,
Sam :angel:

Oh my JIMINI CRICKETS! PLEASE tell me the 11:00 shift is going to log on. PLEASE! If not, I'm going to bed, anyway. This is not my problem! People need to learn to do their job, for petes sake! I will tell my boss to hire you to help me, Sam! At least I would know I could rely on you. Sheeeeeeeesh.

John, I'll gladly let you be my boss. When do you start? ;)

Love,

EoR

Hello EoR,
Firstly, although you may believe that your replies are not helpful, just the fact that you take the time to reply despite your own problems helps people to know that they are not alone and that you wish to help in any small way you can. That's worth a lot. A lot of people in this world are so absorbed in their own problems they barely notice other people exist. We are all guilty of that at times but you EoR continue to devote your time to trying to help others. And from the looks of all the people who have replied to your post here it seems that has not gone unnoticed. I hope for a small moment you can take a little pride in yourself for that.

Secondly, I really hope that you can find a decent Doctor who can help you. It never ceases to amaze me how little Doctors regard their patients at times. How many people in the world are suffering from depression now? I think I read somewhere (and this is probably factually incorrect as it comes from the recesses of my memory) that suicide is the 2nd or 3rd highest cause of death in the world - a fair proportion of those people were suffering from depression. And yet many many Doctors still seem to be clueless about how to treat Depression.
Please don't stop until you find someone sympathetic to your illness.

Thirdly, you don't need a direct cause to have depression - I was diagnosed Depressive and it shocked me because I couldn't pinpoint anything in my life that was making me feel the way I was - like you I didn't feel I had a reason so I couldn't understand what was happening. I didn't feel I 'deserved' to be depressive as my problems were nowhere near in the same league as most peoples.

I hope things get better for you, try to ride out the mood swings and the meds, try to find something beautiful to treasure just for you (a place, a piece of music, a picture, a person) and most of all keep writing, for yourself mainly but also for others.

All the best now.

ManApart, your reply was so moving to me, I read it many times over trying to hold back the tears. The words you wrote stand up as an example of how wonderful people can be.

God Bless.

Dear, dear EoR :)
Thank you for all you've said to me last night, for being there so readily...
Many warm thoughts to my fellow mommy who knows why mommies must stay alive no matter how sad they get...
Angel :angel:
P.S. Slumber party tonight? Or some other night?

EoR, It seems like you in good spirits darling and feeling a bit better. Tell us what has happen since the time you made this thread. Have anything changed? Are you still taking Lexacrap? Did you see the Dr. again? How are you feeling currently? Im just glad your back you know. We all are. Stay sweet and take care.

EoR, I hope things have gotten a bit better for you in the last week or so. I understand how you feel about having no reason to be depressed. Most times when I'm really depressed I've found that it's such a tiny little thing that has set me off.

I'm like a little child having a tantrum because I can't have my own way. How pathetic does that make me feel? VERY. 33 years old and getting upset and crying and depressed because I can't have something I want. It's always stuff I want REALLY BADLY, stuff I've wanted for many years...but it's still pathetic.

EoR, you have been so good for so many people on this board. It would be terrible of us not to offer you our support when you need it. Never feel bad for asking for it, either. It's what we're here for. I don't know what I would do without people like you on this board. You've been such a big source of support for me that I've added you to my buddy list. :D

I hate to see you hurting and I really hope your pain is easing, if not gone. :angel: I'm sending you lots of hugs! Take care.

Ha, I have invited myself over to your place, EoR! *plops on the couch*
Here is .... [insert your favorite dish]... I've cooked just for you! (oh, Dreamland)
:angel:

Hey! Did you really say you don't have anything to be depressed about???!!
What a bunch of crap. You have had a tough life. So much to take! I'm not saying cry for the next 30 years, but allow yourself your feelings.....and yeah, get some help to deal with your depression.

I have been so angry with my husband over his depression and behavior, but I know he is suffering, he isn't just sitting there feeling sorry for himself just for fun.

You do help us. I really hope we help you-even if it's for a few minutes.

Wish I could be a huge help, but now I too have to cry in my soup!

Hang in there.

(((((((((((((EoR)))))))))))
Sweetie, when you get the new hair products, let me know what you've come up with, as I'm having the same problem! Perhaps we should raid John's veggie garden? :eek: (oops, that's next year, right, John?)
Hugs and love,
Angel :angel:

((((((((EoR)))))))))

Hi EoR sweetie :wave:
How are you today? I hope all is well with you today.

Did you say your daughter starts school tomorrow? What IS up with starting on a Thursday? They do that here too. Silly, I think...my 2 cents anyway. It can be worse on Mom's when the children start to school. It caused me a lot of anxiety.

I just wanted to stop by and let you know, I am thinking of you and thanks for everything.

Much love, hugs and prayers,
Sam :angel:

P.S. I agree with MIpigpen!

:rolleyes: Computer decided to randomly sumbit this... (twas a duplicate.)

Okay. I'm going to do this. I'm going to try to reply to each post, as you've all been helpful and you each deserve to be acknowledged. :)

Bob: Hi. Welcome to the boards. I hope you will come back and post some more. Thank you for the input and for calling me "kiddo." I get that from my sisters and I think it's cute. Makes me feel young. I'll see what I can do. Thanks!

RainS: You're so full of wisdom. Malicious genetics, indeed. You should see the entire side of my mother's family. Some scary stuff. Thank you for caring. I always look forward to your posts. The eye of the depression storm... I like it. Thanks!

LushStars: I'm sorry that you're having to go through this, too. It's the pits. I hope you are able to get some help and get things back on the right track. So sorry to hear about your boyfriend. I wish people could be more sympathetic. Hugs.

Sammy: Hi, luvee. As always, thank you for caring so much. What would I do without you? The doctor thing happened some time ago. I think I may have mentioned it in the distant past. I promise I'll make an effort to find a new doctor and get the help I need. Thank you so much for everything. You're an angel.

James: Hello, my friend. Thank you for always sticking beside me, no matter what. I know I can count on you. I hope things are improving in your life and that the stress has been at bay. How are you feeling? Are you happy today? I hope you're hanging in there okay and that life is treating you like the wonderful person you are.

Flinch: Thank you for being so supportive and helpful to everyone, and thank you for coming to visit me. :) I will looj for that new doctor--I promise I at least will try to get on the ball. How are you?

wannahelp: Sounds like you've been through a lot, but I'm happy you were able to overcome it. I wonder if my mind could be that powerful. I feel like I've set my mind to overcoming depression, but it seems that I can't simply not be depressed because I don't want to be. I try to will my tears away. I really do. I hate crying. I haven't tried therapy. It might help. Thanks for the encouragement.

Frantic: Hi. Thanks for visiting. I guess I have a cruddy past that could be contributing to my depression, but it's weird for me to think of it that way, because I don't get depressed because I think of my past. I just.... get depressed. Any tips? What methods were you taught? I'm glad to hear you're feeling better. <smile>

(More....)

Rod: I'm blown away by your post every time I read it. You are such a wonderfully loving and compassionate person. You are incredibly sweet to have taken time out of your life to write me such a long and heartfelt post. That alone makes me feel like somebody special. Don't cry, sweet Rod. The last thing I need to do is put more tears in your life. The only tears you need to be crying are the tears of joy you're going to cry when you are finally holding Rose in your loving embrace, as I know you will. As always, you are 100% correct, and always, if we could all just take our own advice (like you taking yours) then we'd be much happier and healthier people. I'm sorry I can't match you on post length, but I'm incredibly fatigued today. You know you have a special place in my heart. I need you, too, Rod. Please never, ever go away. We love you.

Angel: Hi, sweetheart. Your two cents are never insignificant, and they are always welcome--more than welcome. I always look forward to your posts. I respect and admire you more than you could possibly know. What you've said makes perfect sense and is very insightful. I used to use the affirmation technique but stopped, for some reason. I will try starting that up again. I like the idea of looking for the peace that's around me. Before I started this thread, I had just had a weekend up in Purgatory, Colorado. I have never felt so serene and at home in my entire life. The whole atmosphere was that of peace. I think a move to the mountains would do me a lot of good. I am most definitely NOT a city girl. I'm working on turning my bedroom into a woodland wonderland, so I'll at least have the facade. :) How old are your children, Angel? Mine are 2 and 6. I'd love to hear more about your mommyhood. :) Much love to you.

Sam (again) Thank you for being my cheerleader and sticking with me through it all. You're awesome!

JohnDiv: Hello, loved one. Thank you for all your prayers and your kindness. You really are one of a kind. I have taken all your advice and suggestions to heart and I will do my best. I've always wondered why doc's just take "I'm depressed" at face value and don't even bother running blood tests or anything else. I couldn't believe how incredibly easy it was for me to get on and AD. Pathetic. I know what you mean about my mother. I think she would've been better off without the doctors and the meds back then. I think it was because of her medications that she ended her life. It makes me terribly angry... and sad. You mentioned thyroid disorders could cause hairloss, didn't you? I should get that checked out. I'm sorry your mother died, too. :( If you ever want to talk about it, I understand. I'm so glad that you give up. You are an inspiration to all of us, not just your nieces or nephews. You're a *real* hero. Lots of love, sweetie.


Teresa: Thank you for always saying something nice to me or about me. I've always noticed that. I appreciate it very much. You are such a kind and loving person. How are things for you? I hope that they're better than they were a week or so ago. I think about you and wish the best for you. Much love.

Snap: It's nice to meet you. Please don't kill yourself. There are times it seems like things can't get any worse, but if you kill yourself, you don't know if they might also get better. I hope you can find a way other than Whiskey to help you through your tough times--especially since alcohol is a depressant. Take care of yourself.

Mermaid: Hey, sweetheart. Always happy to "see" you! I'm sorry you have to be in the same boat--it's a sad boat, but at least we have some company, eh? I don't feel like you just come here and complain. You always have a kind word to offer and I take a lot from what you say. Besides, I always like to hear about what's going on with you. I'm interested in your life and what you're up to. I understand not being able to relate, and thus, not knowing what to say. Never feel pressured! Your words always have an impact--always. I'm just happy that you are still hanging in there and coming to post at all. I will definitely try to find somebody that can help me with the herbs and vitamins. It would be a smart thing to do. I hope you're taking care of yourself and that life is giving you a break. You really deserve it. Please let us know how you are. Much love.

Kerry1: You're right. I'm always advocating the same thing to everyone else, but it's so hard to take one's own advice. Thank you for the reminder. Sorry you've been where I am recently. I hope you feel better now. Hugs.

Rod (again ;) ) I miss you, too. I wish you were able to post more often, because your words are like honey dripping from a golden spoon, but I know you're busy with your job. I'll be checking on you soon. Hugs.


sirus: Allo. Hey, you have a really good idea. I haven't thought about finding meetings and soliciting advice. I will look into that. Thank you for the suggestion. :) I will see about therapy, too. Take care of yourself, hun. Hugs.

(More coming soon... Flargin work!)

Jecca1: Hiya. I like your suggestion of writing down symptoms. That's a really smart idea, as I often forget to mention a lot of my ailments. I already did quit cold turkey, long ago. I don't think it was in my system long enough to make a big difference. You're absolutely right that my kids deserve better. That's inpiration enough in itself. Hugs and take care.

s1980: Heya, hun. Thank you for your kind words and for the post. You're always very supportive and understanding of everyone. It is amazing how clueless some doctors can be, isn't it? Is the study of psychology required in med school? If not, it should be. It's so sad how high the suicide rate is. I now know 6 people who have killed themselves. 6 people! And I don't even know many people. It's terrible. I know I don't need a reason to be depressed, but I just feel wrong being the way I am. I know I'm sick. I know it's an illness. I just feel like there has to be some way I can control it. I'm just super stubborn like that, unfortunately. I hope you get better soon, too. And ManApart is great, isn't he? He never ceases to amaze me. :) You're great, too!

(((((Angel, Man, Angel)))) I think I've replied in other threads at other times, but if not, Thank You, again, from the bottom of my heart. You both are miracle workers. I hope some day you will both see yourselves as I do. Hugs.

Alex: I am so happy to see you! It warms my heart that you still post every now and then. I miss you. How have you been? I want to have tantrums, too. I don't think you're pathetic at all! Thank you for being so sweet. I don't know what I would do without people like you, either. I miss you being around more often. I hope that means you're feeling better, and not worse. I think about you a lot and hope that you're healing. Your posts have touched my life in a profound way. Thank you for being you. Many enormous hugs your way!


MIpp: Hi! You came back! I've been wondering about you. I even posted a little MIA post to see if you were around. How have you been? Don't cry in your soup--salt is an easier (and less painful) way to flavor it. :) I am ecstatic to see you. Okay, so you're right. I have gone through much crap, but it's all in the past. I don't feel like that factors much into my day to day weepies, but maybe it does on some level. I'm thinking about seeing a hypnotist about that. Is your husband getting some help now? Are things still rocky? I'm dying to know all about how things are for you. I've missed your smiling face. Of course y'all help me--more than you could know. YOU hang in there. Know I'm thinking of you. Hope you'll be around for awhile. Big hugs.

((((((((((((Angel)))))))))))) Again ;) I actually have already purchased my hair stuffs, and it's on the windowsill in the bathroom. After I take my break and shower, I'll come back and post to you what the name brand is. It's neat stuff--makes the head tingle. I think it's working. I don't think that quite so much hair is being left on my hands after I squeeze my hair out after a shower. Fair warning though, it costs an arm and a leg! But if it works... I, too, have (had) pretty thick hair, but it's sad to watching it get thinner and thiner. It's also not happy for my tub drain or the vaccum cleaner! Funny story. My boyfriend took a box to the post office for me one day and the person who took care of him asked, "Your girlfriend has red hair, doesn't she?" I guess my hair was all over the packing tape! Ick. Maybe you and I should both think about getting our thyroid checked out. Or we could just be clever little bunnies and sneak into John's garden ;). Hugs.

Sammy! Whew! I did it, I did it, I did it! I replied to everyone! High five, sistah. :D Yep, my little girl starts school tomorrow. Ugh. I'll have to get up an hour earlier every day. My breaks will be cut to 2 half hours instead of 1 hour, so we can pick her up... I hate school! I never liked being in it, and I don't like it now. It's going to be SO weird tomorrow. I have to go there with her biological father and step mother and meet the teacher. I don't have a problem with them... It'll just feel weird. And I don't like it. It's so obvious they're putting on some kind of fake show of interest in her and her education. It's annoying. How are you this lovely hump day, sweet Sam.

It's... break time! Be back soon. Hope everyone is well today.

Lots of love and big fat hugs,

EoR

Alex: I am so happy to see you! It warms my heart that you still post every now and then. I miss you. How have you been? I want to have tantrums, too. I don't think you're pathetic at all! Thank you for being so sweet. I don't know what I would do without people like you, either. I miss you being around more often. I hope that means you're feeling better, and not worse. I think about you a lot and hope that you're healing. Your posts have touched my life in a profound way. Thank you for being you. Many enormous hugs your way!
I wish I could say I was feeling better. I've had my "good" days, but they weren't really good days. They were kind of blah days and I just didn't feel like getting on the computer.

Today was a horrible day and I still feel like crap, but your words have at least given me a boost I really needed (thanks so much EoR--you always know just what to say :)). My self-esteem has been in the gutter the last few days and today I had a major break down at work. The office manager forced me to stay in her office and talk...which was good, because she got me calmed quite a bit. What bugs me is that it's just stupid little insignificant things that set me off (which is why I equated it to a child having a tantrum). And all that emotional turmoil causes me such physical pain, which I have a very low tolerance to.

It sounds like you're feeling a bit better...I really hope you are. I hate to see people feeling as badly as I do because I know how bad it feels and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Everyone I've met here I've come to think of as friends in a sense. You people know more about me than the people in my "real" life do.

I have to run for now, but I'll try to be around a little more. Love and hugs to everyone. Extra love and hugs to those who are having a rough go of things. :angel: Someone is watching over you and will see you through it.

EoR, :wave:

Once again you amaze the heck out of me! :) GREAT JOB SNEAKING ALL THOSE REPLIES IN!!! :D What a special little note and surprise for all the special people. Keep it up friend. Fly higher and keep soaring!!!! :angel:

God bless
John

Hi EoR :wave:
Great job! You are awsome EoR! You have such a beautiful heart and soul. You DO always have just the right words to say. Thank you so much for everything you have and still do for me.

Good luck tomorrow! Hmmmm....fake step-mom and ex...sounds familiar..LOL. More power to them. Some people are fooled some of the time, but all people are not fooled all of the time.

Big fat hugs to you too,
Love ya,
Sam :angel:

EoR,
I must say I am impressed that you managed to reply to every single person on this thread. I was almost certain that you were going to forget me (most people do) so it made me happy to see that I had my own special reply.
I must apologize, though. Today was my brother's 21st birthday so I helped him celebrate. Therefore I am not really in a good state to be giving anyone advice. I'll post a better reply sometime soon, I promise. In the mean time, just hang in there and stay strong. Much love!
Meredith

EoR, sweet EoR.. what an enormous undertaking... and you did it! you answered every reply, even the follow-ups! wow :bouncing:

Sweetie, please do tell me the brand... do I know about the hair-on-tape problem! and the hair-cloggin'-the-drain problem! and hair-on-the-floor-sticking-around-chair-legs-and-board-game-pieces problem!

EoR, I'm leaving tomorrow, so please be a good girl while I'm gone! I do hope you are having a better day than I am... I'm so close to making my own weepy thread, but I must wait till I get back. I just feel all raw inside, you know? It's now just hyper-sensitivity, not just vulnerability, it's complete and utter rawness and achiness of the soul... don't know how to explain.

Thank you for your special words and for making me feel useful here. I couldn't have asked for more in return.

Much love, special girl,
Angel :angel:

(((((( Alex, John, Sam, Meredith, Angel ))))))

Thank you all for all you've done. I'll write more soon. Sooooo tired. Got up early for school. <Yawn>

xoxoxoxox ~EoR

O.K. EoR, :wave:

Don’t mind me I am just lost and need to be directed to the nearest exit please. I am here looking for some post I left you but I obviously left it on some other thread. Maybe Sam’s or mine? :confused: Do you have a road map I can borrow or something? I know, I can blame it on my meds like Cindi says. LOL!!! Some people are losing something a little more precious than hair here. LOL!!! :D

Talk to you later and sorry for spilling this little mess on your floor. I’ll come back later with the mop and clean it all up. :D

(((((HUGS))))) :wave:

Alex: Oh, sweetie. I'm sorry that you're absence has been due to blah days. I completely understand that. Why has your esteem been so low? Did something bad happen at work? Anything you need to talk about? I'm glad your manager was able to provide support. She sounds nice. I think that depression makes it so that the little things really get to us. Have you ever seen me write about how I get po'd over lint on the floor? Silly, but.... it's the nature of the beast. I hope today is a better day for you and that your esteem is higher. You're just being around gives me a boost. I like to know you're still up and kicking. I'm glad my words have helped you feel a little less glum. I want to help. Let me know if you need to talk. Big hugs.

John: Aww, there you go, making me blush again! See what you do to me? ;) Will you fly with me? We'll visit mountains and lakes together--and clouds, too! You never cease to amaze me, yourself. Keep being you. xoxoxoxoxo

Sammy! If you guys don't stop, I might suffer from perma-blush! Eeks!

Argh! No, no, no, no, I did NOT hit submit, you retarded computer!

Let's try that again!

SAMMY! :D I made it through this morning, and it wasn't bad at all. Liz's other set of "parents" were very quiet and reserved today. We all went in the classroom together, but the teacher didn't really allow parents time to talk to her... It was weird. She showed up just before the bell and then once it rang, she was very much down to business with the kids. We all ended up leaving without saying a word to her. BUT, I like her anyway. Her classroom was full of... EEYORE! How could I dislike her? Lol. She's got good taste. Tee-hee.... And now I can't see your post because I'm on page 6, instead of 5. BAH! I will go back and re-read and then come back. I see John snuck in here in the meantime. ;) Brb.

EoR girl! How about that brand name? My head needs it. (It seems to think now that if the hair stops falling than my brain will becom normal... poor, poor delusional head!)
Hugs,
Agel :angel:

Oh EoR dear, :wave:

I’m back with the mop. Let me come clean up now and I can just leave. NO NO NO don’t get up just relax. You had a rough day at the school and all.

So what’s this an invitation to fly with you? SOUNDS GREAT!!! :bouncing: Your not afraid to fly are you? How about we take some flying lessons and tear up the countryside visiting everyone in a private Leer jet or something. LOL!!!

Boy would I be something if I ever one the lottery hu??? “Can you say 52 weeks of time share boys and girls?” I knew you could. LOL!!! Vacation every day anywhere you want in the world forever!!! :D Oh well. I would miss the company from great friends here though, "Unless we broke the rules and I brought EVERYONE ALONG!!!"

Maybe I’ll drop by later with a fresh homegrown salad or something for ya O.K?

Samarama: Now I see your post, sweet Sam. Some of the people are fooled some of the time, but not all of the people are fooled all of the time. That sounds something that we could make into an IQ test question. If some of the people are fooled some of the time, and all of the people are not fooled all of the time, then are all people fooled some of the time? Sorry. I'm in a funky mood. Maybe I'm overexcitable because BOTH kids are asleep, and this is the most peace I've had in... forever.... or, it could be I blame it on lack of sleep. Thank you for your sweet words, dear Sam. You always know what to say, too, and everybody here that thinks your great is a testament to that! Thank you for all you do for all of us. Don't ever go away. We love you! Bigger, fatter hugs back atcha. And love, of course,(((((((((((((((((((((((((SAM))))) )))))))))))))))))))

Meredith: How could I (or anyone) every forget you? You're too special to forget. I'm sure nobody would do that on purpose. I know if I ever look anyone it's just because I'm forgetful and I think I've replied to them. I'm scatterbrained that way. I'm glad you were able to celebrate with your brother. :) Sounds like fun. Did you party hard? My big sister bought me a TON of alcohol for my 21st bday, but the funny thing is, is that I don't drink! I still have bottles of mudslide and daquiri in my cabinent. I wish I could virtually send it to your brother. And I wish I could send you some happiness, virtually! Don't worry about giving advice. I just like knowing you're around. How are things going? Please post when you can. I know you have a ton of things on your plate right now. Much love to you!

Angel: :angel: I'm so sad you'll be leaving us again. :( Absence does make the heart grow fonder, though. I'll miss you! My boyfriend has been sent on a mission to the bathroom to find out the name of the product. I can't remember it for the life of me. I keep wanting to call it "Nexium." Ah, the boyfriend has stated, "It's called Nioxin." And, so it is. I bought it from Master Cuts, and it was originally going to be, like... 80 something dollars for both the shampoo and conditioner. Fortunately, a worker there found some discounted bottles on the shelf, and it only ended up costing around $50 for the two. I wouldn't DREAM of typically buying something SO expensive for my hair--but I don't want to be bald by the time I'm 27! Lol. I am glad you're giving thought to starting your own thread. Maybe you would feel better before your trip if you posted before you leave? Think of all the wonderful replies that would be waiting for you. :) Of course, that's your call. I know you'll seek us out when you're ready. I'm sorry for the way you're feeling. I understand that inner rawness and achiness. No need to explain, sweetie. I just hope it goes away soon. It's a terrible way to feel. Maybe your trip will help? The Big Apple, huh? What are your plans for NY? Are you going to see any shows? Be careful! I couldn't stand the thought of anything bad happening to you. Please keep safe. I'll send prayers with you. Did you say how long you were going for? I'll be eagerly awaiting your return. Take care, sweet Angel, and lots of love.

John: Well, you'd better clean it up! I've been working on getting the floor clean all day, and here you come and make messes! Shame on you. ;) Was the post about where you live, etc? Cause I saw that in your thread--just need to get back over there to reply. It's taken me over an hour (more?) to do this one post, thanks to work and kids. Crazy... :dizzy: So, that's what the message on the floor is--it's your mind! And mine, too. Not to worry, dear John, I'll sop it up and return yours to you. It's almost time to be off. :bouncing: :bouncing: How are you this almost Friday day? Muchos love.
(Did I say message? Lol. I meant MESS. Told you I lost my mind. Yeeesh.)

:angel:'s for all,

A veddy, veddy sleepy :yawn: EoR

Alex: Oh, sweetie. I'm sorry that you're absence has been due to blah days. I completely understand that. Why has your esteem been so low? Did something bad happen at work? Anything you need to talk about? I'm glad your manager was able to provide support. She sounds nice. I think that depression makes it so that the little things really get to us. Have you ever seen me write about how I get po'd over lint on the floor? Silly, but.... it's the nature of the beast. I hope today is a better day for you and that your esteem is higher. You're just being around gives me a boost. I like to know you're still up and kicking. I'm glad my words have helped you feel a little less glum. I want to help. Let me know if you need to talk. Big hugs.
Today was a little better...but only a little. I had one of those "I don't care" moods, which is better than yesterday's hysteria. My pain (head, neck, back & right arm) was pretty bad today, even though there is absolutely nothing physically wrong with me--just my stupid brain telling me I hurt.

What is it about those little things?! My manager even said that she has the same problem. That has a lot to do with why my self-esteem is so low, because I feel so stupid that I've gotten so upset over something so little (btw, if lint on the floor drives you nuts, don't ever come to my place :D . I have three cats, one with long hair who leaves big tufts all over the place. I really should vaccuum every day or at least every other day, but just don't have the motivation). I don't feel good about my appearance, mostly the fact that I weigh 30-35 pounds more than I did five or six years ago--I feel like a fat blimp (I'm not, and I know that, but it's how I feel). I don't feel good about my lack of motivation to do anything around the house (I just don't want to do anything). I feel dumb and useless. I know none of this stuff is true, but it's hard to make my brain stop thinking that way. But, what you said at least made me smile and feel better about myself :bouncing: . That's always a good thing...so I thank you again for helping me, as always. I think you are a wonderful and very caring person and I really appreciate every kind word you've offered me.

I hope things are going well for you today. Big hugs! :wave:

EoR, goodness girl look at all your fans. Your going to have to start signing autographs after awhile. Me first!

We know, we care and were with you ok. I know your a busy little bee too. I just hope every once and awhile you land around here and spread more of your honey.

Lost Angel likes to fly I think. But living near Vancouver Id fly around alot too. Agoraphobia is a terrible thing. But Id throw some shades on and try my best to ignore the supermodel looking people around me just so i could see the mountains and the city. I hope your trip goes well.

Meredith why do I have the urge to hear you laugh? If only I could make you laugh somehow, I feel so completely useless. I feel like im failing you. I want you to do me a favor. I want you to open your own thread, take your time and post every single emotion from deep down inside and I want everyone to embrace you. I really wish Geena stayed. She was so much better than me. You two had sooo much in common.

Oh wait this isnt my thread. lol. Oh sorry, EoR, right, ok. Hey you havent seen blushing yet, when we get done with you youll look like the Joker. I see alot of people giving so much here. No matter all of our situation, we never are short of trying to help other find a piece of happiness.

Watch out for John, hes a smooth talker. He got all the moves, more charming than Sean Connery. lol. But better looking I think.

Hey Sam! I really enjoy our chats. Your the sweetest. I hope your doing fine and all and thanks for all the advice youve given me.

By the way, Im ready. I have no doubts anymore. No fear. Anxiety can kick strangle me to death but, Im going home. Im going where I belong. Im getting on the plane. Im not just saying it because of some short term spurt of confidence. Well... Ok maybe I am, but I think Im going to make it. I really do. If only I can find a way to drop 30lbs first. I cant pass up the oppurtunity of walking on the beach with her, I wanna look back at our footsteps together in the sand, as if I was looking back at my life and seeing where all these steps lead me. It lead me to her.

Take care everyone. Much love.

Rod

hello to everyone who has accumulated on this thread! (there's too many of us to count)

i think i'm going to follow rod's advice and open up my own thread. right now (heck, let's face it, for the past few months) i haven't really been in the best of moods to be posting anything helpful or constructive or positive to anyone. i really honestly try to be supportive of everyone on these boards, but sometimes, i just have zero motivation to want to actually type stuff. i see all of these wonderfully insightful and poetic posts from everyone and i think to myself, there's no possible way i can post something comparable to this. usually when i post it's quickly in the morning before i go to work, or late at night before i go to bed and i'm half asleep. what i really need to do is block out designated healthboards time to read and reply to everyone's posts. that way i'll feel more included in the conversations, instead of just posting sporadically and being on the outskirts.

so, sometime when i have enough time to devote to a meaningful, heartfelt post/thread, i will definitely write something. in the meantime, everyone hang in there, and sorry i took up so much of your time by making you all read the meaningless nonsense i just typed. much love to everyone.
meredith

hello to everyone who has accumulated on this thread! (there's too many of us to count)

i think i'm going to follow rod's advice and open up my own thread. right now (heck, let's face it, for the past few months) i haven't really been in the best of moods to be posting anything helpful or constructive or positive to anyone. i really honestly try to be supportive of everyone on these boards, but sometimes, i just have zero motivation to want to actually type stuff. i see all of these wonderfully insightful and poetic posts from everyone and i think to myself, there's no possible way i can post something comparable to this. usually when i post it's quickly in the morning before i go to work, or late at night before i go to bed and i'm half asleep. what i really need to do is block out designated healthboards time to read and reply to everyone's posts. that way i'll feel more included in the conversations, instead of just posting sporadically and being on the outskirts.

so, sometime when i have enough time to devote to a meaningful, heartfelt post/thread, i will definitely write something. in the meantime, everyone hang in there, and sorry i took up so much of your time by making you all read the meaningless nonsense i just typed. much love to everyone.
meredith

Excuse me EoR, if you are not still angry with me, I would like to respond to Meredith. Thanks, Sam :D

Hi Meredith :wave:
Why are you sorry for responding to a post. I don't thing EoR or I would ever be offended by you for dropping by and just saying hello. You know, that means a lot!

I just wanted to say hello and hang in there girl. You are always welcome to visit my thread too. (not just EoR and Rod's)...lol. I know you are busy and we all understand. It's great to hear from you and I hope to see your own thread when you are ready.

Much love and hugs,
Sam :angel:

"I'm hoping somebbody might understand me. Sometimes, I feel so alone in my depression--even here, because it seems like *most* people on this forum can pinpoint their depression. "

I have lots of reasons that I can blame for my depression but the fact is that most of those things don't have such a big hold on my anymore...sometimes I just get down and don't realize why. It took me forever to figure out that I had a severe downslide on a monthly basis and if I had bothered to notice could pinpoint it before it happened! Sometimes there is just no reason at all that I can come up with. Sometimes it just happens. Its easier to get past for sure when you have something to blame it on, something to get angry at....but I can tell you that I really do understand - I've been there so many times myself!

Huh? I've been sooooooo tired today, and I used all the rest of my energy on my one big post to you, Sam, but I'm not mad at you.... Never mad at you. Did I seem that way? I was concerned and worried, but not mad. Too tired to post any more today, but I wanted to make sure you knew I wasn't mad at you. I will reply to more posts when I'm a little more than half awake.

(((((all))))

Night nigh.... <snore>

I love you! Nighty, night!

Sam :angel:

Meredith, I have to agree with Sam. Even if you're just stopping by to say hello or hang in there it is helpful. I totally understand what you mean about the motivation, though. And sometimes I just can't come up with the right things to say. But for me even a quick "hi, how ya doing" from someone can brighten an otherwise dreary day.

Take care, and have a good weekend :D. (that goes for everyone else, also)

meds or no meds sometimes we may suffer because of the burdens of our surroundings and circumstances but other times its in our genes or make up and failing pitituary thyroid etc , it is never a fault but if we can , the greatest cure we can ever reach for is something occupying enough to keep our minds and thoughts away from ourselves

Alex: I'm sorry to hear you still feel lousy, though the day you wrote was a *little* better. I guess it's something. I hope today is a lot better. I don't really know what it is about the little things. I think it's probably an accumulation of a lot of little things and a few big things. I know my getting angry over lint on the floor isn't just about lint on the floor, but also about my frustrations with keeping the house clean. The hours I put into vacuuming and working on the floors, etc. When you get upset, it's likely not just about the one minor thing, but something deeper than that.

I have issues with my weight, too. I need to lose 30 pounds to be in my healthy weight range, and probably more like 45, to actually *look* good. I compltely understand about no motivation. Depression is such a huge energy sapper, that it's hard to want to do much more than sit somewhere for awhile or lay in bed all day. Trust me, I would if I could. I feel like I could sleep for the next 100 years. I hate being so tired all the time. You are not dumb and useless! Just fatigued. Just a thought, though, if you can get yourself to do something, you'll have that small accomplishment, and it may help improve your mood overall. I know I feel better when I even get something small done.

