Ok, I'll try to make a long story short. My grandmother is a hypochondriac. Plus, she always expects you to do everything for her. And she can't talk at all unless she is complaining or saying something rude and hurtful. She has been this way since I can remember. None of us grandchildren liked her then or now. As a matter of fact, we avoid her when we can at all costs. It's my father's mother and he only deals with her because he is her only child and has to. And he would agree to everything I'm telling you. But if you give in and do anything for her, from watering a plant to moving a chair. She will end up with a list of things for you to do before you leave. Then she will call you day after day on end with something else to do, or to complain about how you did it. And to top it all off. She has usually already called everyone in town to tell them what a bad person you are if you didn't do it or done it wrong.I know, townsfolk have told me and think it's funny because they really have no clue. They just think she's picky. Well, I have not spoken to her in months. But yesterday my dad was sick and asked me if I would stop on my way home from work to pick up his medicine. Well of course I did. No problem right?? No, because my dad never asks anyone for anything unless it is necessary. Plus he is my dad. Well, she found out that I did that for him. And lo and behold, I just got a asked by her to pick up her medicine today as well and bring it to her. I'm mad now because I lied to her and said I had an appointment and couldn't. I hate to lie. But if I did it for her it would set off a monumental chain of events, telephone calls and errands. My dad is retired and does all of her errands for her. So what is different about this one?? I just can't do it. I don't want to do it and then dodge the phone for the next straight week. I am mad because like I said, I hate to lie and it makes me angry AND makes me feel like a bad person for doing her this way. But my entire family does it too. I feel like all of our attitudes would be different towards her if it had been a gradual age related thing. But it isn't. She has used and abused us from day one. Saying she can't do things for herself . But you turn your back and she can do a cartwheel if she thinks no one is looking. Ughhh.... She just called back and said tomorrow afternoon would be ok... What do I do now?????? Guhhhhh....Folks, I am fed up but what do you do???? I'm lost, and mad.. And I feel guilty about it.. Can anyone relate?? What do you do?????? Please, before I loose my mind. :mad:

Sounds to me like your dealing with a lonley old lady who is willing to do anything she has to to get her family to come around. Maybe having everyone else do everything for her is her way of getting them to her, calling to complain about it being done wrong may be her way of making the time being spent with her family go on longer and maybe she calls other people to talk about how you did this or that and if it was done right or wrong is her way of having someone to scocialize with. Maybe she needs to come up with reasons to call people just so she has someone to talk to. I think she could think of better excuses to get people to come around but who knows, it seems to be working for her so why would she change her ways?

I can relate, I was the bad daughter...and isn't it a nice game she plays. First of all, DO NOT give up your integrity. DO NOT get sucked in to feeling guilt. This woman knows exactly what she's doing, she's been doing it forever. Be truthful but nice. Next time, and the times after, just apologize and tell her you don't have the time to do whatever it is she's asking for. You don't have to explain or make up a story. Just tell her you have your day (week) planned out and it would interfer with your schedule. If she's calling you names (bad granddaughter) it's because she can't control you and she's angry. I wouldn't worry about the towns people, if they know her..they know her. She probably does the same to them. After a time, she'll pick on another relative that feels guilty and falls for her game. Stay true to yourself...

Have you ever looked up the diagnoses called "Borderline Personality Disorder"? Look it up. My mother is similar to this. You can never do anything right. She'll hint for you to do things for her. She has a bad comment to say about everything, she's always broke and nobody does anything for her. I have never once heard her happy or be thrilled that someone went out of their way for her. She comes to my house and I have to fix her dinner and serve it to her..IF I don't she'll say "oh I thought you were getting my plate" ??? I'm sorry but I am 33 and have my own children to look after her. I do not feel I owe her because she raised me. To hear her tell the tale it's pretty much a mistake and should not have happened. SO here's what I see with your g'ma....NOTHING will ever make her happy and she'll take a free handout when ever she can get it. There's a reason why no one but your father does anything for her. I KNOW you don't want to do anything for her and I don't blame you...I know the mental abuse all too well. Just tell her you can't. I quit doing for my mother. SHe STILL don't get it and probably never will and neither will your g'ma. Just do what you can if you want to. Sometimes it makes you feel the world will be an easier place to breath once that negative person is gone..then sometimes I think how sad it must to be her and I want to be there for her. You do have to stand your ground. Good luck. Your not a bad person but her emotional abuse will make you think so.

All of you are right. Their are many emotions I go through. I realize she is lonely. She has to be since she alienates everyone with her antics. She always treated my mother like she was worthless. My mother and father divorced years ago. And my father now has a serious girlfriend and she has almost destroyed her with her words and actions. She tells my dad that his girlfriend needs to go back to her ex husband. My dad has tried to explain things to his girlfriend, but I and my sister-in-law pulled her aside last Saturday and told her all about my grandmother from our standpoint and thankfully she feels more secure now. And bless her heart, she has been sucked in to doing things for her out of pity this whole time. And for my grandma to have been treating her this way all along is just wrong on so many levels it makes my despise grow even more.
I have to get off here and take care of some backed up chores for now. But thank you all so much for understanding. It makes me feel better. Not better for my negative feelings towards another human per say, but knowing I am not the only one who has experienced this from a family member you can't completely block out of your life and feel 100% good about. :wave:

People are people, some are givers, some are takers and some just ride on the fence.

Many takers don't realize they are, and no one is willing to tell them. Many givers, just give and give and don't want to hurt someones feelings, so they don't tell anyone they've had enough.

Since your grandmother has been this way forever, it doesn't mean she's doing things on purpose, its probably the way she's always been, (demanding). I'm sure you've met this type of personality many times already (school, work, social..).

Anyways, the point is if you can help and are willing, then be helpful. IF you feel imposed upon, inconvenienced, too busy to help, or uncomfortable because she back stabs, ...then don't hide behind excuses. Get the the point and let her know 'why' you are unable or unwilling to help.

If you stick to the facts you should be able to handle anything. If she backstabs you, well thats life. by now I'm sure everyone is tired of the complaining. Your still a better person for having said your mind and stood your ground.

Yes, but I find it easier to lie to her and duck out, than to tell her how I feel and hurt her feelings. I would love to tell her what I think and how I feel. But I am not the type of person who can knowingly say hurtful things to someone. Unless cornered in defense of course!! I know how it feels to be hurt and I can't be the one to cause it. Besides, my dad has already told her many times over the years, how she acts and how everyone feels and that is why none of the rest of us come around. That is just apparently the way she will be from now on and we will just have to deal with her as best we can. Thanks so much for all of your replies. It feels good to talk to an "Impartial Jury", so to speak.

I have to say There are so many grandparents and parents out here like that. Don;t you feel quilty for the truth, It is her with the problems, just take her witha grain of salt.............................Felicia

You are not bad granddaughter or bad person. I lived and took care after my grandpa back in Russia on much worse conditions than people would even imagine here. He only used me, insulted me, told bad thing about me to relatives, you name it.
Elderly age people often crual and crazy and its pretty bad when younger person has to leave with them.