Sorry to come on here and drop this on everyone but my questians are 2 fold here. The man I thought I had rid of is contacting me....I specifically told him there is no way I will be friends with him (this lifetime or next).

:o Anyways hes causing my stymptoms to reacte...why do our exes feel they can take adavantage of us KNOWING we have bipolar :confused:. He was the one always reminding me to take my damn meds. Sorry im being a ***** but he needs to leave me alone....

To answer your one question, this is one lesson I learned from my "ex".

"why do our exes feel they can take adavantage of us KNOWING we have bipolar?"

Well you just answered your own question there. I dont know how your ex was but mine was manipulative and knew he could take advantage of me knowing I had problems, so it would be easier. And he's contacting me again as well after I said goodbye. And now I've entered another tailspin. I wanna live in a shack in the woods somewhere just to get away from these people. Kinda like the unibomber ;)

Ahh...The break up dance...How I hate that! There is one sure fire way to handle the man who doesn't understand 'Go Away' means 'Bugg Off'. Block him. Phones and emails can be set to block a specific person. BLOCK him. If he lives nearby and may knock on the door. Don't open it. Tell him to go away. If he will not leave, let the authorities handle him. It won't take any time at all for him to leve you alone, it only requires one ACTIVE brain cell to get THAT message!

They take advantage because we LET them. We answer the phone, open the email and unlock the door. Be tough. Be strong. Be UNREACHABLE.

But what if you always have an "addiction" to them. Like it feels like going cold turkey from heroin.

Ahh...BBF Withdrawls...BBF's get in our blood. Unfortunatly, time and talking to others about MOVING ON are the best cures. It's hard, rips your heart out, grinds your will power to it's knees. BUT it's worth it. A bad boy friend (BBF ;) is very hard to get outta the sytem. They are sortof like planters warts! My best friend is going through this as we speak (type) its been very hard. But three months after BLOCKING him she is doing much better! She has more GOOD days than bad days now.

If you let yourself heal you will. But you cannot heal if he has access to you.

Ohhh so true, so true. But feeling much happier now :bouncing:. Thanx makes me feel better that anyone understands.

What if you have children together, so that you can't just block them, etc. I've made the effort where I don't have to see him, but we have to talk about the kids. How should I handle it then?

Please protect yourself from this guy! My ex knew my problems and manipulated me with weird messages that no one else would get until I couldn't sleep with worry and ended up so spun out and in the hospital and almost lost my kids and a lot of money because I'd gone 'crazy'! Find someone strong to lean on who recognizes and points out how this guy is manipulating you. Good luck!

FrmlyMidwest,
Our main purpose in blocking is to protect ourselves emotionally. Blocking is a simple step that allows us to move on and not have to deal with him again. But. It is not impossible to protect yourself emotionally even with contact. Take control of each conversation. Keep the conversation on the kids, if he strays from the topic remind him to stay on point. If he doesn't return to the kids politly but quickly get off the phone. If he tries to verbally harass you about something regarding the kids, get off the phone, quick, tell him you'll call him back in a few minutes, someones at the door or something to buy yourself some time. Take the time to gather your thoughts, boost your confidence, then when you feel more in control call back and take charge. Be strong when you talk with him. That is the hard part, we get sucked into these going in circle conversations that leave us scratching our heads wondering if we are coming or going. BREAK the cycle. You need to figure the best way for YOU to be strong when you have to talk him. Maybe each time you talk to him if you look at note cards it may help to boost your defenses. Note cards like:
1. I am strong.
2. I am VERY strong.
3. I will END the conversation if I start to feel flustered.
4. He cant hurt me.
5. I will NOT discuss anything but the kids.

I think every person has the ability to convince themselves of just about anything. Repetative thoughts such as those above go from being semi-believable to being true if we let them. We are all strong, sometimes we just need to remind ourselves the we ARE strong. It may seem cheesy, but I use notecards, alot, it really helps to keep me focused, to NOT stray, and to stay in charge, in control of ME. I think the key is to control what your willing to discuss and when. Its such an easy concept. Its the very devil to do...

Thanks everyone, I really appreciate the feedback. I will try these things to help me get through talking to him. It's not that he is mean or nasty when he talks to me, just the opposite, but then he is able to more freely push those buttons, because I let my guard down.

Frmly,

i am in nearly the same situation.. except there are no kids and he still wants to be friends. it is hard... belive me. for a couple of reasons on my end..
first, and i know this will change after i start seeing my pschy/therapist, but i have blocked the "leaving" from my mind. all of my friends and family tell me they remember what he said and how hurt i was when he did it to me. i told them that once i get to "that" place i would come back to them and let them remind me what was said. then i can work on getting back to me. sorry to keep rambling... and getting off track.

good day to everyone!

jen

Jen,
I know what you mean, you forget about the bad and remember the good, but then that's when he seems to start to take advantage of me. That makes it even harder to block him.

But I've taken the advice from this thread and only talk to him about our kids and only when I have to. It really seems to help. It would be best if you tried to not talk to him at all because he will get back under your skin and do the same things that he did before.

Mood Ring, I hope you are doing better now. Were you able to block him as suggested.

Take care everyone!

Frmly

wELL I actually had chat with him just the other day. He said he missed me and all and just wanted to say hi like old times. I told him yes we may have been a good match in the past but too much has happened between the two of us and I feel we need a long time apart until we come to the conclusion what we want out of the relationship. He agreed and we ended the phone call with no ill feelings.

Goodbyes are so hard but this one was a great one


On a positive note hope everyone has a great weekend.....

:bouncing: :bouncing: :bouncing:

Mood Ring,
Great job! They are always hard, but you handled it well.

Have a good weekend!

:wave: