eagle2005usa
07-31-2005, 03:09 PM
I married the love of my love one year ago. She is 36, I'm 46. Her 3rd marriage, my first. She is bi-polar. I never really knew what it meant until we married. I have done lots of research and even sought out help for her such as getting her to a bi-polar clinic at a regional university medical center, therapist on a regular basis, getting her in a dual-treatment facility for her substance abuse problems and bi-polar where they adjusted her medsd and took her off lithium and replaced it with topomax. The lithium made her have tremors and other side effects. She was in the dual treatment facility in June 05. Long before we married my wife had a problem with drugs. The doctors tell me she is using the alcohol as a substitute. In her drug days she never got in trouble for the drugs but did get in trouble for stealing blank checks of her uncle's and cashing them to buy the drugs. She has a felony record of 1 count and is still on parole. I have done my my best to keep her in compliance with the conditions of her parole but she continously wants to do what she wants to right or wrong. She tells me she loves me but I really wonder if she knows what love is. I guess me being her 3rd husband makes me wonder. She has 3 boys. 2 by husband #1 ages 14 & 15; 1 by #2 age 10.
She has to be in control of everything and she has to be #1. After an argument one time I said to her "everything has got to be about you doesn't it?" Her reply: Yes. I wonder if this is bi-polar or just plain meanness?
We can't go to a club becuase she can't handle the alcohol. I've learned that the hard way. The first time we went to a club to dance she was getting out of control on her drinking and I tried to stop her. She got mad and told the club security she didn't know who I was and that I was bothering her and had me removed forcefully. I waited in the parking lot until the place closed and she came out with some other people men and woman and went across the parking lot to a Ramada Inn. I followed and tried to stop her and again she told those people I wasn't her husband and they held me back while the others scurried her off to wherever they were going to party. I found the room later and and beat the door and she came out. She said she had done something I won't say here, when I asked her what she doing in there and later told me nothing happened so I still have my doubts. To make the night more interesting she assulted me and we both ended up getting arrested for 4th degree assault and spent the night in jail. All I did was try to hold her arms down. Is this bi-polar or just meannness?
Do people with bi-polar understand love? Know love?
In March 05 my wife had brain surgery for a benin tumor. The nuero surgeons as well as her mental health doctors all said the tumor would have no affect on her bi-polar. This was a 14 hour surgery. I stuck by her every minute in ICU, recovery and at home nursed her back for recovery. There isn't anything I wouldn't do for her and she knows it.
In May 05 she was back on her feet ready to go. She hadn't a drink since before her surgery in March. One saturday afternoon after working in the yard I came in to get a soda and she was getting all dolled up and I asked her where are we gouing? She said, "I don't know about you but I'm going drinking and dancing, you can go or you can stay here." I told her this was not a good idea. Reminded her of the last time in Dec. 04 and what happened. I also reminded her of her probabtion and the place she was wanting to go was acrioss the state line which she can't cross without permission of her parole officer. A huge argument insued and I gave in, cleaned up and rode with her to the place. She drove. She always has to drivfe by the way, I guess more of that control crap. Long story short we get to the place she promises she will stop at 4 drinks. She ends up with about 14. Dancing on the dance floor and wanting to take her clothes off! I can't take it. She wouldn't listen to me and the club security removed her. She attacked me blaming me for the club throwing her out, spit in my face and started hitting me. They called the police, she got arrested and goes to trial in Dec. 05 on these assault charges. I bailed her out of jail after 2 nights there and told her if she wantwed us to work she had to get help and that is why she went to the dual treatment facility in JUne 05. She was a perfect angle for the first 2 weeks home. The third week she was craving alcohol and I wouldn't give in. On a friday morning the 3d week she said she didn't want me going with her to thearapy that afternoon in a town 30 miles away where she got us both in trouble back in December 04. I knew she was going to go drinking. So while she was in the bath tub I wnt and got the car keys from her purse. I removed the car key. She didn't know this. She did see her key ring in my hand and jumped out of the tub nude and grabbed the key ring ran out the house and into the car and locked herself in. Remember she is nude and its 10 AM. She fumbles with keys and realizes her car key isn't there. She lays on the horn. We are in a rural area so that wouldn't do any good. Then she unlocks the car and gets out runs into the house and calls 911. They keep her on the line until the police get there. They see my arm cut and bleeding. They ask me if I want her arressted. I said no just get her out of here. They get her out. I call my attorbney and he advised me to get a emergency protective order which I did within 2 hours and she was served with it along with divorce papers my attorney had drawn up. We all wonder just where she thought she was going in the car at 10AM totally nude and wet? Was she going to the police station with some kind of big lie against me? What could it have been and was this part of her bi-polar or just plain meanness? With the protective order neither one of can have any contact so we haven't spoke for 3 weeks now. She is telling the story about me taking the keys but she hasn't been telling the part about her being nude.
