Hi all - I haven't written in a while. Over the past few weeks, I can see that mom is declining rapidly. She is in an ALF - dementia specific. I am really peeved at the care givers there. This is the 4th or 5th call I have received in 4 months that she has been there that she has gotten "hurt" or caused herself some injury. Apparently they said that she didn't want to get up yesterday from the lunch table and the "aide" must have grabbed her and she got a skin tear. My mom is all of 88 lbs. and about 4'5" tall ... I cannot understand why this "careless" givers are so rough !! I have come to realize that I think Mom needs a better facility - more of a nursing home - where I hope she will be treated less rough.

My question is - has anyone here moved their parent/relative from an ALF to a nursing facility and did they do better, worse, or stay the same mentally. I am looking for a facility that is close to home so that I can visit every other day. Mom cannot talk and only talks gibberish so I cannot ask her how she is - the only time she speaks coherently is when she is pissed off !!

Thanks for any insight. Hope everyone is doing well.

Eileen

Hi Eileen,

It's difficult to know if your mom is being roughly treated or if this latest injury was caused by the fragile, thin skin that so many of the very elderly have. It tears so easily. I'm a 30+ year nurse and have seen it all. Do please consider that it may have been just that.

My little mother (5', 96lbs) had to be moved from an ALF because she began wandering out the door at night and they had no way to lock her in. I moved her to a locked Alzheimer's unit and in her 5 months there, she fell over backwards 4 times - I saw it once and she just keeled straight over like an invisible hand had push her. No one could get there fast enough to catch her. I had her evaluated by a PT who concluded that she needed to be in wheelchair just for her own safety. She was moved to the regular unit after she couldn't escape (no need to be locked in if you've forgotten how to walk) and she didn't even notice. Mom spent the last 18 months of her life in that wheelchair and did not mind in the least.

I think many of my mother's little injuries happened because she forgot how to be careful.

I did not think any of my mother's decline was due to her surroundings. The course of her Alzheimer's was just about 4 years and the first 1 1/2 of those years she lived alone and drove her car (that's scary to think about). In the last year, Mom just gradually withdrew from the activities around her and seldom spoke. She always smiled when she saw me though she'd forgotten me as her daughter.

I hope you can find satisfactory answers to your mother's care, safety, and living situation.

Wishing you well - Barbara

Barbara: Thanks for the reply. Unfortunately I have seen the aides there treating the residents roughly on a few occassions. I did call the executive director at the facility and she was going to check to see who is on duty and if it is the same person. I also needed to ask her what the protocol was when someone passes out. Another resident passed out while walking and I heard her fall. The aides just kept repeating the woman's name over and over saying -- Wake Up Wake up ... I was there for over 5 mins and NO ONE called 911 - the nurse even walked past and did nothing. After that, I am really concerned for her safety. Unfortunately here in Florida, ALF's are NOT regulated like nursing homes. I think with mom's decline it might be best if she is moved to a more skilled nursing facility. She cannot use utensils anymore and they give her food like Tuna Fish on a plate, no bread and she tries hard to eat it with her fingers .. I generally stop by after work and wind up feeding her myself which takes over an hour. All this WONDERFUL care for $4,000/month !!

Sorry for ranting .. just wanted to say thanks for your input.
Eileen

Hi bellytrouble,

You need to come and rant all you want and need to. We all do it! I cannot say much about the care/living facilities for alzheimers patients. My dad is not there yet, soon perhaps. I have visited them, but that is probably best face forward.

But, I do think that that is atrocious, about what they serve her to eat!!! It should be something like fish sticks, steak sticks, chicken nuggets and such. And of course, finger foods for fruits and veges, too. They must not have the correct training for all levels of alzheimers patients. Or someone just did not care that day!

Wish you the best in your quest for a new living place for you mom.

Wannabe