Thank *you* for simply being you and for sharing your pain with us. It must be hard to let yourself be vulnerable, and I so admire you for allowing us to know a part of your past. I think you're a courageous and loving person, and I'm glad to know you. You've inspired me and given me hope.

I hope that you have a good week... a good month... heck, a good year. I'll cross my fingers.

Much love,

EoR

:angel: Rod, amazing Rod. I'll give you my autograph any day, but I think you've many more fans than I. You draw people from all corners of the globe, from cracks and crevices, and small, dark places. ;) Spread my honey, huh? It's funny, the first thing I think of when you say that is small, sticky children. I wonder why? Lol.

Nope, no. You can't address anyone else in this thread but me, you hear? Lol.
Seriously, though, I think it's great that everybody interacts and helps everybody else, who cares whose thread. It's like one big party where people mix and mingle, regardless of whose house they're in. Right? :) The more the merrier. Just don't get too, too loud. I have sensitive neighbors. What kind of music do you like?

I'm so glad you've resolved to go see Rose. I have so much faith in you. Will you do it as a birthday present to me? That would be the only gift I'd want from anyone. I'm not sure it's technically "safe" to lose 30 pounds in two months. I guess, theoretically, you should only lose 2 pounds a week, and a month is appox. 4 weeks, so in 2, you could at least lose about 15 "safely." Of course, a lot of that is bull, because the more weight you start with, the faster you lose, etc. I think it'll be great when you and Rose stroll the beach together. Take a picture of those footsteps and keep them as a reminder. :) How long will you be staying there? We'll miss you, of course.

Ah, and there goes work, picking up like crazy again. I suppose I've said enough, anyway. :)

I hope you feel well today, wonderful Rod.

Love,

EoR

Meredith: Hi, sweet marshmallow. (Sorry, your word is just too cute not to be applied to you.) :) I will be looking for that new thread. You deserve to get it all out and have us help you, for once. You have made constructive and helpful posts, and even if you just come around to say hi, that's quite good enough. I am just happy to have you around. You've been a good friend to me, and that's the best I could hope for. Thank you for being my friend. I know how hard it is to find time to sit down and write real replies. I sit at my computer all day, and I STILL have that problem. And, by the way, you don't waste anyones time and nothing you write has ever been meaningless or nonsensical! I think you're very intellegent, and I always enjoy your posts. Sam and Alex are right. I hope you've read their posts to you and feel better about things.

Are you hanging in there okay? Please keep us up to date.

Love,

EoR

Sam, I love you, too! I'm glad you knew I wasn't mad at you. How could anyone ever be? :) Lots of fat hugs. I wonder what a fat hug would be like. :) Tee-hee. I miss you. Hope to see you around the boards soon. I understand lag periods. Boy, do I ever. Hope you're okay! ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Sam))))))) ))))))))))))))

Love,

EoR

Hi, lisa*9. I understand what you mean about occupying our minds and time. Unfortunately, I have to work at a very thoughtless job 40 hours a week, so I guess that gives me too much time to "feel." I usually feel most depressed while working. Thank you for the suggestion, though, and I'm so glad you stopped by and posted. It's nice meeting you.

Love,

EoR

:wave: Hi, browneyesblue. I'm not sure you'll see this due to certain circumstances, but I wanted to reply anyway, just in case. I seem to have a monthly downslide, too. I am wondering if my depression is in part hormonal, because it does seem like I could have very bad PMS. I should look into that. Thank you for understanding. It's nice to feel like I'm not going completely nuts. ;) I'm sorry you have to be in the same situation at all, though. It's a cruddy way to have to live. :(

Love,

EoR

Sam, I love you, too! I'm glad you knew I wasn't mad at you. How could anyone ever be? :) Lots of fat hugs. I wonder what a fat hug would be like. :) Tee-hee. I miss you. Hope to see you around the boards soon. I understand lag periods. Boy, do I ever. Hope you're okay! ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Sam))))))) ))))))))))))))

Love,

EoR

Hi EoR sweetie :wave:
I would think that a fat hug would be all warm, squishy and secure. Have you ever seen that saying with a sheep: "Ewes not fat, Ewes fluffy" I think it's kinda like that...all good!

I have been having some tired times. It was kind of a hard weekend. I don't know why unless, it was the 4th anniversary of my brother's death. I guess it has made me feel a little more down. Thanks for the hugs and for being such a dear friend...you are an amazing person! ;)

Love and hugs,
Sam :angel:

Hey EoR, I can relate to the totally thoughtless job. At the plant where I work, the 12 hour shifts turn everyone into a zombie. You just see your fellow co-workers with that three-mile-stare most of the time. Hellooow? Anybody home???

I have some down times as well. It seems like some days are worse than others for some reason. It may be sleep problems or such. It is uncannily biorythmic. I hate to say that I believe in that kind of thing, but the strange cycles are there.

You have an amazing thread here and thank you for responding to everyone's post. You are incredibly cool! :cool:

P.S. Do not let Samarama make any more sheep jokes: "...Ewes fluffy" groan...

Hi, Sam! :wave: I wouldn't know anything about tired... Not me. No way. Okay... maybe I'm just in a *little* bit of denial. ;) Ooooh, oooh, can I's be fluffy? I always wanted to be fluffy. Like a big, pink poodle.

I'm so sorry about your brother. If you feel like talking about it, you know here is a good place to do so. It sounds like you could use a good cry. (((((Sam)))) (That's a big EWE hug, nice and fluffy.) I hope you feel better soon (if not already), and I was glad to read that your toe is healing. Those ingrown toenails are nasty stuff. How does the rest of your foot feel? Is it okay? Thank you for being a wonderful friend, and YOU are incredible! You should apply for a superhero position.

Muchos love,

EoR

:wave: RainSerpent Hiya! I'm so glad to see you over here. :) That's funny about your co-workers. Sounds like land of the living dead. 12 hours shifts sound awful, though. Do you get paid OT? Fortunately, working at home, I cannot see my co-wokers, and the one co-woker I have that actually works during the same time period I do, happens to be my boyfriend (who works from the office)--so I'm quite lucky in that aspect. :) I guess the job isn't thoughtless, really. I've just done it for so long that it's all very automatic. I shouldn't complain--it's a great job, but I could just REALLY use a RAISE!

I think that most depressives have up and down days. I guess a lot of people get that confused with bipolarism, but my doctor said it's really just having a "normal" day, vs. a depressed day. Kind of sad, isn't it?

