Today I had my first scan since chemo. I won't know the results until I see the Onc next week. While having it, I almost cried. First I thought, what have I done to deserve this? Of course I'm not perfect, but I'm not that bad. Then I got to thinking about all the young women I saw at chemo who were fighting breast or uterine cancer, and the young men with lymphomas and leukimias. No one asked for this, but here we all are fighting. Then I thought of Dana Reeves and her new battle with lung cancer. It is sometimes hard to understand why when there are really some bad people out there, why we are the one's going through this. I realize I am just ranting and really down today.

It is good to rant about any random thought, you have earned that right and I understand exactly where your mind was today, I only hope the results will be very favorable. I had my CT and Pet scans last week and today I heard the results, which I am very happy to share with you that nothing was found deseased but a small sist (ooops I am not sure how to spell that, sorry). Let us know about your results and keep on ranting! :-)

Dear Edinaman:
You make PERFECT sense to me. I can't tell you how DEVASTATED I was when I found out about Dana Reeves yesterday. I have NO connection to this woman, but every connection that counts... our battle against cancer. I don't understand how some of us just can't catch a break. Some people have credited me on this board for being "so strong!" Bottom line, I am just like ALL OF YOU, fighting this DAY BY DAY... crying over sad things, wondering "why" myself. I don't consider this selfish... although I would NEVER wish this on my worst enemies... there are those people that you say "if only they could live in my shoes for a day." They would stop asking, "really, so how's everything going?" I'll tell you how it's going... it sucks! Cancer Sucks. Scream it to the world! Maybe we should all pick a time and all scream and yell and honk our horns at a certain time and scream to the world until someone listens.

Regards to all,
CD :angel:

ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING *My new montage. I figure if I say it enough, I will believe it.*

PS. We are ALL entitled to our bad days. Edinaman... share this day with me. We can scream and yell together.

PPS. Best of luck with the scans. That is really horrific and inhumane that you have to wait until next week for results. I wonder if some of these physicians had these diseases if we would have to wait so long?? :nono:

Wishing the best results on your CT scans.

In Lance Armstrong's book he quotes another cancer patient as saying "we're the lucky ones".

I do think that cancer blows.....but I have to admit that I know what friends and family are all about now. I feel lucky to have experienced the love of such good people.....it really is something else.

Hang in there and keep up the fight.

Gary

Thanks for your replies. I was/am feeling sorry for myself. Next Tuesday is our 35th wedding anniversary-I hate having put my wife and kids through this. In a few weeks I have my 40th high school reunion. I am waiting for the results of my scan before deciding if I am going or not. Gary you are so right. You learn how important family is and who are your friends. It sort of brings you down to earth-you realize you aren't alone and can't do it all yourself.

Wishing the best results on your CT scans.

In Lance Armstrong's book he quotes another cancer patient as saying "we're the lucky ones".

I do think that cancer blows.....but I have to admit that I know what friends and family are all about now. I feel lucky to have experienced the love of such good people.....it really is something else.

Hang in there and keep up the fight.

Gary

Congrats on your 35th Wedding Anniversary!!!!!!!!!!! I think I know how you feel as my hubby often says the same thing that he hates putting us through all this (he is stage iv), but to tell the truth it's what families are for.

Being married for almost 35 years is a wonderful thing and I'm sure your wife and kids feel the same as we do.....there is no greater love than the love that a family has for all it's members and nothing is every a hardship where a loved one is concerned.

I hope your ct scans come back ok and either way attending your reunion may give you a few smiles to see how old friends have changed.

Wishing you all the best on your results

Maria_z

Being the daughter of my mom going through this...I must say I am experiencing a lot of anger too. Although I know she is obviously going through much more than I am...I am still a mess sometimes! I am only 25 years old, and to think that my mom could be taken away from me is very tough! Not to mention she has lived a TOTALLY healthy life...NOT fair! You see people that smoked and drank their whole life and not get sick whatsoever...makes no sense to me! I am getting married next year and instead of us gushing about wedding plans, we are trying to get through this struggle together. Don't you just love timing sometimes! Ok, there is my vent....

ok My turn to vent.
Edinaman I sooo am with you on when going for a scan and all the rest of the tests that you feel downhearted.

I was originally so positive about all this but with the kick I got telling me that my CEA level s were up instead of down threw the wind right thru me.

Now I am having Cat scans, and sigmoidoscopies and PET scans... Geeeee's
The cat scan came back witth a spot on my liver and having a PET scan next Thursday. Also showed a small cyst on my ovaries... Should I be worried about that too... the onc didnt seem worrried.

Ive decided to go to my local GP for anti depressants. I was on them before all this happened but a few months before my diagnosis I weaned myself off them. Now with all this going on, its depressing me and hurting my (new) relationship. And my family as well.

It isnt fair this Cancer.... Its soooo hard at times and I know exactly what your saying and I think we all go thru it. IT SUCKS!!!

Maz
(Down under)