There are many more things I could say about this past year but I would have to write a book. You get the idea of what I am going through. Is this bi-polar? Anyone have any similar cases. How do you handle it? I love her and don't want to loose her but I don't love her ways. Don't get me wrong she does have a good side but the bad side shows most. Help? Need advice.
She has to be in control of everything and she has to be #1. After an argument one time I said to her "everything has got to be about you doesn't it?" Her reply: Yes. I wonder if this is bi-polar or just plain meanness?
We can't go to a club becuase she can't handle the alcohol. I've learned that the hard way. The first time we went to a club to dance she was getting out of control on her drinking and I tried to stop her. She got mad and told the club security she didn't know who I was and that I was bothering her and had me removed forcefully. I waited in the parking lot until the place closed and she came out with some other people men and woman and went across the parking lot to a Ramada Inn. I followed and tried to stop her and again she told those people I wasn't her husband and they held me back while the others scurried her off to wherever they were going to party. I found the room later and and beat the door and she came out. She said she had done something I won't say here, when I asked her what she doing in there and later told me nothing happened so I still have my doubts. To make the night more interesting she assulted me and we both ended up getting arrested for 4th degree assault and spent the night in jail. All I did was try to hold her arms down. Is this bi-polar or just meannness?
Do people with bi-polar understand love? Know love?
In March 05 my wife had brain surgery for a benin tumor. The nuero surgeons as well as her mental health doctors all said the tumor would have no affect on her bi-polar. This was a 14 hour surgery. I stuck by her every minute in ICU, recovery and at home nursed her back for recovery. There isn't anything I wouldn't do for her and she knows it.
In May 05 she was back on her feet ready to go. She hadn't a drink since before her surgery in March. One saturday afternoon after working in the yard I came in to get a soda and she was getting all dolled up and I asked her where are we gouing? She said, "I don't know about you but I'm going drinking and dancing, you can go or you can stay here." I told her this was not a good idea. Reminded her of the last time in Dec. 04 and what happened. I also reminded her of her probabtion and the place she was wanting to go was acrioss the state line which she can't cross without permission of her parole officer. A huge argument insued and I gave in, cleaned up and rode with her to the place. She drove. She always has to drivfe by the way, I guess more of that control crap. Long story short we get to the place she promises she will stop at 4 drinks. She ends up with about 14. Dancing on the dance floor and wanting to take her clothes off! I can't take it. She wouldn't listen to me and the club security removed her. She attacked me blaming me for the club throwing her out, spit in my face and started hitting me. They called the police, she got arrested and goes to trial in Dec. 05 on these assault charges. I bailed her out of jail after 2 nights there and told her if she wantwed us to work she had to get help and that is why she went to the dual treatment facility in JUne 05. She was a perfect angle for the first 2 weeks home. The third week she was craving alcohol and I wouldn't give in. On a friday morning the 3d week she said she didn't want me going with her to thearapy that afternoon in a town 30 miles away where she got us both in trouble back in December 04. I knew she was going to go drinking. So while she was in the bath tub I wnt and got the car keys from her purse. I removed the car key. She didn't know this. She did see her key ring in my hand and jumped out of the tub nude and grabbed the key ring ran out the house and into the car and locked herself in. Remember she is nude and its 10 AM. She fumbles with keys and realizes her car key isn't there. She lays on the horn. We are in a rural area so that wouldn't do any good. Then she unlocks the car and gets out runs into the house and calls 911. They keep her on the line until the police get there. They see my arm cut and bleeding. They ask me if I want her arressted. I said no just get her out of here. They get her out. I call my attorbney and he advised me to get a emergency protective order which I did within 2 hours and she was served with it along with divorce papers my attorney had drawn up. We all wonder just where she thought she was going in the car at 10AM totally nude and wet? Was she going to the police station with some kind of big lie against me? What could it have been and was this part of her bi-polar or just plain meanness? With the protective order neither one of can have any contact so we haven't spoke for 3 weeks now. She is telling the story about me taking the keys but she hasn't been telling the part about her being nude.
There are many more things I could say about this past year but I would have to write a book. You get the idea of what I am going through. Is this bi-polar? Anyone have any similar cases. How do you handle it? I love her and don't want to loose her but I don't love her ways. Don't get me wrong she does have a good side but the bad side shows most. Help? Need advice.