Thank you for your compliments. I don't think I've ever been called "cool" before. <Blush.> I had a friend from highschool e-mail me along time ago, and she said that she missed me as being part of the original "outcasts." I never thought of myself that way, but... maybe so. ;)

I thought Samaramamamama's joke was cute. What, ewe didn't like it? Lol. You may groan again, if you wish. :D

Love,

EoR

Well oh well that is ur problem stop telling evrybody dummy/

:wave: Hi, "fierceangel"! Welcome to the forum! Thank you for stopping by this thread to give input. I'm not sure who you were replying to, but that's not really relevant. What really matters is that you took the time out to reach out to someone else, and I commend you for doing so. You must be having some issues of your own, as you are visiting the depression board. I encourage you to start your own thread and let us help you work through tough times. We're all very nice and accepting people, and we won't judge you or put you down.

Hope you enjoy your stay with us.

Tons of love, giant EWE hugs, and many well wishes!!!!!

~EoR~

Ok, stop posting at the same time as I am trying to post my very important messages....LOL.

I admit that I don't have the talent for jokes, but I do appreciate RainSerpent's sense of humor.

I am sending you some extra hugs ((((((((((EoR))))))))) I thought you might need them. ;)

Love Ya,
Sam :angel:

Alex: I'm sorry to hear you still feel lousy, though the day you wrote was a *little* better. I guess it's something. I hope today is a lot better. I don't really know what it is about the little things. I think it's probably an accumulation of a lot of little things and a few big things. I know my getting angry over lint on the floor isn't just about lint on the floor, but also about my frustrations with keeping the house clean. The hours I put into vacuuming and working on the floors, etc. When you get upset, it's likely not just about the one minor thing, but something deeper than that.

Yeah, I've noticed how there's always other little things bugging me when I finally blow. But it still seems ridiculous to get as upset as I do. And it makes me feel worse knowing that I don't want to be like that.

I have issues with my weight, too. I need to lose 30 pounds to be in my healthy weight range, and probably more like 45, to actually *look* good. I compltely understand about no motivation. Depression is such a huge energy sapper, that it's hard to want to do much more than sit somewhere for awhile or lay in bed all day. Trust me, I would if I could. I feel like I could sleep for the next 100 years. I hate being so tired all the time. You are not dumb and useless! Just fatigued. Just a thought, though, if you can get yourself to do something, you'll have that small accomplishment, and it may help improve your mood overall. I know I feel better when I even get something small done.

Oh, if I could stay in bed all day with a good novel, alternating between reading and sleeping, I would do it. I would do it every day until I got the motivation to do something else (what am I talking about....that pretty much is what I do ;) other than going to work, which is necessity rather than motivational). But I've notice that I feel great, like I've really accomplished something, when I do the dishes and tidy up the kitchen and put the recyclables in the blue box. Then I go in my bedroom..... :eek:. Oh well. It's not too bad, it just needs a bit of tidying and I'll do it eventually.

Thank *you* for simply being you and for sharing your pain with us. It must be hard to let yourself be vulnerable, and I so admire you for allowing us to know a part of your past. I think you're a courageous and loving person, and I'm glad to know you. You've inspired me and given me hope.

:D We could go back and forth like this until the end of time! I love hearing it, but I just don't see how I've helped anyone. The things I say come from the heart; I hate to see or hear of people hurting because I know how it feels to hurt like that, whether you can pinpoint a reason or not (though it's worse when you can't). I've never really had much trouble in letting myself be vulnerable and telling people of all that I've gone through. It's not for people to feel sorry for me, it's so they know the horrors I've dealt with; so when I do have a bad day it's easier for them to understand.

I was in British Columbia with my mom at the end of June and when I returned I had received the copy I requested of the fire commissioner's report of his investigation into the fire my brother died in. It answered a few questions (my boyfriend opened it and read it before I got back; he said he found it to be quite disturbing...certain things just don't jive well, if you know what I mean. My "father" is an EXCELLENT liar). And I think I may be able to take it further, but I have some more investigating to do and I'm kind of stalled in not knowing where to go next. I'll get it figured out though.

I hope that you have a good week... a good month... heck, a good year. I'll cross my fingers.

Much love,

EoR

Well, so far this week has turned out okay. Today was busy at work, but that's good because it makes the time go fast. And they have me on reception instead of in the back assisting. I think I like reception better. The two other receptionists (one is on holidays this week) are great; they've been so good to me and so compassionate and concerned when I'm having a bad day. They know my history, too.

Anyway, I hope you have a good day tomorrow....and the next....and the next..... etc. It's midnight now and I start work at 10:00 tomorrow morning, so I must be off to bed. Goodnight, EoR, and everyone else! :wave:

I have been having some tired times. It was kind of a hard weekend. I don't know why unless, it was the 4th anniversary of my brother's death. I guess it has made me feel a little more down. Thanks for the hugs and for being such a dear friend...you are an amazing person! ;)

Love and hugs,
Sam :angel:
Sam, I'm so sorry about your brother. I can empathize; I went through the eight anniversary for my brother in April. He died the day after my birthday, which has always made things harder for me. The anniversary wasn't so bad for me this year, but I was feeling pretty low on his birthday (exactly one month after mine). I'm not going to say it gets easier with time, because it really doesn't. But the pain seems to be a little less for me now.

Big hugs, Sam. :angel: It's incredibly difficult to lose a sibling. Take care of yourself and know that we are here for you.

Sam, I'm so sorry about your brother. I can empathize; I went through the eight anniversary for my brother in April. He died the day after my birthday, which has always made things harder for me. The anniversary wasn't so bad for me this year, but I was feeling pretty low on his birthday (exactly one month after mine). I'm not going to say it gets easier with time, because it really doesn't. But the pain seems to be a little less for me now.

Big hugs, Sam. :angel: It's incredibly difficult to lose a sibling. Take care of yourself and know that we are here for you.

Hi Alex :wave:
Thank you so very much! The whole month of August is hard for me. I too am sorry for the loss of your brother. (((((((Alex))))))) I am sorry that you still don't know the details. Big hugs to you too. Please don't hesitate to post anytime. I always love hearing from you.

Much love and warm heartfelt hugs,
Sam :angel:

(((((((((( (EoR) )))))))))
There, I found your thread, too, you beautiful redhead mommy you! (or should I say 'ewe'? Something going on with sheep jokes here?)
Ha, well handled on the fierceangel front, my dear! I see you are determined to keep up with replies now before they accumulate--to eliminate the need for more titanic exploits as you had to do earlier? Hey, your work is piling up, so what, at least the posts that need your replies aren't! lol

EoR girl, you are great.
Love and hugs and all things ewey,
Angel :angel:

((((((((EoR))))))))) :wave:

I missed you so much yesterday! You are such an incredible and amazing person. I am so blessed to have you as my dear and special friend. I don't even have the words to express what you mean to me. The words that I have don't begin to let you know how truly wonderful, loving and compassionate you are, not only to me, but to everyone here.

