I haven’t posted on this board before, but I have a question about my husband and hope someone has some advice. In general, my husband is one of the kindest and most gentle people you could ever hope to meet. However, he has a very explosive temper, and it is in complete contradiction to his usual character. He has never been violent and would never dream of it, but when he gets angry about something, he lashes out at people (usually me) and regrets what he says later, but he can’t seem to stop himself. When he feels this kind of rage, I can literally see a physical change come over him. It is frustration blown way out of proportion. He has terrible road rage too, to the point that he will tail drivers that have made some minor slight against him, it’s as if he wants revenge or something. It’s not healthy.
What worries me about this is that I have found out that his father was physically and verbally abusive to his wife and children, as well as his own mother. My husband was terribly hurt by this as a child, and never discusses it. His parents got a divorce over it, and his dad later saw a doctor and found out that he has some sort of condition (I’m not clear on what it’s called or any of the details) where his body produces an excess of adrenaline. He is on some kind of medication for it, but we don’t see him much and I don’t know how much it has helped. Though my husband has never been as aggressive as his dad and never been violent, I am troubled by some of the similarities that I see between my husband and his dad (I’ve learned all this though talking to my mother in law). For instance, they both have a tendency to blame others for any frustration they feel. If I ask my husband to change my tire for instance, and something goes wrong or he bumps his head or something like that, he will fly into a rage and blame me for everything because I can’t drive and treated my tire badly or some strange nonsense like that.
Does anyone know of a physical condition that causes this kind of behavior, or is this purely a behavioral problem? He admits that he has a problem and is willing to seek help, should we contact his doctor about this, or should we talk to a counselor or psychiatrist? Would some kind of medication help him? He does go to the gym to work out regularly, and I know that helps somewhat. He is rather shy, and it would be VERY difficult to get him to open up and talk to anyone about himself or his past. I guess I’m just looking for advice or feedback about what we should do. I find myself walking on eggshells around him and it is eroding the closeness of our marriage, I've talked to him about it and he is willing to do what he needs to to save our marriage. Thanks in advance for any thoughts on this.

I'm going through a similar situation with my husband. He was also raised in abusive environments. Not as much physical abuse as it was emotional.
His father was an alcoholic who would take off on a whim and steal whatever he could. He was raised by a quite unstable single mother who was abused quite brutally as a child.
My husband has dealt with this quite well throughout his life, up until about 2 months ago. We were under a great amount of stress and I could see that he was slowly falling apart. He's gotten to the point where he freaks out over simple little nothings. He gets quite verbally abusive to our children and myself. Mostly yelling and swearing.. but very unappropriate behaviour IMHO.

Anyway, after a long conversation, he agreed that he thinks he needs help, as he cant even control the outbursts of his temper. He feels like he's "Falling" sometimes. He said a lot of his suppressed feelings are coming out now, and its scaring him... He finds it easier to put the blame for his anger on everyone else, Ie.. I pissed him off because I told him what to do... etc.

He is now seeing a cousellor every 2 wks alone to talk about his feelings/thoughts.. and his doctor has started him on an anti-depressant of a sort... Namely "Celexa" and wants to see him every 2 wks as well.

There is definately help out there for your husband. If you can, and feel comfortable and safe doing so.. try to start by sitting down with him, private and without interruptions and tell him what you think may be going on, in a non- confrontational way.

I hope you can get help for your husband, or he is willing to do so.... I havent seen extreme changes in my DH yet, as its still early.. but we both have a pretty optimistic idea of the future.
Good Luck
Lyndsay

I would have to agree that your husband needs to get some help for this, and there is med out there to help him stay calm.It sounds like his stree level is very high, and it is very true that if you were raised like that then yes that is the way you will react to stress. People can change But it takes alot of hard work, to learn to react to stress in a diffirent way.we have to change the way we view things. And talking about the little things that get under our skin . Because sometimes things boughter us and we say nothing and then things build up and we lose control. BUT YES HE NEEDS to see a doctor. FELICIA