I am glad to hear that you are feeling a little better. You deserve to be happy and depression free.

My dear, sweet, sweet EoR. I don't ever want you to hurt or feel that you aren't special. I have found a friend in you that I have been truly blessed with your humble and thoughtful understanding. You are such an amazing person and so very wise for your years. I am sending you thoughts and prayers today, so that you will continue to get better and soon be free from the holds of the depression beast.

I love you, EoR! Please don't forget that.

Many warm, heartfelt, healing hugs,
Sam :angel:

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!

Tears are pouring onto the keyboard. I needed just one kind word, one sign of comfort. Oh my gosh how you saved me!!

As I was feeling guilt, sorrow, and lonliness as I tried to keep on going...my husband had been taking things from our home, gathing finacial records, getting an attorney, and finally, filling for divorce.

What a fool I was. i thought we were going to make it. he was better, I was starting to really be happy for us and POW!!! He's done.

Only recently was I able to stay home with my small children and now he goes off to his job as i struggle to keep a smile on my face for my children who have no idea the hell that is about to hit this family. In fact, his attorney called mine and said they have put "an offer on the table" in regards to custody. Can you f-in beleive that??? AN OFFER!!!??? That is what this comes to? A six page schedule that outlines how my little ones will live the rest of their childhood??!!

What an idiot I was. i was so worried about my husband and my children and my family that I didn't notice pictures missing...DVDs gone from the cases...money getting slim.

Trust sucks.

Thanks for caring! i can get thru another night!

(((((((((((((EoR)))))))))))
Just a little morning hug to my dear friend...
My kids don't start school till next week, but I can already taste the hours of silence (what's that?) followed by hours of frentic after-school scrambling! :)
Hope you boy (isn't the 2-year old a boy?) takes a full nap today!
Much love,
:angel:

Hi EoR :wave:
I had to drop in on my special friend and let you know I am thinking of you. I hope you had a good weekend, busy as ususal I am sure.

I hope you are having a great day and I hope your spirits are lifted today. It's Monday but that doesn't have to always mean a blue Monday.

How are the vitamins and natural remedies working for you? I know it takes time so don't get discouraged if you aren't seeing much results.

Much love and many warm and healing hugs,
Sam :angel:

Good morning everone. I hope you all have a wonderful day full of Blessings and Love and Peace of mind!! I wish you all all the Joy and happiness that you can possiable contain. Look up the sun is shining today and God loves you all. have a

BEAUTIFUL DAY ALL OF YOU!!!!!!

((((((((((((((((((((((all))))))))))))))) ))) I will try to reply sometime this week. So very, very, very busy. Sigh. Hi mrs. confused :wave: You seem to be feeling better today. That makes me happy. :) Take good care, sweetie.

Love,

EoR

Happy 27th Birthday Andrea. I didnt know we were the same age.

(((EoR))))

I hope they arent working you too hard. I missed you and hope your ok. We need to all pitch in and give you a vacation. How about a all expense paid trip to the Philippines? <wink wink>

Just take care of yourself young lady and when you have free time, grace us with your prescene. Take care sweetie.

Rod

Happy 27th Birthday Andrea. I didnt know we were the same age.

(((EoR))))

I hope they arent working you too hard. I missed you and hope your ok. We need to all pitch in and give you a vacation. How about a all expense paid trip to the Philippines? <wink wink>

Just take care of yourself young lady and when you have free time, grace us with your prescene. Take care sweetie.

Rod

Hey, babe! You remembered. <blush> EXCEPT, let me be 26 for at least... 7 hours, 9 minutes, and some 26 odd seconds.... my bifday doesn't officially begin until tomorrow, August 23rd, 12:37 am. ;) You are too sweet to take the time to wish me a happy b-day--especially with all the turmoil going on with you and Rose right now. I would be happy to accompany you to the Phillipines, if we can arrange some kind of babysitting. :) Seriously! It's funny you should say that, because Kris is always telling me, "You should go find Rod and make him go to the Phillipines." I think he's dead serious, too. We'll still research some way you can bring your precious Rose home. There has to be a way. It seems like she's a prisoner of her country. I do understand (as you asked if anyone did in your thread.) I do... but there has to be a way, and I will help you find it, my totally spectacular friend. I'm glad you and Rose smoothed things over... I hope that someday, you will be able to tell her of your complictions in a way that she can understand and accept. You deserve to be loved for who you are--all of who you are, and not just who you think Rose needs you to be.

We love you!

More soon--work is almost over!

Love,

EoR~Andrea ;)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, EoR!

I hope you have a wonderful and fun filled day. May all of you wishes come true and I hope you have healthier and happier years to come.

Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday, dear EoR,
Happy Birthday to you!
May you have many more,
May you have many more,
May you have many more birthdays,
Happy Birthday to YOU!

I love you!
Sam :angel:

Me, too, me too! :bouncing:
*bursts into EoR's house / thread, 27 peach roses in her arms*
Happy birthday, my dear, dear friend!
I love you.

Angel :angel:

((((((((((((((((((((((John)))))))))))))) ))))) HAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPY BIRTHDAAAAAAAAAY!

Gotta run, but I couldn't leave without wishing a happy birthday to a pretty darned spiffy fellow. So, you're saying you're only 22? (I think I read that in your thread.) I would've never guessed. Way wise beyond your years. We share the same birthday month! WOOOOOWHOOO! Live it up, wonderful one. (((((((((((((((((JOHN)))))))))))))

Lots of love,
EoR

(((((((((((((((EoR))))))))))))))))))HAPP Y AUGUST BIRTHDAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!! :D :) :D

Thank goodness I got back in time!!! :D :D :D

You know me. I love a good party!!! YAHHH HOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :bouncing: :bouncing: :bouncing:

What kind of cake do you like and what are your favorite colors? I can mix one up for ya if you’d like?

Wishing you the Happiest Loving Peaceful Birthday Ever! :angel:
John

Hey Birthday Girl! :wave:

When you come back to us, will you, between the bites of John's delicious cake, tell us about the ebay auction? (You aren't selling your beautiful red hair, are you?)
Ooops, sorry for that--I was watching Madeline Lost in Paris last night and was quite shaken by the idea that her red hair could be turned into 'antique' lace! Thank goodness she escaped in time!

hugs and happy birthday again,<